You guys are never going to believe this....Update post 79

[MoniqueU]

I feel badly for your friend on one hand but I don't know how he could do this? I understand they agreed that she would be a SAHM but did they agree that HE would be in charge of the finances ? Does she not know where his income goes and how much he makes? This is the part I don't understand.

Yeah that would be interesting, In my friends case her ex is a control freak and handled all the bills therefore when the CCs came due with charged items from his affairs she was clueless.t

I am a SAHM for about the same amount of time, my husband never needed my signature for any of the big purchases he made.I always handled all our finances until my eyesight got bad and checked the bank online all the time, I am still checking online alot but don't read over each indidual bill like I used to. But hey maybe I will take a look at DH CC statement LOL.

 

[OceanAnnie]

No she has been in charge of the finances pretty much since he is gone all the time. I asked he if she noticed any money missing for the down payment and she told me that since he is a first time buyer he only had to come up with a minimal down payment with FHA. She said he got the money from his parents.

Oh, then she has bigger issues. She's the last to know. It's worse than I thought.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Oh, then she has bigger issues. She's the last to know. It's worse than I thought.

Wow ! Just Wow ! I was going to say she shouldn't have agreed to be in a clueless position but since OP said her friend runs the books I don't even know what to say...maybe that attorney advice is pretty good to see what she can/should do.

 

[PUZZLDY5]

Oh, then she has bigger issues. She's the last to know. It's worse than I thought.

That is what I'm thinking too.

 

[MoniqueU]

Not good at all. I don't even know what to say if she kept the records and hw went behind her back to get the downpayment. Not good.

 

[mommakacie]

Ouch! I'm sorry for your friend. He's put her in a heck of a situation and she's probably gonna have a really hard time with trust from here on out.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Oh I would go OFF!! My DH did buy one house without me seeing it but it was the floorplan that I had picked out and it was not finished yet so I walked him through that. He had been transfered and I was still at our old house. I would have gone crazy if he had bought one without me knowing about it, or knowing the floorplan and all of that. Not cool!

 

[binny]

Is it even legal that he did this. I mean they have been married forever. Isn't their some sort of law or something that would protect SAHM's from this? Can she do anything to stop it short of getting a divorce or is she stuck living in a house that she doesn't even want?

one to buy 2 to sell is the Idaho State law. I dont about anywhere else. I made a similar comment when I didnt have to sign any paperwork on our last house. NOT that DH surprised me with it or anything but since I am self employed I was actually not an asset so they just left me off at first then added me on later.


Wow. I would be stunned. It would be one thing if they had been searching together or even if she KNEW he was looking but to come home and drop that bomb. That is scary stuff!

 

[java]

It better be one hell of a house.

 

[mickeysgal]

I feel badly for your friend on one hand but I don't know how he could do this? I understand they agreed that she would be a SAHM but did they agree that HE would be in charge of the finances ? Does she not know where his income goes and how much he makes? This is the part I don't understand.

Agreeing to be a SAHM or putting either spouse in charge of finances doesn't mean that a spouse enters into a purchase of a house without the other spouse having any prior knowledge of it. Good grief! This isn't a purchase of a couch. It's a house. What was he thinking?

 

[Imzadi]

She asked him if this was his way of asking for a divorce and he said no. Truthfully that is what she was expecting but he siaid that's not what he wanted. Poor thing.

Yes, there is more to this story we are missing. In order for her to have to ask that, their marriage is not that communicative and good.

I'm wondering if there is a mistress in the picture? Why the sudden move? Why BUY a house?

No she has been in charge of the finances pretty much since he is gone all the time. I asked he if she noticed any money missing for the down payment and she told me that since he is a first time buyer he only had to come up with a minimal down payment with FHA. She said he got the money from his parents.

Since he snuck around her, to get the money, it sounds like he KNEW she'd say no to the house outright. Otherwise, he'd have used HIS money.

Oh, then she has bigger issues. She's the last to know. It's worse than I thought.

I wonder, if he divorces her now, how does the house get split? IS this his way of making sure he keeps the majority of the money? It's all invested in the house now.

OP, are you in a community property state? Meaning everything gets split half & half?

 

[Disneyland1084]

Is her name going to be on the title of the house?

 

[usnuzuloose]

Well I can say it happend to me. I did not know, I was not given a choice.
We are no longer married, ( not due to the house). but that was the start of my worst nightmare. I hope she stands up for herself and says something, because this could lead to worse things down the road. JO

 

[Robinrs]

I just got off the phone with my BFF and her husband did the unthinkable.
Backstory: When they got married about 20 years ago they made a COLLECTIVE decision that she would stay at home with the kids. He is an OTR truck driver and they felt it was best for the kids. So therefore she has never had a job away from the house.

Fast forward 20 years.
He comes home from the road today and says "Oh yeah, by the way, I baught a HOUSE and I closed on it today. We are moving next week. My poor friend has never even seen this house. She asked him how he baught a house without her and he said since she isn't employed he didn't need her to sign on anything.
I told her that good divorce attorneys have the biggest ads iin the yellow pages.

Do you believe that!!

This is the only line I saw.

Money is power. This man knows that and used it against her, though it was a collective decision that she be a SAHM. I wondered how some people do this, there is no way I would allow him to make himself the only decision maker because of he was bringing home the money.

I tend to be that way myself so I understand that type. She can choose to deal with it or not but this is the life she agreed to.

 

[Rora]

If my husband secretly won the lottery and secretly bought me the mansion of my dreams, I'd be okay with it.

Short of that, not so much.

Exactly.

OP- I feel bad for your friend and I hope they can work this out.

 

[Mimi1965]

No, not a new state or anything like that she is just sooo upset that he didn't even discuss it with her first. They are renting and she understands that it makes more sense to buy than rent but her son is going to have to change schools and thta is not something that she wanted to do. This is not a good surprise for her.

How does the son feel? i bet he is upset too

 

[ilovefh]

Yikes! That is a very controlling move for him to make. There must be more to the story. I trust and communicate well with DH, but if he bought a house without my knowledge I would have asked the divorce question too.

DH bought the house we are currently living in without me, but that was because he was in FL and I was in NH. I KNEW we were buying a house. He had an idea of what I wanted in a house. And I must say....he did VERY well!

 

[MoniqueU]

This is the only line I saw.

Money is power. This man knows that and used it against her, though it was a collective decision that she be a SAHM. I wondered how some people do this, there is no way I would allow him to make himself the only decision maker because of he was bringing home the money.

I tend to be that way myself so I understand that type. She can choose to deal with it or not but this is the life she agreed to.

I think you can be a successful SAHM without a DH/DW doing this kind of crap to you. I know I don't feel like I have any less control of things financial and otherwise in our marriage just becaue I am a SAHM. Does my DH need me to sign off for things, no he doesn't and I don't always need him to sign off for me either. I can get CC's and loans based on my fico score without him as well, maybe not a house but other large purchases and CC's no problem. I actually did do this and it was a mistake just like my DH buying waverunners was a big mistake as well but neither one of those financial mistakes had anything to do with a bad marriage or inequalilty in our marriage.

Just because you jointly or seperately decide to stay home doesn't mean you are agreeing to anything of this sort or to have a spouse make important decisions that affect your life this much. Most spouses, I would say the majority would never have the juevos to do this sort of thing.

 

[SleepyMom]

My Ex-H did that to me, only difference is I was working outside the home and brought home just a tidge more than he did.

I came home from work one night and he told me he had bought a house We had only been living in the house we were in at the moment for 6 months, leasing it from a friend. Somehow he got us out of that and bought a house without ever telling me until it was all done and over with.

The best part? He moved out the day the 1st payment was due on the house he bought and left me with all the bills. He took the fully paid for vehicle and left me with the new house payment and the car with payments. Nice guy! (Actually in the end it was for the best, I was too afraid to leave him and at that point I was fine paying for everything as long as he was gone!!!)

 

[aaarcher86]

That's odd. Maybe laws are different state by state, but in Ohio, if you are married regardless if you don't put your spouse on the mortgage they still have to sign all of the paperwork.

They own a percentage of the home thanks to the marriage.

My Uncle's wife (brand spanking new, 1 week old marriage) just purchased a house on her own for their family. She was closing on a Friday, and since they were getting married on a Wednesday he had to sign all of the paperwork as well.

I purchased my house before I was married. But when I sell, my husband will have to sign all the paperwork as well.

It seems odd to me...