Your RSVP is too late!!

[Pikester]

I say "Too bad so sad."

 

[pooh_bear.614]

Money wise, what are we talking about, $20? Twenty buck to make a kid happy...I'll buy that.

I don't agree with that. 20 bucks is 20 bucks. She is already spending that on 10 children it may not be in the budget to add another. I think the OP would definately be justified in telling the mother that it won't work out especially since she wants the child picked up and dropped off... that's just RUDE.

 

[JodyLynC]

Absolutely agree! Seriously, it's not that big of deal. Also, today is Tuesday. I am assuming the party is this weekend. That seems like more than enough time to add a little girl to the party. Money wise, what are we talking about, $20? Twenty buck to make a kid happy...I'll buy that. Plus, if this child, Mary, were part of the original guest list, maybe your daughter would really like her friend at her birthday.

You shouldn't have filled Mary's "spot" with a B-list invitee almost a week before the party. That's tacky.

I will have to pay another $50 for the next tier.

The RSVP was for the 26th. I just figured if Mary could attend her mother would have responded in time.

 

[OceanAnnie]

50 bucks is a lot for one more kid! I wouldn't pay that much more for another child when the mother didn't RSVP in time. I'd just tell her, it's too late. Offer to have a play date instead. Either she will say yes or no. But she probably won't be late with an RSVP again.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

OP, how much more is the bowling party going to be if you add another child? Someone mentioned their bowling parties go up by tiers- 5, 10, 15. If you have to pay for 15 kids just to add another to make it 11, that could be a serious amount of cash. I was just thinking you paid per child, but in that case you would be paying 5X the amount of one child.


Bowling parties here are around $14/child. If you had to pay for 5 more kids just to add Mary that would be $70 just to add her! No, I don't think I would be doing that...


I may have to switch over to the ***** team...

I wanted to clarify my above statement. I didn't mean that the OP would be a ***** to reject Mary's mom's late RSVP. If it meant she were a ***** to do so, I would agree and be on that ***** team. I know I don't make sense.

If the extra amount is significant, along with all other factors, I would tell Mary's mom she was too late, maybe next time.

Sorry, it usually makes sense in my head before I start typing.


Please tell us how much more it will be to add Mary. I think a lot of your detractors will agree with you if they think it is a lot of money. I will.

ETA: Oops! I missed your post. Yep, I agree, $50 is too much to add one person who's mom couldn't be bothered to call you on time. Call the mom, explain why (honestly, but kindly) why you can't have Mary at the party, and don't feel guilty about it one bit. You have done nothing wrong. Have Mary over for a play date, but don't make it any kind of "make-up" for the missed party. Don't even mention it. JMO.. and I also think it was nice of you to invite the other child to take Mary's place. No explanation needed to be made about filling an empty space.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

I don't agree with that. 20 bucks is 20 bucks. She is already spending that on 10 children it may not be in the budget to add another. I think the OP would definately be justified in telling the mother that it won't work out especially since she wants the child picked up and dropped off... that's just RUDE.

What if Mary had just "shown" up, as is known to happen? I think this is just so ridiculous. OP invited this child to her daughter's birthday, presumably because her daughter wanted her there. OP wanted an RSVP a week before the actual event. Mary's mom was 4 days late. Not great, but life happens! Kids get sick. Invitations get misplaced. You know, life! To penalize this child is just silly. Don't drive her, fine, but she was an original invitee. Her Mom might be a flake, but this is really a no brainer. Let the kid come.

By the way, again, how does your child feel (OP) about having a virtual stranger at her party rather than Mary whom she originally invited?

 

[FoundMyPrince]

Thanks for your replies and suggestions. I've been going back and forth on this for the last hour. If it was just a matter of filling another goodie bag, I wouldn't hesitate. But to pay for the extra bowling and to drive another car is just too much.

The mom mumbled something in her VM about her email not send out messages, but she could have called. Instead she waited until a few days before the party.

You invited 10 girls and your DD to the party - so why is it a big deal to have a party of 11 rather than 10? Did you hope only 10 would show up?

Also, what did you tell the mother when you talked to her? Yes/No she could come?

 

[OceanAnnie]

My co-worker's DD has only met my DDs once. Co-worker is going thru a hard time right now. Since I had an extra spot, I invited her and her DD along so they could have a distraction.

I think it was a nice gesture on your part. The money was probably "spent" anyway. The facility most likely charges for 10 whether 10 show up or not.

 

[JessicaR]

If you called the bowling alley to add one more child and they tried to say it would be an additional $50 I would consider that absolutely ridiculous and bad business.

If after calling to add one more and they dont work with you just pay the $10 it costs to bowl 2 games with shoes and buy her the slice of pizza or hot-dog.

 

[FoundMyPrince]

You invited 10 girls and your DD to the party - so why is it a big deal to have a party of 11 rather than 10? Did you hope only 10 would show up?

Also, what did you tell the mother when you talked to her? Yes/No she could come?

Sorry, I misunderstood the number. I cannot imagine it's that much to add one child - seems a bit much.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

What if Mary had just "shown" up, as is known to happen? I think this is just so ridiculous. OP invited this child to her daughter's birthday, presumably because her daughter wanted her there. OP wanted an RSVP a week before the actual event. Mary's mom was 4 days late. Not great, but life happens! Kids get sick. Invitations get misplaced. You know, life! To penalize this child is just silly. Don't drive her, fine, but she was an original invitee. Her Mom might be a flake, but this is really a no brainer. Let the kid come.

By the way, again, how does your child feel (OP) about having a virtual stranger at her party rather than Mary whom she originally invited?

You invited 10 girls and your DD to the party - so why is it a big deal to have a party of 11 rather than 10? Did you hope only 10 would show up?

Also, what did you tell the mother when you talked to her? Yes/No she could come?

So you would fork out another $50 for the child who could have been included in the original party price at no extra charge? This is not the price per child for 10 kids, but has put the party into a higher priced tier. If Mary's mom had called when she was supposed to, OP would not have given her place to another kid. Why let that spot go to waste? Extra inconvenience is one thing, but she shouldn't have to pay an extra $50 for Mary's mom's lack of class.

And if Mary's mom had brought Mary without RSVPing and it was going to cost $50 more, I would tell her mom to her face (trying to wipe off the look of shock at her showing up) that I was very sorry, but the reservation was made without Mary on the list because she didn't call and couldn't be changed.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

My co-worker's DD has only met my DDs once. Co-worker is going thru a hard time right now. Since I had an extra spot, I invited her and her DD along so they could have a distraction.

Well, since she wasn't an actual invite to the party, include Mary and then treat your co-worker's kid to a nice afternoon and just pay for her.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Well, since she wasn't an actual invite to the party, include Mary and then treat your co-worker's kid to a nice afternoon and just pay for her.

This is a good idea! Unless of course, Mary's mom can't drive Mary to the bowling alley, then all this discussion is moot.

 

[OceanAnnie]

This thread is reminding me of the thank you note thread.

 

[cats mom]

Wow, you had 9 out of 10 RSVP by the date you requested? I'm impressed! My numbers have sometimes been much worse than that.

This may be neither here nor there, since it's too late now, but maybe something to consider in the future... since it seems you have a very strict limit on the number of attendees, and only 1 child who didn't respond, I would have called Mary's mom to find out what her plans were before offering her spot to someone else. Should you have to do that? Absolutely not! But RSVP etiquette, or lack thereof, being what it is today (just do a Dis search for threads on the topic) I think 1 phone call might have saved a whole lot of stress and possible heartache.

If adding Mary now would bump up the party to a much more expensive pricing tier, I guess I'd use AKL_Megs script from earlier in this thread, or something similar, and un-invite poor Mary. Not really fair to her for sure, but life isn't fair.

But if it's just a matter of goodie bags, a balloon, and a reasonable per person charge for 1 extra child, I'd let Mary come.

FWIW, I understand having just enough items in a package for a specific # of goodie bags. In fact I have provided a different goodie bag for just 1 child before. In my case it was for a little brother whose mother left a message telling me he would need to come too (but that's a whole different thread)

So given the late RSVP, I would have no qualms about providing a slightly lesser goodie bag for Mary if necessary.

Oh, I would NOT pick her up and drop her off though. Very rude for her mother to leave a voice message regarding such.

I hope you'll let us know how it all works out.

Most of all, I hope your DD has a great time at her party!

 

[Mickey Fliers]

So you would fork out another $50 for the child who could have been included in the original party price at no extra charge? This is not the price per child for 10 kids, but has put the party into a higher priced tier. If Mary's mom had called when she was supposed to, OP would not have given her place to another kid. Why let that spot go to waste? Extra inconvenience is one thing, but she shouldn't have to pay an extra $50 for Mary's mom's lack of class.

And if Mary's mom had brought Mary without RSVPing and it was going to cost $50 more, I would tell her mom to her face (trying to wipe off the look of shock at her showing up) that I was very sorry, but the reservation was made without Mary on the list because she didn't call and couldn't be changed.

Yep, I would pay the extra or try and negotiate with the bowling alley. With such an air tight invitee number, I probably would have called Mary's mom when I didn't get an RSVP...a week early. I would have tried to get an answer from my daughter's friend, before offering up the precious 10th spot to a child my daughter doesn't know. I would understand that stuff happens and not RSVPing to a precious birthday party invite doesn't make anyone "classless" or "lazy".

 

[klacey1]

OP, I don't think you're being a ***** at all. I would call the mom back and simply say-- "Hey, I'm so sorry. The bowling alley needed a final head count the other day. Maybe Mary can come over next week [when her parents have time to drive her!]"
I still can't believe she told you you would need to transport her daughter! Now, her asking another mom to carpool-- fine. But to ask the party hostess??
I really don't think it's "punishing" Mary. Birthday parties happen all the time for kids that age and if Mary is very disappointed, hopefully her mother will remember to RSVP on time the next time!

 

[AKL_Megs]

) So given the late RSVP, I would have no qualms about providing a slightly lesser goodie bag for Mary if necessary.

I would do the same. And I would tell Mary, in front of the mother, "Mary, here is your goodie bag. It's a little different than the other girls bags, but we didn't think you were coming!" (This is assuming that you can add Mary on for a reasonable price, and Mary's mom can drive her...)

Fill her bag with a few pieces of candy and some small token.

Better yet, why not give your co-worker's daughter, the one having a hard time, a SPECIAL gift in lieu of the goodie bag, and give good ol' Mary THAT goodie bag!

 

[JUJU814]

I would definitely let the little girl come.

I know it was the mom's responsibility to rsvp on time, but did it occur to you to give a friendly call and ask if they got the invite and would she be coming? I always do follow up calls if I don't hear from someone.

In response to your question "would I be a real ***** if....", my response would be yes, you would be a real *****. Things happen..people make mistakes. It's not the little girl's fault. IMHO, You should have made a quick call to double check before inviting someone else in the child's place.

As far as picking her up goes, I don't see any reason you couldn't say "we'd love to still have her, but I'm sorry to say I'm unable to pick her up as we don't have an extra seat in the car"

It's understandably annoying and inconvenient, but such as life with little kid's birthday parties. Even though the other mom should have rsvp'd on time, I really think it was wrong to go and invite someone else without giving the invitee the courtesy of a simple follow up phone call to the kid's mother first.

Suck it up and pay the extra $$ You should always plan for extras anyway.

 

[LoraJ]

I would definitely let the little girl come.

I know it was the mom's responsibility to rsvp on time, but did it occur to you to give a friendly call and ask if they got the invite and would she be coming? I always do follow up calls if I don't hear from someone.

That is exactly what I was thinking. Not sure why you didn't call Mary's mom before inviting the other child.

And I would not give her a ride if you can't.