WWYD: Can't hand out bday invites at school

[Be Enchanted]

My DD is in kindergarten this year. The school has a policy that you can't hand out birthday invitations in the classroom, so that non-invited kids don't feel left out, etc.

The school hands out a directory with everyone's names and home addresses. So i guess you're supposed to use this and just mail the invitations??

Since she is only in kindergarten, I haven't met hardly any of the parents in her class, so it's not like I can pass out the invites any other way. She sees a couple of them on the bus, so perhaps she could hand out a couple of them that way.

But I feel kinda weird about mailing them. Do you guys think that would be weird to receive a birthday invite in the mail from a family/parent that you don't know, other than they are in your child's class? Or am I being overly paranoid?

 

[Mkrop]

No I would not find it weird to receive an invite in the mail. That is how I got to know my sons' friends parents was by going to these birthday parties when they were young. Although I would be careful about not inviting the whole class, unless you are doing all girls or something. Kids talk and the others will find out

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Paranoid! I would think nothing of it

 

[ronandannette]

My DD is in kindergarten this year. The school has a policy that you can't hand out birthday invitations in the classroom, so that non-invited kids don't feel left out, etc.

The school hands out a directory with everyone's names and home addresses. So i guess you're supposed to use this and just mail the invitations??

Since she is only in kindergarten, I haven't met hardly any of the parents in her class, so it's not like I can pass out the invites any other way. She sees a couple of them on the bus, so perhaps she could hand out a couple of them that way.

But I feel kinda weird about mailing them. Do you guys think that would be weird to receive a birthday invite in the mail from a family/parent that you don't know, other than they are in your child's class? Or am I being overly paranoid?

There's no way the school would be doing this unless there was a "waiver" of some kind that has everybody agreeing. That said, with the information being "out there", it's totally not out of line to use it, nor should anybody raise an eyebrow if you do. (And besides - little kids LOVE getting mail!)

 

[Oodalally13]

Don't feel paranoid. That's a completely acceptable way and if they don't know who the invite is for I am sure they will ask their own kids. We had the same rule of no bday invites when I was in school. I also don't ever recall there being issues if someone in the class didn't receive an invite.

 

[shoney]

My kids always came home with a class list in the beginning of the school year. Birthday invites were usually sent by mail. It was rare to get them handed to the child at school.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Rather than just sending the invitation, you could include a short note for parents you haven't met. Something like, "Hi, my name is X and our kids are in Mrs. Y's class together. My daughter would love to have B come to her birthday party. It will be at (our house, Chuck E Cheeses, etc.). You are welcome to stay at the party or drop her off, whichever you're more comfortable with. Please call me if you have any questions. I look forward to meeting you." I think this approach would be more personal than just sending the invite in the mail by itself. Also for kindergartners, mail is probably a safer way to go than handing out invitations at school. It won't get lost in a backpack or dropped on the ground during the confusion of dismissal time. Mailing the invitations puts them directly in the hands of the parents.

 

[Bluestars]

Rather than just sending the invitation, you could include a short note for parents you haven't met. Something like, "Hi, my name is X and our kids are in Mrs. Y's class together. My daughter would love to have B come to her birthday party. It will be at (our house, Chuck E Cheeses, etc.). You are welcome to stay at the party or drop her off, whichever you're more comfortable with. Please call me if you have any questions. I look forward to meeting you." I think this approach would be more personal than just sending the invite in the mail by itself. Also for kindergartners, mail is probably a safer way to go than handing out invitations at school. It won't get lost in a backpack or dropped on the ground during the confusion of dismissal time. Mailing the invitations puts them directly in the hands of the parents.

I think this is a perfect way to handle it.

My daughter's birthday is right after school starts. When she first started school, I mailed out invitations to everyone in her class. I was surprised that almost every child attended. I guess the timing was right and it was a great way for the kids and parents to get to know one another.

 

[disney world dreamer]

overly paranoid.

just mail them.

its not a big deal at all.

i would assume that parents would actually expect this since you cannot hand them out in class.

and many times handing them out in class results in children losing them or forgetting to give them to their parents so the parent doesn't know about the party.

 

[Minnesota!]

Paranoid. Mail them if you can't hand them out. We can hand.out in.school but I think probably close to 50% mail them.

I know only a handful of the.parents...

 

[Ceila]

If the school provides a directory, I think that the assumption is that it will be used for exactly that kind of thing. Mail them.

 

[mamacatnv]

Mail away, that is why the school gives out the list.

 

[Disneylover99]

It's better if you mail them anyways. You're never quite sure if the parent will get them if they are in a child's backpack.

 

[Chaoster]

If they lived close by you could drop it off in the mail box. that is how my daughter received a few invites. I even had a parent call and say she would like to invite daughter to birthday party and she will drop off invite in our mailbox.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Definitely OK to mail them. I'm sure the directory was voluntary, and people will be fine with it. I do like the note above, too.

 

[EMom]

Isn't that what the mail is for? Invitations and such?

 

[mom2rtk]

I can't imagine why else the school would put together an address list!

 

[NYEmomma]

Honestly, I think it's GREAT that you have the addresses to be able to mail them. I have a kindergartener and our school has the same policy... not handing out invitations at school. However, they also have a crazy strict privacy policy and we get no contact info for the other students -- addresses, email addresses, phone numbers, absolutely nothing. In fact, we can't even take pictures at school events (I'm a room parent so I'm there for all the parties and volunteer at PTA events) unless it is of your child and only your child and you can't the school or classroom at all.

My daughter had her b-day party a month ago and I asked her teacher about it. I volunteer in the library for her class (the district has no librarian) so I see her teacher every week and have gotten to know her well. She said she's aware of the policy but thinks it's really hard on the younger kids when parents haven't really had the time to get to know each other yet. So she said to just give her in the invites and she's covertly stick them in backpacks. I ended up inviting all of the kids in her class (and 15 out of 20 showed up!) and when it was time to hand out thank you cards, her teacher offered to stick them in backpacks as well.

Knowing the school policy on invites, I wouldn't be shocked or put-off at all to receive an invite in the mail. Most of them have come in her backpack so far though.

 

[descovy]

I can't imagine why else the school would put together an address list!

Why not??? My kids' school does this. you have to "opt in" to be put on the birthday list. So they won't do it without your say so. Don't want your info public? Don't offer it for the birthday list. Quite simple really.

It's precisely to get teachers out of the "police the birthday invitation nonsense." Teachers have enough to do (actual teaching!!) without regulating that invites get passed out properly. So they ask that you don't bring them to school. At all. Mail (or email) them on your own.

 

[Happy Snowman]

That is how we did it when our children were that age. If you invited all the girls or all the boys you could hand them out in class, otherwise you had to mail or call.