Why do so many return home after moving away?

[arminnie]

When I graduated from college (first in my family to do so) 50 years ago I went where I could get a professional job. I moved almost 10 times because of my career. I also had temporary assignments that ranged from Australia to the UK to Singapore and back many times. I had a fabulous life - wouldn't change the opportunities and experiences that I had for anything.

When my parents got older I telecommuted to be able to be there for them. I took early retirement to be able to take care of my elderly father back in my home state - Arkansas.

When I retired early I moved back to Arkansas because it is so cheap to live there. I could not have retired in California because of the cost of living. But I also have a home in New Orleans where I went to college. I have strong pulls for both places. I finished high school in Arkansas but just a few months later went to college in New Orleans. I have long term friends in both places. Fortunately DH and I have homes in both places and can go back and forth. I don't know what I would do if I was forced to make a choice between the two.

 

[dragonrider2014]

I think it depends on the person. I grew up in MA and moved to FL for grad school. Lived in FL for over 10 years, mostly in the Orlando area and then relocated back to MA when my mother became ill. I lived back up in MA for 10 years and even though I was close to family, I hated living there. So now I am back in FL and loving it even though I am away from friends and family. I am in South Florida now and hope to be able to get back to Orlando in the future. I don't think I will even move back to MA. I go to visit but couldn't live there again.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I always wonder how people manage to live in one place for decades and even establish "home." My parents have moved 5 times in my lifetime. I was a child for 3 of those. My dad got relocated for work all those times. I often wonder how people can assure they will stay in the same place they grew up, job wise. What kind of work guarantees that? My husband had a similar experience. Neither of us have a "home" we claim and both our parents now live in places neither of us ever lived. My entire family is all spread out over many states.

My family has lived in the same area for generations (I'm the 6th). We're commercial fisherman, keeps us close to the water. Even the family members that choose to go on to college and chase other careers don't seem to move far, within 10miles. I guess it's just in our blood to be close to the water.

 

[DLgal]

Well not everyone lets their job dictate the shape of their life. Depending on your skill set, the employee may have the ability to tell current employer that he's not relocating, period.

That must be nice. We are a military family now so we don't have that luxury. My father was an Electrical Engineer and worked in a management role for large tech companies, started out on the east coast and then we moved to Bay Area, CA during the early 90s tech boom. He relocated or he lost his job. Simple as that. I expect when my husband retires in a few years from his military job, we will have to move wherever he can find a job.

Unless one is independently wealthy, I don't understand how a job would NOT dictate a large part of one's life. After all, hopes and dreams and desires don't pay the bills.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Exactly. Similar discussions sometimes happen on whether to have another child. One wants 2. The other wants 3. Since you can't have half a baby, the only compromise is that someone gives in. Same thing with moving. For big things like this, sometimes someone gets what they want on one thing but gives in on the other. It's part of a lifetime of give and take.

Definitely true! I was the one who "compromised" on moving. (Really it was logic, though. - We knew we wanted to live near one family or the other after college, and the jobs were way better near DH's family at the time.) It worked out in the end though, as my folks are now snowbirds who only live where I grew up for half of the year. I love my new home as much as my old one, though I love different things about each place.

 

[North of Mouse]

We moved more than once because of dh's job transfers, then decided we never wanted to move back. We 'do' go back often for 'home' atmosphere, see friends, not much family left there, food is out of this world, etc. but have no desire to live there!

We found that we have really been enriched by leaving our 'comfort' zone. Would not have traded it for anything.

 

[Allison]

Unless one is independently wealthy, I don't understand how a job would NOT dictate a large part of one's life. After all, hopes and dreams and desires don't pay the bills.

Even if it does, that doesn't have to me relocating. My spouse and I have had several jobs over the years. We took jobs in the area we were already living which is what most of my friends have also done.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Family!

My parents moved to upstate NY when I was about 4. My family was in NJ. I always felt disconnected from my aunts, cousins, etc. We are a very tight family so every holiday was spent driving to NJ. By the time I was 9 we moved back but I really felt left out in some aspects since everyone had years of stories and get togethers and birthday parties that we weren't a part of.

I vowed to never move away from family since I feel it's important for my children to have those experiences with their cousins. In my family cousins are more like siblings. My children have been babysat by my grandmother since DD was 4 months, so 10 years now. She watched DD while I worked and picked up DS from the bus after school and stayed with both of them all summer.....for FREE. She would garden with them, cook with them, read with them, do projects with them, etc. Those are things money can't buy and I know my kids will treasure that time with their great grandma for their entire lives.

 

[nkereina]

I only live 90 minutes from where my family is where I grew up, but I wouldn't hesitate to move back to my hometown. For me, there's just a comfort there. Whenever I'm there, it feels like home, I enjoy going out, I enjoy going to the mall I always went to, the church I attended growing up. It's all familiar to me and I don't feel like a stranger in a big city, like where I am now.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

That must be nice. We are a military family now so we don't have that luxury. My father was an Electrical Engineer and worked in a management role for large tech companies, started out on the east coast and then we moved to Bay Area, CA during the early 90s tech boom. He relocated or he lost his job. Simple as that. I expect when my husband retires in a few years from his military job, we will have to move wherever he can find a job.

Unless one is independently wealthy, I don't understand how a job would NOT dictate a large part of one's life. After all, hopes and dreams and desires don't pay the bills.

It's not about it being nice. It's all about choices. My XH was a reservist in the Marines. We decided that active military was not for us because of the constant moving and wanting to raise our children with their family. He became a state corrections officer instead and I started my career at a local university hospital. My BFF went active duty in the Army and will retire in 5 years when she is 39. Everyone picks their sacrifices.

 

[IceSkatingPrincess]

We are from the Chicagoland area and have been living in the South for the last 6ish years due to the military. As soon as DH is out, we want to move back. There is more to do there, better job and educational opportunities, and we miss our families. Worth the snow!

 

[diznee25]

We are originally from Colorado, and my husband's job took us to Maryland. (Company in CO was shutting down, and offered 2 choices. You get laid off, or you move to Maryland to work in their East Coast branch.) He's in a very unique field, (GIS), so you go where the work is. We never had children, so it was easier for us to uproot from family. After almost 6 years in MD, we were really missing home; family, mountains, snow...everything! So we moved back to CO without jobs lined up. My husband found a temp job that lasted 2 years, (as did I) and he finally landed a permanant job, only to be laid off within 8 months. We only lasted in Colorado for a total of 3 years. So my DH interviewed for a job in St Louis MO, and he got it. So we now live in Illinois, and he commutes to St Louis.

Overall, I feel that moving out of state (twice!) has enriched us in many ways. My family all lives in Colorado, and so does my husband's. No one ever moved away expect for us, so they pretty much thought we were crazy! It was nice to move back for a few years, but it just wasn't in the cards long term. We're happy in IL, and enjoy the space from family. Plus, we're a car ride from WDW, for whenever we get back there again!

 

[princesspwrhr]

I wonder how this concept of a "family seat" or "home" with multiple generations reasonably close to each other will play out in the next few decades. My generation (those stuck between Gen X and Millinnial) seems to be highly transient, we are the early product of the dismantling of vocational classes and the "college or no future" push. We were also a massive portion of the population employed in (unbeknownst to us) "disposable" tech jobs when that went to pot in 2000-2002, and tech jobs went mostly to contracts after that, so yes, we move for the job/contract.

My parents are on the late end of the Boomer generation. My moms family moved several times cross country, my dad's family had a farm in lower Michigan. My husbands parents are solidly Boomer generation. They grew up in Macon and (now divorced and remarried) both live in Metro Atlanta. My grandparents are in AZ, TX, and TN- no clue where half of my aunt/uncles are, the other half are in TN & TX. My dh has no living biological grandparents, his stepdads mom lives in MN. Dh aunts/uncles are in VA and NC. My brother lives abroad for last 12 years, dh brother & sister live in GA. My cousins are everywhere- AZ, TX, NV, CA, MI, TN, dh cousins are in GA, VA, NC- but spread out around the state, not in the same area. We moved every year for the first 10 years we were married and have moved 3 times in the second 10 years- considering a move to FL this summer. Neither of us feel tied or pulled to any location where our families are.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I wonder how this concept of a "family seat" or "home" with multiple generations reasonably close to each other will play out in the next few decades. My generation (those stuck between Gen X and Millinnial) seems to be highly transient, we are the early product of the dismantling of vocational classes and the "college or no future" push. We were also a massive portion of the population employed in (unbeknownst to us) "disposable" tech jobs when that went to pot in 2000-2002, and tech jobs went mostly to contracts after that, so yes, we move for the job/contract.

My parents are on the late end of the Boomer generation. My moms family moved several times cross country, my dad's family had a farm in lower Michigan. My husbands parents are solidly Boomer generation. They grew up in Macon and (now divorced and remarried) both live in Metro Atlanta. My grandparents are in AZ, TX, and TN- no clue where half of my aunt/uncles are, the other half are in TN & TX. My dh has no living biological grandparents, his stepdads mom lives in MN. Dh aunts/uncles are in VA and NC. My brother lives abroad for last 12 years, dh brother & sister live in GA. My cousins are everywhere- AZ, TX, NV, CA, MI, TN, dh cousins are in GA, VA, NC- but spread out around the state, not in the same area. We moved every year for the first 10 years we were married and have moved 3 times in the second 10 years- considering a move to FL this summer. Neither of us feel tied or pulled to any location where our families are.

I think these things are cyclical. Think back to the 19th Cemtury when there was a HUGE push moving West. After WWII, there was more stability with an industrial boom that had people grabbing good jobs & riding them through to retirement. But, for every generation, there are those who will plant, and those with "itchy feet" as my dad described his grandfather.