Would you be angry? (Facebook issue)

[2binak]

I'd be angry and I'd let her know just how upset you are. It's your news to share, not hers. She has no right posting about it until she's seen that you've posted about it.

I've had it happen to me (though not on FB) and it is really upsettting.

ETA - after it happened to me, I made it very clear to that person that they were never to tell anyone any of my news before I made it public and so far, they've cooperated.

 

[scrapquitler]

This is NOT a 'facebook issue' this is an issue of your Mom being rude and deliberately going behind your back and doing something you specifically asked her not to do. I am sorry she did this to you and do not blame you for being upset with her. If I were in your shoes, I would call her and tell her that I blocked her and why. And then she would find out everything else about the pregnancy at the same time as everyone else.

 

[Scurvy]

This is NOT a 'facebook issue' this is an issue of your Mom being rude and deliberately going behind your back and doing something you specifically asked her not to do. I am sorry she did this to you and do not blame you for being upset with her. If I were in your shoes, I would call her and tell her that I blocked her and why. And then she would find out everything else about the pregnancy at the same time as everyone else.

I agree with this. OP, this isn't a problem with Facebook, it's a problem with your Mom. Facebook might have made it easier for her to tell everyone, but if she hadn't been able to do it that way she would have found some other way to be the one who got to share your news. Most people when asked not to post something won't post it. You Mom apparently wants to make your news all about her, so don't give her that opportunity any longer. Either tell her last or at the same time as everyone else, but don't tell her things and expect her to keep them secret because she won't.

 

[kacaju]

If you know she does things like this...why did you tell her before everyone else??
Sorry, I don't think you should be upset with her if you know she tends to do things like this.
FWTW: My Mom tends to open her mouth when she shouldn't (she is not on fb) but still she honestly does not know when not to say something....so I just hold back from telling her unless I am ready to share the news with the world.

 

[Rora]

Yes, you have the right to be angry. Tell her how you feel. And tell her from now on, she will find out on FB, after you have told everyone else, she can read it on your Wall!!

Your mom is a grown women, not a child, she should no better. SOrry you are going through this, instead of just enjoying your wonderful news!

This.

Congrats!!

 

[labdogs42]

I would say that from now on Mom doesn't find anything out until all the other people you want to tell in person know.

This

 

[klacey1]

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I agree-- I'd ensure she is the absolute last person to know any important news.
This reminds me of that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, when Ray flashes back to Debra getting pregnant. Marie couldn't stand that Marie wanted to privately tell Ray she was pregnant-- Marie wanted to be the one to tell Ray/be there when he found out. She even knocked Debra out of the way to hug Ray first before Debra could. Now I realize this is a TV show , but it's reasons like that that I find that show stressful and unwatchable. That's not funny-- it's disrespectful and cruel and if it happened to anyone IRL, they would be justifiably livid.
OP, not saying your mom is that bad, but you need to have a talk with her about boundaries and respecting your privacy and right to announce things to people the way you'd like. She needs to know that everything is NOT about her--I feel like if you don't, it'll just get worse when your baby is born. She'll have to be the one to announce the name, first rollover, first word, etc.

 

[Nennie]

Thanks so much for listening, and for justifying my own feelings for me!

It's funny that someone mentioned Everyone Loves Raymond, b/c that's what my DH calls my mom (not to her face of course)! It would be funnier if she were someone else's mom though! LOL!!

I've joked to DH that we won't tell her when we are going to the hospital, and will just put the birth announcement on facebook for her to see!

I just wish she would "get it" this time. She never does though, and ends up giving me a guilt trip instead by saying things like "I just can't do anything right...I'm just such a horrible mother," etc.

I'm going to keep her "punishment" in place though...being blocked from my facebook page. She loves to stalk me on facebook, so this will kill her! ha ha!

 

[okeydokey]

Thanks so much for listening, and for justifying my own feelings for me!

It's funny that someone mentioned Everyone Loves Raymond, b/c that's what my DH calls my mom (not to her face of course)! It would be funnier if she were someone else's mom though! LOL!!

I've joked to DH that we won't tell her when we are going to the hospital, and will just put the birth announcement on facebook for her to see!

I just wish she would "get it" this time. She never does though, and ends up giving me a guilt trip instead by saying things like "I just can't do anything right...I'm just such a horrible mother," etc.

I'm going to keep her "punishment" in place though...being blocked from my facebook page. She loves to stalk me on facebook, so this will kill her! ha ha!

And respond, Yes Mom you really did mess this up. Then end the conversation. She uses this approach because it works. When it stops working, she'll stop using it.

 

[MELSMICE]

And respond, Yes Mom you really did mess this up. Then end the conversation. She uses this approach because it works. When it stops working, she'll stop using it.

I agree.

When she starts with the guilt trip about being "such a horrible mother" you should respond with, "No, mom, no one ever said you were a horrible mother. However, I specifically asked you not to do something & you did it anyway, disregarding what I had asked. That just upsets me."

Your mom is going to continue to guilt trip you forever if you continue to allow it.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Yes, I'd definitely be angry. I understand that she was excited, but you purposefully asked her not to put it on facebook.

My mom tends to make everything about her, as well. It's very annoying and tiring.

What to do? I think first, I'd make a post on facebook saying you wanted to personally let friends and family know about your pregnancy before anyone announced it on facebook. Then I'd my closest friends a call and explain what happened. I'd do something special for MIL - maybe take her out to lunch and give her a grandma-to-be gift (small grandma photo album or something) to help make up for it.

 

[LuvLDM]

That was very disrespectful, I would be furious.

Congrats on the pregnancy, hope you are feeling well

 

[luvmy3]

I'm pregnant (yay!) and told my parents Thursday night. My mom tends to put EVERYTHING on Facebook right away, etc, so I specifically told her that while she could tell her friends and family, she was NOT to put anything on Facebook as I still had my husband's family to tell as well as my own friends (she is facebook friends with several of my friends, as well as with my inlaws).

We told my husbands parents Fri night, and my MIL was planning on telling her siblings in person on Sunday.

Well, despite my request, my mom posted the "news" on her facebook page on Sat morning, so that's how the rest of my husband's family found out.

I'm really upset b/c I feel like my mom always makes everything "all about her" and that she kind of stole my MIL's "thunder" by taking away the fun of getting to tell her own family. I'm also hurt b/c my friends who I would have liked to have given a personal phone call or email, also found out this way. I feel like they are close friends and deserve more than a mass FB announcement.

As upset as I am, I'm also wondering if this is just the way things are these days with social media sites, etc? Perhaps people won't be offended finding out the news this way, and I should just chill out?
I haven't said a word to my mom about this, as she will turn it around and make me look like the bad person. I will confess that I blocked her from my facebook wall, for no other reason than I don't trust her to announce my pregnancy there as well (and I haven't told my coworkers yet, etc, and besides I'd like to be the one who gets to announce it when I'm ready).

Oh yeah, I should also point out that she has done this before (which is why I specifically gave her instructions to stay off of FB). When my cousin got engaged, and before she had a chance to tell her own friends, my mom posted the news on my cousin's FB page. My cousin was too nice to ever say anything to my mom about, but I know she was hurt by it.

Sooooo...would you be angry? If so, what is the proper response/reaction, if any?

Thanks for listening!!!

First, congrats!!

It doesn't matter if this is how things are, or if people truly don't mind finding out news this way, you specifically told your mom not to post in FB and she did. If it were me, I would be angry and I would let her know that the next time I had something to share that she won't be the first one I call and she can just wait until everyone else knows and then she can read it on FB.

 

[Jennasis]

Just another reason for me to not have Facebook (and to continue my dislike of it)...not that I in any way blame FB, just that it would be yet another way for my mother to run rough shod over me like yours had. If loose lips sink ships, my mother would've sunk the Spanish armada. You have every right to be upset. What I have had to resort to is telling my mother NOTHING...nothing I would'nt want broadcast to every aunt, uncle and coworker of hers.

The last time I tried to swear my mother to secrecy, she agreed...and then simply told everyone she blabbed to not to tell me they knew! So she's out now. Outta the loop!

 

[BeefJerky]

First off congrats (I had to find out through the Disboard! jk)

Now, I would be ticked. It isn't so much that she put it on Facebook because you said your mom puts everything on there but I would be mad because you told her not to. Mom should have respected your wishes and just waited to tell everyone when YOU said so. I think it is unfair that this was the way that your in-laws had to find out.

Maybe when you find out the gender you tell everyone, post it on facebook and then tell her. (jk, or am I?)

 

[N&B'smom]

I would be SOOOOOOOOOOO angry.

Your mom knew exactly what she was doing. You asked her to keep it to herself. But she still told people even though she knew you'd be upset because her being the one to share the news was more important than your feelings. I would absolutely keep things a secret from her from now on. Let her know exactly why, she can't be trusted.

This reminds me a bit of my MIL. She worked at the hospital. I had been in labor ALL day long. By the time I gave birth (8:26pm) I had a room full of people waiting to hear the news, we didn't know the sex of the baby in advance. My MIL felt compelled to come check on my progress and asked a nurse outside my room how things were. They told her I had just given birth to a baby boy. My husband went out to greet all the waiting family and friends and say "It's a boy!"....but instead he got there just in time to hear my MIL tell everyone. I was ROYALLY ticked when I found out. (especially since after that labor the thought of another baby seemed insane...yet, I wanted him to have the opportunity to make that announcement.....4 years later he got his chance.)

(just wanted to mention that this was not typical of my MIL, I think she just got caught up in the excitement and all the people asking what she found out)

 

[Handbag Lady]

Thanks so much for listening, and for justifying my own feelings for me!

It's funny that someone mentioned Everyone Loves Raymond, b/c that's what my DH calls my mom (not to her face of course)! It would be funnier if she were someone else's mom though! LOL!!

I've joked to DH that we won't tell her when we are going to the hospital, and will just put the birth announcement on facebook for her to see!

I just wish she would "get it" this time. She never does though, and ends up giving me a guilt trip instead by saying things like "I just can't do anything right...I'm just such a horrible mother," etc.
I'm going to keep her "punishment" in place though...being blocked from my facebook page. She loves to stalk me on facebook, so this will kill her! ha ha!

Don't let her do that. Tell her she really messed up and when she starts to go into guilt mode, cut her off and tell her she can't do that. "I'm such a horrible mother..." Yes, yes you are mom because I asked you to NOT post it and you did. Stop doing that. Don't let her let it be all about her.

And congrats on the baby. I think it was really awful of her to post it and I would be livid.

 

[Jillpie]

First of all, congratulations! Second, I'm wondering, if you knew she would most likely do this, why did you tell her? I know, I know, it's the biggest news of your life and they are the first people you want to share it with, I really get that. I guess the only thing learned here, is for YOU to never share something big with her again, until you are completely ready for the whole world to know. Don't be mad at Mom, she was beyond happy and that is her way of expressing it. It's not worth it, this is your (and hers) time to be over the moon happy. Let this one go, just be careful next time. I wish my Mom was still around to tell her big news...so grab your Mom and go look at baby clothes or furniture or something, be happy!

 

[ChrizJen]

Don't let her do that. Tell her she really messed up and when she starts to go into guilt mode, cut her off and tell her she can't do that. "I'm such a horrible mother..." Yes, yes you are mom because I asked you to NOT post it and you did. Stop doing that. Don't let her let it be all about her.

I totally agree with this. You need to start taking the upper hand with her now. Don't let her derail things and make them all about herself. As others have said, I would flat out tell her that she will no longer get priveledged information from you. And make sure to tell her that it's because she let you down. You specifically asked that she keep quiet on FB, and she didn't.
If you take charge now, perhaps you can keep things under control for when the baby gets here. She'll try to play that "Woe is me" stuff even more once her grandchild is here!

I would be livid in your situation! There's no excuse!
Congratulations, and good luck!

 

[shortbun]

I'd tell my mom that she had just earned the last spot on the news chain. In other words, she gets told everything last. Man, I hate Facebook. It's an excellent outlet for boundaryless people. Your mother, although I'm sure a very nice woman, has boundary problems. Treat her accordingly. She broke the rules of confidentiality and does not deserve trust.