Would you let your SON dress up as a princess at Disney?

[luvsJack]

No, I wouldn't.

My little nephew loves to dress up in princess costumes at home or at least he did up until about a year ago (just grew out of it). His mom and step-dad allowed him to play dress up all day long however he wanted to. But when it came time to leave the house, he was instructed to put on something more appropriate. He got enough grief from people coming over and seeing him, he didn't need it from strangers too.

Now, let me say this. When younger ds was in high school, he and his gf went out for Halloween dressed as a bride and groom. He was the bride and she was the groom. I did not have a problem with it. DS did it as a joke. Little nephew, at the time, wanted to BE a princess. there is a difference there.

 

[Nature Mom]

This is a very interesting thread. I agree with most others, if my son wanted to dress up as something make believe for one night, I have no problem with it. I don't care if it was a Teenage Mutant ninja Turtle or Ariel, if he had wanted to when he was little, I would have not stopped him. He never did though, and is now 19 so he doesn't dress up much as anything anymore, except for college pranks (which I am sure will include skirts before it is over).

I think it is sad that we scandalize men in skirts so much, though. Men in countries all over the world wear skirts and dress-like garments (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men%27s_skirts), but only here in Western cultures do we turn it into something less masculine. I doubt anyone would ever call William Wallace (Braveheart) a gay/trans for wearing a kilt! lol One of my very best friends is a gay/trans. He also is the Godfather to my son. I do not think he will 'rub off' on him like I have had a few people ask me before. I think he is a wonderful person and so do my children. They love him, in a dress or in pants, just like they love my sister's new wife.

Maybe I am too open minded. But I believe we are to love everyone, that is how I interpret the message. At least I won't be zombie food.

 

[onelilspark]

I think it's interesting that many assume that it would be better emotionally for a boy who *wants* to dress in a "girl" costume to be forbidden from doing so in order to avoid the kid being made fun of. I would think the opposite--that there's no way to forbid this sort of thing in a boy who really, really wants to wear the costume without making him feel shamed or bad or weird because he likes "girl" things. And isn't that feeling much worse coming from one's own *parents* than from random strangers at WDW? (Not that I really believe that a 3 year old boy in a princess costume would find much hostility at WDW.)

I think that puts it perfectly.

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

People need to mind their own business. If this family wants to allow their son to wear a princess costume, then that is their business. A boy voluntarily wearing a princess costume hurts no one. I hope that the restaurant staff removes any patrons who make rude remarks or cause a commotion.

I doubt very seriously Disney is going to ask anybody to leave one of their super expensive character dinners even if they did make remarks or comments about the boy. But see the mom is GOING INTO IT expecting to even have to MOVE in the restaurant because of ppl making bad comments to her kid. So why put the kid through that? Tell him he can play princess back in the hotel room but for dinner let's be a prince or a pirate tonight. You think ppl ridiculing a 3 yr old is less destructive than a mom telling the boy NO he can't wear a dress in public? That makes no sense.

 

[Wall-E1]

I have never really met any 3 year olds who felt the need to "express themselves" Not everybody wants to raise gender neutral kids. I don't mind my boys knowing they are boys and my girls knowing they are girls.

Just because in the scope of your personal experience, you have not come across this, does not mean it doesn't exist. I have a friend of a fried who has a boy that from the time he could walk and talk has had a desire to dress and act in a feminine manor. I see them from time to time at various events/parties. The mother was taken aback by the behavior at first, but accepts and loves her boy for who he is. She doesn't restrict him from expressing himself because she understands that it is healthy for a child to express him or her self in a way that the child is comfortable with.

If one of my sons grows up to be gay or wears dresses when he is older I doubt very seriously he is going to be affected by the fact that I wouldn't let him wear dresses as a 3 yr old.

If your child is gay, it probably will have an affect on him. You will have been sending him a message that you do not accept him for who he is. He will likely not feel comfortable speaking openly with you and may harbor anger towards you.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I think it's great that everyone says they'd stand up to rude people, and the blogger was proud her son wore the girl costume. But at what expense? Kids can see when they're being made fun of, and by then, it's too late. Sure, his mom stands up for him and shuts people up, but the damage is already done. People are cruel, pure and simple. Why tempt it and let someone hurt his feelings at that age? When he's older and wants to defend himself, great, but at such a young age with tender feelings, I just wouldn't want to let complete strangers ruin his fun.

Well, the alternative is that his mom/dad ruin his fun by not allowing him to wear his costume of choice, so...

Yes, people can be cruel. My dd heard plenty of cruel comments by age 3, though never related to her manner of dress. We can't raise our kids in a bubble, even at that tender young age. We have to stand up for our kids and make it known that the unacceptable behavior is the cruelness, not a chld just being himself.

Pants have been gender neutral for decades.

Maybe, but someone had to go first. And I'm very glad she did.

I really want to be open minded, I really do, but I can't justify how other people would treat him just to allow him to express himself. I'd rather steer him toward "boy" costumes and save him the heartache.

I may be naive, but I have more faith in people than that. I find it very hard to believe that people would be that cruel to a boy in a princess dress, especially at a character meal or on Halloween. A few surprised looks, points, giggles and comments under their breath, yea, but a 3yo likely isn't going to notice that as much as his mom and dad will.

I think it's interesting that many assume that it would be better emotionally for a boy who *wants* to dress in a "girl" costume to be forbidden from doing so in order to avoid the kid being made fun of. I would think the opposite--that there's no way to forbid this sort of thing in a boy who really, really wants to wear the costume without making him feel shamed or bad or weird because he likes "girl" things. And isn't that feeling much worse coming from one's own *parents* than from random strangers at WDW? (Not that I really believe that a 3 year old boy in a princess costume would find much hostility at WDW.)

And while most boys who want to wear a princess costume at age 3 aren't going to be gay/transgender as adults, a few of them are. Is that really the message you want to begin sending to the kid--that you think they should police their behavior/expression/appearance based on other people's narrow view of what a boy or girl should be? (And in my own experience, sometimes when parents say this kind of thing about "protecting" their child in regard to their gender expression or sexuality it's not really about the child at all--it's about the parent's own discomfort or embarrassment. I think it is really, really obvious that that is the case for many on this thread and I feel bad for the gay/trans kids who have to deal with this kind of thing--being called "weird" by their own parents. But that is generally how it is for many trans/gay kids and adults--you can't count on your family any more than the rest of the world to treat you with dignity and respect. I would think at least though that most decent parents might want to ask themselves "what if my kid *is* gay/trans? how will they feel remembering how I called them weird, forbid them from being themselves, etc?"--if you give even two ****s about your kid's emotional wellbeing that is.)

I also think the idea that it's just obvious that pink princess costumes are inherently for girls is . Funny how pink used to obviously be for boys! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink) Hey, maybe for the little boy in question this isn't about gender at all, but about time period--maybe he's trying to be a boy circa the early 1900s when, so far as I understand, baby and toddler boys also routinely wore dresses!

great post!

 

[shortbun]

I have never really met any 3 year olds who felt the need to "express themselves" Not everybody wants to raise gender neutral kids. I don't mind my boys knowing they are boys and my girls knowing they are girls.

If one of my sons grows up to be gay or wears dresses when he is older I doubt very seriously he is going to be affected by the fact that I wouldn't let him wear dresses as a 3 yr old.

Nor is going to 'become' anything if you do allow it. What I find really confusing is your statement about boys knowing they are boys and girls knowing they are girls. Why does clothing have ANYthing to do with that? Boys and girls can do anything they want, dress anyway they want...the only things they do differently are procreate and in most cases, urinate. My son has long hair; does that cause him confusion about his gender? Nope, he 'knows' he's a boy. His bike is purple; knows he's a boy. Wore princess dresses when he was three; knows he's a boy. At three, he shouldn't have big faces saying things like, 'boys dont....." or "boys must..." or "he's such a boy" or "it's a boy thing." If we limit our children, they will be limited.

 

[discnewbie]

I think it would depend on the little boy and his parents.

If the little boy had his heart set on dressing up, and was oblivious to stares etc. from strangers, and if the parents are supportive of this choice, then I would say go for it. If the parents felt it was embarrassing, or made snide little comments here and there, I think that would affect the kid more than the stares of people he doesn't know.

 

[shortbun]

I doubt very seriously Disney is going to ask anybody to leave one of their super expensive character dinners even if they did make remarks or comments about the boy. But see the mom is GOING INTO IT expecting to even have to MOVE in the restaurant because of ppl making bad comments to her kid. So why put the kid through that? Tell him he can play princess back in the hotel room but for dinner let's be a prince or a pirate tonight. You think ppl ridiculing a 3 yr old is less destructive than a mom telling the boy NO he can't wear a dress in public? That makes no sense.

Well, in reading your post, you might be right. If people of the DIS can not be trusted to make such judgements, why would be trust strangers in a restaurant with the emotional safety of our 3year old. I trust you would be ok with a boy dressing as a princess at home or in less of a close up environment?

 

[Magpie]

Oh my gosh - I can't think of a SAFER place for a little boy to dress up as a princess, than Walt Disney World!

You're among strangers. You're in an environment where the staff is paid to be nice to you, no matter what. No one you know need ever find out about it. What happens in Disney World, stays in Disney World.

When my great, big, manly teenaged son was a wee boy of 3, he liked pretty colours, he liked sparkley things, he liked soft fluffy fabrics. He also liked girls - a lot! (Funny thing there - he still likes girls. ) We went to a non-profit caregiver drop-in every day, and he loved playing in the dress up corner. He dressed up as everything you can imagine. Princess, firefighter, mommy, cowboy... No one raised an eyebrow, as he certainly wasn't the only little boy there wrapping a feather boa around his neck or trying to balance in high heels.

At home, one day, he told me he wanted to wear his princess dress all day. I thought about it and said, "Well, hon, you can. But you know that big boy who lives next door? If he sees you in a dress he may laugh at you."

"Why would he do that?" asked my little boy.

"Because he's not always a very nice person. Remember how he thought it was funny to catch the bugs and pull their legs off?"

"Ohhh..."

So the princess dress remained an indoor outfit, along with ALL the other dress up clothes, until he got older and lost interest in that kind of play. I would have loved to have the opportunity to take him to Disney and let him dress any way he liked, in a safe, fun environment. Heck, if we hadn't been living right next door to that boy, I would have been happy to let my son play in a princess dress to his heart's content.

These days he expresses his individuality through the length of his hair and the messages on his T-shirts.

Oh, and last year apparently a boy in my son's class managed to get the lads all hooked on the My Little Pony cartoon series, since it's popular on 4chan. So all these big, manly 8th grade boys were watching My Little Pony on each other's laptops. It was such a hit, the teacher even let them air an episode for the whole class at the end of school.

It's funny how adults often worry a lot more about gender-related teasing, and make it a bigger problem for everyone, than kids do...

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

Well, in reading your post, you might be right. If people of the DIS can not be trusted to make such judgements, why would be trust strangers in a restaurant with the emotional safety of our 3year old. I trust you would be ok with a boy dressing as a princess at home or in less of a close up environment?

Probably yeah. But I never did have to deal with that with any of my boys.

edited to add: My DD use to paint DS's fingernails. And I never tried to stop them. However when it was time to leave the house I had him remove the pink fingernail polish.

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

Oh my gosh - I can't think of a SAFER place for a little boy to dress up as a princess, than Walt Disney World!

You're among strangers. You're in an environment where the staff is paid to be nice to you, no matter what. No one you know need ever find out about it. What happens in Disney World, stays in Disney World.

When my great, big, manly teenaged son was a wee boy of 3, he liked pretty colours, he liked sparkley things, he liked soft fluffy fabrics. He also liked girls - a lot! (Funny thing there - he still likes girls. ) We went to a non-profit caregiver drop-in every day, and he loved playing in the dress up corner. He dressed up as everything you can imagine. Princess, firefighter, mommy, cowboy... No one raised an eyebrow, as he certainly wasn't the only little boy there wrapping a feather boa around his neck or trying to balance in high heels.

At home, one day, he told me he wanted to wear his princess dress all day. I thought about it and said, "Well, hon, you can. But you know that big boy who lives next door? If he sees you in a dress he may laugh at you."

"Why would he do that?" asked my little boy.

"Because he's not always a very nice person. Remember how he thought it was funny to catch the bugs and pull their legs off?"

"Ohhh..."

So the princess dress remained an indoor outfit, along with ALL the other dress up clothes, until he got older and lost interest in that kind of play. I would have loved to have the opportunity to take him to Disney and let him dress any way he liked, in a safe, fun environment. Heck, if we hadn't been living right next door to that boy, I would have been happy to let my son play in a princess dress to his heart's content.

These days he expresses his individuality through the length of his hair and the messages on his T-shirts.

Oh, and last year apparently a boy in my son's class managed to get the lads all hooked on the My Little Pony cartoon series, since it's popular on 4chan. So all these big, manly 8th grade boys were watching My Little Pony on each other's laptops. It was such a hit, the teacher even let them air an episode for the whole class at the end of school.

It's funny how adults often worry a lot more about gender-related teasing, and make it a bigger problem for everyone, than kids do...

And yet you still cautioned your son against the ridicule he probably would have suffered at the hands of a neighbor boy. According to everyone here, you should have just went ahead and let him express himself and deal with the ridicule, as to be very open minded about everything. As not to stifle his desire to dress like a girl. You still protected him from what you knew would happen if he went out in public in a dress.

 

[tink_lover]

Yes I would. If either of my sons wanted to do that, I would be OK with it. They do sometimes play dress up with their older sister's play dresses.

One of my boys would probably do it just to see people's reaction to him. But he's the boy that goes to school wearing pajama bottoms and his shirt on inside out and backwards. He likes to push limits and again, I am OK with it.

I am trying to raise my children that it is important to be their own person. That means it is ok to enjoy things their friends might not, might not understand, dress a different way, listen to different music, etc.

 

[rchristiansen]

I wonder if the question would even be asked if it was a girl wanting to dress up like a boy -

DD dressed up in full Jack Sparrow garb one year for halloween when she was 5. She even asked me to paint on a beard! Most people thought she was a boy saying things like "Oh look how good his costume is" The photo of her in her costume even got picked up in newspaper about cool costumes.

But the point of my story is that no one even KNEW she was a girl in the COSTUME. That's what it is a costume. It's dress up. Who cares.

 

[DebIreland]

I wouldn't have a problem with it. Not at all. But I'm not even the tiniest bit surprised that many others do. Some things will never change. Anyone remember when Shrek 2 came out some people were offended by the cross-dressing bartender? Honestly, some people make me sick. I do believe that gauging the reactions of others to a young boy dressed in a princess costume would really help to separate the people I want in my life and the people I'd want nothing to do with.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

And yet you still cautioned your son against the ridicule he probably would have suffered at the hands of a neighbor boy. According to everyone here, you should have just went ahead and let him express himself and deal with the ridicule, as to be very open minded about everything. As not to stifle his desire to dress like a girl. You still protected him from what you knew would happen if he went out in public in a dress.

Not everyone! I posted at the beginning that I would warn my child of the possible reactions to let him decide for himself. I don't remember if anyone else said the same thing, but I don't think anyone said they wouldn't caution the child, either.

 

[TDC Nala]

If you see a three year old wearing a dress can you really be certain if the child is a boy or a girl? I don't think hairstyle does it. I mean, the kid is three years old. If the people at the adjoining table think the kid is a girl they won't say anything.

 

[canopynut66]

On the Moms panel a mom asked this question of the panel...

"Attending a character dinner with our 3 yo son who sometimes likes to be the prince & sometimes the princess- how will staff react to a boy dressed in the more girlie costumes? Will staff help us find a new seat if other guests make rude comments?"

Would you allow your son to dress up as a princess at Disney? Especially KNOWING ppl are probably going to stare or make comments? Or would you go with the flow and let the little guy be a princess and not care what other ppl say and do?

would not bother me as girls dress up as pirates etc and no one thinks a thing about it. would do what you want as will not see those people again in your life

 

[Mrs.Toad]

If you see a three year old wearing a dress can you really be certain if the child is a boy or a girl?

excellent point!! With their baby faces, it's usually the hair and the attire that give away the gender.

Unless the boy has a crew cut, most strangers at a character meal would probably just assume he was a girl. Even then, the nastiness may take the form of "why would you cut a girl's hair like THAT?!" rather than "why would you let a boy wear THAT?!"

 

[Magpie]

And yet you still cautioned your son against the ridicule he probably would have suffered at the hands of a neighbor boy. According to everyone here, you should have just went ahead and let him express himself and deal with the ridicule, as to be very open minded about everything. As not to stifle his desire to dress like a girl. You still protected him from what you knew would happen if he went out in public in a dress.

I cautioned him - I didn't forbid him. THAT's where I draw the line. If my son, knowing that big boy might laugh, had chosen to wear his dress outside anyway, I would have supported him 100 percent.

Just as I supported him in Grade 5 when he decided he wanted to take a Winnie the Pooh lunch box to school. Or Grade 6, when he thought it'd be hilarious to stick princess stickers all over his binder. He understood the social risks and he knew he could handle it. I was proud of him!

Just as proud as I was when he and another boy signed up together for a theatre production. They found out to their surprise that they'd have to wear ballet shoes on stage. While the other boy was melting down and screaming that he'd never wear GIRLY shoes, my son strapped them on, tiptoed across the room, and said, "Hey, everyone, look at me! I'm a fairy!" All the older performers cracked up, and he was a hit. My boy's got great confidence and courage.

Assuming it's appropriate for the occasion, I would never try to forbid my son from wearing a dress. My job is simply to teach him about the world. What he chooses to do with that information is up to him.

I think parents who tell their kids, "I won't allow you to do that because people will tease you," do their kids a disservice. They're not teaching them to have confidence in their own choices.