Would you leave your child overnight to get a tattoo?

[DopeyDame]

OP, what do you think life is like for kids who are taken out of their homes by CPS?

Of course there are situations where kids are unsafe and must be removed - but even the best foster homes with the most wonderful and caring foster parents are no bed of roses!

Being removed from your family and taken to live with strangers, typically requiring you to leave most of your personal belongings behind, often going to a new school where you have no friends, etc., is a TERRIBLE thing for a kid! Unfortunately it's sometimes better than staying in their home, but CPS doesn't want to remove a kid from their home. They WANT to help the parents become better, safer, parents. So please don't be shocked or upset that CPS won't just whisk in and remove a kid because the parents aren't perfect.

Also, before you willy-nilly report on your neighbors and friends, please consider the crazy amount of stress a CPS investigation must be for a family. Even if the family is absolved and found to be as wonderful as leave-it-to-beaver, a CPS investigation is no picnic in the park. If you truly have concerns about a child's health and welfare - PLEASE call CPS or - even better! - 911. Otherwise, it may be best to just chill a little.

 

[ccgirl]

OP, what do you think life is like for kids who are taken out of their homes by CPS?

Of course there are situations where kids are unsafe and must be removed - but even the best foster homes with the most wonderful and caring foster parents are no bed of roses!

Being removed from your family and taken to live with strangers, typically requiring you to leave most of your personal belongings behind, often going to a new school where you have no friends, etc., is a TERRIBLE thing for a kid! Unfortunately it's sometimes better than staying in their home, but CPS doesn't want to remove a kid from their home. They WANT to help the parents become better, safer, parents. So please don't be shocked or upset that CPS won't just whisk in and remove a kid because the parents aren't perfect.

Also, before you willy-nilly report on your neighbors and friends, please consider the crazy amount of stress a CPS investigation must be for a family. Even if the family is absolved and found to be as wonderful as leave-it-to-beaver, a CPS investigation is no picnic in the park. If you truly have concerns about a child's health and welfare - PLEASE call CPS or - even better! - 911. Otherwise, it may be best to just chill a little.

Good post.

And, just because they do not parent the way OP would does not mean they should be reported. OP - review the reasons a caregiver should be reported to CPS. Leaving a child with an ear infection is not one of them. A parent not feeding a child is one; but not feeding the awesomely healthy foods you do is not one.

 

[Glennie5]

OP I think it might be time for you to step away from your in laws. Would they really cry if they thought you weren't going to be a part of their family? Do they know how you feel about them? Maybe let them read this thread, I am pretty sure if they knew how you felt there would be no tears shed if you decided to step away from them. I think it would probably the best thing for both sides.

 

[goofy4mykids]

Story doesn't change just seems that i have to spell EVERYTHING out to the most common sense detail here. Could be people just want to make me seem mean. Could be that people really are that, I don't know. Whatever the case may be it's clear that no pone hear understands how much it sucks to have to stand by and watch a kid suffer and now that there is nothing you can do about. That this little girl is sick all the time and no one really seems to care. That she too will more than likely end up a high school drop out, pregnant and unable to support herself because it's a cycle of SIL family.

Please feel free to correct me if I am wrong but isnt your DH a product of this family? What or shall I say who gives you the right to tell someone what they will/will not accomplish in life. Im sure your DH had many ppl do the same to him. I hope your SIL children grow up to prove you wrong!! If you were on the childrens side, YOU would lead by example and be the best Aunt you could be for them. Just my 2 cents...

 

[WowLookAtThat]

Please feel free to correct me if I am wrong but isnt your DH a product of this family? What or shall I say who gives you the right to tell someone what they will/will not accomplish in life. Im sure your DH had many ppl do the same to him. I hope your SIL children grow up to prove you wrong!! If you were on the childrens side, YOU would lead by example and be the best Aunt you could be for them. Just my 2 cents...

THANK YOU! I came from a dysfunctional family and we went through hard times and sure my parents may not have been so perfect (you know...like the OP) but they were MY parents. It would be hard to hear my husband rail about my family like the OP does to her in-laws. I would have cut him off quickly.

I did have a couple of relatives on my paternal and maternal side who prophesied that I would come to no good. That I would get pregnant young and follow my mother's footsteps and the awful part is I was a kid when I heard this stuff.

Guess what happened? I proved them wrong and got educated, married a man who treats me right and am now living happily with my success. Later on I told my relatives how bad they hurt me when they didn't believe in me, how they downed my family all the time but I thanked them because it was due to my determination to prove their ugly thoughts wrong. Their base and discouraging statements was the fuel I had to turn back around and say "Now what?" Those same people now try to get close to me but with the hurt they inflicted over the years I can't get close to them yet. They saw the problems in the house and instead of being encouraging and loving me because I was a relative, I was put down a lot for matters that were beyond my control.

OP you are screwing yourself up in the long run and honestly from the statements and posts you have made I hope you figure out how wrong you are acting. Instead of putting down the people who raised your husband how about you encourage them or become a responsible (not nagging) figure to your nephew and nieces. Let go of your bitterness because you aren't hurting anyone except yourself and later on..your family.


Rant over.

 

[taximomfor4]

OP I think it might be time for you to step away from your in laws. Would they really cry if they thought you weren't going to be a part of their family? Do they know how you feel about them? Maybe let them read this thread, I am pretty sure if they knew how you felt there would be no tears shed if you decided to step away from them. I think it would probably the best thing for both sides.

Unless my memory is really bad, I think I remember a few other THreads from the OP that the inlaws should see. Maybe then, they'd allow OP and her dh to step away completely. OP, I'd just do whatever oh ca to limit any and all contact with them. It's not healthy...for you, them, your DH, your kids, and especially their little baby girl.

 

[dis-happy]

Not with a mink!
Not for some ink!

Not with a cough.
I must tell them off!

But now I digress
And call CPS.

I do not like them Sam-I-Saw,
I do not like that Da*n-In-Law!!!

 

[Missy1961]

Not with a cough.
I must tell them off!

But now I digress
And call CPS.

I do not like them Sam-I-Saw,
I do not like that Da*n-In-Law!!!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

So...how does this affect your next trip to Disney?

 

[DisneyTigers]

So...how does this affect your next trip to Disney?

Bwahahahaha!

Most. Entertaining. Thread. Ever.

 

[Blackbeltdisneygirl]

 

[tinkermom23]

... If he had it his way we would never have to interact with them but we have to because otherwise his mother cries and complains that her 'babies" aren't getting along and then we look like the bad guys when we isolate them.

Oh let me clarify:
My MIl was watching the kids she was also throwing a party at the house and it was loud, not many people and three were other kids there, including mine, but not a environment a sick kid should be in.

Actually, a Grandparent that knows the child well is a good place for a child to be when they are sick and the parent is not available, for whatever reason. Maybe they needed a break, since having to care for a sick child for months can be draining and stressful. You left your children there too, during a party, knowing there was a chance of this sick girl being there? So you were actually adding to the environment that was inappropriate for this girl? What were you doing that you couldn't care for your children?

So, was there drinking at MIL's party? Because I would say that this is not an environment that ANY child should be in. Someone may call CPS on you for leaving your children in the care of a neglectful provider! (see what happens when one makes assumptions? and compares anothers' parenting to their own?)

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Tinker your not assuming you just misread.

We did not leave our child there we were there with her. Two parents, one kid. I no longer let MIL care or watch my DD without me present. She kept the dog, she is no longer allowed to watch DD. She complains to Dh about how she never sees DD but it's her own fault.

There was casual drinking but when the yager shots began we left. No, not an environment to leave a child in. Yes, taking care of a sick child is exhausting as is a lot of things you MUST do when you decided to be a parent. BIL and SIL are just not good parents.

 

[Glennie5]

I think that we all get that you feel your SIL & BIL are bad parents and they really might be bad parents but what I don't understand is why you don't just remove yourself from the situation. Is your niece really in danger or do you just feel that way because their parenting style is different then yours?

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I think that we all get that you feel your SIL & BIL are bad parents and they really might be bad parents but what I don't understand is why you don't just remove yourself from the situation. Is your niece really in danger or do you just feel that way because their parenting style is different then yours?

How? Should I never allow my daughter to see her other grandparents? That's not fair to either party. They constantly leave their kids with our inlaws. Just yesterday we called to see if they were busy because DD wanted to see them and they said no. We specifically asked if niece and nephew were there and they said just niece. We get there and they are both there. FIl says that BIl convinced nephew to stay. MIl says that nephew requested. So now what? Do we turn and leave and upset DD or do we stay? We stayed until nephew began pushing and shoving DD. Another reason I don't like DD interacting with their kid. He's a bully because he gets bullied by his other cousins.

I think we need to come to some conclusion whether that means having a family meeting were we call MIL out on enabling them or just explaining where we stand, something needs to happen before this blows up.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think we need to come to some conclusion whether that means having a family meeting were we call MIL out on enabling them or just explaining where we stand, something needs to happen before this blows up.

The only people who have any say as to how frequently your BIL and SIL drop off their kids with your IL's is them! You have no right to interfere. It's absolutely NOYB! As to say your nephew is a bully, how old is he? Boys are MUCH more physical than girls - night and day.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

The only people who have any say as to how frequently your BIL and SIL drop off their kids with your IL's is them! You have no right to interfere. It's absolutely NOYB! As to say your nephew is a bully, how old is he? Boys are MUCH more physical than girls - night and day.

Not true. Ilaws keep asking why DD and us don't visit as often as we used to. It's because they always have those kids! To be fair before my DD and niece my nephew got to spend two years alone time with grandparents. Why should she be deprived of the that experience? So yes we do have a say because we don't want her around him.

He's 3, DD is 2 it has nothing to do with being more physical. He is a bully because HE gets bulled. He yells, punches throws toys across the room. I watched him grab his 11month old sister by the neck as he tried to drag her across the room because she was touching his toys. He isn't well socialized only goes to school 2 days a week and the other time he spends with his other female cousin who proudly says "if you make me mad, I'll punch you!" and his 13 and 10 year old uncles who are both special needs.

 

[cornflake]

Not true. Ilaws keep asking why DD and us don't visit as often as we used to. It's because they always have those kids! To be fair before my DD and niece my nephew got to spend two years alone time with grandparents. Why should she be deprived of the that experience? So yes we do have a say because we don't want her around him.

He's 3, DD is 2 it has nothing to do with being more physical. He is a bully because HE gets bulled. He yells, punches throws toys across the room. I watched him grab his 11month old sister by the neck as he tried to drag her across the room because she was touching his toys. He isn't well socialized only goes to school 2 days a week and the other time he spends with his other female cousin who proudly says "if you make me mad, I'll punch you!" and his 13 and 10 year old uncles who are both special needs.

You have a say in whether you send your kid over there.

However, what THEY do and whether they allow their other grandkids over there and when? That's not your business.

You're the ones deciding to deprive her if you do. You and you alone.

You're talking about a toddler pushing over other toddlers? That's because... he's a toddler! They throw things and push and bite and etc. Yours may not but plenty do and it's not because they're bullied. It's because they're toddlers. It's not that it's ok, they should be corrected (here's where I'm fairly certain you'll say he's never, ever corrected), but they still do it, because they're toddlers and don't internalize and retain and are able to modify their impulses at three so well.

I think we need to come to some conclusion whether that means having a family meeting were we call MIL out on enabling them or just explaining where we stand, something needs to happen before this blows up.

It will only blow up if you blow it up... by, say, telling your inlaws you think they're enabling and need to stop whatever. Because how other people raise their kids is NOT YOUR BUSINESS. Nothing you've said sounds anything like anything but 'well, I'd never!' Not dangerous, not shocking, not unusual, not anything but different from you and stuff like ascribing the kind of motive you are to a toddler does not exactly demonstrate a great grasp of child development.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

You have a say in whether you send your kid over there.

However, what THEY do and whether they allow their other grandkids over there and when? That's not your business.

You're the ones deciding to deprive her if you do. You and you alone.

You're talking about a toddler pushing over other toddlers? That's because... he's a toddler! They throw things and push and bite and etc. Yours may not but plenty do and it's not because they're bullied. It's because they're toddlers. It's not that it's ok, they should be corrected (here's where I'm fairly certain you'll say he's never, ever corrected), but they still do it, because they're toddlers and don't internalize and retain and are able to modify their impulses at three so well.



It will only blow up if you blow it up... by, say, telling your inlaws you think they're enabling and need to stop whatever. Because how other people raise their kids is NOT YOUR BUSINESS. Nothing you've said sounds anything like anything but 'well, I'd never!' Not dangerous, not shocking, not unusual, not anything but different from you and stuff like ascribing the kind of motive you are to a toddler does not exactly demonstrate a great grasp of child development.

Sorry, I disagree. If my two year old knows it is NOT ok to hit- as well as her classmates- a three year old should know it's wrong and act properly. There is no excuse! You teach from the beginning that it is wrong and won't be accepted. DD does not hit. No one corrects him, and yes he is bullied! I've watched it happened! His uncles beat him up every time he visits at least that is what MIL keeps telling us. You're right it's not my business but it is my business who I allow around my daughter. So i guess they will have to choose who they want to spend their time with. I don't want her around nephew and they can't seem to say no, watch your own kids to BIl and SIL.

 

[Disney-Chick]

It seems more jealousy then anything. My older sister/BIL made comments about my daughter going to my parents for sleep overs yet my niece/nephew never did. That is because my daughter would ask to go over, her kids didn't. I know she is jealuous but I just ignore her when she says "must be nice to have time alone". My response "yep, I chose to only have one child not 2"

My younger sister lives with my parents and has a 2 year old (almost 3). He goes to daycare regularly and my father does a lot with him. Yet my nephew would spit/bite/hit whether at home or daycare. No matter what the family tried (ignoring/discipline etc) he continued to do this. Now my family isn't perfect but my father does not tolerate any of this behaviour. Kids will be kids. They hit when they want a toy, cry when another person takes their toy etc.

I am not going to be mean or rude to you. Everyone has their own opinion, but when you post a problem you should expect everyone's 2 cents worth. Here is my thought, leave well enough alone. This will come back on you and make your family look worse. Stay away from the family and only visit when neseccary. If asked why you don't go over, just say you are busy. I think if you bring this up to them they will go against you and that is worse. Live your life, take all the energy and put towards your family. You will not be able to change others so change yourself.