Would you drop this? Baby wandering in the street? UPDATE post 45

[jodifla]

I can say that because I am a rational adult. DH & I immediately purchased an installed safety devices on the door knobs. We also installed them on the door to the basement. They stayed on for a good three years - few adults could work them.
I have nothing to hide. My neighbors would have known my kids and known where to return them or how to reach me. If a stranger noticed them out & about, I would hope they would take action.
The OP doesn't know the family.

Taking action is returning the child/children to the home. It does not need to be calling the police or child services.

 

[agnes!]

I would keep an eye on the house. If you or other neighbors see the toddler out without adult supervision, then I'd consider calling the police or taking the child to the police station. Whatever happens, you're d*mned if you do, d*mned if you don't. Good luck with whatever you decide.

agnes!

 

[tiff211]

I think you should leave it alone. Just because the mother didn't seem frantic or panicked doesn't mean she wasn't concerned or that she didn't care. Some people are amazingly calm under stressful situations. She did come and get him so she was looking for him, not shooting up or snorting drugs.

Chances are it played out like she said. CPS gets involved and it may get ugly for no reason.

 

[MAKmom]

Thanks everyone.

I hate to admit this but I feel bad because the house looks like crap and the Mother looked like she was strung out on something. There, I said it. I almost felt as if the boy was "going to get a woopin" for doing something wrong.

What a crappy day!

Give me the Address I'll send my mother in law over to check it out. She lives in Vero. Just Kidding. Yes call if that is your gut. If you really think the child is in a bad place go back & talk to a neighbor & ask about the mother.

Kids do get out 1x then you know to beef up security.

 

[floridafam]

Okay, I thought I would update.

I could NOT stop thinking about that baby. I think it's because I'm a Mom and my little girl is about the same age. Anyway, I realized that I had seen the car that was in the driveway of this house in the pick up line at my children's school.

I really didn't want to call the police so I called the School Resource Officer over when I was sitting in the parent pick up line at school.

I asked him what he would do if he had seen this. He said, obviously, he would have pulled over and called it in. Then he would only have given the child over to the Mother after he determined it was safe (he probably would have asked her to show him how easily he got out and maybe for consent to walk through the house.

I told him what house it was and he knows the kids who live there. He said he would "keep an eye out" and would do anything if he thinks there is something strange going on.

I guess he is a police officer at night in our town so he said they'd pay some close attention to the house, etc. for a while.

This seems like a pretty good deal to me.

 

[blondewithbrains]

Good...I'm glad it ended up with someone watching out for the child's welfare

 

[Rajah]

Sounds like you found a good compromise. Keep us posted!

 

[tw1nsmom]

What you did sounds like a great solution to me, particularly since he's a part-time police officer. That makes him a mandated reporter. If he sees anything suspicious he'll be able to follow through. Good Job!

 

[horseshowmom]

I agree, good compromise!

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

i can honestly say that i don't know what i would do since i have never been in the situation, but i did want to comment on the 'looked strung out on something' comment.

I am the mother of a 3month old and a14month old with night terrors..the next morning and into the day i sometimes look quite frazzled and out of it. Sometimes i look downright scary with the sleep deprivation, we don't know her situation. I'm not defending her AT ALL sincei don't know anything about it, i just wouldn't like anyone saying that i'm on drugs just because of the way i look or if i can't afford a nice house or something. i don't know just my OP of course. i could have misinterpreted what you said. Not flaming, just stating.

The whole baby wandering out though terrifies me, it has before our oldest was 1 month old haha! we have beepers on all the doors, windows and gates in the stairways and certain hallways, it's a maze of babyproofing, but you can never be too safe

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

just read the update and it's a good thing that you did and a bonus that he is a police officer too!

 

[MAKmom]

very smart move!

 

[floridafam]

DisneyMommyMichelle,

I hear ya. I have a little one and some days I don't even get to shower.

This lady was just bad, not tired mom bad, just bad. I won't go into details.

If the child looked 1/2 as bad as the Mom then I would be REALLY worried but he looked clean and fed.

 

[huckster]

i am glad to read your update , my opinoin was to tell you to call better alittle greif for the parent then a disater for the child..

 

[snowwite]

I completely agree. A lot of people jump the gun to report nearly anything these days. Some don't realize that a simple call can ruin an innocent family's life. A child running out is not laughing matter, but I would be sure that this is a repeated incident before I brought in CPS

Ditto!

 

[DisneyPhD]

Florida Fam, Thanks for the update. It sounds like you did the right thing.

 

[MaeDisney]

I'm replying late because I haven't gotten a chance to check the boards lately. But I felt I still had to reply even after the OP's update. Sorry it's long but this topic really hits home with me. I mean the topic about whether calling Child Services or not. I may or may not get flamed but I felt that I need to share our story with you so that others can learn from our own experience.

Someone said, they wouldn't mind if Child Services actually went to visit them...well I have to ask you, would you still not mind, if you get visited at midnight by a Child Services Social Worker who's pounding on your door, even if there's a doorbell? Would you still not mind the Child Services visit even if you know that there was a threat at that point in time, that your child could get taken away from you?

This is what happened to us a year ago because some sales agent of a set of model homes in my area, that we visited at random, AND whom we've never met before in our lives, and we had only spoken with for about 5 minutes, called Child Services on us. On the Child Services report that was shown to us, the Social worker said that there was a 2-year-old girl who could possibly be abused because of evidence of bruises all over her arms.

Those so-called bruises are actually her rashes from her eczema, which we have been battling with since she was 3 months old!

Let me tell you - DH and I are both shocked and horrified when the Social worker had paid us a visit at this ungodly hour! We had to carry our daughter, who was already blissfully sleeping, to show to the Social worker so that he could inspect the so-called bruises. It was just a good thing that she didn't wake up during the inspection, because, imagine what kind of reaction she would have had if she suddenly sees a stranger all over her when she wakes up!

We also have a 5-year-old son, and the Social worker, initially wanted to wake him up so he could interview him. But I guess, we may have showed enough evidence to the Social worker that my daughter was really suffering from eczema, rather than having abusive parents, so he changed his mind about interviewing my son.

The Social Worker was with us for about an hour. And when he was gone, that was the time that the emotional trauma hit me. I was crying and crying. I couldn't bear the thought that someone, whom we've never met before and do not even know us, could actually accuse us of abusing our child whom we love so dearly!

And even after the Social Worker left, we were really not in the clear yet, because the Social Worker still had more verification to do, which is to call my daughter's doctor who was treating her eczema. And of course, since the Social Worker himself is very busy with other cases, he couldn't really clear our case right away. So until about 2 days when we finally got the official word that our case was clear, my own house didn't feel safe to me, because I was scared to death that the Social Worker might come back, and STILL take away my kids from me.

We wanted to sue the Sales Agents that reported on us. We didn't really know what we could sue them for, but DH and I felt that we were judged so unfairly, and we had to take a few days off from work so we could settle this matter. We only talked to those agents for a few minutes, and never did they ask us about why there were bruises on my daughter's arms. And we didn't do anything physically harmful to my children in front of them either (and we never hurt them either even when nobody's around!). They simply assumed and passed irresponsible judgement within those 5 minutes of conversation.

I talked to the School Director from my son's school, and he suggested against suing them. The School Director said that the courts will most likely side with the Sales Agents because they're protected by the Good Samaritan law. (By the way, the Sales Agents admitted that they made the phone call after we talked to them the next day after the Social Worker visit). Also, the School Director said that the judge will probably say that the bottom line is the child is safe, and that the Sales Agents were only after the good welfare of the child.

After hearing this from the School Director, I learned to let go. I used to think that the system is really really fair, but now that it worked against us, I felt helpless. There was a Good Samaritan Law to protect those that report potential abuse, but there's nothing to protect those that have been wrongly accused.

So now, all I can do is tell people about our experience so that others may learn from it. And the only thing I can say is, if you really want to report others that you suspect is abusive, please think twice (and many many times) and make very good judgement. Appearances can be deceiving. It's true that no parent would ever admit to abusing their child, but then, you yourself should make a good judgement call because you can potentially cause trauma. This happened to us a year ago, but there are times that I still feel emotional about it.

By the way, I didn't mention how our home address was "traced" by the Social worker. We never signed in with any information at the Model home. As we left the parking lot of the model homes, we remembered seeing one Sales Agent follow us out. And we realized that she was actually taking down the license plate on our car so that they could have a way to identify us.

 

[jodifla]

I'm glad you posted this MaeDisney! Those folks who would call CPS and ask questions later have no clue!

 

[Stitchfans]

so glad you spoke to the police officer. maybe now that won't happen anymore

 

[tw1nsmom]

I'm replying late because I haven't gotten a chance to check the boards lately. But I felt I still had to reply even after the OP's update. Sorry it's long but this topic really hits home with me. I mean the topic about whether calling Child Services or not. I may or may not get flamed but I felt that I need to share our story with you so that others can learn from our own experience.

Someone said, they wouldn't mind if Child Services actually went to visit them...well I have to ask you, would you still not mind, if you get visited at midnight by a Child Services Social Worker who's pounding on your door, even if there's a doorbell? Would you still not mind the Child Services visit even if you know that there was a threat at that point in time, that your child could get taken away from you?

This is what happened to us a year ago because some sales agent of a set of model homes in my area, that we visited at random, AND whom we've never met before in our lives, and we had only spoken with for about 5 minutes, called Child Services on us. On the Child Services report that was shown to us, the Social worker said that there was a 2-year-old girl who could possibly be abused because of evidence of bruises all over her arms.

Those so-called bruises are actually her rashes from her eczema, which we have been battling with since she was 3 months old!

Let me tell you - DH and I are both shocked and horrified when the Social worker had paid us a visit at this ungodly hour! We had to carry our daughter, who was already blissfully sleeping, to show to the Social worker so that he could inspect the so-called bruises. It was just a good thing that she didn't wake up during the inspection, because, imagine what kind of reaction she would have had if she suddenly sees a stranger all over her when she wakes up!

We also have a 5-year-old son, and the Social worker, initially wanted to wake him up so he could interview him. But I guess, we may have showed enough evidence to the Social worker that my daughter was really suffering from eczema, rather than having abusive parents, so he changed his mind about interviewing my son.

The Social Worker was with us for about an hour. And when he was gone, that was the time that the emotional trauma hit me. I was crying and crying. I couldn't bear the thought that someone, whom we've never met before and do not even know us, could actually accuse us of abusing our child whom we love so dearly!

And even after the Social Worker left, we were really not in the clear yet, because the Social Worker still had more verification to do, which is to call my daughter's doctor who was treating her eczema. And of course, since the Social Worker himself is very busy with other cases, he couldn't really clear our case right away. So until about 2 days when we finally got the official word that our case was clear, my own house didn't feel safe to me, because I was scared to death that the Social Worker might come back, and STILL take away my kids from me.

We wanted to sue the Sales Agents that reported on us. We didn't really know what we could sue them for, but DH and I felt that we were judged so unfairly, and we had to take a few days off from work so we could settle this matter. We only talked to those agents for a few minutes, and never did they ask us about why there were bruises on my daughter's arms. And we didn't do anything physically harmful to my children in front of them either (and we never hurt them either even when nobody's around!). They simply assumed and passed irresponsible judgement within those 5 minutes of conversation.

I talked to the School Director from my son's school, and he suggested against suing them. The School Director said that the courts will most likely side with the Sales Agents because they're protected by the Good Samaritan law. (By the way, the Sales Agents admitted that they made the phone call after we talked to them the next day after the Social Worker visit). Also, the School Director said that the judge will probably say that the bottom line is the child is safe, and that the Sales Agents were only after the good welfare of the child.

After hearing this from the School Director, I learned to let go. I used to think that the system is really really fair, but now that it worked against us, I felt helpless. There was a Good Samaritan Law to protect those that report potential abuse, but there's nothing to protect those that have been wrongly accused.

So now, all I can do is tell people about our experience so that others may learn from it. And the only thing I can say is, if you really want to report others that you suspect is abusive, please think twice (and many many times) and make very good judgement. Appearances can be deceiving. It's true that no parent would ever admit to abusing their child, but then, you yourself should make a good judgement call because you can potentially cause trauma. This happened to us a year ago, but there are times that I still feel emotional about it.

By the way, I didn't mention how our home address was "traced" by the Social worker. We never signed in with any information at the Model home. As we left the parking lot of the model homes, we remembered seeing one Sales Agent follow us out. And we realized that she was actually taking down the license plate on our car so that they could have a way to identify us.

I really do sympathize with you. I would be traumatized, embarrassed, and angry too. I also would complain to the social worker's supervisor about the late night tactics she used. However, your story really illustrates more how the system is supposed to work (minus the midnight visit...they should have waited until morning and been more polite). A person thought there was a chance a child was being abused, reported it, it was investigated, the child was not removed from the home, it was found to be without merit and dismissed within a week.