Worried about Pre-school

[maznorm]

Hi,

Thank you again for all of the responses. As much as it seems as though I am in denial about what may or may not be a concern, I want you to know that I wrote the original post for a reason. Deep down, I am sure there is something that is just not the same as other kids about her.

I really am just looking to see if I may be wrong, if I am jumping to conclusions the way I did with my son. Although, with my son, I only thought he needed help with his speech, the thoughts of possible autism only came about after posting on a similar board to this.

My gut feeling with my daughter is that she may have ADHD. She was also continuously active in utero as a previous poster mentioned. They struggled to get a regular heartbeat from her and struggled to weigh her when she was born because she wouldn't stay still.

This is not something new to her, it is the way she has always been. I always thought that these behavioural problems, such as ADHD didn't present until they were older but I felt this way since before she was born. In utero I was sure that she was not the same as other children, she literally never stopped moving and hasn't since.

Last night I was watching her and she just didn't stop moving until she passed out hanging over the sofa. However, she did fall asleep at around 8pm and woke up at 6:30am this morning. That is the longest she has slept ever, albeit most of it in our bed.

I would like to speak to the Health Visitor about her this week. My husband wants to keep trying with the swimming to wear her out, so that she sleeps and if she sleeps better she may concentrate better.

Thank you again for all of the replies so far.

 

[PollyannaMom]

...I would like to speak to the Health Visitor about her this week. My husband wants to keep trying with the swimming to wear her out, so that she sleeps and if she sleeps better she may concentrate better....

Why not do both? It sounds like your DH might have something with the sleep idea. - I do think sleep deprivation can mimic ADHD. But it wouldn't hurt to ask the HV for advice as well.

 

[Alesia]

I really am just looking to see if I may be wrong, if I am jumping to conclusions the way I did with my son. Although, with my son, I only thought he needed help with his speech, the thoughts of possible autism only came about after posting on a similar board to this.

Please don't worry about that. I teach preschool and I always tell parents to get an evaluation if there is any concern that something may be going on with their child. It never hurts to have too much information. Please don't wait any longer to get her evaluated. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to get her under control.

No one can diagnose your child over the internet, and I honestly think it's irresponsible, no matter how well intentioned, to throw around words like autism, ADHD, etc. The fact is it could be any number of issues and it really is a disservice to your daughter to get one diagnosis stuck in your head. All that does is make it hard to switch gears and do what needs to be done to help your daughter.

 

[FayeW]

Hi,


Deep down, I am sure there is something that is just not the same as other kids about her.



My gut feeling with my daughter is that she may have ADHD. She was also continuously active in utero as a previous poster mentioned. They struggled to get a regular heartbeat from her and struggled to weigh her when she was born because she wouldn't stay still.



I would like to speak to the Health Visitor about her this week. My husband wants to keep trying with the swimming to wear her out, so that she sleeps and if she sleeps better she may concentrate better.

Thank you again for all of the replies so far.

Okay, I've cut out some bits of your post so I can address a few things specifically.

First off, seeing that she is "just not the same as other kids" is not something you should have to feel "deep down"...it's as plain as the nose on your face. You were able to convey that to a bunch of strangers on the internet with a few short sentences, and we've never laid eyes on the kid. Your "gut" is telling you that she is ADHD. Well, maybe, probably, but if she is sleeping as little as you say then she is also suffering from sleep deprivation, and that in and of itself can cause a myriad of behaviour problems. Sleep deprivation often accompanies ADHD. Kids with ADHD are "wired" differently and they can't turn off their brains long enough to be able to sleep. You have to get that child to a doctor and get her on medication.

Nevermind what Dad wants...it's not about him, it's about doing what's best for your daughter. He is not going to have to live the life he is choosing for her...she is. There is nothing worse than having a parent who knows there is a problem refuse to get help for their child because the other parent is in denial. I watched that happen in my own family...everybody with eyes in their heads could see that my niece was "different". My BIL was in denial, and my sister bowed to his wishes and her child didn't receive the help and therapy she needed until she was nearly 8 years old. How different her life would have been with early intervention. Guess who I blame...MY SISTER. She knew there was something wrong and did nothing about it...way worse IMHO than being in denial.

Anyway, in case you think I am just spouting off, I'll tell you my story. Our 15 yr old daughter has ADHD, as well as the accompanying sleep disorder. We thought long and hard about putting her on medication and after research and discussion, decided to go ahead with ritalin. We also put her on something to help her sleep. Mostly it was because the research showed that kids who do NOT go on medication are more likely to end up with drug and alcohol abuse problems because they are often self-medicating because of low self esteem. The sleep medication was purely because EVERY LIVING THING, people, animals, even plants, need proper rest cycles in order to grow and develop properly. She needed to get the right amount of sleep so her BRAIN, as well as her body, could develop normally. She has now been off that prescription medication for 2 years (once she pretty much hit her full growth potential) and now takes a natural supplement (melatonin) to help her sleep.

You need to give your child the tools to help herself. Imagine how her life is going to be when everybody in her life (teachers, classmates, other adults) react to her negatively. They will not be as kind to her as you and her grandparents are, or as forgiving of inappropriate behaviour. She needs medical help to fix a medical problem. If you want to consign her to a life of loneliness and negativity, then by all means continue to ignore the problem. If you would like to help your daughter by giving her the tools she needs to thrive and grow into a happy, self reliant adult then get help now!

I have to say, I see other teenagers riddled with anxiety and behaviour issues and I say "there but for the grace of God goes my child". When I see her compared to other kids with "issues" , I know we did the right thing for her.

 

[maznorm]

Once again, thank you for your replies so far. I really do appreciate all of the advice. The comments about drug and alcohol abuse really struck a nerve with me. My brother is a long term heroin addict and my uncle dies from alcohol abuse. Addiction seems to run in my family and I am woing everything in my power to avoid that with my children.

We tried swimming again yesterday but before we went swimming we went to the play area at the gym. She kept running away and making a noise a bit like screaming. Someone who worked there asked if she was ok. I said that she is like this all the time. The lady said that she knew a little boy who made the same noise all the time and he turned out to be deaf in one ear.

Anyway, it seems to be clear to people around us that there is something not quite right with her. I am going to make some calls this week to see what we can do.

Thanks again.

 

[maznorm]

Ok, it's done. I have called the doctor's. I told the receptionist I wasn't sure whether she needed to see a doctor or the health visitor and then I told her what DD is like. She said it would be best to see the doctor. She is booked in for Monday morning.

I'm feeling a little guilty now though, like I am giving up but I still think I'm doing the right thing.

Any advice on what I should say to the doctor?

 

[Mkrop]

Ok, it's done. I have called the doctor's. I told the receptionist I wasn't sure whether she needed to see a doctor or the health visitor and then I told her what DD is like. She said it would be best to see the doctor. She is booked in for Monday morning.

I'm feeling a little guilty now though, like I am giving up but I still think I'm doing the right thing.

Any advice on what I should say to the doctor?

You should tell the doctor exactly what you said here.

Dont feel guilty, you are not giving up, you are taking a step to get your DD evaluated. This could result in anything. It may be something simple like the sleep deprivation or something more complicated. Dont panic or worry just yet.

 

[ClaireW]

Maz, hope you're feeling ok, not sure you pictured where this would take you when you wrote that original post but taking her to the doctors sounds like a step in the right direction.
There could be many things that are contributing to your DD's behaviours, the best role you've got is that of observer. You've already started to pull these observations together and now the professionals can listen to this and go from there. And it is these observations that you need to be ready to share with the doctor, maybe by writing a few things down? I don't know about you but I don't always come out of HV/doctor appointments feeling like I said what was on my mind/asked the questions I meant to.
All the best x

 

[kimmylaj]

i am so glad to hear you have made the appointment that is great.
i would take a list of the behaviors that concern you so you can address them one by one. i often find as a teacher that it is easy to get sidetracked so it is important to present all the behaviors.
i would go by developmental areas
speech
receptive language
-does she answer to her name?
does she follow one or two step directions?
do you need to repeat yourself often?
can she answer questions appropriately? what is the weather? what do you want for breakfast?
expressive language
how many words does she say
does she repeat what other people say
can she communicate her needs? bathroom, water, food
self help
is she using the bathroom with assistance? drink from a cup? wash hands with helP?
social/emotional
can she self soothe? with a blanket, toy, etc
does she still take a pacifier or bottle to soothe?
explain your sleep concerns as well
how does she react to other children? does she notice them? play side by side? ignore or seem interested?
gross motor skills
how is her walking/jumping/climbing
explain her need for constant motion
does she touch a lot of things?
does she like to swing? rock? bang into things?
does she like to be hugged tightly? does she avoid hugs?
fine motor
does she use a mature grasp to pick up cereal? crayons?
educational
can she sit and focus on an activity for 4-5 minutes? how long?
does she have favorite toys or activities which hold her attn?
does she play with toys appropriately? drive toy cars or spin their wheels?
can she listen to a short story with limited words per page?
anything that seems like a behavior not on par with peers
does she have any unusual habits?
spinning? flapping? waving her hands in front of eyes?
does she tantrum? how many times per day? how long does it last? what gets her out of it? what are the triggers?

i hope this helps you to get started as to what to discuss with your pediatrician. sometimes it is hard for a pediatrician to get a good picture of your child that they only see once a year for a well visit or when they are sick and unusual behaviors seem to go hand in hand with illnesses. by bringing a detailed list you will give the pediatrician a bigger picture. i am not sure about where you live but here in ny you do not need a pediatricians recommendation for an evaluation, but if you do i would be very insistent to get what you need for your precious daughter. good luck and you will be in my thoughts.

 

[soontobewed07]

Maz make a list so when you are at the office and DD is acting up you do not get distracted. I do this for regular appointments anyway because there is always something I am bound to forget. Also bring someone with you so they can take her out of the room so you and the doctor can talk. I think this will help you focus a bit more.

Good Luck let us know how it turns out.

 

[indimom]

Ok, it's done. I have called the doctor's. I told the receptionist I wasn't sure whether she needed to see a doctor or the health visitor and then I told her what DD is like. She said it would be best to see the doctor. She is booked in for Monday morning.

I'm feeling a little guilty now though, like I am giving up but I still think I'm doing the right thing.

Any advice on what I should say to the doctor?

You are doing the right thing and you are NOT giving up.
Best case scenerio, there is nothing wrong, she is a late bloomer.
Worst case scenerio, you get her the assistance she needs to help her bloom.
That is not "giving up."

The list from kimmylaj looks like a fantastic starting point.

 

[QVCshopper]

OP, I didn't read everyone's posts, but I also had a VERY active little girl who wouldn't sit still/very attached to me/uncontrollable tantrums. I'm in the states and went through our intermediate unit. Turns out, she had a significant delay in social/emotional, OT, and speech. She got help through the IU for 2 years and is starting K on par with her peers. She's caught up so much!

Just tell the doctor the truth, and try not to feel like a bad parent. You're doing the right thing. Also, don't jump to conclusions. At one point, I was trying to diagnose DD myself, and that made everything harder. But she responded so well and so quickly to the therapy. Time will tell everything you need to know.

Best of luck! Maybe hold off on sending your DD to preschool? Since she's 3, she has time. Also, you may have to take her to therapy, which can be very time consuming.

 

[gr8mommy]

So glad you took the step of calling the doctor! I wish you the best of luck in getting this figured out.

 

[tinker&belle]

You are doing the right thing. If she needs help, she will now get it.

I am a big believer in Mothers listening to the 'little voice.' When my younger DD was less than a week old the doctor was borderline on whether or not to send her to the children's hospital for an eval. I told her I just I really felt like something was REALLY wrong. The doctore took this seriously and this literally made a difference for her survival at this point of her development. Not the same situation, but you are her mother and I think some of it is instinct.

If you feel there is something to be checked, by all means do it! Never feel silly about being an advocate for your child!

 

[kirstenb1]

Ok, it's done. I have called the doctor's. I told the receptionist I wasn't sure whether she needed to see a doctor or the health visitor and then I told her what DD is like. She said it would be best to see the doctor. She is booked in for Monday morning.

I'm feeling a little guilty now though, like I am giving up but I still think I'm doing the right thing.

Any advice on what I should say to the doctor?

You are NOT giving up!!! Quite the opposite. You are pursuing some more information. You are advocating for your dd. You are doing what parents are supposed to do.

 

[Nettaboo]

I just wanted togive you a and let you know that things are going to be ok.
You are doing the best thing you can for your daughter. Now you can rest easy knowing that you did your best!It is tough being a parent but remember we have to be the advocate for our kids!You are a great mom!!!

 

[FayeW]

I am so glad that you booked the appointment for your daughter! I know as a parent with a child with some behaviour issues (which she has now mostly "outgrown" so to speak, thanks to the intervention with the medications she needed for ADH,and sleep deprivation, as well as seeing a psychologist to help give her the tools to combat extreme anxiety) it is hard to see our children as being less than perfect.

Our daughter is a success story. A year ago, her anxiety was so bad I really feared for her future. I thought I was going to have a 40 yr old crazy cat lady living in my basement and now, thanks to the therapy she had for a year (just had her last session a week ago) she is like a completely different person. Now she is planning a career working with kids who with similar social disabilities so she can help them, as she was helped. Her future is so bright.

You are not giving up at all. If it turns out that she needs to take some medication, just think about it the way you would if she was diagnosed with diabetes or epilepsy...you wouldn't think you were giving up if you gave her medication for those medical conditions... would you?

 

[maznorm]

Hi,

Thanks again for all of the replies. Her appointment is in a couple of hours. I'm still feeling a little weird about it. I don't want to come across as a crazy mother with a naughty child.


Here in he UK, we don't really have pedeatricians. Everybody justs sees the regular GP. She hasn't seen the doctor since she was about 3 months old for a wellness visit. Again, it's just not how things tend to be done here.

As for pre-school, here in the UK, regular schools starts at age 4. If I don't get her into pre-school this year she will have to go straight into full time school next year.

I am still feeling really conflicted about this whole situation and I'm also worried that the doctor will just brush me off as some of the doctors at our surgery aren't all that great and we don't get a choice. I don't even know which doctor she will be seeing.

I will try to update when we get back.

 

[ClaireW]

Hope all goes well and you feel like you've said all you needed to.

And on another note, I'm a UK primary school teacher and I'd suggest you look into exactly when your DD might have to start school. Legally she doesn't need to start until the term in which she has her 5th birthday, but understand that not every county/LEA is as supportive of this as others. But if you get DD settled into a good nursery school it might just mean she could stay there a little longer before making the move to school. Just a thought.

 

[maznorm]

Hi,

Well, we are back from the doctors. DD was on top form while we there. I had to get stop her from crawling under the desk, trying to climb out of the window and jumping on the bed thingy before I even sat down. By the time I sat down the doctor had ADHD up on his screen and said "I presume you are here about her energy levels." I am sure he didn't try to diagnose her in that short space of time but I think he was aware what the issue was before I even said anything to him. He is actually a really good doctor with children. I think he just knew that she clearly didn't behave like most children. He said that 3 year olds are generally very lively but she was definitely acting livelier than most. When I explained that she is like this all the time he said that it was time to start looking in to her behaviour further.

I explained what she is like and to be honest he could see for himself. He said he thinks it would be wise to find out if she does have ADHD and advised me to call the Health Visitor. I'm just waiting for a callback from her now. He gave me a leaflet about ADHD, or rather ran after me with the leaflet after she ran out the door. He said it may not be relevant but it may give me some advice or tips.

I guess now I just wait and see.

Claire, thanks for the reply. She is 3 this Wednesday. She will be 4 when she starts school and turn 5 just at the end of the next school year. She will just fall into that category. My DS will justfall into the same school year in that he is 4 at the beginning of September and will trun 5 at the beginning of next school year. From what I understand that means they will both be in the same school year but I'm not sure if that's right.