Would you let niece's boyfriend come with you? (long)

[Rash]

I have a rule when it comes to vacation planning - if I have to ask "should I do it?", then I don't. Vacation is about relaxing and leaving the stress and worry behind. This sort of situation will only add stress and worry to YOUR vacation, even before you go.

Tell them there's not enough room. If he wants to go, they can rent points and get their own room.

Enjoy YOUR vacation. Don't let others spoil it with THEIR needs.

 

[nowellsl]

My DD20 has brought her boyfriend on a couple of trips we made, but they've been dating for 4 years - he's like a member of the family. I wouldn't let someone I don't know very well go!

 

[DisFlan]

I have a rule when it comes to vacation planning - if I have to ask "should I do it?", then I don't.
.

Yes! Exactly my thoughts, too, Rash. If there's a question about it, there's also usually a problem with it. Don't do it.

DisFlan

 

[ohiominnie]

Another NO vote here. This situation puts your mom in an uncomfortable situation. Either she needs to share the second bedroom with the neice and boyfriend or she needs to sleep on the sleeper sofa. If not those two options, then the neice and boyfriend share the sleeper sofa and do you REALLY want to go out to breakfast and see THAT? I'm another one who says this is a bad message to send to the little ones in the family. If it's ok for the neice to do, why isn't it ok for them as they get older?

If boyfriend DOESN'T go expect your neice to spend countless hours on her cell phone. We took my 21 yr old neice on a cruise and to Disney for 10 days a couple years ago. Her only expenses were to buy souveniers. She spent a good amount of time sneaking off to call her friends back home. She even holed up in the bathroom one night until 4 am to talk on her cell phone. No wonder she was too tired to go around Epcot the next day. She ended up leaving Epcot early so she could nap, but we later found out she came back to the room to talk on her cell the whole time!

If boyfriend does go and stays in another room, expect not to see your neice much. She'll probably be with him most of the time.

That is....if they are still together!

 

[Johnnie Fedora]

I think because many here are such bid Disney fans, we are often to eager to help someone else experience the "magic". This desire can lead to ruined vacations. Just scan these boards for posts. Given your situation and your kids ages, I'd politely offer the following:

Be willing to play travel agent, and help them find a room at a good rate, or assist them (but not pay for them) to rent points (from you or another member) to stay in a studio at the same DVC resort.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Johnnie, I like that logic! At this point though, I probably wouldn't do that if I was the OP. The reason being that I think the niece was rude to expect that, and I would probably just pull the plug and say, neither goes.

 

[Scoootch]

Another NO vote ....for so many reasons. Most of which have been covered in the posts before mine. Just pick one.

IMO, you've been put in an awkward position and that alone was wrong....

Save yourself alot of aggrevation and uncomfortableness and just say "sorry, but no go on bringing the bf". If she gives you a hard time about it I'd just remind her that she is an invited guest to come along on YOUR vacation to which she has every option to decline and since he was willing and able to pay his own way, maybe they should just plan their own trip to WDW. After all, is she looking to vacation with you? or the bf? If it's the boyfriend and he has the $$ then they should go separately on their own. Going with you and him getting his own room I peronnally wouldn't suggest as she'll probably end up spending every waking moment with him rather than you and then she's just getting a free vacation from you. If vacationing with the BF is what matters in the end to her than I'd tell them to set up their own trip. JMO though

 

[kathleena]

I am firmly in the "No" category!

Tell them they are welcome to travel together at the same time as your trip, but that the invite was just for her and her alone and that they would have to find their own accomodations if he came.

She never should have asked about him. To me that shows a level of immaturity, especially with the BF simply expecting that he would go.

You need to lay the groundwork for your boundaries.........now.

JMHO! Keep your family trip for yourselves.

 

[disneyeveryyear]

Thanks to everyone for their input.

I think my biggest concern is that we might feel a little uncomfortable with a "stranger" in our midst.

As to the "sleeping" concerns, rest assured that they would not be sleeping together out-of-wedlock under my roof . That would not be tolerated with my mother and children present. (According to her that is not even an issue [at this time].) I had planned to either put DS11 in our room on the floor, while mom, DN and DD shared the studio portion, and BF was on the couch, or put the 4 of us in the studio and mom and DN in the king with BF on the couch. Without him, it will probably be mom, DN and DD in the studio with DS on the couch.

As for the niece imposing, yes she probably is, however we are extremely close. While she was young and we were childless, we traveled with her extensively. Her parents don't travel, and we wanted her to experience more of the country. So her complaints, were more jokes. She truly feels she is our third child. She has accompanied us to Florida, Missouri, Kentucky, Tennessee, Hawaii, etc. When we drove, $ was not a big deal. When we flew, my mom normally picked up the airfare. This time she was told she was on her own for $. She is responsible for her airfare, ticket, food, souv., etc.

I think I may discuss whether he would be amenable to paying $400 for a studio at OKW. I think I would then try to find points for him to rent. We don't have enough to do that without borrowing, and I don't want to start that yet. Nevertheless, DN would be expected to sleep in our room. That is not negotiable with my kids present.

Maybe I could get a night of babysitting out of them (if he agrees to a separate studio) so DH and I can go to PI .

Once again, thanks for all of your input, and thanks so much for keeping it civilized. That is why I posted here and not on the other boards!

 

[ShuisFan584]

My DD20 has brought her boyfriend on a couple of trips we made, but they've been dating for 4 years - he's like a member of the family. I wouldn't let someone I don't know very well go!

I agree with you. I'm 21 and my sister is 18, and our boyfriends our going with us to Disney this year. This is because we've both been dating them for 2 years and they are like members of the family. They're over our house almost all the time, they spend holidays with us, and my parents and grandparents love them. If your neice has only been dating this guy for 2 months, and you don't know him at all, then I don't see why you should have to invite him. It's your decision to make and if you don't want someone coming that you don't know, then that's fine.

 

[tjkraz]

I think I may discuss whether he would be amenable to paying $400 for a studio at OKW. I think I would then try to find points for him to rent.

That sounds like a rational alternative, but just remember it complicates the situation if they break-up in the meantime. BF may expect his $400 back, or perhaps worse, still insist on using the room the same time your family is at WDW.

 

[Yardbird]

whatever happened to the "family vacation"?????

I want to share my vacation with my Niece, not my niece sharing with her boy friend.

Let them go by themselves and pay their own way!!!

And where does he get off inviting himself (and he did with his comments).

 

[gracelrm]

We ran into a similar problem last year. We took DH's extended family with us on points to VWL. DH's nephew (18 yrs. old) asked if his girlfriend could come. She's been at family stuff for two or more years and we said she could come if it was okay with his parents (who were also going). About 3 weeks before we were to leave, my BIL & SIL canceled, but were still going to allow their son & his girlfriend to go. I was livid, but another BIL agreed to be responsible for them. We had the girlfriend sleep with our DD (11) on the sofa bed and had nephew sleep with our DS (8) in the next room. Everything worked out fine, but I was concerned anytime they were left unchaperoned. It made my trip a bit nervewracking worrying about what "could" happen. Nine months later - there were no "souveniers", so I guess everything was fine!

 

[Tiffster7]

Just say no to non-family guests! This topic pushes buttons for me because my tramp of a brother is always bringing some new trollop/ bed buddy to family holidays and family get togethers. You get tired of small talk with a stranger you are never going to see again and tired of explaining to people who look through your family photos- "Who is that person in the photo with your brother?" ARGGHHH!!!

 

[donmil723]

NO! It was very nice of you to include your niece but too presumptuous of both them to assume the BF could go too. Save yourself some headaches down the road and tell your niece you'd love for her to join you but you really don't feel comfortable inviting her BF as you just don't know him very well. Or say you can't afford another person or you only have room for 6. I bet she'll go anyway!

Good luck!

Donna

 

[wtpclc]

I think offering him a studio for $400 is a great idea. He would likely be more comfortable too. the way you describe your niece, I can understand her thinking inviting him was ok. That is a very odd age. Heck, I'm 33 and still walk a fine line between trying to pay my own way and not insulting my parents (they enjoy treating at times). At 21, it's hard to know.

The studio would be best for all. If they break up, hopefully you could cancel in time. Keeping the ressies on your points gives you the control. That's still a steal at WDW for the studio and would give everyone their own space.

Another alternative would be to tell her that you were looking forward to one last trip with just her before she's all grown up. I'm sure that's what you were looking forward to and maybe it'd be eaier to understand just one more for old times sake. Good luck. This is not easy to fix, but it sounds like you're close enough that it wiil work out.

 

[manning]

I think offering him a studio for $400 is a great idea.

At whose cost?? If it was me I wouldn't be paying that cost!!!

He's pleasure, his cost!!!!!

 

[wtpclc]

At whose cost?? If it was me I wouldn't be paying that cost!!!

He's pleasure, his cost!!!!!

I haven't check points chart or anything, but it looks to me like the boyfrined would give the OP that to reimburse her for her points. He pays, she has her freedom in her villa and he still gets to go.

 

[nanajoyx2]

Absolutely not!!!

 

[JimMIA]

for too many reasons to list.


How 'bout the niece?

I'm sure she's a wonderful young woman...but. How, precisely does she fit in with Mommy, Daddy, DS, DD, and Grandma? Not well, I think.

In fact, although your offer was unquestionably sincere and generous, it's important to remember that "no good deed goes unpunished." I have a feeling this would be the vacation from Hell for all concerned...including your niece.