Worried about Pre-school

[gr8mommy]

So glad you are on the road to getting her (and YOU!) the help she needs to be the best she CAN be!

 

[kimmylaj]

i was just checking in to see how you had made out. i am glad you are on the road to getting some answers. hugs to you, being a mommy is the toughest job. thank gooodness for the big rewards

 

[ClaireW]

Sounds like things are heading in the right direction for you, and (if it's possible to get this from just a written message) you seem ready for this.

And I think you're right, your children would be in the same school year so maybe your next step with this is to look at how large your local schools are and consider whether you would prefer them to be in the same class or not? TBH I don't think it would ever present the school with a problem to have DS in the same class as his big sister because I think any good teacher will find ways to engage every individual and there will always be those that need support not to get distracted by others, whether it's a sibling, friend or just another classmate. What I mean is, the teacher will most likely have tricks up her sleeve to deal with whatever comes her way

Hope your HV gives some good advice, and always ask for more if you feel you need it.

 

[mjkacmom]

Hi,

Well, we are back from the doctors. DD was on top form while we there. I had to get stop her from crawling under the desk, trying to climb out of the window and jumping on the bed thingy before I even sat down. By the time I sat down the doctor had ADHD up on his screen and said "I presume you are here about her energy levels." I am sure he didn't try to diagnose her in that short space of time but I think he was aware what the issue was before I even said anything to him. He is actually a really good doctor with children. I think he just knew that she clearly didn't behave like most children. He said that 3 year olds are generally very lively but she was definitely acting livelier than most. When I explained that she is like this all the time he said that it was time to start looking in to her behaviour further.

I explained what she is like and to be honest he could see for himself. He said he thinks it would be wise to find out if she does have ADHD and advised me to call the Health Visitor. I'm just waiting for a callback from her now. He gave me a leaflet about ADHD, or rather ran after me with the leaflet after she ran out the door. He said it may not be relevant but it may give me some advice or tips.

I guess now I just wait and see.

Claire, thanks for the reply. She is 3 this Wednesday. She will be 4 when she starts school and turn 5 just at the end of the next school year. She will just fall into that category. My DS will justfall into the same school year in that he is 4 at the beginning of September and will trun 5 at the beginning of next school year. From what I understand that means they will both be in the same school year but I'm not sure if that's right.

I'm not familiar with a HV, being here in the US, but just judging from your posts, it sounds like more than ADHD (which I'm unfortunately very familiar with). You would probably be referred to a pediatric neurologist here. I hope you find the answers.

 

[maznorm]

Thanks for the replies. I'm feeling kind of weird about all of this. On one hand, I'm kind of glad that someone professional sees her behaviour as unusual. I was beginning to just feel like she was a naughty kid and I was just not doing enough to stop her behaviour. On the other hand, I'm feeling quite down about it all. I mean, I know she hasn't been diagnosed or anything as yet but I feel like all of this just confirms my fears for her.

mjkacmom, what is it that makes you think it may be more than ADHD?

 

[tadamom]

Glad you were able to get things checked out! I know it is hard but I hope you will have peace with it all...however it all turns out.

 

[jodifla]

Thanks for the replies. I'm feeling kind of weird about all of this. On one hand, I'm kind of glad that someone professional sees her behaviour as unusual. I was beginning to just feel like she was a naughty kid and I was just not doing enough to stop her behaviour. On the other hand, I'm feeling quite down about it all. I mean, I know she hasn't been diagnosed or anything as yet but I feel like all of this just confirms my fears for her.

mjkacmom, what is it that makes you think it may be more than ADHD?

In the U.S, autism spectrum disorders are the "in" Dx, like ADHD was 15 years ago. So you hear all the time about children who are quirky and or late talkers being instead labeled with autism. Often, it's the schools pushing these Dxes because they get more money for it.

I had one researcher tell me that school teachers in particular have no idea what true autism looks like anymore.

People use a checklist to diagnose autism in less than an hour, instead of the hours and hours a true professional would use. It's really sad and scary what's going on in this country.

It seems to be less this way in other countries. No matter what the first person says, think about it critically. Don't take their word for it....if it seems off, it probably is! Sometimes you have to go to more than one person to get the right answers.

 

[mjkacmom]

Thanks for the replies. I'm feeling kind of weird about all of this. On one hand, I'm kind of glad that someone professional sees her behaviour as unusual. I was beginning to just feel like she was a naughty kid and I was just not doing enough to stop her behaviour. On the other hand, I'm feeling quite down about it all. I mean, I know she hasn't been diagnosed or anything as yet but I feel like all of this just confirms my fears for her.

mjkacmom, what is it that makes you think it may be more than ADHD?

Well, the lack of speech, of course. Does she focus on anything? My ADHD kids have/had a hard time staying still, unless it was something that really interested them (like Sponge Bob - lol). Then they hyper-focus. The house could be on fire, and they wouldn't move. Their behavior was never really bad, but they needed help with staying on task. For example, if they were looking for their shoes, and didn't find them in 20 seconds or so, they'd stop. I can get them to stop moving (ds12 lost the hyper part a year or so ago), but I do have to remind them.

 

[QVCshopper]

OP, I'm not sure if you read my original post in this chain, but please try not to jump to conclusions. I don't really like that your doctor just handed you an ADHD brochure after one short visit. Yes, your DD has high energy and yes she's not very verbal yet. But, it can be many different things.

I actually skipped over my doctor and went to our intermediate unit after my DD's teacher handed me a brochure. There, they said they like to wait and work with the child for a while (likely 1 year) before giving a diagnosis. My DD was high energy/couldn't focus, but somewhat verbal and potty trained by 3. She got services for two years and never had an official diagnosis besides being delayed. She's now going to Kindergarten with all of her peers and not getting many services at all--just speech and OT.

Good luck on your next step. I'm thinking of you! And, please remember that getting therapy this young can truly change her behavior for the better.

 

[dixonsontour]

Hi i'm in the Uk aswell.

My DD aged 4 has a physical disability. I know things can differ in different parts of the UK but I thought it may be helpful just to give you an idea of what help is out there.

HV should refer you asap to a peadiatrician. My DD's paed is based at a child development centre. The paediatrcian coordinates everything. The physio and occupational therapy is also there.

I know they also offer speech therapy services and camh's - child and mental health but don't have any personal experince with them.

I assume your DD will be starting pre school 15 hours a week in September?

Pre school should pick up any issues and start the ball rolling with the local authority re any assistance she may need.

You need to get things moving. Unfortunately the only way to get things done is to push and chase matters up. I can't stress enough how long things take.

Your DD will be starting school full time in a year. They wont allow you to delay entry to reception. If you choose not to start her until 5 she will go straight into yr 1. They don't make exceptions for children with special needs the support services are supposedly there to enable them to cope with their age group.

Good luck!

 

[FutureDis]

Try not to feel down! You know there is something not right with your daughter... I'm sure it is scary, but NOTHING about it is your fault!! If your daughter was throwing up every day, you'd be at the doctor's office demanding an answer. You need to attack this problem with the same passion and vigor. Not only will getting answers help her, but it will help your whole family.

It's like you are at the bottom of a big hill, and at the top is happiness. You can sit and mill at the bottom saying "that's a big hill.... ", or you can fight and claw your way to the top. Demand the help for her and your family. If one doctor won't help, get another. Follow your gut. If a DX doesn't feel right, get another opinion. You and your husband are the only ones that will fight for her, and she deserves it.

Good luck and believe in yourself. You are in no way to blame for the way she is. You've made the first step and gotten past some denial. Take it a step at a time, and find a good support group, either local or online. You can do this!!

 

[yooperfamily]

i'm sorry i have not read all the replies - but wanted to suggest something, i'm not even sure what it's called, but at the local public school here there are kids who wear these vests w/ pockets that hold different weight sand bags, as well as bags/pillows some kids use on their laps. my sons teacher said this really helps the kids who just "cant sit still".... i know it's a simple name, just escapes me right now.

sorry, nak, this took me 4ever typing out 1 handed!

i hope you are able to get this figured out for your dd (((hugs)))

 

[kirstenb1]

i'm sorry i have not read all the replies - but wanted to suggest something, i'm not even sure what it's called, but at the local public school here there are kids who wear these vests w/ pockets that hold different weight sand bags, as well as bags/pillows some kids use on their laps. my sons teacher said this really helps the kids who just "cant sit still".... i know it's a simple name, just escapes me right now.

sorry, nak, this took me 4ever typing out 1 handed!

i hope you are able to get this figured out for your dd (((hugs)))

I know what you're talking about. They're weighted vests. They also make weighted blankets. An occupational therapist could help try these out to see if they calm the OP's child.

 

[maznorm]

Thanks again for the replies. The Health Visitor is to see in a couple of weeks.

Just to clarfiy, I don't think the doctor was saying she has defintely got ADHD, but more saying that the behavioural advice in the leaflet might help and also he feels it might be worth doing what is neccessary to find out if she does have it.

On another note, the swimming seems to be helping although she was up until 1am yesterday but I think that is because it was her birthday and she was all wired up from the presents etc.

 

[FayeW]

I am glad that the doctor was able to clearly see the behaviour you are concerned about, it really validates your concerns to the rest of the family who may be in denial.

You really, really need to get over "feeling weird" about getting your daughter the help she needs. You're her mother...that's your job. Stop down playing the behaviour. I know, as the parent of a child with ADHD and anxiety, that we want our children to be "normal". Guess what? This is her normal and you have to do whatever you need to do to help her succeed. It is not easy, it will be frustrating, particularily if you have a partner who doesn't want to acknowledge that her normal is different than other kids'. I climbed that hill for nearly 10 years and it is very gratifying to be at the top of the hill and see how far my child has come. You will be glad you looked for help when you see the difference it makes in your daughter's life.

 

[maznorm]

Thank for the reply Faye. The weird thing is that I asked the family if it was a good idea to see the dcotor about her ways and everyone emphatically agreed it was a good idea. Now, since the thought of ADHD was brought up they are all not so sure about it.

Anyway, DD has now come down with tonsillitis and it has really knocked her for six, poor thing doesn't know what to do with herself. So I may have to postpone the health visitor visit.

 

[maznorm]

Ok, she is over the tonsillitis. I don't know if I have been overreacting. On the one hand, family members have been saying now that they don't think she is all that bad. The last couple of days, I have been able to get her to copy me making farmyard animal noises. She seems to be picking up more words gradually as well. On the other hand, she had a bad reaction to the antibiotics she had, we had to take her to our urgent care centre. They thought she was having a tantrum (she was not) so they sent her up to the ward as they couldn't check her over themselves. By the time the doctor on the ward had seen us, the antibiotics had worn off and she was back to her usual self. We were on our own in the waiting room and she was climbing the furniture, throwing things on the floor and trying to get out and run up and downthe ward, which she managed a couple of times. The doctor seemed more concerned with her behaviour than what had been wrong with her and have referred her to the community paediatrician.

Since she needs to start preschool asap, I am wondering if that will calm her down or just be a complete nightmare for all involved. I am trying not to jump to conclusions, especially now that the family appear to have had a change of heart about her behaviour, but then professionals seem to be really concerned about the way she acts.

I just don't know what to do for the best.

 

[mjkacmom]

We were on our own in the waiting room and she was climbing the furniture, throwing things on the floor and trying to get out and run up and downthe ward, which she managed a couple of times. The doctor seemed more concerned with her behaviour than what had been wrong with her and have referred her to the community paediatrician.

Since she needs to start preschool asap, I am wondering if that will calm her down or just be a complete nightmare for all involved. I am trying not to jump to conclusions, especially now that the family appear to have had a change of heart about her behaviour, but then professionals seem to be really concerned about the way she acts.

I just don't know what to do for the best.

As an outsider looking in (certified in special education, with one child already medicated for ADHD), your child seems to need help. The fact that family members have, in the past, thought that something is wrong, is a red flag (family usually comforts, and finds excuses for a child's behavior). A child your dd's age should be speaking in sentences, and have a reasonable amount of self control (even my ADHD kids could be told to sit at this age).

 

[Alesia]

What is the harm in having her seen by a professional? If you are overreacting, they will be happy to tell you that your daughter's behavior is perfectly normal and that there is nothing to worry about.

If even a quarter of what you say is true, your daughter clearly has something going on, and only a professional is going to be able to tell you what that something is. Please, please stop living in denial --your daughter needs your help right now.

If you get her help now, there is a great chance that she will be able to lead a normal adult life. If you keep refusing to get her help, she very well may suffer with this for the rest of her life. Early intervention is the key!

 

[Mkrop]

What is the harm in having her seen by a professional? If you are overreacting, they will be happy to tell you that your daughter's behavior is perfectly normal and that there is nothing to worry about.

If even a quarter of what you say is true, your daughter clearly has something going on, and only a professional is going to be able to tell you what that something is. Please, please stop living in denial --your daughter needs your help right now.

If you get her help now, there is a great chance that she will be able to lead a normal adult life. If you keep refusing to get her help, she very well may suffer with this for the rest of her life. Early intervention is the key!

Have her looked at, believe me if nothing is wrong they will tell you.