Would you drop this? Baby wandering in the street? UPDATE post 45

[rparmfamily]

How about just calling the non emergency number for your local police dept and telling them what happened. Let them decide if it warrants a visit to the home. Just make sure you know what house it was and have the address.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, I just have to say this, because I simply can not wrap my brain around this.

A call to CPS does NOT ruin lives.
Deadbeat parents ruin lives.

If there have been no other complaints, and this was an isolated unfortunate incident, then I am sure that nothing will come of it.
The only way that DCS is going to step in and do anything is if they believe that it is necessary to protect the child. In which case, I could not care less if the parent's lives were 'ruined' or not.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I guess the issue here is that something put up a red flag for the OP.

Calling the police (especially non emergency line) doesn't put them in the system. Just alerts them that you witnessed something that may warrant a quick check as it is there job to do investigations.

I've had some neighbors--umm..no I wouldn't check on squat. I'd send the police in for that (especially the home where a police chase ended in their drive way--that was a fun night..NOT!).

 

[jodifla]

Okay, I just have to say this, because I simply can not wrap my brain around this.

A call to CPS does NOT ruin lives.
Deadbeat parents ruin lives.

If there have been no other complaints, and this was an isolated unfortunate incident, then I am sure that nothing will come of it.
The only way that DCS is going to step in and do anything is if they believe that it is necessary to protect the child. In which case, I could not care less if the parent's lives were 'ruined' or not.

Once a kid gets put into the system, it's often their lives that our ruined.

 

[sweet angel]

When my son was about 18 months old, we lived on the second floor of a 2-family house. We had the doorknob thingies on the doors, a lock, and a chain lock up high. I came out of the shower one morning and he was gone.

He had pulled the doorknob thing off, pulled a chair over from the kitchen table, climbed up, undid the chain lock, unlocked the door, went DOWN THE STAIRS and out into the back yard. I almost had a heart attack.

Things happen. I don't know that any of us can say for certain what we would do in your position.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Once a kid gets put into the system, it's often their lives that our ruined.

And there are those whose lives are improved and/or saved b/c someone made a call.

I agree a direct call to DCF is not warranted without any evidence of abuse or neglect.

Simply calling the police and requesting them to look into it---that is warranted and doesn't mark them for life.

And if mom looked strung out due to anything other than stress--well mom ruined her kids life by that choice alone.

 

[RangerPooh]

At least you stopped and honked your horn to attract someones attention rather than just driving by. Last wek DG was walking home and saw a toddler wandering around the neighborhood and sent me out to try and find him and where he belonged (he was afraid of being accused of taking the child, as some people are so eager to accuse of these days). After walking around the neighborhood I saw no sign of him and figured the parent brought him back inside.

Now, here is a story of how the sitter neglected to watch the child, and city workers saw the child, but no one did anything. Last 4th of July wekend in the small water community that we live in there was a toddler who wandered off. He was suposed to be watched by the sitter who didn't want to mis her show so she had her 11 year old daughter watch him. She went inside for a snack (only gone a minute) and the child had wandered off. She appearantly looked for about an hour before telling her mom that he was gone. Then the mom decided to spend like another hour looking BEFORE calling the police. Now keep in mind that we live in a water community and the child can not swim (I was lifeguarding and had to instruct his family that since hecouldn't pass the swim test he was not allowed in the deep end of the pool). So the police are finally called in to search for the child. While the child was wandering around a city road crew saw him by the water (wandering aorund without shoes and alone) and did NOTHING! Sadly the chid was found 2 days later, he had drowned int he water.

This is a case of people doing nothing about it. They took their time and did not alert authorities. With regards to the city crew I would have called the police as I approached the child as to not let anyone create something from the situation. But they saw him and did nothing too.

 

[olena]

I wouldn't call the cops.

My brother was the 'escape artist' of the family. He'd get out the back door and out through the gates. Mother would get calls from neighbors asking if she knew where her son was. Mom would say,"Upstairs." Nope. He was in a neighbor's yard two streets over, often naked. Almost every time he got out, the diaper would come off, so he was known as the Flasher and Jay-bird. He was also known to do this on snow days. Naked toddler in the snow. My parents went to great lengths to contain their wanderer. We had eye-hooks high up on doors and the back gates ended up being padlocked.

 

[Chicago526]

I don't know what I'd do. On one hand, this could be an indication of a serious problem, on the other hand you don't want to call and have it blown out of proportion.

I guess I'd call the non-emergency line and explain what happened, since there is concern over the mother's appearance and lack of concern over the incident.

 

[horseshowmom]

She was not concerned. She stated that he must have opened the door when she went to answer the phone.

This is the part that gets me. I've had DD slip out before (as others have mentioned), but I was frantic when it happened (just like the other posters). That wasn't the case with this woman. Unfortunately, lots of people don't take care of their children (just read in the newspaper about a case where a woman was going to sell her 3 children to get more meth). I'm probably one of the ones who would call the police department and let them decided what to do from there.

 

[Hannathy]

Wishing I don't want to sound mean but a simple call can put you into the system it happened to friends of ours (see my earlier post) There was NO evidence of abuse or neglect and they had to go through at least 3 social worker visits plus visits with the school social worker.( the DD is in law school now and her brother is at West Point, just saying not a druggy family or anything ) When they moved shortly after they found out a report went with them. Unfortunately there seems to be a reverse ratio of response to need, it seems really abused kids slip thru and ok parents get investigated to death. None of us are perfect and unless she was beating him or he looked starved etc I would probably just drive that way again for a few days and see if he was out again.

 

[Jennifer S]

This happened to me twice w/ the same family. The kid was around two- riding his tricycle down the main road that enters our development. I took him home. The mother screamed at the poor kid. I think he was too young to understand exactly what he did. Anyhow the second time I called the police - nothing happened anyway. I just thought if something ever happened to him I'd feel awful.

 

[mytwotinks]

I would just call CPS, tell them the situation and ask them what information they needed. I know that as moms we all make mistakes and heaven only knows that I would hate to be in that position, but I would not be offended if I got a visit. I would really want to show someone that I was a fit mother. It really shouldn't be that hard to prove. If you don't do it won't you worry for the rest of your life if you made the right decision? I would.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I think the concern here isn't so much that the child was out in the street (because as many have said it does happen to the best parents.) but that the mother didn't seem bothered by it at all.

I think if the OP has seen the kid, honked her horn and the mother was beside herself with relief that the child was ok and (as I would be) then it would be easier to understand.

The thing is if the mother didn't care much, what is going to change to be sure it never happened again?

I admit I am leary to call child protective services but I think when in doubt it is better to call then not. I would be keeping an eye on the house in the future.

 

[Piglet843]

Honestly I'm not sure what I would do personally.... as I don't have kids myself.

But whatever decision you make - please let us know the outcome....

 

[mom2boys]

Given this comment, I would definitley consider calling CPS.


A little toddler's welfare is more important than the mother's 'feelings' or 'inconvenience'.

I agree with this poster. This may not be the first time something like this has happened. I can't imagine the child will be removed from the home based on one incident of wandering. Who knows, maybe the mother will be put in touch with some resources she didn't know existed or didn't realize she was eligible for.
I would call because it is the welfare of a child. Next time, the child might not be lucky enough to have someone like you stop.

 

[mom2boys]

I agree with this poster. This may not be the first time something like this has happened. I can't imagine the child will be removed from the home based on one incident of wandering. Who knows, maybe the mother will be put in touch with some resources she didn't know existed or didn't realize she was eligible for.
I would call because it is the welfare of a child. Next time, the child might not be lucky enough to have someone like you stop.

ETA: When my kids were small, they did get out of the house without my knowledge. I was putting laundry away & heard the doorbell ring. I wasn't expecting anyone & it was frigid outside. I went to the door & my then 2 & 3 yr old were out side in not much more than diapers. The 3 yr old had barely managed to reach the door bell - he had to stand in the threshold and stretch as far as he could. I know this because I looked out before opening the door and he was trying to ring the bell again. It still scares me to think about it - the temp was in 20s. They thought it was funny. DPS didn't show up but I would not have resented the inquiry. I would have answered their questions and that would have been the end of it.

 

[jodifla]

ETA: When my kids were small, they did get out of the house without my knowledge. I was putting laundry away & heard the doorbell ring. I wasn't expecting anyone & it was frigid outside. I went to the door & my then 2 & 3 yr old were out side in not much more than diapers. The 3 yr old had barely managed to reach the door bell - he had to stand in the threshold and stretch as far as he could. I know this because I looked out before opening the door and he was trying to ring the bell again. It still scares me to think about it - the temp was in 20s. They thought it was funny. DPS didn't show up but I would not have resented the inquiry. I would have answered their questions and that would have been the end of it.

You say you wouldn't resent it, but how do you know that? Situations can spiral out of control once the government gets involved. You want your kids taken away because they slipped out the door once? Would you resent it then?


I'd be angry if I found a neighbor called because my DS got out of the house. The neighborly thing to do is return the child, and keep an eye on the situation. You don't call at the first thing happening.

 

[tw1nsmom]

To the OP : Only you were there, and only you can decide whether you should call CPS. If you still have that funny feeling about it, then you should call them.

Having said that, I thought I'd give a different perspective on the mother underreacting. A good friend of mine has an autistic son. Between the ages of, well when he began walking and four years old he ran/escaped. In the yard, it got to the point that even with a fence, she would have to tie a rope around her waist and attach the other end around his or he would run and get out of the yard. He was so fast that he would be in the street before she could catch him (she couldn't find a locking gate that could hold him). It was either do that or the child would never have been outdoors. He also constantly escaped from the house. This would happen even with child-proof locks and all kinds of latches. And before you say she should have been watching him better...people do have to go to the bathroom and she does have another child who occassionally needed her help. After a while she learned that when her DS saw her getting upset it reinforced his behavior. I'm sure to other people it looked as though she didn't care, but nothing could have been further from the truth. After a lot of work on her part, and ABA therapy through early intervention, her DS no longer runs away. The change in his overall behavior is amazing.

What I mean to say in all that, is that maybe this does happen frequently despite the mother's best efforts, and she's trying to not show her emotions in front of the child. I know that it seems unlikely, but my friend had more than one neighbor/stranger screaming at her for being a negligent mother.

 

[mom2boys]

You say you wouldn't resent it, but how do you know that? Situations can spiral out of control once the government gets involved. You want your kids taken away because they slipped out the door once? Would you resent it then?


I'd be angry if I found a neighbor called because my DS got out of the house. The neighborly thing to do is return the child, and keep an eye on the situation. You don't call at the first thing happening.

I can say that because I am a rational adult. DH & I immediately purchased an installed safety devices on the door knobs. We also installed them on the door to the basement. They stayed on for a good three years - few adults could work them.
I have nothing to hide. My neighbors would have known my kids and known where to return them or how to reach me. If a stranger noticed them out & about, I would hope they would take action.
The OP doesn't know the family.