WWYD -- Parenting Dilemma

[aprilgail2]

I suggest counseling for all of you. Everything about this is mess.
You base what your children eat upon the likes of yours and your husbands.
Your kids feel the need to sneak food.
You're outraged and accuse them of stealing.
Then you think since they take food that you buy and put in the pantry, they'll try to steal your beer later on.

In case counseling doesn't appeal:

1. Don't buy food the kids are not allowed to have even if it's only for your baking.
2.Don't buy beer.
3.Ask your kids what they like to eat and add it to your grocery list

What's the dilemma? You call your kid a thief and say he needs to be punished. We say you're wrong and that it's your own fault. Don't be so stingy with the snacks. Problem solved.

Oh, and buy the kid a bag of chips from time to time.

 

[AntePrincess]

sorry just for a few seconds...this reminded me of when I was a kid. I climbed up to the kitchen cabinet that had the baking stuff in it.i took a small can in it that had individually wrapped little squares. I wanted something sweet so bad. My mom asked what I was doing and I said looking for chocolate. She said I promise that is not chocolate! Later that day day I snuck back and popped one of those squares in my mouth. I knew my mom was playing me. Apparently not; it was a bouillon cube

I remember doing something similar. It was really chocolate... it just happened to be Bakers 100%. Talk about too much of a good thing!

I'm surprised folks are so offended by the chip thing....we also don't have jalapenos in the house, because DH and I don't like those, or sherbet, or hot dogs. My kids have chips when they are at parties, or at a pot luck, etc....we just don't have it in the house. We do buy things the kids like and we don't, that are healthy....like yogurt, raisins and ramen noodles.

But back to the original topic--thanks, everyone, for the thoughts. I don't know that I'll start giving them candy, but you all have given me lots to think about.

Not snarking, but do you ever get foods the kids like that you don't that aren't necessarily healthy? Do they ever get candy at home? It hasn't really come up in our household because the children are young and content to have sweets just for dessert now, but we do get them things like BabyBel cheeses that 'we' don't like (actually, I definitely 'catch' my husband snacking on them, not that I mind). As for yogurt (assuming you mean the little fruit-on-the-bottom ones), raisins, and ramen, none of those are particularly healthy, the raisins and yogurt are really high in sugar, and ramen is high in fat and salt. Maybe the kids would prefer candy and chips to these somewhat less healthy options.

 

[NoSoup4U]

As you are finding out, often times, overly strict rules = children finding ways around it.

I would suggest finding medium ground. Allow your children a piece of candy in their backpack so they don't feel the need to sneak one.

Then, talk about respecting the rules for taking additional candy. It is much easier to enforce healthy options (food should never be rules) when there is some give and take.

Think of people trying to diet. Everybody cheats occasionally because it is impossible to not give in to an urge for a craved food now and then.

Same thing with kids. It is important to teach healthy eating, but you have to allow a bit of indulgence every once in awhile.

Accusing children of stealing food is crazy.

This is good point! Its crazy to accuse kids of stealing food from their own pantry. Theyre human. Theyre kids. They have cravings. Dont we all?

Honestly if these are the kinds of problems youre dealing with, you should consider yourself lucky.

 

[joviroxx]

Ease up a bit and pick your battles. If your biggest issue is your 12 year old sneaks candy, I say you are in great shape!

 

[MeeskaMomma]

((HUGS))

I say I would be more concerned with "why" even though I know you said its not the candy that is the problem, it was the stealing or I would say sneaking. Maybe it is. Especially since you said his other offense like this was food related. Do you think maybe you are pushing the nutrition issue to hard. Why not get a big basket of chips, cookies, candy, soda, etc and let them each pick one thing each day to take to school. Get the caffeine free sodas, baked chips, no HFCS cookies and snack size candy bars. Really if they are eating treats once a day and getting all around great nutrition the rest of the time I think it would be a good compromise.

I like this idea. I am a big fan of Love and Logic parenting. It doesn't sound like you are overly strict with their diet, but maybe it is more of a need for control thing. If he gets to choose what is in his lunch (with you controlling what he gets to choose between) it may help him learn to make good choices in a controlled environment before he has to make them in the "real world".I think the stealing verses sneaking distinction is simply semantics, regardless he broke a rule which needs to be addressed. If you haven't read "Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility" I highly recommend it.

Also, pat yourself on your back that this is your biggest parenting dilemma . Good luck!!!!

 

[kwelch10377]

That's the thing....it isn't in plain sight. The shelves at eye level in the pantry have the lunch items, the pancake mix, the pasta. The high shelf at the back of the pantry (my eye level, not theirs, and they are on the small side) has the baking stuff....flour, sugar, choc chips, crisco, etc. The bag of PB cups and bag of kisses was mixed into the basket with the choc chips, behind the flour and sugar. So it wasn't in plain sight, nobody was walking by it every day.

I'm surprised folks are so offended by the chip thing....we also don't have jalapenos in the house, because DH and I don't like those, or sherbet, or hot dogs. My kids have chips when they are at parties, or at a pot luck, etc....we just don't have it in the house. We do buy things the kids like and we don't, that are healthy....like yogurt, raisins and ramen noodles.

But back to the original topic--thanks, everyone, for the thoughts. I don't know that I'll start giving them candy, but you all have given me lots to think about.

Ramen noodles are healthy? A snack size bag of potato chips has about 1/6 the amout of sodium, less carbs and less calories than ramen. Neither are healthly, but if ramen was ok, I would let them have chips if that is what they wanted instead.

 

[Poohforyou]

But what if it was beer? We have beer in the pantry too, although he isn't interested in that. I never snuck alcohol from my parent's stash, just wasn't interested, but what if your child was sneaking alcohol? Should we not have that in the house because he can't have any? I know it's not the exact same thing, but isn't it, kind of?

It's not all that forbidden....no, I wouldn't toss a Snickers in their lunch bag, but they get chocolate chip granola bars, cookies (I make the a lot) and I make things like pies and cupcakes and they not only help/lick the bowl, but we eat a piece after dinner.

As for the chips, well, DH and I are not chip people, we just don't have a taste for them so I don't buy them. Not sure where he gets them, trades at school maybe.

Again, we do view it as stealing....you are not supposed to have this as a snack and you took it anyway. Same as taking a candy bar at the store. Same as taking a beer from the pantry. It's wrong, and they both know it. Candy isn't food; he'd never be punished for taking an apple or granola bar or some carrots. And if he'd asked, I would have said no --- he fully admitted he knew that. When I asked him why, he said he wanted it....that's it, that's the explanation. He said he knew he wasn't supposed to have it, and that he had to go looking (deep) in the pantry behind the flour and sugar to pull it out and get it. (That's how I knew...he wasn't so careful today about putting things back, and his sister spilled the beans)

Stealing is taking something that doesn't belong to you. Since the food in your house is for the consumption of the family it really falls under sneaking not stealing.

As for taking beer, seriously ? A bit of a stretch comparing it to taking a little candy but if he did take it and consume it you could haul him into the police station since he isn't of legal age.

Candy is food, just not very nutritious. Honestly I'd lighten up a bit. What would be the difference between him having a fun size Snickers in his lunch vs. a cookie? Neither is good for him.

 

[Hrhpd]

But what if it was beer? We have beer in the pantry too, although he isn't interested in that. I never snuck alcohol from my parent's stash, just wasn't interested, but what if your child was sneaking alcohol? Should we not have that in the house because he can't have any? I know it's not the exact same thing, but isn't it, kind of?

It's not all that forbidden....no, I wouldn't toss a Snickers in their lunch bag, but they get chocolate chip granola bars, cookies (I make the a lot) and I make things like pies and cupcakes and they not only help/lick the bowl, but we eat a piece after dinner.

As for the chips, well, DH and I are not chip people, we just don't have a taste for them so I don't buy them. Not sure where he gets them, trades at school maybe.

Again, we do view it as stealing....you are not supposed to have this as a snack and you took it anyway. Same as taking a candy bar at the store. Same as taking a beer from the pantry. It's wrong, and they both know it. Candy isn't food; he'd never be punished for taking an apple or granola bar or some carrots. And if he'd asked, I would have said no --- he fully admitted he knew that. When I asked him why, he said he wanted it....that's it, that's the explanation. He said he knew he wasn't supposed to have it, and that he had to go looking (deep) in the pantry behind the flour and sugar to pull it out and get it. (That's how I knew...he wasn't so careful today about putting things back, and his sister spilled the beans)

So, you admit you would have said no if he had asked nicely. Why not come to a compromise? You have created the ultimate forbidden fruit.

Have you even tried to get to the bottom of why he is taking the candy? Perhaps he just wants something sweet. Perhaps it is an excellent trading item for something one of his friends routinely bring. Maybe he is trying to impress a girl by bringing her a piece of candy.

Before you go all super-mom and punish, find out why he needs to have a piece of candy every day.

And beer and liquor is completely different. It is illegal. Just like taking the car out before you have a license is illegal. A piece of candy is not illegal.

Lighten up on the granola bars (even if they are homemade), apples and carrots.

Let the kid indulge his sweet tooth a bit. You are making food a power struggle and that is never good.

 

[Minerva Mouse]

Ramen noodles are healthy?

I was thinking the same thing, lol.

 

[NoSoup4U]

I suggest counseling for all of you. Everything about this is mess.
You base what your children eat upon the likes of yours and your husbands.
Your kids feel the need to sneak food.
You're outraged and accuse them of stealing.
Then you think since they take food that you buy and put in the pantry, they'll try to steal your beer later on.

In case counseling doesn't appeal:

1. Don't buy food the kids are not allowed to have even if it's only for your baking.
2.Don't buy beer.
3.Ask your kids what they like to eat and add it to your grocery list

This is the most brilliant post ever. I too think everyone needs therapy. Esp the OP. It wouldnt hurt right? The need to control everything is just messed up. Wanting to punish your kids over food? Wait til they hit their teens. Which is quickly approaching. Your head will be spinning!

If youre having a power trip over food...I can only see things getting much worse from here.

 

[Southernmiss]

This is the most brilliant post ever. I too think everyone needs therapy. Esp the OP. It wouldnt hurt right? The need to control everything is just messed up. Wanting to punish your kids over food? Wait til they hit their teens. Which is quickly approaching. Your head will be spinning!

While I agree with you, I find your screen name and your post ironic. What a good chuckle!

 

[NoSoup4U]

While I agree with you, I find your screen name and your post ironic. What a good chuckle!

Why thank you! LMAO.

I never really noticed til you pointed it out. Hahaha

 

[tar heel]

Ramen noodles have pretty much no nutrition. They are good for filling tummies cheaply, and that's about it.

Buckalew is exactly right. This is sneaking candy, not stealing it. You're making way too much of it IMO.

 

[mom2rtk]

I realized it was my kids who were eating more junk at parties, etc. than other kids because they were too deprived at home.

My son and daughter have been close friends with a brother and sister from the same family. They were raised very strictly with crazy early bedtimes, no junk food, no soda. I honestly hate having them over to spend the night. It's just too stressful. After I would go to bed, they would eat and drink anything they could get their hands on. Other kids would eat our snacks and drink our sodas. But these kids would consume them ALL.

I still remember the first time.

ME: "Where did all the Dr. Pepper go?"

My son: "Uh..... Billy drank it".

ME: "That's OK. He could have some, but where did the rest go? We had 12 cans."

My son: "Yep. Billy drank it."

I guess it's good we don't keep alcohol in the house.

Meanwhile, the mom goes right on patting herself on the back for having such strict rules in her house.

The new rule at our house is that the kids can still be invited over for the night, but only the night BEFORE we do our grocery shopping.

 

[Minerva Mouse]

The new rule at our house is that the kids can still be invited over for the night, but only the night BEFORE we do our grocery shopping.

 

[Southernmiss]

My son and daughter have been close friends with a brother and sister from the same family. They were raised very strictly with crazy early bedtimes, no junk food, no soda. I honestly hate having them over to spend the night. It's just too stressful. After I would go to bed, they would eat and drink anything they could get their hands on. Other kids would eat our snacks and drink our sodas. But these kids would consume them ALL.

I still remember the first time.

ME: "Where did all the Dr. Pepper go?"

My son: "Uh..... Billy drank it".

ME: "That's OK. He could have some, but where did the rest go? We had 12 cans."

My son: "Yep. Billy drank it."

I guess it's good we don't keep alcohol in the house.

Meanwhile, the mom goes right on patting herself on the back for having such strict rules in her house.

The new rule at our house is that the kids can still be invited over for the night, but only the night BEFORE we do our grocery shopping.

Wow! 12 cans if soda. He could have blown up! I bet he had a belly ache!
I swear my kids aren't named Billy! Rofl

Btw I love your new rule.

 

[mom2rtk]

Wow! 12 cans if soda. He could have blown up! I bet he had a belly ache!
I swear my kids aren't named Billy! Rofl

I found him sitting at the computer on our dining room table when I got up around 6....... still drinking Dr. Pepper.

Btw I love your new rule.

My number one rule in life...... control what I can control. I have no intention of controlling someone else's kids. I can control when I grocery shop.

And not to worry. He isn't named Billy. The names were changed to protect the innocent.

 

[ebtbmom]

This is the most brilliant post ever. I too think everyone needs therapy. Esp the OP. It wouldnt hurt right? The need to control everything is just messed up. Wanting to punish your kids over food? Wait til they hit their teens. Which is quickly approaching. Your head will be spinning!

If youre having a power trip over food...I can only see things getting much worse from here.

I agree, and honestly I think this is the most tame "parenting dilemma" thread I have ever seen. Kids can be involved in some intense stuff that creates true dilemmas, sneaking candy comes under the heading of normal kid stuff!

If the kids can have the candy baked into a cookie why can't they have it by itself?

 

[Buckalew11]

OP, I will tell you this...my sister's kids, even though they loved and would sneak candy, have been great kids. No turning wild upon gaining new found freedom (college, lol), no alcohol and drug issues, etc. So far they are responsible, good students/workers who only still sneak when they feel the need...

it is a control thing--and they will sneak if they feel forced or not share when they know a gasket will be blown. The food is a smaller issue of a bigger problem.

 

[Hrhpd]

My son and daughter have been close friends with a brother and sister from the same family. They were raised very strictly with crazy early bedtimes, no junk food, no soda. I honestly hate having them over to spend the night. It's just too stressful. After I would go to bed, they would eat and drink anything they could get their hands on. Other kids would eat our snacks and drink our sodas. But these kids would consume them ALL.

I still remember the first time.

ME: "Where did all the Dr. Pepper go?"

My son: "Uh..... Billy drank it".

ME: "That's OK. He could have some, but where did the rest go? We had 12 cans."

My son: "Yep. Billy drank it."

I guess it's good we don't keep alcohol in the house.

Meanwhile, the mom goes right on patting herself on the back for having such strict rules in her house.

The new rule at our house is that the kids can still be invited over for the night, but only the night BEFORE we do our grocery shopping.

My son had a friend with a crazy strict mom too with insane food rules.

We had some of that disgusting snack-pack jello pudding things in our pantry. A big box from Costco. Our kids like one every once in awhile, but they had been there for awhile.

I found the kid standing in front of the pantry (he was a teen) popping the lids and downing them like jello shots. He was so desperate for something sweet.

Mom was a control freak and her kids paid the price. They had to sneak everything a normal teen would have access to.