Would you complain about an engagement ring?

[katerkat]

OK, I admit it - our plan when we got married was to buy me a new engagement ring for our 5 year anniversary. I like my ring - but it's not something I would have picked out. And honestly, I don't feel guilty because I *know* my husband bought it the day before he proposed even though I told him that thing rings I liked (and showed him) needed to be special ordered. So he promised me an "upgrade" in the future.

Lucky for me, he dropped his wedding band in a lake almost two years ago, so now I can get whatever ring I want because I'm the only one with a wedding band from the wedding.

 

[graygables]

My DH and I discussed rings (we lived 1000 miles apart) and I had a ring I'd had made of my first engagement ring and a cocktail ring that I offered to use (I'm a waste not, want not kind of gal!). A few days later, he told me to take the ring to a certain address which turned out to be a jeweler and the 2 of them worked together without my input to design my ring. The jeweler traded up my original solitaire and incorporated some of the smaller diamonds into the ring. I would go in for "fittings" and he had his assistant blindfold me so I couldn't see it! Is it what I would have chosen while shopping? Did it cost him the requisite 2 months' salary that some women demand? Maybe not, but the love and care that went into it far surpasses any doubts I could have. Every time we see a Kay commercial or Diamonds are Forever, he says, "Gee, I need to get you that, huh?" and I say, "I have all the diamonds I'll ever need."

People need to put more effort into the marriage and less into the engagement/wedding. I hope the guy gives her a prenup with her new ring.

 

[tnhillbilly]

Flames on high

If he could not pick out a ring that was her "style", "type" they need to spend some time getting to know each other. My wife had only 1 ring when I got her engagement ring. This was a hard thing to buy because she was and is still not a person to have jewelry. Was she happy with it, she said she was and she wore it, for 4 years, untill her job put it in danger.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Our jeweler gave us a great deal partly because marquise have waned so much in popularity since the 1970s ... fewer than 1 out of every 100 sold diamonds are marquise cut now. Fun that it's becoming rarer!

Really? I didn't know that. Minei s a marquise too and I couldn't imagine having a different cut

 

[Mermaid02]

I'd say the ring wasn't the only thing with flaws in it.

 

[aprilgail2]

My wife had only 1 ring when I got her engagement ring. This was a hard thing to buy because she was and is still not a person to have jewelry. Was she happy with it, she said she was and she wore it, for 4 years, untill her job put it in danger.

I am not a jewelry peson either and pesonally any ring I got I wouldn't wear since I am not a ring type person..they annoy me in any every day activity so I would hope someone that wanted to get married would know that and go with some other idea...

 

[SC Minnie]

Dh and I hadn't really talked about getting married before he proposed. We had never looked at rings. He picked out a simple round diamond more than a month before he proposed. He is simple in his tastes. Was it what I would have picked out? No. Did I tell him that? No. What I did was tell him I wanted a 'jacket' to go with it and we went together to pick that out as well as a wedding band. I got what I wanted without hurting his feelings.

My ring was lost or stolen when we moved 8 years ago. He told me I could get whatever kind of ring I wanted when we replaced it. I got the exact same thing because it was what he picked out for me.

 

[Maleficent13]

No, I would not. I love jewelry as much as the next girl, but I love my DH more.

JMHO, YMMV.

 

[T16GEM]

DH and I went to pick mine together, as others have said his idea and my idea were and still are different. I am glad we did that as it made it more special. I can't wear it at the moment though as I'm still losing weight after pregnancy but as soon as I can it will be back on my finger - I hadn't taken it of AT ALL for 6 years until we had Shelby.

I hope that the guy figures out what he is getting himself into.... this is a taster of things to come in the future I guess!?

 

[DVCJEN]

I would have never complained about my ring. It came from his heart, along with a promise to marry me. How could I complain about that?

I totally agree! I never saw my engagement ring until the moment my husband ask me to marry him. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, not because of how it looked or how big it was, but because of what it stood for. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

 

[barkley]

dh and i picked out my engagement/wedding band and his wedding band together based on what WE could afford (i was marrying him thus his debts would become min).

i think the whole thing with engagement rings has become nuts-it's become more of a status symbol vs. a symbol of commitment.

my husband and i were just discussing this recently-our nephews are getting to the age where they are talking of marriage with their girlfriends. one was preparing to propose and was researching how much he SHOULD spend vs how much he could afford (nothing in our opinion-about to graduate, no job in sight, more in student loans than our entire mortgage). and to boot-he and his fiancee attend (highly particpate in) a church that traditionaly does not endorse the wearing of jewlery-to the extent that they will not do any form of a ring ceremony at a wedding. we kind of questioned this but his (nephews) take on it is "it's what everybody does-it's expected). well i expected the man who proposed to me to be ernest in his love for me willing to stand by his religious beliefs-if dh had done something that went against his professed beliefs just because "everyone else did it" i don't think i would have considered the proposal too seriously.

 

[Chicago526]

My DH couldn't afford an engagement ring, she should be happy he gave her one at all!

Since I didn't have a "sparkly", I did insist on diamonds in my wedding band, though!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think in this particular case, the woman may be demanding, insensitive, and shallow.

But, no, I would not automatically say that a woman cannot say anything if the ring is just not 'right'. Choosing a ring is perhaps the first thing where a couple may need to learn to compromise!!! If the man wants to surprise his fiance, that is great, but her wishes and tastes should be respected as well.

I actually said someting about my ring after my DH proposed!!!

We were young and penniless. So, believe me, it had NOTHING to do with wanting a bigger or more perfect ring. However, to put it very simply, my DH was one of those young guys who was not the most knowledgable about jewelry. The biggest thing is that the ring was just not quite right for me. With my hands, I really needed and wanted something different. (a Marquis to look right on my hands and fingers....)

Well, just like the couple in the OP, we went back to the jewelry store (maybe to see about sizing????) they happened to be having a big sale. All solitaires were marked down, and there was this beautiful little Marquis that was a better diamond, and actually the same price or less than what my DH had picked out with the sale going on.

He had no problem making the switch!!!

 

[caitycaity]

i was just happy he proposed! my ring isn't exactly what i would have picked, but i sure didn't tell him that.

 

[ericamanda01]

My DH and I talked about what I would like in an engagement ring, square cut and simple. I once showed him an Asscher cut stone online as a reference for a good square cut and I mentioned how much I loved it. He remembered that and a year later gave me an Asscher cut stone. I was shocked with happiness. But I would have been happy with anything, because it wasn't about the ring it was about our life together. IMHO saying that the ring isn't good enough is like saying the guy isn't either. What is wrong with some people.

 

[shortbun]

I think a woman should be involved in the preliminary choice of her engagement ring. A guy should NEVER choose this most important ring for his gal unless they have browsed and he has a really good idea of her taste. My sister's husband got her an awful ring when he asked her to marry him. She is a jewelry hound and the ring was just not her. He made a mistake. She refused to marry him at that proposal because of that and some other more important details. He took the ring back and a year later when the other things were ironed out, they chose the ring together except that he actually bought a bigger stone in the same cut as a suprise. I think something as important as an engagement ring should be right. If you can't talk about things this big, marriage is maybe the wrong choice. For the record, I don't think a woman should require/request a ring her fiance can not afford; she should have some input on the style and if she wants a more perfect stone she should indicated that she will accept a smaller stone for that reason.

 

[Shugardrawers]

If he had bought her a yellow gold marquis cut when she really wanted a white gold round then I could see gently letting him know it wasn't really her taste BUT to complain about the quality of the stone??? That's just rude. I know my stone is flawed and of lower quality. So what?? Dh bought the best he could afford and I don't have an ounce of shame in wearing it. It says to me that this incredible man thinks I am worthy of his love. The quality of your stone doesn't equal the quality of the love behind it. This woman has far bigger problems than not having a flawless stone.

 

[goodeats]

I would never complain about the quality or size of the stone, but if he got me something that was not of my tastes (i.e. too flashy or God forbid, heart shaped), I would have told him we had to get it reset.

My now DH asked me if what cut I liked and what type of metal for the setting. He did a wonderful job and it was perfect for me, but he also asked me after he proposed if I wanted to get it reset. It goes both ways, the man shouldn't just expect you to wear a ring forever and ever (day in day out!) that you have no input on.

 

[Maleficent13]

If he had bought her a yellow gold marquis cut when she really wanted a white gold round then I could see gently letting him know it wasn't really her taste BUT to complain about the quality of the stone??? That's just rude. I know my stone is flawed and of lower quality. So what?? Dh bought the best he could afford and I don't have an ounce of shame in wearing it. It says to me that this incredible man thinks I am worthy of his love. The quality of your stone doesn't equal the quality of the love behind it. This woman has far bigger problems than not having a flawless stone.

Excellent post.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

I can see a girl mentioning that the ring really isn't her style. I would never complain about the size or quality of the stone. I would never want a man to go into debt just to buy me a ring. It's a symbol of love, not of your paycheck. I told DBF what style stone I like but it is his choice of the setting and everything else. I know that we both have many school loans and are just plain broke. I don't want him spending a lot on a ring. I'd rather us spend the money on loans.

I know a couple who were basically broke when they got engaged. The husband bought a small ring, all he could afford. Now they are doing well financially and he wants to replace the ring because it "embarrasses" him. His wife told him he is never touching that ring, she loves it the way it is.