Would you go to a wedding without your spouse or LONG TERM S.O. ?

[SydneyBristow]

The second question is "Would you attend if SO wasn't invited?" No, I wouldn't. I don't care how tight the budget is, all adults should get an "and guest". Especially since it's known that the OP is in a serious long term relationship.

I agree. If I was unable to afford allowing singles to bring a date I would've cut back in other areas to be able to swing it.

 

[Becky2005]

It wouldn't bother me in the least.

I'm assuming the "no guest" part had to do with head counts and only so much room.

Then again, DH and I go do lots of things on our own.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

DH and I have gone to weddings without each other. For the reasons one or the other couldn't get off or simply one or the other didn't want to go.

You might discover that your friend doesn't even really want to go.

 

[Becky2005]

But were you at least invited to bring your spouse or guest?

I've been to all levels of weddings for friends and family before and never once not had the invite addressed to myself & guest.

The primary reason I am going is because I consider it an obligation to my family more than anything else. I haven't stayed close to them, but my mother would be appalled if I didn't go. She was actually rather shocked that they didn't put "and guest" on the invite as well though.

Thanks for the insight everyone.

I know this wasn't addressed to me but we *have* had instances where just the older children were invited to a wedding and not the younger ones. I honestly didn't even blink regarding it. I just figured there was an age cut-off and the younger ones didn't make it. That was DH's cousins too, so it WAS family (DH's anyway). Not quite the same as a date but it wasn't as if the younger ones weren't known about. The 1st wedding it was just my DD invited, the next one a few years later it was DD & oldest DS but not the younger ones.

Maybe I'm just way too casual -- most of this type of stuff doesn't even phase me.

 

[Minnesota!]

I would and I have. My wife was thrilled to not have to go, in fact.

I would and have. DH has not only gone to weddings without me...he has been in weddings and I haven't gone. It's one night. Go, have fun.

 

[justhat]

I want to add, if my husband weren't invited to a wedding I was, I think that would be a different story. I wouldn't go. But in your case, he's not your husband yet, so that makes a difference. I got invited to many weddings without my now husband while we were still dating and I went without him.

 

[Tinker74]

I want to add, if my husband weren't invited to a wedding I was, I think that would be a different story. I wouldn't go. But in your case, he's not your husband yet, so that makes a difference. I got invited to many weddings without my now husband while we were still dating and I went without him.

I agree...there not even engaged or living together...still at the dating stage..i can totally see why he wasn't invited...The bride and groom probably have to keep to a certain number of guests and have to draw the line somewhere.

 

[jrmasm]

I agree. If I was unable to afford allowing singles to bring a date I would've cut back in other areas to be able to swing it.

Just make sure it's not the open bar that you cut!

 

[smartestnumber5]

This is just so obvious to me. I just can't image attempting to evaluate the wedding-worthiness of friend's relationships. When DD gets married, this will be a given. If the event is a little less "posh" because SO's are welcome, so be it.
I'd much rather adjust downward, and be welcoming, than adjust upward and fret about who's relationship has lasted long enough to merit a dinner plate.

Yeah I would think it would be pretty tricky to decide whose relationships are worthy and whose aren't. Making the bar engagement/marriage assumes that all couples want to/are able to get married. If you go with living together, that would mean a couple who doesn't want to live together before marriage and is having a very long relationship before getting engaged wouldn't be worthy of an invitation, but a couple who jumps into cohabitation after dating 2 months is worthy. Some folks on this thread are saying being together for a year is not that long, but some people get engaged and even married in that short a time period.

I have a relative who in the span of just about one year broke off a relationship of a few years, met a new woman, got engaged and moved in with her, broke up with her and stopped living with her, and started dating someone new. I'd have been pretty ticked off if after 2.5 years with my partner I wasn't invited to bring her to a family wedding because we're not engaged, while his fiance--who'd he'd known a total of about 5 months--got invited. (As it actually happened, I got an invitation with "and guest" on it and he I'm sure got an invitation with "His Name and Fiance Name" on it. So there actually is a sense in which his fiance got invited and my partner didn't.)

 

[Jynohn]

There are two questions being answered here. One is "would you attend a wedding alone?" Of course I would, if DH couldn't be there for whatever reason.

The second question is "Would you attend if SO wasn't invited?" No, I wouldn't. I don't care how tight the budget is, all adults should get an "and guest". Especially since it's known that the OP is in a serious long term relationship.

I agree with this 100%. I've been to several weddings without DH. He's in the military, so he's away a lot, and in those cases, I still go without him as long as there will be other friends/family there that I can socialize with.

As far as going if DH weren't even on the invitation? Not a chance. A couple of years ago DH was asked to be the best man at his best friends wedding and I wasn't invited. The reason given was that it was a destination wedding and they didn't have a lot of money, but I never intended for the couple to pay for our travel. Oh, and come to find out, the real reason was that the wedding was at a "couple's only" resort and the groom needed my DH to act as a "date" for one of his female friends so that she would be able to go!

The point was that DH and I had been married for almost 10 years at the time, and the groom was the godfather of our child, yet they chose to leave me off of the invitation. DH obviously declined the invitation, and it has pretty much ended their friendship.

 

[princesspumpkin]

I certainly would, but I'm not so traditional anyway. Plus, you said that your family would also be there - why can't you all go together as a family. When I got married, I didn't allow every single person to bring a date - only if I really knew the person that they were dating at the time very well.

Before I planned my own wedding, I may have felt the same way that you do. Once I went thru the whole wedding process, I felt embarrassed about the way that I had acted for many years about other peoples' weddings.

One of the most wonderful things about my marriage is that we do so many things together, and quite a few things apart - makes for great stories to tell each other when we get home

 

[DisneyWorldOct08]

Yeah I would think it would be pretty tricky to decide whose relationships are worthy and whose aren't. Making the bar engagement/marriage assumes that all couples want to/are able to get married. If you go with living together, that would mean a couple who doesn't want to live together before marriage and is having a very long relationship before getting engaged wouldn't be worthy of an invitation, but a couple who jumps into cohabitation after dating 2 months is worthy. Some folks on this thread are saying being together for a year is not that long, but some people get engaged and even married in that short a time period.

I have a relative who in the span of just about one year broke off a relationship of a few years, met a new woman, got engaged and moved in with her, broke up with her and stopped living with her, and started dating someone new. I'd have been pretty ticked off if after 2.5 years with my partner I wasn't invited to bring her to a family wedding because we're not engaged, while his fiance--who'd he'd known a total of about 5 months--got invited. (As it actually happened, I got an invitation with "and guest" on it and he I'm sure got an invitation with "His Name and Fiance Name" on it. So there actually is a sense in which his fiance got invited and my partner didn't.)

I agree 100% with this.

I can't say for sure me & BF are more worthy than other couples, I don't know what goes on behind people's closed doors. But I can say our relationship has lasted longer than the marriages of 2 other couples I know.

 

[CheshireVal]

I was invited to a wedding last year and my husband's name was distinctly missing from the envelope.

I sent my regrets.

I've gone to plenty of weddings alone in the past, but I think it's kind of tacky to invite a married person without their spouse.

 

[lilyv]

I agree 100% with this.

I can't say for sure me & BF are more worthy than other couples, I don't know what goes on behind people's closed doors. But I can say our relationship has lasted longer than the marriages of 2 other couples I know.

You're worthy. Life's too short for a bride and groom (who've found love and each other) to waste time culling through lists deciding who's relationship/love meets their benchmark.

 

[Nancyg56]

I want to add, if my husband weren't invited to a wedding I was, I think that would be a different story. I wouldn't go. But in your case, he's not your husband yet, so that makes a difference. I got invited to many weddings without my now husband while we were still dating and I went without him.

I agree that this makes the difference. Married or engaged to be married is different than a boyfriend, IMO. This happened to me before I was married and I just went.

 

[Beth76]

I can't say for sure me & BF are more worthy than other couples, I don't know what goes on behind people's closed doors. But I can say our relationship has lasted longer than the marriages of 2 other couples I know.

Exactly. Is it ok to invite a couple who got married on a whim in Vegas? Is it ok to invite a couple who are getting a divorced? But not a couple who've been dating a year? Who's to make the distinction of what does and doesn't constitute an appropriate couple?

 

[mickeyboat]

Exactly. Is it ok to invite a couple who got married on a whim in Vegas? Is it ok to invite a couple who are getting a divorced? But not a couple who've been dating a year? Who's to make the distinction of what does and doesn't constitute an appropriate couple?

I guess that is why the married/engaged versus boyfriend distinction makes sense - it is a clear line, made public to almost everyone.

 

[Tinker74]

I agree 100% with this.

I can't say for sure me & BF are more worthy than other couples, I don't know what goes on behind people's closed doors. But I can say our relationship has lasted longer than the marriages of 2 other couples I know.

This might be true ..but...marriage is a completley diffent ballgame than just weekend dating.

 

[Pigeon]

I wouldn't go. I think it's rude to invite a single adult without allowing them to bring the escort of their choice, or both partners in a married couple. And I couldn't care less what the rest of the family thought about it.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I really don’t even want to go without my BF. Is that odd? Aside from the groom’s family and my family, I won’t know anyone there. It’s a formal, night wedding about an hour and a half from my house and I’m just not comfortable getting all dressed up/dolled up and going to a formal wedding without him.

To me, this is the most important part of what you said.

It's perfectly acceptable to go solo, you'd know your family and the groom's family so there will be others to catch up with. Just because you are dressing up and going out without your significant other does not mean you are stepping out on him.

However, if you don't want to go, don't. Send a nice card, maybe even a gift. If you will be unhappy or uncomfortable, skip it. You are not obligated to attend, despite what your mother may say to the contrary.