Will u allow or not allow your child to go away to college?

[teacup princess]

If we lived near a major in-state college town that had a well-rated program for their major then heck ya, I'd probably push them to go there in order to reduce their debt load. If the program was mediocre, then no. I'd probably show them how much money could be saved by living at home but I wouldn't force them to do so. We will not be able to fund each of our 4 children's college fully so they will have some loans. I think a lot of kids go into college debt without any clue how that debt will impact their future lives. When my kids go to college I fully plan to try to advise them (and probably make them sit through a full-on spreadsheet and graph presentation of their debt to projected income ratio) but I'll give them the freedom to make the wrong choice.

As far as the college experience, lots of people have gained their independence living moments away from family if only their family allows them the freedom to do so.

 

[MomToOne]

Growing up, we lived less than 1 mile from the main campus of the state university. My parents purposely bought that house because it was so close to the university. All of us kids (5 of us) lived at home while we attended that school. 90% of my high school friends did the same. Despite what a lot of people want to think, we learned plenty about life and learned how to be independent. Even though I lived at home, I still did my own laundry, cooked plenty of meals for myself and experienced lots of independence in my social life (a little too much at times probably ). I graduated at 22 and immediately moved out of state for a job that I had lined up 6 months before graduation. I was not an idiot who didn't know how to function because I had lived at home during college, I did just fine - I think in part because I had had that extra time to watch my parents handle finances and other adult responsibilities with my own adult eyes.

I now live in a major city that has not just 1, but 2 major university campuses within a 20 minute drive. Just like my parents, I will strongly encourage my daughter to go to one of those because if she does, I will be able to pay for it completely for her. No student loans, no starting out post-graduation truly on her own with a major debt hanging over her head.

And as far as community college goes, I will also probably encourage my daughter to take her core introductory classes at one to reduce costs. I don't know a single community college that offers Organic Chemistry. However, Chemistry I is going to be the same at the community college as it is at the 4 year college.

 

[Granny square]

I'm sorry! I meant that if one could pass organic chemistry at the college they transferred to that what happened in the basic courses taken at the local cc level were adequate preparation! I didn't mean that organic chem was a typical cc class!

 

[Granny square]

Omg. Did someone really compare not sending a child away for college with coming from an abusive home? What a whacked analogy.

 

[daisyduck123]

Our DD18 is away at an out-of-state university for her 2nd year. She graduated at 16yo. She's doing great & we'd do it all over again.

 

[jerseygirl81]

Everyone has differing financial situations and differing child/parent relationships. If we take care of our own kids and stop interfering with other families choices then maybe the world would be a better place.

I totally agree!!

 

[nchulka]

By the time a person is going to college they are an adult, they don't need mom's permission. Now if this adult is wanting mom and dad to pay I guess she is choosing to give them that kind of control in her life. At 18 my kids can make whatever decisions they want, they will be adults. I won't be paying for college just like my parents didn't. I won't kick them out at 18, if they want to continue to live at home and go to college, or work full time, or go to tech school, etc. that will be fine for a while. I personally feel that by 20ish you need to be moving on and having your own life.

 

[tcufrog]

This advice is based on my experience working as a college librarian:

If you want to save money on college classes have your child check into CLEP tests (make sure your child's college choices accept the tests) and taking AP classes. Check also to see if your child's high school allows it's students to attend classes at the local community college or public university for dual high school and college credit. Such work in high school will not only save money on college tuition but will also look impressive on a high school transcript.

If you choose to go the community college route and then transfer you need to find out how many credits will transfer and which one. Different colleges have different criteria and you don't want to spend money on classes that won't transfer.

Another compromise option is for your child to go away to their choice college and then during the summer take some of the elective and nonmajor classes at the local community college or less expensive commuter school. Before you do that find out what the restrictions on this route are at your child's college.

One thing I do not advise are to take major related or important prerequisite classes at a college other than the one at which your child will graduate. For example, if your child wishes to go to med school she may choose to take PE, art, and economics at the commuter or community college but I would not recommend taking biology or organic chemistry there for many reasons.

1. It's important to get to know the cohort he or she will be going through the major program with to set up study partnerships and groups.

2. It's important to get to know the professors.

3. Certain major intro classes are weed out classes. If your child is unable to get a good grade in the weed out classes it's best to know right away so she can have a chance to possibly change her major right away to a better choice than to learn the hard way later on in his or her studies.

4. The intro classes often build on each other so the student may miss useful information by not taking them in the manner they're intended.

I personally think community colleges are wonderful. I've worked at some great ones and have been impressed by the staff and professors I've encountered. The key is understanding what they excel at and what they are best used for.

 

[gr8tdame]

FYI - the Ivy's do not give any scholarships. They do have great financial aid if you qualify.

Harvard gives full scholarships to students that are admitted if their family income is less than $35,000. This includes tuition,room and board and books etc.

 

[punkin]

Harvard gives full scholarships to students that are admitted if their family income is less than $35,000. This includes tuition,room and board and books etc.

That's called financial aid since it is need based. Scholarships are merit based.

 

[Granny square]

Our DD18 is away at an out-of-state university for her 2nd year. She graduated at 16yo. She's doing great & we'd do it all over again.

That is great. It is hard for most of the younger students I see come through. While they seem, in general to be better prepped academically, and even life skills, they tend to get homesick. It is great that your daughter is excelling. I gather she has a specific goal in mind? I was like that.

 

[sk!mom]

I encourage my children to go to the best school they can get into for their course of study. However, I think Finances and personal preferences about class sizes, city size, etc... Have to be part of the decision.

To encourage a child to go away for the sake of going away if debt is required, is silly to me. However if finances aren't an issue, in most cases I favor going away.

In my personal case, we live in a college town. The local University is tier 2 but if my child was interested in an Education, nursing, or physical therapy degree I would encourage them to consider staying local. Those programs are highly respected and rated at this University so no need to graduate with any debt for the same training.

That being said, my DD16 isn't considering it because she wants to study something that isn't offered here.

 

[MrsPete]

Omg. Did someone really compare not sending a child away for college with coming from an abusive home? What a whacked analogy.

No, that was not a comparison, nor an analogy. It was hyperbole', which can be problematic for very literal readers. The reference to communism was also hyperbole'.

It was a comment on how kids "can make it" in many, many situations -- but that doesn't mean that those situations are ideal.

 

[Colleen27]

I will never understand why college kids are allowed to take out $50,000-150,000 in loans and will be financially trapped for the rest of their lives. Trying to buy a house,start a family and stay above water and not live paycheck to paycheck will be impossible. No way would I ever want my child in that position. For my children I want to be debt free coming out of college so they can provide for themselves,have a nice home and the basics of life and get on a budget from day 1.

That's basically where I'm coming from. I'm sure I'd feel differently if one of my kids had their sights set on a high paying career; 100K in debt for an in-demand STEM career would be understandable, especially if that debt made it possible to go to an excellent school and earning a degree/making connections that open many lucrative doors professionally.

But of my 3, the one who is academically talented and interested in elite schools has her heart set on a low paying profession that requires graduate work if she hopes to make a decent living at it. So I will very strongly discourage her from choosing an undergrad path that requires loans. Coming out of school even 40K in debt to a starting salary of <35K is not a good start in life.

 

[nunzia]

That is why, as your children get older, you ease into giving them more freedom while they are still home, so they can handle it when they get to college (or on their own).

You don't keep your children in a bubble and then one day, throw them out into the world, completely unprepared.

Of course you don't..that is why I said it depends on the child... If you give your child freedom and see that you have to throw water on them every morning to get them up for school, or they forget their shifts at work, or can't organize their high school classwork then it is probably a good indicator that they should maybe ease into college. I've known kids who did great putting off college for a year or two and getting real world experiences before deciding what their major should be then going into college with clear focus. I also know kids who seem to just want to be perpetual students..changing majors constantly, dithering through. As many have said, it is not a cookie cutter choice..it is not even a case where everyone should go to college. It's a grown up decision and one that I think parents and kids should discuss at length. Not as a dictator as some have said but as a counselor. My three kids all took different paths and it worked our right for them all. Only one went to tradional college, one went to art school and is head of a graphic arts division, the third went to the Police Academy. I have seen so many of my friend's kids being expected to go college right away and chose far away colleges. Some did great, some dropped out, some really messed up and some have useless degrees they don't use. Again, it's a big choice and I think all here are stressing whatever the choices, they shouldn't be taken lightly.

 

[goofy4tink]

We went through that process a year ago. It was really interesting to see what dd's friends decided to do as far as college went. She applied to both state schools as well as private ones. We wanted a college that offered a theatre arts major, with a really good lib arts program. The state schools were okay, but not great as far as those needs went. DD decided on a private university about an hour away, out of state. It has turned into the perfect fit for her. On the other hand, many of her friends have gone to equally expensive schools much, much further away. The education they will be getting in these distant schools is probably not going to be vastly different than what they could have found here in NE...but I have to imagine that they got better packages offered from these schools.

We were lucky, in a way, that we had figured out how we were going to pay for college. We knew that dh's mom wasn't going to be in the picture in 4 years, so we figured we would use the proceeds from the sale of her home when the time came...even if it meant taking out loans now!!! That enabled us to allow dd to go to the college of her dreams. Yes, she will graduate with $20,000 in student loans, but not more than that. And I truly think every student should foot some of the bill. We will help her out with those loans when they come due.
And now??? Well...sadly dh's mom left us a month ago....so much earlier than anyone could have predicted. But, the house will be sold and we will bank that money. Of course, that will most likely change the package that she gets offered for next year!!!! Oh well...can't win 'em all I guess.

But in all reality?? You have to decide with your child what is going to work best. Yes, it would have been so nice to have to pay under $20,000 a year for a state school, and much less for a community college. But, they didn't offer what we needed. And we were able to find the perfect school a good traveling distance from home. We can run down for the day if we choose..or if dd finds she wants to come home for the weekend...which has happened only for the long Columbus Day weekend which worked out well since my dad died that weekend...that way she could go to all the services!!
Expensive? Yes. And no one solution is going to work for every family. It's a huge committment...so you have to do all the homework and make a decision that is going to work for everyone!! Sometimes it's worth the addtl money to have that living away from home experience. I know that my dd has grown a lot in the few short months that she has been away at school!!

 

[fall08CP]

Where I went to college was my decision, certainly not my parents'. Then again, I paid for my own education. It's foreign to me that parents for education, but I'm certainly jealous of those whose parents make that decision. This is my 6th year away from home, and I've lived in 5 different states. I was forced to grow up quickly and learn to live independently at a young age, and I've enjoyed living all over the country. As a result of my independence, I've had some really cool jobs.100% of my friends who stayed in state for college are unemployed. No life experience or distinctions from other candidates.

My parents support the decisions I've made, but I never thought to ask their permission before making them. Next year, I'll be studying in Europe for my master's degree. I'll probably tell them when I buy the plane ticket

 

[Granny square]

Interesting. If your friends all graduated and no one has a job they are a statistical anomaly! The fact that they won't move out and on isn't the school's fault. It is their own choice not to move to where the jobs are. Your choice to move around has more to do with your nature than anything else.

I, too, was on my own and traveled. I know I had a great time in the process. That doesn't mean I think in better than my friends who took a more traditional route.

 

[drcmk]

No, that was not a comparison, nor an analogy. It was hyperbole', which can be problematic for very literal readers. The reference to communism was also hyperbole'.
l.

If people frequently misunderstand what you write, it is probably not the readers who are at fault.

 

[Jitzy]

Just because a student lives at home doesn't mean that they don't learn to deal with real life issues. Our son commutes to a community college and works 40 hours a week. He pays the remainder of tuition ~ scholarship~ and books. I don't phone his professors or his boss at work. He pays his bills. So, he eats at home? He wouldn't be cooking at school he would be in a cafeteria. Laundry? I taught him to do that when he was 12. His time management is his business. He pays for it. He gets it, without being away at school.