Would you be offended if

[MushyMushy]

someone said to your adult son or daughter that they don't look like you or get their looks from you?

People say that all the time to my husband and me -- that my daughter doesn't look like him or my son doesn't look like me. Doesn't bother us any.

I'm just wondering. I said that on Facebook to my adult nephew (he's 29) and my biological brother who I only met a couple of years ago got all bent out of shape and called me a name! I guess I could understand if I'd said it to a younger child, but my nephew is a grown man.

 

[NMAmy]

It's never bothered my ex. DD looks almost identical to what I looked like at her age. It bothers HER when people tell her that but it doesn't seem to bother my ex at all.

 

[maddmike]

People seem to get offended way too easy and over basically nothing. There is nothing a person can say to me that would offend me so the answer to your question would be no I would not be offended. I would probably reply with a smart answer like he doesn't resemble me much but he sure looks like the mail man.

 

[Serena]

This would happen to me. Oh, she is soo pretty. ........ She must look like her dad.

It was mildly annoying, but it wouldn't have been if I thought I was pretty too.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

someone said to your adult son or daughter that they don't look like you or get their looks from you?

People say that all the time to my husband and me -- that my daughter doesn't look like him or my son doesn't look like me. Doesn't bother us any.

I'm just wondering. I said that on Facebook to my adult nephew (he's 29) and my biological brother who I only met a couple of years ago got all bent out of shape and called me a name! I guess I could understand if I'd said it to a younger child, but my nephew is a grown man.

Was your brother adopted? is that why you only just met him a few years ago? I could then see why he would be upset. If someone was adopted and was always told that he/she didn't look like their parents, that could pull at their hearts since they know they are not related. Maybe he/she has wondered their whole life if they look like someone. For those reasons, i could see why someone would get upset.
As for me, both of my daughters do not look like me at all and i dont mind at all when people say that. it is the truth. My oldest only has my hair, everything else is a combination of other people. My youngest has my ex's eyes, they are beautiful. I always tell both they are beautiful, but when i tell my youngest she will always ask why i say that since she knows she looks like my ex. I tell her that i might not be married to him anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't think he's good looking.
I guess people can be very touchy about things like that, but there are so many other things to worry about than if people think my kids look like me or look like my ex.

 

[DebbieB]

I remember my mom said to the next door neighbor's son and grandson who was visiting from out of state "you can tell he's your son". He replied "there was never any doubt". She didn't know how to take that. She kind of said it as an offhand remark because they looked so much alike, he acted offended.

 

[MushyMushy]

Was your brother adopted? is that why you only just met him a few years ago? I could then see why he would be upset. If someone was adopted and was always told that he/she didn't look like their parents, that could pull at their hearts since they know they are not related. Maybe he/she has wondered their whole life if they look like someone. For those reasons, i could see why someone would get upset.
As for me, both of my daughters do not look like me at all and i dont mind at all when people say that. it is the truth. My oldest only has my hair, everything else is a combination of other people. My youngest has my ex's eyes, they are beautiful. I always tell both they are beautiful, but when i tell my youngest she will always ask why i say that since she knows she looks like my ex. I tell her that i might not be married to him anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't think he's good looking.
I guess people can be very touchy about things like that, but there are so many other things to worry about than if people think my kids look like me or look like my ex.

No, I was the one who was adopted. And you're right about wondering if I looked like anyone, because I'm the one who felt that way most of my life.

But you might have a point about the ex thing. He's divorced from his son's mother, so maybe he's touchy about that. I can see where that might be the case.

There's still no excuse for him to call me a name though. I'm already not completely comfortable with the bio family as it is.

 

[KAMKIM]

Actually I can relate alittle - DD8 looks like my clone, seriously my father cant tell our pics apart (from when I was little) we cannot walk into a store without complete strangers going OMG she looks like you - my poor DD has heard this everyday sometimes more than once in a day since she's been born..I happen to LOVE it. Anyways - this bothers MIL for some reason and any time she is with us and someone says to me OMG she looks just like you MIL says without fail - actually she looks like I did when I was her age. OOOOHHHH this is just gets me fuming.

 

[luvmy3]

My 2 dses look exactly like my dh when he was their ages, and my dd looks alot like him as well. Anyone that knew my dh or sees pictures of him when he was young are amazed how much they all look like him, and they aren't shy at all about mentioning it to us. Doesn't bother me at all.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

someone said to your adult son or daughter that they don't look like you or get their looks from you?

People say that all the time to my husband and me -- that my daughter doesn't look like him or my son doesn't look like me. Doesn't bother us any.

I'm just wondering. I said that on Facebook to my adult nephew (he's 29) and my biological brother who I only met a couple of years ago got all bent out of shape and called me a name! I guess I could understand if I'd said it to a younger child, but my nephew is a grown man.

We get it if the entire family isn't together. I'm blonde and blue eyed, Dh has black hair and green eyes. DD10 has DH's black hair and green eyes, DD9 has my blonde hair and blue eyes. When I'm out with DD10 I used to get asked if I was the swedish nanny.

DD10 and DD9 get asked if they have the same father .

The world has an enormous surplus of ignorant, nosey people.

 

[minkydog]

We get it all the time. My grandfather came over from Wales, my husband's grandfather came from Greece. I'm light brown & green-eyed, he's olive-skinned and brown hair/eyes. My two older kids look more like him with their thick Greek hair and their olive skin. My youngest, however, is blond and blue-eyed. He looks like the preacher.

 

[Sleestack]

Why in the world would anyone get upset about that? That's the oddest thing. Unless the child was adopted and never told or something way out there.... and even then, it seems OTT.

 

[HelenePA]

I have no idea who my 8yr old looks like.. she looks like her sister since they both have blonde hair and blue eyes but I dont know where that came from? The boys have brown hair and brown eyes.. and yes I have had people ask me if they all have the same dad or if the "boys" were only mine..

 

[sunnyday123]

No, I was the one who was adopted. And you're right about wondering if I looked like anyone, because I'm the one who felt that way most of my life.

But you might have a point about the ex thing. He's divorced from his son's mother, so maybe he's touchy about that. I can see where that might be the case.

There's still no excuse for him to call me a name though. I'm already not completely comfortable with the bio family as it is.

Some people are touchy over dumb things; my DD looks just like me, but a lightened version-bright blue eyes and light brown hair. My eyes are green and I have dark hair. Her father (my ex) gets SO mad when people say she looks like me-especially the eyes. Her's are shaped like mine, but his eye color. He get's seriously bent. Even his mother antagonizes him and calls her "LD" which stands for little me.

 

[sunnyday123]

No, I was the one who was adopted. And you're right about wondering if I looked like anyone, because I'm the one who felt that way most of my life.

But you might have a point about the ex thing. He's divorced from his son's mother, so maybe he's touchy about that. I can see where that might be the case.

There's still no excuse for him to call me a name though. I'm already not completely comfortable with the bio family as it is.

My family is German, with the typicaly blonde hair/blue eyes. I have dark hair, green eyes, and somewhat olive-y complexion. My coloring looks like no one else in my family. My grandmother used to tell me and everyone within shouting distance she bought me from the gypsies in Yugoslavia -when it was that-since that's where my Grandfather was from. Sad part is, she used to send my Aunt over there every summer, so she was in contact with these "gypsies". Every once in a while, I worry. Then one of them does something stupid, and I hope that I am!

 

[BuffettFan]

I have a funny story......

We were eating at a pizza restaurant when my kids were younger. When we were leaving, a mom who I (barely) knew through the PTA pulled me aside and said... "Your girls look just like you and your husband, but your son obviously looks like his biological father. Who is he?" I was shocked!! I told her that my hubby was my son's biological father, and she just looked at me in absolute disbelief. I laughed it off and walked away.

I couldnt believe that she would be bold enough to ask something like that of an almost complete stranger....but that was probably 10 years ago, and we still laugh about it now. So I was more amused than insulted.

 

[PebblesMK]

Actually I can relate alittle - DD8 looks like my clone, seriously my father cant tell our pics apart (from when I was little) we cannot walk into a store without complete strangers going OMG she looks like you - my poor DD has heard this everyday sometimes more than once in a day since she's been born..

Boy can I relate. When my Macy started kindergarten, there were some teachers who were there when I was 20 years prior and when she came home she said "Everybody said "Is Brookie your mom?"". She had no idea how they knew but aside from the difference in eye color, we are identical. She HATES hearing it and will say "I know, old news...let's move on". I'm so used to hearing it that I don't give it a second thought. It would be a sigh of relief if anybody would ever notice her for her differences and she'd probably hug them.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

I am 5'7" with light blonde curly hair. My mom has the straightest dark brown hair you could imagine and stands 4'10". You wouldn't think we were related, let alone mother and daughter. I am the carbon copy of my dad, right down to eye color.

When I was in kindergarten, my friend's mom laughingly told my mom, "I actually thought she was adopted, until I saw your husband." My mom thought it was funny. Some people are just too easily offended, I think.

On the other hand, my mother was once asked by a complete stranger if I was her's, or her husband's from a previous marriage. My mom was appalled, and I can't say I blame her.

 

[EMom]

A friend of mine has olive skin, brown hair and brown eyes. Her two children were both blonde haired and blue eyed. One day we went to the mall and she left them with me while she went on an errand within the mall. They were young (6 months or so and maybe 18 months) and were in a double stroller. The second I entered the store with those kids, women were all over us with, "Aren't they precious!" and "How adorable!" and "They look just like you!" and "Your babies are little angels!", etc.

I wouldn't say they looked EXACTLY like me, but their coloring was quite similar and anyone would have assumed I was their mother since I was strolling them around. I did tell them I was not the mother, BTW. At some point, my friend came back and got a taste of what had been going on. I must say, she was hurt.

She said that NO ONE ever assumed the kids were hers. She lived in an affluent area where 95% of the mothers have high powered careers, but she had chosen to be a SAHM. She said she was always mistaken for the nanny. Partly because people expected "wives and mothers" to work where she lived, but mostly because those kids didn't resemble her at all. She was stung by the fact that within a minute of me getting my hands on them, people automatically assumed I was their mother. I felt bad for her.

 

[bumbershoot]

Especially since you and your brother are newly reunited, he was probably just hearing something in what you said that wasn't there. You guys haven't met in the past? You're basically strangers? I'd probably just tread lightly until they know you and you know them, so they know you meant nothing by it (just an observation) and you know, maybe, why this might be a sore spot for him.


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Isn't it funny how people notice if a kid and parent are nearly identical, then they notice if kid and parent don't look alike... Like there's some perfect place that's perfect...you're not identical, but you're not pushing the boundaries of the limited genetics we learn in high school (human genes being far more complicated than green peas)...it's like 27.5 being the perfect age for a baby...any older and you're too old, any younger and you're too young...LOL.


My told me a couple years ago that he thought "uhoh" when he saw pix of his new grandson...his quarter Korean grandson that everyone (including me) thought would look just like my husband...but DS has copper colored hair, mainly straight but with curls in the front like I have when he gets sweaty, amber eyes (I have blue, hubby has nearly black eyes...only two eye doctros have easily been able to see his pupils his irises are so dark), etc etc etc.

Hubby was once accused of looking "as though" he "stole that child", while holding DS outside a women's changing room, while also holding my purse, the babysling, and the diaper bag. And he once heard a woman, whose balcony looked out over the apartment complex kid play area, calling the police because she didn't see any "matching" children to him...he got DS and walked home FAST after that.

Sigh.

But if you see a pic of DS in black and white and put it up against a pic of his full Korean grandmother when she was his age...they are identical. ya just gotta get the coloring out of the way!