Would you drop this? Baby wandering in the street? UPDATE post 45

[jodifla]

I really do sympathize with you. I would be traumatized, embarrassed, and angry too. I also would complain to the social worker's supervisor about the late night tactics she used. However, your story really illustrates more how the system is supposed to work (minus the midnight visit...they should have waited until morning and been more polite). A person thought there was a chance a child was being abused, reported it, it was investigated, the child was not removed from the home, it was found to be without merit and dismissed within a week.

I completely disagree. Using Gestapo like tatics to scare the beejesus out of parents is hardly constructive.

The morons who reported this family didn't even bother TRYING to figure out if something medical was wrong.

And now what?...this family should never go out in the world becaues the do-gooders out there are going to keep reporting this family?

And now, these people have a "file" in the system. Never a good thing.

 

[jgmklmhem]

I completely disagree. Using Gestapo like tatics to scare the beejesus out of parents is hardly constructive.

The morons who reported this family didn't even bother TRYING to figure out if something medical was wrong.

And now what?...this family should never go out in the world becaues the do-gooders out there are going to keep reporting this family?

And now, these people have a "file" in the system. Never a good thing.

While the late night tactics were wrong I do not see the problem with someone reporting something that looks suspicious. I wonder how many actual abused children are still being abused because someone like you thought "not my problem." While this was a problem for this poster's family wouldn't it be more of a problem if they had been abusing their child and no one reported it.

 

[jodifla]

While the late night tactics were wrong I do not see the problem with someone reporting something that looks suspicious. I wonder how many actual abused children are still being abused because someone like you thought "not my problem." While this was a problem for this poster's family wouldn't it be more of a problem if they had been abusing their child and no one reported it.

I don't think, "not my problem." I ask some questions to discern if THERE IS a problem. For example, someone at the overzealous office could have asked the little girl if she bumped her arm. No, I have a rash, end of story.

 

[punkin]

I completely disagree. Using Gestapo like tatics to scare the beejesus out of parents is hardly constructive.

The morons who reported this family didn't even bother TRYING to figure out if something medical was wrong.

And now what?...this family should never go out in the world becaues the do-gooders out there are going to keep reporting this family?

And now, these people have a "file" in the system. Never a good thing.

I have a file in the system somewhere. Someone (I never knew who) reported me for neglect because my older DD had bad teeth. No one talked to me before calling CPS or they would have found out that she was seeing the dentist every 3 months because I was very concerned about the teeth.

When the social worker first came to the house, he was beligerent and accusing. I had to restrain my DH from doing something stupid, but hey, I'm a lawyer and don't get easily flustered in situations like this.

A week later, after CPS got a NASTY letter from my dentist, as well as documentation of the repeated dental visits, the same social worker came back to my house appologetic and uncomfortable.

The bottom line is, I still have a file somewhere which will be held until my DD is 18. In fact, I don't doubt if I tried to get a job with children, this file could be accessed.

All this because some busybody thought he/she knew how to raise my daughter better than I did.

 

[Keli]

I have a file in the system somewhere. Someone (I never knew who) reported me for neglect because my older DD had bad teeth. No one talked to me before calling CPS or they would have found out that she was seeing the dentist every 3 months because I was very concerned about the teeth.

When the social worker first came to the house, he was beligerent and accusing. I had to restrain my DH from doing something stupid, but hey, I'm a lawyer and don't get easily flustered in situations like this.

A week later, after CPS got a NASTY letter from my dentist, as well as documentation of the repeated dental visits, the same social worker came back to my house appologetic and uncomfortable.

The bottom line is, I still have a file somewhere which will be held until my DD is 18. In fact, I don't doubt if I tried to get a job with children, this file could be accessed.

All this because some busybody thought he/she knew how to raise my daughter better than I did.

This kind of story really bothers me as an American citizen. I guess it's just that I am innocent until proven guilty and that no govt. agency should have the right to have a 'file' on me that is accessible to others (like if I apply for a job with children) when I have not been proven guilty of any crime, great or small.

 

[jodifla]

This kind of story really bothers me as an American citizen. I guess it's just that I am innocent until proven guilty and that no govt. agency should have the right to have a 'file' on me that is accessible to others (like if I apply for a job with children) when I have not been proven guilty of any crime, great or small.

It's true....and just look at all the Dis boards neighbors, chomping at the bit, waiting to report any imagined child abuse they see.

 

[jodifla]

I have a file in the system somewhere. Someone (I never knew who) reported me for neglect because my older DD had bad teeth. No one talked to me before calling CPS or they would have found out that she was seeing the dentist every 3 months because I was very concerned about the teeth.

When the social worker first came to the house, he was beligerent and accusing. I had to restrain my DH from doing something stupid, but hey, I'm a lawyer and don't get easily flustered in situations like this.

A week later, after CPS got a NASTY letter from my dentist, as well as documentation of the repeated dental visits, the same social worker came back to my house appologetic and uncomfortable.

The bottom line is, I still have a file somewhere which will be held until my DD is 18. In fact, I don't doubt if I tried to get a job with children, this file could be accessed.

All this because some busybody thought he/she knew how to raise my daughter better than I did.

And this is my point. People here want to congratulate themselves on "getting involved" but all they want to do is pick up the phone and make some allegation, which may or may not be anywhere close to the truth. And they want some overburned government agency to step in, and hopefully do the right thing.

If they really wanted to get involved and protect kids, they'd do a little personal investigation to see if there was a real concern, or just a wild allegation.

It does kids NO GOOD to have their parents falsely accused.

 

[clh2]

I have to step in and comment on DFS. My BIL was falsely accused of something-and charged with felony child abuse - because an x-ray from a bump on his 8 mo. old's head was misread. The radiologist looked at the x-rays and thought he saw a skull fracture - due to the skull sutures - which in layman's terms are the bony plates in the skull that don't fuse together until a baby is between 12 and 24 months old. Now, at the children's hospital, there is an expert on child abuse in the radiology department. Apparently this expert was on vacation when this was going on, and no one showed him the x-rays later.

DFS was involved, the child was removed form the home, the mom couldn't see her baby unless she was supervised (DFS had the opinion that this was a classis case of abuse, and the mom was covering up for the dad.)

It was a nasty situation, cost my BIL and SIL about $$20,000 in legal fees. My nephew was x-rayed again several months later, the x-ray's were compared by the expert radiologist, and found no evidence of a skull fracture, the skull bone pieces fused together normally. Lo and behold, the case was dismissed.

This all started because 1 daycare worker noticed a bump on my nephew's head. Even when the formal felony charges were dismissed, DFS was still controlled my BIL's life for another month - and made him take parenting classes,anger management classes etc "just in case" he really was a child abuser.

It was awful, and unless you have firm solid proof that this child is abused, let it go.

 

[jodifla]

I have to step in and comment on DFS. My BIL was falsely accused of something-and charged with felony child abuse - because an x-ray from a bump on his 8 mo. old's head was misread. The radiologist looked at the x-rays and thought he saw a skull fracture - due to the skull sutures - which in layman's terms are the bony plates in the skull that don't fuse together until a baby is between 12 and 24 months old. Now, at the children's hospital, there is an expert on child abuse in the radiology department. Apparently this expert was on vacation when this was going on, and no one showed him the x-rays later.

DFS was involved, the child was removed form the home, the mom couldn't see her baby unless she was supervised (DFS had the opinion that this was a classis case of abuse, and the mom was covering up for the dad.)

It was a nasty situation, cost my BIL and SIL about $$20,00 in legal fees. My nephew was x-rayed again several months later, the x-ray's were compared by the expert radiologist, and found no evidence of a skull fracture, the skull bone pieces fused together normally. Lo and behold, the case was dismissed.

This all started because 1 daycare worker noticed a bump on my nephew's head. Even when the formal felony charges were dismissed, DFS was still controlled my BIL's life for another month - and made him take parenting classes,anger management classes etc "just in case" he really was a child abuser.

It was awful, and unless you have firm solid proof that this child is abused, let it go.

Thanks for sharing your story! A lot of these folks need to get a clue about what can happen when you pick up that phone to accuse parents without having the facts.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Thanks for sharing your story! A lot of these folks need to get a clue about what can happen when you pick up that phone to accuse parents without having the facts.

No, I'm sorry, YOU need to get a clue! YOU need to understand how it feels to be an abused child. One who has had people see the bruises and did nothing. YOU need to know how it feels to be an abused child who is so afraid of their abuser (and sometimes afraid of getting them in trouble), that they lie about where their injuries came from.

I'm sorry for the hell that people have to go through when they are falsely accused. And I think that there should be a way of expunging a persons record if there was an investigation and the charges very clearly had no merit. But, if one child is spared the anguish of silently having to endure years of abuse then it's worth it. Look at it this way. What if someone was abusing your child without your knowledge. Maybe they travel to visit an out of state parent. Maybe it's someone outside the family or another relative. Maybe they hide it from you for fear of getting in trouble. What if someone besides you had there suspicions and did nothing?

 

[jodifla]

No, I'm sorry, YOU need to get a clue! YOU need to understand how it feels to be an abused child. One who has had people see the bruises and did nothing. YOU need to know how it feels to be an abused child who is so afraid of their abuser (and sometimes afraid of getting them in trouble), that they lie about where their injuries came from.

I'm sorry for the hell that people have to go through when they are falsely accused. And I think that there should be a way of expunging a persons record if there was an investigation and the charges very clearly had no merit. But, if one child is spared the anguish of silently having to endure years of abuse then it's worth it. Look at it this way. What if someone was abusing your child without your knowledge. Maybe they travel to visit an out of state parent. Maybe it's someone outside the family or another relative. Maybe they hide it from you for fear of getting in trouble. What if someone besides you had there suspicions and did nothing?

Again, I'm not saying people shouldn't report abuse. But I'm asking people to stop leaping to wild conclusions, without doing any of their own homework to verify the facts.

And anybody who dips into the "if only once child can be spared..'' argument.. well, please. Talk about a cliche.

If you think shifting kids into the foster system is some sort of panacea, then you don't read the newspaper.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Again, I'm not saying people shouldn't report abuse. But I'm asking people to stop leaping to wild conclusions, without doing any of their own homework to verify the facts.

And anybody who dips into the "if only once child can be spared..'' argument.. well, please. Talk about a cliche.

If you think shifting kids into the foster system is some sort of panacea, then you don't read the newspaper.

I'm so sorry you think it's cliche. It's a cliche that I would have liked to apply to me as a child.

 

[jodifla]

I'm so sorry you think it's cliche. It's a cliche that I would have liked to apply to me as a child.

Unfortunately, it would have probably shifted you from one bad situation to another. The lives of foster kids aren't some glowing tribute to the social system in this country, unfortunately.

Of course I don't know what your situation was...but I'd have no problem telling a parent that I thought perhaps her child might be being abused by someone. What I wouldn't do was run to the police without some pretty solid proof.

Think about the kids pulled from their parents, when their parents didn't actually do anything, like a previous poster's BIL? What kind of hell do you think those kids go through being separated from the parents they love for no reason other than a neighbor THOUGHT something happened?

 

[lbgraves]

I went thru the panic of discovering that at 2 yo DD figured out how to get over the gates in the kitchen doors & undo the deadbolt before her 3 yo DB did. It was 6 am and I was on the couch trying to wake up while the kids had their milk & cereal...like I always do. I told DD to stop doing something & she went into the kitchen. (Our family room is off of the kitchen so blocking the two doors in the kitchen always kept them enclosed & I never had to worry about them...no chairs in the kitchen.) DS asked where she was. I said that she went to mope under the kitchen table...like she always did. He came back & said that she was outside. I knew that he had to be wrong because the gates were up & the door was locked. He pointed out the window & said I see her Mommy! Well, I bolted off the couch & felt totally paniced seeing her run out of the cal de sac. That is only 2 houses away from a main road where people drive way too fast. I pushed the gate down & bolted out the door screaming her name. Thank goodness a neighbor was leaving for the gym right when she got to the end of the cal de sac and she was shy because seeing him walking towards her made her turn around & come back to me. I grabbed her & was shaking & probably hysterical. I was babbling thanking him for stopping her. I called my DH at work when we got back inside & told him that we needed another lock on the door higher up that very day. He came home that afternoon & installed it. She still can't get out of the door with that locked. The thought of what could have happened if he left for the gym a little earlier or later still gives me chills.

 

[canwegosoon]

I will join the several parents that have had false reports filed against them. Mine never (Thank God) got to an offical state...but I have had a man confront me about the swelling on my son's head above his eyebrow. It looked like a large egg above the eye and to the side. My son's problem was allergic reactions to mosquito bites...Fast Foward 1 year later he is on 3 daily meds. Plenty of innocent people out there are falsely accused...

 

[andromedaslove]

tw1nsmom - I am so sorry for what you had to go through as a child, and I don't think anyone is belittling how horrific child abuse can be. Unfortunately, this is a very slippery slope. It can be very damaging to a child to be ripped out of their home, taken away from their parents, and all because someone assumed that their "might" be child abuse going on. On the other hand, what happens if someone does suspect abuse and doesn't report it. One is no better than the other. I don't know what happened in your situation, but to think that no one knew what was happening to you is hard for me to understand. Someone, wether it be family or maybe a teacher, had to have seen that something wasn't right. It was their responsibility to make that call. In this topic we are talking about a child that may have snuck out of the house, could very possibly not be abused at all.

The only experience I have with child abuse was my son. At 3 years old he was molested by my 14 year old cousin. At 3 years old my son knew he could come to me and tell me, and instead of ignoring him I took the actions that needed to be taken to help him. The entire time I was scared to death that DCF was gonna take my baby away because I "let" this happen to him. As a parent there is nothing scarier than thinking that your child could be torn away from you, and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

[winniedapooh]

This happened to us one morning on our way to a museum. DH & I both had the day off and were going on a "date" with no kids. We live on a busy street and are heading out and as I pass by some side streets I see a little one wandering down the road in a diaper and t-shirt. We turned around quickly as this little one would have been mowed down by a car. It took us a half hour of wandering, I didn't dare touch him, just kind of followed him while the police came and followed us too all of us trying to figure out where he lived. Finally we found a neighbor home who told us where she thought he may live. It turned out he lived almost over a 1/2 mile from where I found him. I left but found out later that Social Services had opened a case.

 

[lbgraves]

I am speaking from the viewpoint of someone who wishes that there was a CPS that was better run when I was growing up. A child going to school with black eyes who tells someone that her father did that to her should expect more to be done than just have the teachers ignore it. I do not think that this case screams abuse. If there were obvious signs then yes, but unfortunantly too much can happen too quickly in life with a little one getting away from an adult with the best of intentions to call it in.

 

[disneymom3]

This happened to us once too. I was using the bathroom or helping the two year old use the bathroom--don't remember--and DH was working on the computer. We didn't know the youngest was able to open the door--it wasn't locked--and next thing you know, DH looks outside because there is a car honking in the road to see the little one in the middle of the street! Now, he did go tearing outside and scooped him up, but the old guy in the car shook his head at him and drove off looking very disgusted. We were freaked out by it, but it never happened again.