Why do so many return home after moving away?

[DLgal]

I always wonder how people manage to live in one place for decades and even establish "home." My parents have moved 5 times in my lifetime. I was a child for 3 of those. My dad got relocated for work all those times. I often wonder how people can assure they will stay in the same place they grew up, job wise. What kind of work guarantees that? My husband had a similar experience. Neither of us have a "home" we claim and both our parents now live in places neither of us ever lived. My entire family is all spread out over many states.

 

[Jennasis]

I think the more likely scenario is someone in their 20s moves away from home for the first time and is single, so no compromise is needed.

Discussion...compromise...resolution.

 

[Maistre Gracey]

Why the all caps? Some people actually live in Kansas and like it there.

I have spent a fair amount of time in Wichita (never lived there, temporary work assignment). I really like it there. It's one of those places that doesn't sound all that great from afar, but once there it is pretty nice IMO.

MG

 

[Vijoge]

I think once people have kids they realize how hard it is to raise them without some sort of support system nearby. And they have a newfound appreciation for family and want their kids to have a chance to get to know theirs better.

My parents moved away from their hometown/family when I was quite young, due to employment needs. It wasn't a big move by today's standards but back in the mid 1950's it was a distance. Because of the move, I grew up only seeing grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins once a year, for a week during the summer. Maybe twice my grandparents visited us for Christmas. All the rest of the family lived in the same general area my parents had left, not in the same towns, but close. My cousins, who are now in their mid 60's-early 70's have retained close relationships. Me, not so much, mostly because we just don't have the same shared experiences.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I always wonder how people manage to live in one place for decades and even establish "home." My parents have moved 5 times in my lifetime. I was a child for 3 of those. My dad got relocated for work all those times. I often wonder how people can assure they will stay in the same place they grew up, job wise. What kind of work guarantees that? My husband had a similar experience. Neither of us have a "home" we claim and both our parents now live in places neither of us ever lived. My entire family is all spread out over many states.

There's no guarantees, but on the flip side millions of people manage to go their careers without transfers. Or, in my case, found the transfer wasn't worth it since it meant my wife quitting her job. I've lived my entire life in the same county, but I've worked 20+ different places.

 

[mom2rtk]

I always wonder how people manage to live in one place for decades and even establish "home." My parents have moved 5 times in my lifetime. I was a child for 3 of those. My dad got relocated for work all those times. I often wonder how people can assure they will stay in the same place they grew up, job wise. What kind of work guarantees that? My husband had a similar experience. Neither of us have a "home" we claim and both our parents now live in places neither of us ever lived. My entire family is all spread out over many states.

We all make choices in life.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I always wonder how people manage to live in one place for decades and even establish "home." My parents have moved 5 times in my lifetime. I was a child for 3 of those. My dad got relocated for work all those times. I often wonder how people can assure they will stay in the same place they grew up, job wise. What kind of work guarantees that? My husband had a similar experience. Neither of us have a "home" we claim and both our parents now live in places neither of us ever lived. My entire family is all spread out over many states.

No job can 100% assure that one won't lose it or have to relocate. But some are less likely than others. I would think a job in the fire department would be decently stable. A management job at Macy's this coming year might be quite unstable. Some states are also more stable in the job market than others. And some states are very stable with those that are there and established but offer very little for new graduates coming into the job market. Depending upon what state one is in, what company one works for, what field one is in, what area of the state they are in, the job they do, things can be quite stable or unstable as the case may be.

 

[georgina]

I see a lot of young people in my area (Pittsburgh) who don't want to leave, even for jobs, and many who return later. I am not from Pittsburgh, my kids have scattered to the coasts, and I am 100% certain none of them will return here. We now have kids in lots of nice places to visit, and DH is retiring soon so we will have time also. No immediate plans to move, but definitely to go somewhere warm for February.

We have lived in the same house for 30 years (DH grew up in it and we bought it from his parents), and he has been working for the same company for 37 years (where his father also worked for many many years). Definitely not common much any more.

 

[ashley0139]

I couldn't return home even if I wanted to. My parents left my hometown a couple years ago for my dad's job (and now live in a place I hate). I know many people very happily live their entire lives in the same city or state, but I personally just cannot imagine that. I've lived in three different states since I left home. I love trying out new places and getting out of my comfort zone. Not sure what I'll do if/when I settle down and have kids, but I have a very small family so there isn't one place that my family is. You have to do what make you happy.

 

[bigbabyblues]

I always wonder how people manage to live in one place for decades and even establish "home." My parents have moved 5 times in my lifetime. I was a child for 3 of those. My dad got relocated for work all those times. I often wonder how people can assure they will stay in the same place they grew up, job wise. What kind of work guarantees that? My husband had a similar experience. Neither of us have a "home" we claim and both our parents now live in places neither of us ever lived. My entire family is all spread out over many states.

There are no guarantees. My ILs have been in the same place for 37 years. They moved here (MIL was from this area, FIL is not but was not in his home area when they got married) when FIL took a job at a power plant, and he worked there until he retired about 7 years ago. I wouldn't consider that likely to happen for someone taking the same job now. My husband is a paramedic, and it isn't likely that he would be relocated for that, unless it was by choice. T

 

[MrsDuck]

I'd say family/friends.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I couldn't return home even if I wanted to. My parents left my hometown a couple years ago for my dad's job (and now live in a place I hate). I know many people very happily live their entire lives in the same city or state, but I personally just cannot imagine that. I've lived in three different states since I left home. I love trying out new places and getting out of my comfort zone. Not sure what I'll do if/when I settle down and have kids, but I have a very small family so there isn't one place that my family is. You have to do what make you happy.

I am in a similar boat----I am an only child and my parents moved out of the country a year and a half after I graduated college. by then I was married, had my first child and we had moved out of state, and then mvoed again to another state---so it wasn't such a big deal.

20 years, 3 more cross country moves and hten our own move abroad and my family is scattered in lots of palces---it works out OK for us. We never had fmaily nearby to babysit or help in an emergency when the kids were little, and DH travelled for work often so that added another level of complication, but for US it was still the right decision. I know lots of other people who really aren't happy being that far from parents and siblings and whose parents and siblings stay put, and that is OK too.

I do credit our willingness to relocate for my husband's career being where it is today (and us chasing it is why I have hardly worked at all since we got married)

 

[Pacolovestacos]

I always wonder how people manage to live in one place for decades and even establish "home." My parents have moved 5 times in my lifetime. I was a child for 3 of those. My dad got relocated for work all those times. I often wonder how people can assure they will stay in the same place they grew up, job wise. What kind of work guarantees that? My husband had a similar experience. Neither of us have a "home" we claim and both our parents now live in places neither of us ever lived. My entire family is all spread out over many states.

Well not everyone lets their job dictate the shape of their life. Depending on your skill set, the employee may have the ability to tell current employer that he's not relocating, period.

 

[tarheel618]

I think the main reason is family and familiarity. We moved south 17 years ago from a cold weather state and while I get homesick in the fall, I hate cold weather so that keeps me planted here. Weather is the only thing that keeps me from not returning home.

 

[disney4us2002]

We have very little family and I honestly do not know why we've stayed where we live in Maryland. Both of us grew up here but neither of us like it much. I suppose it's just hard to move - hard to find new jobs, sell a home, buy a new one, uproot kids (although youngest is now 20). I really want to move south, maybe South Carolina, maybe Georgia. Husband is okay with anywhere but not actively looking yet. There is nothing holding us in Maryland is my point.

 

[Jeff Morris]

I always wonder how people manage to live in one place for decades and even establish "home." My parents have moved 5 times in my lifetime. I was a child for 3 of those. My dad got relocated for work all those times. I often wonder how people can assure they will stay in the same place they grew up, job wise. What kind of work guarantees that? My husband had a similar experience. Neither of us have a "home" we claim and both our parents now live in places neither of us ever lived. My entire family is all spread out over many states.

My family moved, let's see...nine times by the time I graduated college. That covers six states. Since then, my sister has moved once, my brother and I none. We bought our house in 1987 and are still there today. We all three firmly believe that the hopping around was a factor.

About 13 years ago my company announced that my job was moving to another state, and I wanted to keep it I'd better move too. After some discussion my wife and I decided that she and the daughter would stay put and I'd get an apartment there. Yes, it's been a strain at times, but my daughter graduated in the same school district she started out in. That was very important to me.

Of course, my wife and I are discussing looking at Orlando 55+ communities. Daughter works for Universal and we are getting tired of snow. Who knows?

 

[princesspiglet]

My DH and I both moved out of state one month out of college and 3 weeks after getting married from PA to NC. We really did love living there, but got homesick after 3 years. We moved back to PA and have settled here for the time being (its been 18 years now), but we do not live anywhere near our families. His family lives 5 hours away and mine are 4. We have managed to raise our daughter without any family help by using daycare and friends. We do love living in Hershey, but DD14 really wants to go to college in California. If she does end up going there and loving it, I would like to to convince my DH to move closer to her. She is our only child and I can't imagine her being 5000 miles away from me!

 

[Colleen27]

I agree - family and friends. I have a lot of friends who moved away only to come back when their parents got older and started needing more help, or who simply got tired of using all their vacation time visiting the people they left behind. Better to live close to family and vacation to fun places than to live far away and vacation back "home" all the time!

We don't plan to move away until our parents are gone so we'll see if we end up boomeranging like so many of our friends have. I suppose it is possible that we'll end up missing Michigan but it is the people who keep us here now, not the place, so I'd like to think that once we do leave we'll stay gone.

 

[Colleen27]

I always wonder how people manage to live in one place for decades and even establish "home." My parents have moved 5 times in my lifetime. I was a child for 3 of those. My dad got relocated for work all those times. I often wonder how people can assure they will stay in the same place they grew up, job wise. What kind of work guarantees that? My husband had a similar experience. Neither of us have a "home" we claim and both our parents now live in places neither of us ever lived. My entire family is all spread out over many states.

We've never had to move for work. I think that's more common with white collar/corporate jobs than for the "working stiffs". My father and grandfather both worked in the auto industry, my mom worked for the state, my husband is in construction. None were ever in a position where relocation was offered, much less required, except in the sense of my mom transferring from one office to another within the same county. There is theoretically the potential for DH's company to relocate him, but it is unlikely in the near future and he'd likely seek out a different job here rather than accepting if it did arise because we don't want to leave the area right now (two high schoolers and parents who are starting to have some age-related health problems).

 

[CarolAnn856]

There's no guarantees, but on the flip side millions of people manage to go their careers without transfers. Or, in my case, found the transfer wasn't worth it since it meant my wife quitting her job. I've lived my entire life in the same county, but I've worked 20+ different places.

It really depends on so many different factors: the industry, the level of employment, etc. For my husband, an executive in a specialized field, moving for a time was the best way to make a move up the ladder.

To answer the OP's questions, there are many reasons for people to move, and just as many reasons they choose to stay or return "home." There is no one single answer. I've enjoyed reading the responses on this thread and hearing so many different experiences.