Would you ever turn down an invite to a funeral?

[Moliphino]

I've never been invited to a funeral, but I'm always relieved when I don't have to go. I hate funerals and wakes.

 

[_19disnA]

Have never heard of anyone sending out 'invitations' to attend a funeral/wake. It isn't something you schedule that far in advance. The wake time/location is typically mentioned in the funeral notice (online or in a local paper). Some may choose to attend the wake but not the funeral depending on how well you actually knew the person.

 

[MIGrandma]

I don’t go to funerals unless I absolutely have to.

Same for me. I hate funerals with a passion. I have chosen not to go to several over the years. And as I’ve gotten older I now attend funerals only for very close relatives or friends.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Same for me. I hate funerals with a passion. I have chosen not to go to several over the years. And as I’ve gotten older I now attend funerals only for very close relatives or friends.

This just gave me the giggles. Does anybody like funerals?

 

[DisneyHardin]

I've never been specifically invited to a funeral. I have had to miss lots of funerals that I would have liked to have gone to pay my respects because of work. I am a teacher and we can only take a bereavement day for an immediate family member.

Just a few weeks ago, my aunt's mother died and I would have liked to have gone to pay my respects, but I had Covid, so I had to stay home.

I do often go to the funeral home visitation instead of the actual funeral.

 

[prairie_girl]

Like everyone else, I’ve never been invited to a funeral. I have been to less than 10 in my life, I’d say.

I can think of one funeral I would purposely not go to, and if I could spit on the grave, I would.

 

[MIGrandma]

This just gave me the giggles. Does anybody like funerals?

No, I mean I really, really hate funerals with a passion. Not just dislike, like most people. To the point where I needed Valium to get through my mother’s visitation hours and funeral.

 

[Nora03]

I know of two former colleagues who passed away and had “private “ funerals. Only those invited could attend and I wasn’t invited (a few of my colleagues were invited). I would have attended out of respect.

 

[HopperFan]

And, really, the only funeral you absolutely have to go to is your own.

Not really. I have been to several Memorial Services where there is only a photo of the person there. They were either buried already somewhere else, or cremated and the remains were not there.

Oddly, a former neighbor recently passed away. His memorial gathering will be at a race track, and tickets for a day pass that weekend are $50 each. I would love to pay my respects, and while it isn’t far from where we live now, will not be attending.

Kinda like a destination wedding, one way to weed out some people.

I know of two former colleagues who passed away and had “private “ funerals. Only those invited could attend and I wasn’t invited (a few of my colleagues were invited). I would have attended out of respect.

Surprised this thread didn't trip a memory but you did ....... my Dad died young, while I was in high school. There were HUNDREDS of people and the processional was longer than we could see. I remember telling the family I couldn't believe some of the people that came and that my funeral was going to be invitation only. They laughed but I repeated it over the years.

At this point my "Last Wishes" state there is to be no funeral and if they do, I will come back to haunt them. Yes it really says that.

 

[superme80]

I have never turned down attending a funeral. I have gone to a lot of funerals. My oldest has been to close to 10 funerals, and he is only 14.

 

[ncc1701]

Never been invited to a funeral. I have missed some I would have attended due to being away or having another conflict. Some had a visitations I attended .

 

[focusondisney]

I think I have only been to 3 funerals.

Wow, in your whole life? I went to my first wake (what some call a viewing) & the funeral for my mother’s cousin when I was 5. I had a large, close knit family with many older relatives. Death & funerals were treated as just part of life. Off the top of my head, I’ve attended funerals for 4 great aunts, 2 great uncles, 4 grandparents, my DH’s aunt & uncle, my own aunt & uncle, a cousin, my FIL, both my parents & a beloved parish priest, plus a few for friends or their families. And none of them were by invitation.

 

[mjkacmom]

Wow, in your whole life? I went to my first wake (what some call a viewing) & the funeral for my mother’s cousin when I was 5. I had a large, close knit family with many older relatives. Death & funerals were treated as just part of life. Off the top of my head, I’ve attended funerals for 4 great aunts, 2 great uncles, 4 grandparents, my DH’s aunt & uncle, my own aunt & uncle, a cousin, my FIL, both my parents & a beloved parish priest, plus a few for friends or their families. And none of them were by invitation.

In my family wakes and funerals are family affairs, babies, toddlers, kids of all ages. I have fond memories playing in the funeral homes with my cousins.

 

[HopperFan]

Wow, in your whole life? I went to my first wake (what some call a viewing) & the funeral for my mother’s cousin when I was 5. I had a large, close knit family with many older relatives. Death & funerals were treated as just part of life. Off the top of my head, I’ve attended funerals for 4 great aunts, 2 great uncles, 4 grandparents, my DH’s aunt & uncle, my own aunt & uncle, a cousin, my FIL, both my parents & a beloved parish priest, plus a few for friends or their families. And none of them were by invitation.

In my family wakes and funerals are family affairs, babies, toddlers, kids of all ages. I have fond memories playing in the funeral homes with my cousins.

This is very much a personal, regional, religious or cultural type of thing. I didn't attend a funeral until I was 17 and it was my own father - even though I had lost 3 grandparents. My siblings were not brought to the viewing. Everyone & every family handles death different and sometimes a funeral can be very painful. Some are a celebration, but some are very somber, hard and painful. Not all families see funerals the same way, not all are family reunions or leave fond memories - and that is okay.

I think it's okay if you go, okay if you don't ~ no judgement.



PS Is it just me or is anyone else getting casket ads on their thread.

 

[lpereira]

Who issue funeral invitations? I mean if someone is in hospice do you send out save the date cards?
Family and close friends know someone passed and will see the notice or be told by some family member of the deceased.
They will either go or not go depending on the closeness between them and the decedent/ decedent's family.
On a side note a close family member had a massive stroke this past Christmas Eve. After 6 weeks in the hospital his wife (my cousin) moved him to hospice. During this whole ordeal she kept his family apprised of what was happening. After he passed she let their children decide how to handle funeral arrangements. They decided on a cremation with no formal service but a life affirming dinner at some steak house that was hid favorite place to eat. My cousin let his family know the time and date of the dinner and that their family would be paying for anyone who wanted to come and share their memories of her husband. Her intent was to make everyone a scrapbook of the stories with pictures as a memento.
You would have thought she abandoned him at the morgue for a paupers grave to hear his family tell it. 6 weeks in the hospital, 2 weeks in hospice. Not one member of his family came during the entire 8 weeks.
Anyhow that has nothing to with invitations to a funeral which is odd

 

[HopperFan]

Who issue funeral invitations? I mean if someone is in hospice do you send out save the date cards?
Family and close friends know someone passed and will see the notice or be told by some family member of the deceased.
They will either go or not go depending on the closeness between them and the decedent/ decedent's family.
On a side note a close family member had a massive stroke this past Christmas Eve. After 6 weeks in the hospital his wife (my cousin) moved him to hospice. During this whole ordeal she kept his family apprised of what was happening. After he passed she let their children decide how to handle funeral arrangements. They decided on a cremation with no formal service but a life affirming dinner at some steak house that was hid favorite place to eat. My cousin let his family know the time and date of the dinner and that their family would be paying for anyone who wanted to come and share their memories of her husband. Her intent was to make everyone a scrapbook of the stories with pictures as a memento.
You would have thought she abandoned him at the morgue for a paupers grave to hear his family tell it. 6 weeks in the hospital, 2 weeks in hospice. Not one member of his family came during the entire 8 weeks.
Anyhow that has nothing to with invitations to a funeral which is odd

I think what she did was wonderful and generous. How awful they treated them that way! I applaud them!

 

[Dan Murphy]

or maybe have you?

No. We get them often.

 

[EACarlson]

I didn't go to my father's funeral in 2021. Posted about it and my reasons here on the Dis.

 

[mumto3girls]

Never been invited to a funeral, but attended plenty of funerals, visitations, wakes and memorials. Like @mjkacmom I have great memories of playing with my cousins in funeral homes. I particularly remember a game of Mother May I at the visitation for my grandfather. The funeral home had room for two visitations at the same time, but the second side wasn’t occupied so all the cousins were over there. Once we got older we would hang out after playing cards/dice games and drinking. From the stories I’ve heard we were tame compared to the way things used to be particularly when the deceased was laid out at home.

 

[GreatLakes]

I've never seen a funeral invitation. I've seen both viewing and funeral announcements and I only attend the viewing.