Would you be angry? (Facebook issue)

[Nennie]

I'm pregnant (yay!) and told my parents Thursday night. My mom tends to put EVERYTHING on Facebook right away, etc, so I specifically told her that while she could tell her friends and family, she was NOT to put anything on Facebook as I still had my husband's family to tell as well as my own friends (she is facebook friends with several of my friends, as well as with my inlaws).

We told my husbands parents Fri night, and my MIL was planning on telling her siblings in person on Sunday.

Well, despite my request, my mom posted the "news" on her facebook page on Sat morning, so that's how the rest of my husband's family found out.

I'm really upset b/c I feel like my mom always makes everything "all about her" and that she kind of stole my MIL's "thunder" by taking away the fun of getting to tell her own family. I'm also hurt b/c my friends who I would have liked to have given a personal phone call or email, also found out this way. I feel like they are close friends and deserve more than a mass FB announcement.

As upset as I am, I'm also wondering if this is just the way things are these days with social media sites, etc? Perhaps people won't be offended finding out the news this way, and I should just chill out?

I haven't said a word to my mom about this, as she will turn it around and make me look like the bad person. I will confess that I blocked her from my facebook wall, for no other reason than I don't trust her to announce my pregnancy there as well (and I haven't told my coworkers yet, etc, and besides I'd like to be the one who gets to announce it when I'm ready).

Oh yeah, I should also point out that she has done this before (which is why I specifically gave her instructions to stay off of FB). When my cousin got engaged, and before she had a chance to tell her own friends, my mom posted the news on my cousin's FB page. My cousin was too nice to ever say anything to my mom about, but I know she was hurt by it.

Sooooo...would you be angry? If so, what is the proper response/reaction, if any?

Thanks for listening!!!

 

[Rumpus]

Absolutely. I would make it clear to her that going forward, no matter what the news is; sex of the baby, etc, she will learn about it when everyone else does.

 

[BKMETV]

If you specifically asked her not to post on FB and she did anyways then you have every right to be mad...period. There is no excuse for her behaviour.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Yes, you have the right to be angry. Tell her how you feel. And tell her from now on, she will find out on FB, after you have told everyone else, she can read it on your Wall!!

Your mom is a grown women, not a child, she should no better. SOrry you are going through this, instead of just enjoying your wonderful news!

 

[golfgal]

I would say that from now on Mom doesn't find anything out until all the other people you want to tell in person know.

 

[kathie859]

I'd never tell DM anything that I wouldn't want to read on the front page of the daily newspaper! I admit I'm a bit protective of my privacy (no Facebook for me, thank you very much) but I think DM does make everything about herself. This story reminds me of my DBIL and his open heart surgery----his DS took it upon herself to post the details. At the time, I just thought "wow!"....not her news to share

 

[dlhvac]

tell everyone else but her then put on facebook and let her find out that way
she needs gto feel what its like

 

[tlbwriter]

Yes, I would be angry. I wouldn't say anything, because she's made it clear that your feelings on the matter are not important. But as others have said, I'd make sure she was the last person to learn anything else. And when she asks why Cousin Bob found out you were having a girl before she did, I'd say "I wanted to tell everyone myself, and you make that impossible unless you're the last to know." And of course, it would be fitting if she found out the next bit of news by reading it on your MIL's Facebook page...

 

[NikitaZee]

I would be angry, yes - but not surprised. I would absolutely say something to her about it. Do your mom and MIL have many fb friends in common? Is that how they found out from her wall? If this is how your mom does things, she would not be the first to get big news anymore if it were me - and I would tell her so.

 

[DrCavin]

tell everyone else but her then put on facebook and let her find out that way
she needs gto feel what its like

This...

 

[Hannathy]

I would be fit to be tied! And she would know it. I would also tell her that she will be finding nothing out anymore about anything until I have told everyone I can possibly think of AND have put it on facebook.

She had no right to put that up there, there are many reasons you may not have wanted it out there -not even including just the joy of you getting to be the one announcing it- She broke an incredibly sacred trust that of mother-Daughter and should be ashamed of herself.

 

[MELSMICE]

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mom, but yes, I would be upset if I had specifically asked her not to post on FB & she did.

I would flat out ask why she had done that. Moving forward, if there is something you do not want her to post on FB then either tell the news last or post it on FB yourself so everyone finds out at the same time.

I love FB, but I can't figure out why people think they have the "right" to post about someone else's news.......whether it's good or bad.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Yes I would be angry.

I would say that from now on Mom doesn't find anything out until all the other people you want to tell in person know.

I agree with this

Yes, I would be angry. I wouldn't say anything, because she's made it clear that your feelings on the matter are not important. But as others have said, I'd make sure she was the last person to learn anything else. And when she asks why Cousin Bob found out you were having a girl before she did, I'd say "I wanted to tell everyone myself, and you make that impossible unless you're the last to know." And of course, it would be fitting if she found out the next bit of news by reading it on your MIL's Facebook page...

I also agree with the bolded. However, I disagree with the many who say to give her a taste of her own medicine and let her find out on facebook. I would not stoop to her level. I would continue to tell her big news in person--but AFTER I had told everyone else I wanted to get to hear it directly from me (or the in laws, or whoever).

 

[bekkiz]

I would be irate. Maybe not as much if you hadn't specifically told her to not post, but since you did...livid. Like the PP, she would be among the last to know anything now.

 

[momof1princess]

i would be FURIOUS if my mom did this to me, and i'd let her know it, whether it changed her behavior or not, and from then on, as everyone else has said, she would be the last person to hear any news from me.

 

[okeydokey]

I would be angry and would tell her that I can no longer trust with her these kinds of things. From now on, she can find out stuff AFTER everyone else and not before.

 

[focusondisney]

I'm pregnant (yay!) and told my parents Thursday night. My mom tends to put EVERYTHING on Facebook right away, etc, so I specifically told her that while she could tell her friends and family, she was NOT to put anything on Facebook as I still had my husband's family to tell as well as my own friends (she is facebook friends with several of my friends, as well as with my inlaws).

We told my husbands parents Fri night, and my MIL was planning on telling her siblings in person on Sunday.

Well, despite my request, my mom posted the "news" on her facebook page on Sat morning, so that's how the rest of my husband's family found out.

I'm really upset b/c I feel like my mom always makes everything "all about her" and that she kind of stole my MIL's "thunder" by taking away the fun of getting to tell her own family. I'm also hurt b/c my friends who I would have liked to have given a personal phone call or email, also found out this way. I feel like they are close friends and deserve more than a mass FB announcement.

As upset as I am, I'm also wondering if this is just the way things are these days with social media sites, etc? Perhaps people won't be offended finding out the news this way, and I should just chill out?

I haven't said a word to my mom about this, as she will turn it around and make me look like the bad person. I will confess that I blocked her from my facebook wall, for no other reason than I don't trust her to announce my pregnancy there as well (and I haven't told my coworkers yet, etc, and besides I'd like to be the one who gets to announce it when I'm ready).

Oh yeah, I should also point out that she has done this before (which is why I specifically gave her instructions to stay off of FB). When my cousin got engaged, and before she had a chance to tell her own friends, my mom posted the news on my cousin's FB page. My cousin was too nice to ever say anything to my mom about, but I know she was hurt by it.

Sooooo...would you be angry? If so, what is the proper response/reaction, if any?

Thanks for listening!!!

First, Congratulations!!!

Next, I think you are very justified to be upset. Your mom intentionally went against your wishes. I can't imagine breaking my DD's trust that way. It is very sad.

Since you now know for sure she won't honor your wishes, I agree with the PP- she finds stuff out with everyone else. Actually, I'd make sure to tell in- laws any news first. Don't tell your mom til you are ready to tell everyone. Hang up from your mom, then keep calling everyone else right away.

We always knew the sure way to get news out to our extended family was to tell my mom (pre face book!). Saves a lot of time & calls with less important things.

 

[melissapealo]

Yes, I would be angry. I wouldn't say anything, because she's made it clear that your feelings on the matter are not important. But as others have said, I'd make sure she was the last person to learn anything else. And when she asks why Cousin Bob found out you were having a girl before she did, I'd say "I wanted to tell everyone myself, and you make that impossible unless you're the last to know." And of course, it would be fitting if she found out the next bit of news by reading it on your MIL's Facebook page...

I absolutely agree with this.

Congratulations on the pregnancy.

 

[cluvsdisney]

i would be FURIOUS if my mom did this to me, and i'd let her know it, whether it changed her behavior or not, and from then on, as everyone else has said, she would be the last person to hear any news from me.

ITA!! I would be seething angry if my mother or anyone made an announcement like this on FB especially after telling her that you specifically do not want this posted. It was completely disrespectful to you and your wishes and it probably hurt a lot of feelings in the process. Your in laws and close friends must have been heartbroken to find out about your pregnancy this way.

Congrats on the pregnancy!

 

[clh2]

You basically told your mom to not post on FB. You asked her to keep a secret for basically a couple of days.

I would be livid too. This is your news to share...NOT HERS. I would also let her know I was upset.

Next time...she is the last to know.