Would you go to a wedding without your spouse or LONG TERM S.O. ?

[Beth76]

I guess that is why the married/engaged versus boyfriend distinction makes sense - it is a clear line, made public to almost everyone.

But that's my point. It's ok to invite a bitter divorcing couple or someone who got married last week to someone they don't know? What about a gay couple who can not get married? They don't make the cut either? That's why a "clear line" shouldn't be made. Adults are invited as couples.

 

[mickeyboat]

But that's my point. It's ok to invite a bitter divorcing couple or someone who got married last week to someone they don't know? What about a gay couple who can not get married? They don't make the cut either? That's why a "clear line" shouldn't be made. Adults are invited as couples.

But if a cut has to be made, then I think it's a logical place to make a cut. I guess your argument is that no cuts should be made, but that is not always practical for many couples. If it is clear that someone is committed for a lifetime, or legally married, it is a good place to make a cut-off. I don't think the bride should be making "worthiness" judgments.

 

[DisneyWorldOct08]

This might be true ..but...marriage is a completley diffent ballgame than just weekend dating.

Wow...

"weekend dating"

I was married when I was in my early 20's for 3 months. It was annulled. My relationship with my SO now is far more important to me that those miserable 3 months were. I guess different opinions...

 

[mjkacmom]

I was invited to a wedding without a date when I was dating DH - there was only so much room, and the couple decided to draw the line. I had a great time, and 20 years later, I'm still with DH!

 

[Tinker74]

Wow...

"weekend dating"

I was married when I was in my early 20's for 3 months. It was annulled. My relationship with my SO now is far more important to me that those miserable 3 months were. I guess different opinions...

I was only going by what you said earlier...you said you hardly see each other.
Don't you think living together day in day out takes the relationship to a different level?

 

[Todd&Copper]

I don't think it was rude per se to only invite you, but after I turned 18 and before I was married, all wedding invites I got were addresses Ms. T&C and Guest. I did not have a boyfriend or SO to invite to go with me everytime [and I always had a blast - open bar in all NJ or NY weddings I have been to], but it was nice to have that option.

Since you really have no connection to the wedding except through your brother's acquaintences, if I were you I'd probably not go but send a congratulatory card.
So I guess what I am saying is that my decision to not go would be based on the fact that I had no real connection to the couple or their families, not the "oversight" of not inviting my boyfriend.

 

[DisneyWorldOct08]

I was only going by what you said earlier...you said you hardly see each other.
Don't you think living together day in day out takes the relationship to a different level?

Not for some people, actually.

Not trying to be rude, just pointing out that everyone is different. Having lived with someone every day when I was in my early 20's, as opposed to being with someone I can't see every day due to where we live... I'm 100% closer and happier with the person I don't see every day just because of who he is and how we are together...

 

[SydneyBristow]

Just make sure it's not the open bar that you cut!

Our wedding was almost 13 years ago and there was definitely an open bar.

 

[va32h]

Exactly. Is it ok to invite a couple who got married on a whim in Vegas? Is it ok to invite a couple who are getting a divorced? But not a couple who've been dating a year? Who's to make the distinction of what does and doesn't constitute an appropriate couple?

It's "ok" for the bride and groom to invite whomever the heck they want, using whatever criteria they want. And who decides who is invited and who is not? The hosts.

It's also "ok" for those invited to decline, for whatever reason, as long as they send their regrets in a timely manner (and without any extraneous comments like: "I'm offended that you didn't invite my boyfriend, because our relationship is way more committed than Mary and Bob, who are headed for divorce, and Jane and Jack, who got married after a four day bender in Vegas.")

 

[Tinker74]

Not for some people, actually.

Not trying to be rude, just pointing out that everyone is different. Having lived with someone every day when I was in my early 20's, as opposed to being with someone I can't see every day due to where we live... I'm 100% closer and happier with the person I don't see every day just because of who he is and how we are together...

And thered be a lot less divorce if eveyone lived like this.. ..nice romantic weekend but non of the day to day ups and downs of building a home together.
You might not see it as simply dating..but perhaps it looks that way to outsiders like the bride and groom..on the surface you have been together little over a year living miles apart and seeing each other at the weekend.
You know it means a great deal but they might think its more casual.

 

[Tinker74]

It's "ok" for the bride and groom to invite whomever the heck they want, using whatever criteria they want. And who decides who is invited and who is not? The hosts.

It's also "ok" for those invited to decline, for whatever reason, as long as they send their regrets in a timely manner (and without any extraneous comments like: "I'm offended that you didn't invite my boyfriend, because our relationship is way more committed than Mary and Bob, who are headed for divorce, and Jane and Jack, who got married after a four day bender in Vegas.")

Thanks for the laugh.... ..i just splattered my coke.

 

[DisneyWorldOct08]

It's "ok" for the bride and groom to invite whomever the heck they want, using whatever criteria they want. And who decides who is invited and who is not? The hosts.

It's also "ok" for those invited to decline, for whatever reason, as long as they send their regrets in a timely manner (and without any extraneous comments like: "I'm offended that you didn't invite my boyfriend, because our relationship is way more committed than Mary and Bob, who are headed for divorce, and Jane and Jack, who got married after a four day bender in Vegas.")

 

[antmaril]

Well yes, I do think you are being silly. You are a grown woman; you can go out in public without your boyfriend.

My husband and I have been to weddings without each other; if we are unable to get a sitter for the children (and the children aren't on the invitation). We survived and so did our marriage.

I agree with this. Of course, I would go to a wedding without my husband.

 

[NMAmy]

It's "ok" for the bride and groom to invite whomever the heck they want, using whatever criteria they want. And who decides who is invited and who is not? The hosts.

It's also "ok" for those invited to decline, for whatever reason, as long as they send their regrets in a timely manner (and without any extraneous comments like: "I'm offended that you didn't invite my boyfriend, because our relationship is way more committed than Mary and Bob, who are headed for divorce, and Jane and Jack, who got married after a four day bender in Vegas.")

I am SO putting that on my next RSVP. Although DH might wonder about my "boyfriend."

You are correct. It is the bride & groom's decision and they can make it as arbitrarily as they'd like to and guests can either choose to be offended or not. As many have stated, it may be financial reasons or it may just be the number of bodies that can be in the venue. Or they could have any other number of reasons that we can't figure out. They're the hosts, and just like any other party, they get to decide who they want to invite.

I really wouldn't take it so personally. They have a lot on their minds and they may not have thought, "Oh, Mom's best friend's daughter is in a serious relationship. We need to invite him." They were probably just trying to get the invitations out.

And again, if you are going to take it personally, then send your regrets.

 

[Beth76]

It's "ok" for the bride and groom to invite whomever the heck they want, using whatever criteria they want. And who decides who is invited and who is not? The hosts.

Of course they get to decide. Doesn't mean it isn't rude.

 

[jenm2878]

When you are planning a wedding, it's impossible to make everyone happy. If the couple decided to cut dates so they could invite kids, the dateless adults are unhappy. If they decide to cut the kids so adults can bring dates, families are unhappy. You really can't win as a bride/groom planning a wedding and have to make the cut somewhere. Sure, it'd be nice to invite everyone you've ever met, their dates, their kids, their brother's cousin, etc. Most people don't have the finances to host this sort of event (where everyone and their grandma is included) so they have to make the cut somewhere, and usually it's where the fewest toes would be stepped on.

If you don't want to go and will be spending the night resenting the bride/groom for their oversight, then don't go. Honestly, if you've never met the bride and you aren't all that close to the groom, they may not know/remember that you are involved with someone. I don't keep close track of who my acquaintances are dating/how long they are dating, and I doubt many other people do as well.

ETA: To answer the original question, yes I would go without DH. However, if I didn't really want to go regardless if he were there or not, I would either opt out or just make an appearance to make my mom happy.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Since you don't know the bride and really not friends with the groom, I would decline, unless you want to party with your family.

Was it cheap to cut "and guest", probably. So just make a decision and go with it.

 

[DisneyBeagle]

It's "ok" for the bride and groom to invite whomever the heck they want, using whatever criteria they want. And who decides who is invited and who is not? The hosts.

It's also "ok" for those invited to decline, for whatever reason, as long as they send their regrets in a timely manner (and without any extraneous comments like: "I'm offended that you didn't invite my boyfriend, because our relationship is way more committed than Mary and Bob, who are headed for divorce, and Jane and Jack, who got married after a four day bender in Vegas.")

 

[mumom95]

Of course they get to decide. Doesn't mean it isn't rude.

ITA