Worst 50th Birthday and Fathers Day Gifts

[Gumbo4x4]

Meh, we're guys. We're not supposed to expect much. Did you get what you wanted for your meals? Total control of the remote for the day? Maybe an hour of silence? If so, happy birthday!!!!!!!!

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Sorry but have to chime in again... every holiday, bday etc when I ask my DH what he wants he says "nothing". I personally hate that because I love to give presents more than get them... probably why im so disappointed.

I started to set my expectations way lower a long time ago, which really isnt fair to me but its not just him other things disappoint me also when I set the bar too high. (we went to the poconos for my 30th and I expected an elaborate resort.... didnt happent)

This is the first year I asked him what he wanted to do for his bday, 40th! Finally he said I dont know instead of Nothing!....

Now see, Im raising the bar to expect something else when he might just want a steak dinner?

I would be setting some peanut butter cups on fire though

My dh is the same wsy

 

[Handbag Lady]

Just wanted to see if my "hurt" was justified or not. I am the one who shops for the others and gets things going for them. I just somehow wanted something to be better planned than a bag of candy and a bag of cookies. Sorry if I appear ungrateful, I thought the four of them could try to get me something that didn't look like a mini-mart, last-minute, "quickie."

I agree with you 100% and your family is in the wrong. They didn't have to spend a lot of money, but for CRYING OUT LOUD, put some thought in to a gift.

I'd just stop giving them presents from now on.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Sorry OP! Happy birthday! I understand how you feel.

I was concerned about this 2 years ago. I told DH I wanted a dinner out with just the kids (all four and DIL). I also left hints about what I wanted (a Chamilia bracelet). DS26 called to ask what I wanted, and I told him that I left hints around the house for DH to figure out.

Now what I had wanted was a vacation...lol...but yeah well...

Anyway I figured I would get a bracelet and maybe four charms, one for each child. OMG... I was in tears, I got a bracelet full of charms, 1 for each kid and then many more. DS26 and DH spent two hours at the store picking them out. DH and the older boys paid for it.

I have to say I was very happy .

 

[sbtrfly74]

nm oppsie quoted wrong post.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

My husband and I often find ourselves just pretty much skipping birthdays, etc, but that is because we both agree that is what we want. You were treated badly by your family, and IMO you have every right to feel hurt.

I would be inclined to announce that, since holidays "don't seem to be important in our family, it's probably best that we just try skipping them for a year." Then I would do that. My guess is that at least some members of your family will shape up after a year of realizing what it feels like to be ignored. But make sure you treat yourself well on your personal special occasions, no matter what your family does or doesn't do!

 

[undertheradar]

Around here, if you don't buy it, you don't get it. Just wanted them to do a little more than a "last second dash." I plan to invest the same amount of time into future gifts that they invested in mine.

 

[sbtrfly74]

Around here, if you don't buy it, you don't get it. Just wanted them to do a little more than a "last second dash." I plan to invest the same amount of time into future gifts that they invested in mine.

LOL that reminded me of the xmas my DH shopped exclusively at the "as seen on TV store"

Lets just say we dont let him forget it.

 

[superme80]

I'm sorry your birthday wasn't taken seriously. I hope your family notices they screwed up. Happy Birthday!!!!!

 

[4nana]

I agree, our family believes the day you are born is worthy of celebrating...the big #'s get xtra attention ! Sorry you feel slighted on your 50th, specially when you're the one who goes out of the way to help others celebrate . Perhaps you should have a heart to heart talk telling your family how you feel, then do something special for yourself!!

50th!!

 

[kirstenb1]

I have kind of seized the day, so to speak, when my family doesn't step up. My birthday frequently falls on Mother's Day, so it's a double celebration.

I'd tell your family you'd like a do over, maybe a cookout to celebrate your 50th. I know you feel like you shouldn't hav e to do this, but sometimes family needs coaxing. Everyone celebrates differently, so my advice is to just plan your own party, and let family know what they can do to help.

 

[Jex]

I would wrap them empty boxes for the next gift giving.

 

[NMAmy]

Happy Birthday! I just turned 50, as well.

I'm sorry you were disappointed. My mother gave me advice many years ago that has served me well. If there's something you really want in life, ask for it. Did you tell your family that this was important to you and you wanted them to make a big deal of it? If so, and they ignored that request, I can see being upset and I'd tell them what would make me happy--perhaps dinner out as a family this weekend?

DH and I both took the day off work (it's our anniversary, as well) and spent the day together--it was very low key but we had a great time. Neither of us really make a big deal out of birthdays but we did stop for a piece of chocolate cream pie. Best gift ever for me. I've been cleaning out my mom's house and the thought of getting more stuff makes me break out in hives.

 

[PizzieDuster]

Just wanted to see if my "hurt" was justified or not. I am the one who shops for the others and gets things going for them. I just somehow wanted something to be better planned than a bag of candy and a bag of cookies. Sorry if I appear ungrateful, I thought the four of them could try to get me something that didn't look like a mini-mart, last-minute, "quickie."

I get where you are coming from too. They are not 'some people' they are your family.

If it makes you feel any better, my husbands birthday falls on Dec. 26. But we try to make a big deal of it. I usually save extra Christmas presents and we go OUT to brunch for his birthday. We are all exhausted but we always do brunch and presents (not wrapped in Christmas paper) and cards.

Father's Day, I spend all day long making those kids sign the card and when they do, they always write such wonderful stuff that make hubby cry. He appreciates the attention and a shirt or sometimes he'll tell us he needs a new suit and he goes off and buys it. I will leave a perfume bottle in my husband's closet with a post it..."For Mother's Day, find it at Macys"

Hope they gave you a loving card... Happy Birthday!

Worse birthday gift? When my 18 year old had a new girlfriend (hated her) and stood us up for dinner and got angry that I was angry and he had to apologize.
I think hubby would agree, worse Father's Day gift, my son's car breaking down one time on the freeway and the $$$ that followed.

 

[PizzieDuster]

I would wrap them empty boxes for the next gift giving.

 

[NHdisneylover]

First off, I am so sorry you feel hurt and unappreciated. It is very hard when you feel like all the time and effort you put into your family does not get recognized.

I had a mini melt down of my own on Mother's Day. My family totally FORGOT. I truly and honestly could care less about gifts, but saying "Happy Mother's Day and maybe making an effort to makes some breakfast or whatnot would be nice This year, they forgot and DH as well as both teens were particularly "needy" wanting help with things hat morning. DS was making waffles and kept asking for help fining things he ought to have been able to rummage out on his own--and I assumed he was cooking for ME. Well, I came out of the shower and he was sitting eating the ONE and only plate of waffles he had made--just for himself, and I burst into tears

Sigh.

So anyway--before I start asking questions, I DID want you to now that I really and truly understand those hurt feelings

I just turned 50 in the past couple of days and my wife and kids(22, 17, 15) don't understand why I think they don't put much effort into gift giving. My combined Fathers Day and 50th Birthday presents included a bag of miniature peanut butter cups and a bag of mini mint Milano cookies. I've already told them I will never invest more than 2 seconds purchasing a gift for any of them! My wife honestly stated that I am needy if I think those gifts are lacking. I somehow thought that 5o might have been a little important.

You say your gift "included" peanut butter cups and Milano cookies. Was there more? Had they put together a little basket of things you like? Are peanutbutter cups and mint cookies things you generally DO particularly like?

I am just wondering if there WAS thought behind the gift that maybe you are not seeing through your initial hurt of it mot being what you were expecting/hoping for.

In our family, small treats like that, that you know the person really likes, would be considered a nice gift.

Also, did you talk ahead of time about wanting 50 to be more important/special? Has your wife turned 50 yet, and you made a big to-do of that? Did you make big to-do out of 40?

DH and I both turned 40 on our last birthdays and we did not do anything more or different than for any other birthday--and it honestly never occurred to me to do so. I would not think to do it for 50 either, unless someone told me ahead of time that they wanted me to

If his was more or less the norm for birthdays in your family, I am not sure it is fair to be angry at people for not knowing you wanting more for 50, unless you were very up front about your wishes early on.

My wife was offended when I said that I would set all future expectations to zero. Sorry, they spend longer thinking about where to eat than they did on my gifts.

Well, honestly, if I were your wife I would be offended too. It sounds like everyone was there (not always an easy feat with the ages of your kids) and a gift was gotten. Was the decision about where to eat them taking you out for your big day? If so, that again is something, and they apparently put thought into where to take you.

Basically, they all got together and they DID spend time with you and they DID try to do something to make the day nice, and you told them that what they did was not good enough and was in fact "zero"--that is pretty hurtful and I can understand her reaction. It is not like there was no gift, no meal out with the kids, no notice of your birthday at all.

 

[Nancyg56]

Around here, if you don't buy it, you don't get it. Just wanted them to do a little more than a "last second dash." I plan to invest the same amount of time into future gifts that they invested in mine.

Is this the norm in your home? If it is, why did you expect something different?

We don't do much for holidays, not in the way of gift giving, anyway. My DH does take me out for dinner, which is what I want.

 

[undertheradar]

These were the only gifts. Dinner was a bust, as they tried a new recipe for something and it failed. The 17 y.o. didn't want to make a salad so she used wilted lettuce that should have been tossed.

I expressed my feelings about feeling slighted and now I am the bad guy.

Glad to hear that many of you are able to enjoy those days.

 

[NHdisneylover]

These were the only gifts. Dinner was a bust, as they tried a new recipe for something and it failed. The 17 y.o. didn't want to make a salad so she used wilted lettuce that should have been tossed.

I expressed my feelings about feeling slighted and now I am the bad guy.

Glad to hear that many of you are able to enjoy those days.

I think there is a major difference between "expressing feelings" and "lashing out at those whose actions were hurtful to you" and what you describe seems to fall into the latter category.

Sorry that the new recipe failed--but it DOES sound like some thought and effort was going into trying to make/do something that pleased you there. I do think it is normal to feel a little sad that the meal did not turn out--but to be angry at those trying to make you a nice meal comes across as kind of whiny and selfish IMO.

I am a little confused about the 17 year old an the salad. She was intentionally using wilted lettuce to be passive aggressive? If so, that is annoying and you have a right to be upset/annoyed, but I would not take any one 17 year old action and decide I am going to "punish" it much later by not putting effort into her gifts for the rest of forever.
Teens can have their sullen moments. Call them on it for sure, but don;t over dramatize it in a "teen-like" reaction yourself.

Others have asked, but I did not see an answer: was this more or less how birthdays are typically handled in your family? If so, did you make it clear, with plenty of lead time, that you were expecting more this year?

 

[holycow]

That is a shame! If I were you I'd go out and treat myself?

What would you have liked for your birthday?

Happy Belated Birthday!