Why do so many return home after moving away?

[shoney]

I'm in my 40's and know lots of people who left Long Island for Florida only to return. They all seemed to think cheaper cost of living was going to make their lives so much easier until they saw what the salaries were!
My neighbors sold their house in 2004 and moved to FLorida...then a ton of hurricanes hit and they moved back again within 1 year.

 

[mom2rtk]

And she was trying to get back to KANSAS!!!!!

Anyway, we moved from NY to the DC area 13 years ago. I have hated it every minute. I would move back in a heartbeat, but DH's job is here, so here we stay.

Why the all caps? Some people actually live in Kansas and like it there.

 

[Katie Dawn]

Many of the people I know who moved away did so right after college and around when they got married. A few years later they started a family and ended up moving back within 2 years of becoming parents. Having a support system is really important when you have kids (who get sick and can't go to daycare even though you have to go to work,) and you want to travel to see grandparents but traveling is tough with littles. The people I know didn't dislike their hometown, they just wanted to go and do something new.

 

[Kitty 34]

I returned to my home town with my 2 year old son (now 36) when I got divorced and wanted to be home closer to all my family.

I had been gone for 10 years so it was a bit of an adjustment.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Yes, and I started building community in my new home the minute I got here almost 30 years ago! I was raised on a farm in a remote, northern community and all I ever wanted as long as I can remember was to make it to the city. I moved 500 miles away when I was 19 and never, ever once considered going back to stay. Interestingly, my siblings did the same but both of them actually did "go home" upon their retirements and now live (and will probably die) in our old hometown. Me? Can't see it happening, especially since our DMom and other close family members have all passed on now.

This is the same for me, as well. I did not grow up where I live, nor did DH. We started anew when we moved to a place new to both of us. We are, however, in the same region, so we were never too, too far away from family and friends. We did manage to build a new network of close friends in our community, and slowly, some family moved closer to where we live, as well. (This is true of many people where we live.) When I think of "home", I think of our region, and I think of our family and friends- not necessarily exactly where I grew up, although I still do miss it there as it's a very cool place to live. Fortunately, I'm in the area enough that it's still a big part of my life, if that makes sense. We are moving into blizzard conditions today, yet I am not feeling a pull to move elsewhere, lol. I honestly don't think I ever will. The only thing I could think might change that is if our children moved elsewhere, as others have said, but even then, I'd probably try to buy a condo there or something rather than move altogether, but who knows. It would probably depend on a lot of circumstances, including work, health, finances, etc.

 

[prprincess]

I moved to Southern California from New Jersey when I was in my mid 20s for "love". I loved the weather and that there was so much to do there (Disneyland!!), but it was really hard on me. After we broke up only a few months in, I was alone 5,000 miles away from my family and living with a chronic illness. I'd met people and dated, but for some reason just never really clicked with anyone that much that the relationships were that of any substance. It was also very expensive to live, and at times I went hungry because I had to pay the rent. Once I started borrowing from my CCs to pay for my rent and my car, my niece was born, and my mother had a health scare and I was stuck in CA, I decided to move back.

Sometimes I miss it, especially on snow days like today, but I think that moving back was the best thing for me. I have a ton of family and friends here that I love and who I have great memories with. I've held several well-paying jobs, own a large home and two cars, etc. I honestly don't think that would have ever happened for me out there. I also love the area, and how I'm close to other major cities. So yeah, I can overlook bad weather and high taxes...I think it's worth it and can't imagine ever moving away.

 

[RedAngie]

Why the all caps? Some people actually live in Kansas and like it there.

Metro KC area, sure. Dorothy's part of Kansas?

 

[punkin]

I thought it was funny. I mean, here she is in Oz and she wants to go back to Kansas. Anyway, on a personal note, I have been to Kansas quite often. It's not where I'd want to live, but it's fine. I certainly meant nothing political by it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Why the all caps? Some people actually live in Kansas and like it there.

I was wondering the same thing honestly

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

For the foreseeable future I don't want to move anywhere else but where I live now. But I do know people that just hate KS (or more precisely where we live in KS) and just can't wait to get out. The few that actually make the move have actually come back or moved to the MO side but still fairly close to where they were living. A lot don't realize things they may take for granted such as job opportunities, general affordability even if some things here and there aren't, the sense of home in that they grew up here, activities/things to do, etc. Some it's their family but most that say they hate the area seem to place leaving the area as a higher priority than family.

My best friend actually has left my general area multiple times. She left the metro area and moved to Baldwin,KS (just outside of Lawrence and Lawrence is 30-45mins from most places in the KS side of the KC metro), then she moved to the Ozarks in MO then she moved to Lawrence, then she moved to I forget where in CA and lasted 8 months there then she moved back to Lawrence then she moved to Manhatten, KS (mostly to follow the boyfriend she was seriously dating), moved back to Lawrence about 6 months after they broke up (but she lived in Manhatten for 1 1/2 years before leaving) and has since stayed in Lawrence now for over 7 years but has moved from apartment to apartment to apartment in Lawrence. For her she doesn't have a "home" in her mind but I suspect that Lawrence,KS is about as close to a home as she will find.

I agree it's a trade this problem for that problem often times.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I thought it was funny. I mean, here she is in Oz and she wants to go back to Kansas. Anyway, on a personal note, I have been to Kansas quite often. It's not where I'd want to live, but it's fine. I certainly meant nothing political by it.

I didn't take it politically at all. It just came off as "who in tarnation would want to go back to Kansas?"

*BTW I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting to live in KS even though I live here and love it just explaining at least how it came off to me*

 

[Pacolovestacos]

As a follow-up question, I would think it's hard to compromise on moving "back." Because "moving back" is really only moving back for 1 person (assuming they are in a relationship). So one person may have to give up their dreams of staying put or moving back so that the other person can move back. Seems difficult to me.

 

[Jennasis]

As a follow-up question, I would think it's hard to compromise on moving "back." Because "moving back" is really only moving back for 1 person (assuming they are in a relationship). So one person may have to give up their dreams of staying put or moving back so that the other person can move back. Seems difficult to me.

By that logic, moving away in the first place is a hard compromise as you're only moving to fulfill the dream of one person?? That's not how it works.

I would imagine MOST couples/families make the decision to move away or back as a group decision. Moving away, as you describe, is difficult under the best of circumstances and not a decision made lightly by anyone. But life ain't easy. You deal with it and move on.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

By that logic, moving away in the first place is a hard compromise as you're only moving to fulfill the dream of one person?? That's not how it works.

I would imagine MOST couples/families make the decision to move away or back as a group decision. Moving away, as you describe, is difficult under the best of circumstances and not a decision made lightly by anyone. But life ain't easy. You deal with it and move on.

I think the more likely scenario is someone in their 20s moves away from home for the first time and is single, so no compromise is needed.

 

[Hikergirl]

As a follow-up question, I would think it's hard to compromise on moving "back." Because "moving back" is really only moving back for 1 person (assuming they are in a relationship). So one person may have to give up their dreams of staying put or moving back so that the other person can move back. Seems difficult to me.

We moved away for dh, there was no compromise on that. I knew when we got married that we would eventually have to leave home for his work and I was ok with that, but given a choice then and there I would not have wanted to leave.
Moving back wasn't a compromise, we both agreed that we wanted to be closer to family. We weighed all the pros and cons of moving back (near) home, and it made sense to both of us. I don't know if dh would have ever suggested it if I didn't push the issue, but in the end we made the decision together.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

We moved away for dh, there was no compromise on that. I knew when we got married that we would eventually have to leave home for his work and I was ok with that, but given a choice then and there I would not have wanted to leave.
Moving back wasn't a compromise, we both agreed that we wanted to be closer to family. We weighed all the pros and cons of moving back (near) home, and it made sense to both of us. I don't know if dh would have ever suggested it if I didn't push the issue, but in the end we made the decision together.

Right I definitely understand that but in your situation, it sounds like both your family and DH's family are roughly in the same area. I'm curious about situations where the families aren't in the same area and one person wants to move back to be closer to their own family.

 

[Hikergirl]

Right I definitely understand that but in your situation, it sounds like both your family and DH's family are roughly in the same area. I'm curious about situations where the families aren't in the same area and one person wants to move back to be closer to their own family.

Yes, we both came from the same area.
I can tell you that dh has an uncle, who was Nana's favorite lol, who went away to college and met his wife. When the time came for them to move "home" they moved back to where she was from. I'm pretty sure Nana thought there was never any compromsing allowed on that one LOL.

 

[ronandannette]

Right I definitely understand that but in your situation, it sounds like both your family and DH's family are roughly in the same area. I'm curious about situations where the families aren't in the same area and one person wants to move back to be closer to their own family.

It's like lots of other things in marriage that need to be worked through when the partners aren't on the same page. A big decision to be sure, especially if compromises (or one person flat-out has to give in) are called for, but I don't see moving as a "special category". We've had tons of similar situations over the past 21 years, just not this particular one, although I have a good idea of how we'd handle it if it ever came up.

 

[mom2rtk]

It's like lots of other things in marriage that need to be worked through when the partners aren't on the same page. A big decision to be sure, especially if compromises (or one person flat-out has to give in) are called for, but I don't see moving as a "special category". We've had tons of similar situations over the past 21 years, just not this particular one, although I have a good idea of how we'd handle it if it ever came up.

Exactly. Similar discussions sometimes happen on whether to have another child. One wants 2. The other wants 3. Since you can't have half a baby,the only compromise is that someone gives in. Same thing with moving. For big things like this, sometimes someone gets what they want on one thing but gives in on the other. It's part of a lifetime of give and take.

 

[bigbabyblues]

As a follow-up question, I would think it's hard to compromise on moving "back." Because "moving back" is really only moving back for 1 person (assuming they are in a relationship). So one person may have to give up their dreams of staying put or moving back so that the other person can move back. Seems difficult to me.

If a person had a "dream" of moving back home or never moving, or whatever, I would hope that would have been discussed before they got married. If it isn't driven by a need to live in a certain area for a job, where to live is a big deal and should be discussed ahead of time. Will things come up that may require people to move? Absolutely, it is called life. I still think people should know where the potential spouse stands on something like this before a commitment is made. As mom2trk said, though, it is one thing in a lifetime of compromises.