Your best corny joke/riddle

[Clifton Tesh]

A existentialist monk walks up to hot dog vendor on 34th Street.

"Make me one with everything," he says.

A psychic midget escaped from prison. The headline read:

Small medium at large!

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

What is the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when he hits the windshield?

His butt!

 

[Tinijocaro]

When you see geese flying in a "v" formation, do you know why one side is always longer than the other?

...Because there's more geese on that side.


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the water?

....Bob


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in front of your door?

...Matt

...on a wall? Art

 

[Lilacs4Me]

A man walks into a bar. He said "ouch"

A termite walks into a bar and asks "is the bar tender here?"

What does a nosy pepper do? Get jalapeño business

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

 

[Swank]

...on a wall? Art

What do you call two men with no arms and legs by the window

Curt and Rod

 

[Swank]

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick

 

[PigletsPal2]

Where do cows go on dates? To the mooooovies.

Why is it so hot in the ballpark after the game is over? Because all the fans have gone

What did the duck say to the bartender when he ordered his drink? Put it on my bill.

Queen Colleen

 

[Liberty Belle]

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One or two. One....or two.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

 

[Clifton Tesh]

Q: What's the quietest sport?
A: Bowling, you can hear a pin drop

 

[Liberty Belle]

I told my psychiatrist that I'm hearing Voices. He said, "you don't have a psychiatrist."

 

[Neesy228]

Many of these were a great chuckle, thanks!

My DD9's favorite joke right now:

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay that would be bagels!(bay gulls)

 

[Clifton Tesh]

I told my psychiatrist that I'm hearing Voices. He said, "you don't have a psychiatrist."

They tell me in indecisive but I'm not sure.

I went to see my psychologist the other day:

Doc- What's going on?
Me- Doc, I don't know, I think I'm losing it.
Doc- Why do you say that?
Me- Well, one minute I think I'm a teepee, the next I think I'm a wigwam. It's driving me nuts!
Doc- Ahhh, I see what your problem is, your too tense! (Two tents)

 

[GaryDis]

There are two types of people in the world.

Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

 

[dizluvah]

Full disclosure - I have a 5 year old

What does a teapot like to wear?

A T-shirt

 

[MrJT]

Full disclosure - I have a 5 year old

What does a teapot like to wear?

A T-shirt

I have a six year old who brought home a school library book full of these kinds of jokes!

 

[KMWoolley]

A existentialist monk walks up to hot dog vendor on 34th Street.

"Make me one with everything," he says.

He laughs hard as he hands the vendor a $20 bill. Standing there with his hand out, waiting for his change he is told "Change must come from within..."

 

[FlightlessDuck]

How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's a hardware problem.

 

[Clifton Tesh]

You've really got to hand it to short people...

No really, they probably can't reach it

 

[mickeyfan9194]

What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?

Paddy O'Furniture!