Why do people insist on...

[Wishing on a star]

I agree Lisa!

I am thinking of making a pan of scalloped potatoes for Chrismas with the inlaws, and maybe Lasagna tomorrow night!!! Yummy!


I have one more big thing to add here....

This is not some kind of a group 'function' where you arrive, and eat what is served. This is a FAMILY HOLIDAY for Christ's sake!!! Sharing good food is part of what is all about. I can not understand why anyone would want to be so controlling and, well, a word that is not board-friendly comes to mind here.

 

[clarabelle]

Because it's good manners to bring a gift for the hostess. Yes even if they insist to not bring anything. I always offer to bring something and if I'm told to not bring anything, I will bring wine for the hostess or flowers.

A gift is good -I don't consider scalloped potatoes a gift though
I think wine and flowers or something like a candle or something is nice for a "bread and butter" gift. Or if it is a baked item -something the hostess can use later.

 

[mickeyfan2]

To show gratitude to the host. Don't ever invite me. I never come empty handed.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If a friend or coworker invited me to supper, I might consider a 'gift'.

This is not a personal invite to somebodys social occasion... This is a FAMILY MEAL.

Huge difference.

It should be all about getting together and sharing good food and good spirits!!! Not about being controlling and selfish.

 

[escape]

Everyone likes to feel like they are needed in other's lives and for some, the language they use to express this is through food. I came to this realization with my DMIL. If this makes her happy and content, then I'm all for it.

 

[Christine]

Ohhhh good Lord,

Scalloped potatoes are a power play!!! ?????????

Grow up people....

Wishing on a star--that was a joke. Did I not put my big smilie in there?

 

[debster812]

human nature. I was raised not to show up emptied handed.

don't look a gift horse in the mouth...smile, nod, and serve the potatoes.

ITA with this. It's how I was raised too.

 

[lillygator]

I was also raised to not show up empty handed (in terms of a HOSTESS gift - not something I premade) but when I am going through making the meal myself and request no (dinner)food items to a family member I would at least think she could comply. She is now bringing a dessert but also people don't realize when they bring food gifts to be served....

table space
fridge space
etc of the hostess....my dinner table will be jammed without trying to fit in a dish that every guest brings.

 

[stinkerbelle]

She is now bringing a dessert but also people don't realize when they bring food gifts to be served....

table space
fridge space
etc of the hostess....my dinner table will be jammed without trying to fit in a dish that every guest brings.

do it "buffet style"...set all the food up on the counters/extra tables.

IMO - a family dinner is different then a "dinner party".

it's just a dish of potatoes

 

[powellrj]

I just wish my DMIL would bring anything. I am so tired of her coming to all the meals and never bringing anything at all. I would just set the potatoes out and tell her thank-you.

 

[lillygator]

I guess I am Martha Stewart table domestic.... Luckily she won't be bringing them, and overall I realize "it's just potatoes" but I also think it would be nice to go somewhere and not have to bake/cook etc. She is always complaining that she doesn't have time so this is a big out! I want my family/guests to just show up, eat and enjoy...not slave away over a dish to bring. That is why I simply requested for them to bring nothing!

 

[WIcruizer]

It's a woman thing. When guys say don't bring something, then don't bring something. They're not offended, that's why they said DON'T. But women play these Jedi mind tricks with each other. DON'T means "I have to say that, but I know you'll bring something anyhow."

 

[KarenAylwood]

It's a woman thing. When guys say don't bring something, then don't bring something. They're not offended, that's why they said DON'T. But women play these Jedi mind tricks with each other. DON'T means "I have to say that, but I know you'll bring something anyhow."

Well said.

 

[EthansMom]

I would far rather have a MIL who brought a dish you didn't need and weren't counting on than to have my MIL and StepMIL, who don't bring dishes you are counting on or who bring foods that are inedible.

Just smile, say "Thank you" and serve the potatoes with the rest of the meal.

 

[stinkerbelle]

It's a woman thing. When guys say don't bring something, then don't bring something. They're not offended, that's why they said DON'T. But women play these Jedi mind tricks with each other. DON'T means "I have to say that, but I know you'll bring something anyhow."

omg...it's so true!

We went someplace once...DH didn't tell me where we were going.

it was birthday party for his cousins kid...and I show up without a card/gift...NOTHING!

damn straight I sent that kid a gift 2 days later.

 

[wide awake]

I agree with the OP on this one. Family meal or dinner party I spend a lot of time and effort on my menus...I can think of lots of meals, in fact the one I served last night, where scalloped potatos wouldn't go. If people feel they must bring something bring flowers, wine, candy...something that I don't need to mess w/ or serve w/ my carefully planned, cooked, and served meal. Actually, I would just wrap the potatos up and put them in the freezer.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Actually, I would just wrap the potatos up and put them in the freezer.

seriously?

omg...I'm sorry...that's beyond rude. I'd be TICKED if I brought a dish to serve and the host...a FAMILY MEMBER, packed it up and put it in the freezer.

JMO

 

[Chattyaholic]

I completely agree with you lillygator! And those that think you're "selfish" or "controlling" or it's "just a pan of potatoes" maybe do not stress themselves out over a family dinner and they just do not understand where we are coming from.

I HATE having company for dinner!! I HATE the work involved, the stress, the cooking, the decorating, the clean-up, EVERYTHING!!

That said, we ONLY host Christmas Day dinner in our family and I like things a certain way for it. I plan a menu and I ask people to bring certain things. So it puts added stress on me when someone insists on bringing something extra that is not "planned for."

One year my cousins's wife brought two peach pies. They weren't planned for. I already had dessert planned. I had to cut the pies, find plates, find a server, etc. Then because most of the pies were leftover she left them here, but DID want her pie plates back (which is understandable, they were glass ones) BUT...I only saw her once a year so I had to keep them for her a WHOLE YEAR!!! I thought she should have just taken them home with her then. I wouldn't do something like that to a hostess, and I don't like it when it's done to me.

 

[Lisa F]

One year my cousins's wife brought two peach pies. They weren't planned for. I already had dessert planned. I had to cut the pies, find plates, find a server, etc. Then because most of the pies were leftover she left them here, but DID want her pie plates back (which is understandable, they were glass ones) BUT...I only saw her once a year so I had to keep them for her a WHOLE YEAR!!! I thought she should have just taken them home with her then. I wouldn't do something like that to a hostess, and I don't like it when it's done to me.

OMG, this is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I can just picture someone spazzing out because an unautorized dessert was brought. I can picture it because my dad gets that way (he's the one who cooks and serves all of the holiday dinners). You do NOT bring unauthorized food into his house. I just didn't realize there were other people out there like that.

I guess I am just beyond easy going because I don't see the big deal about finding a knife and serving up some pie. If dessert was already planned certainly you had already planned some plates for it... can't you just slide over the authorized dessert to make room for a sliver of peach pie? Yes, I'm a rebel and sometimes I have both pumpkin and pecan pie on the same plate. Sometimes I even put fruit on that plate too! And when dessert is done, couldn't you have just taken the pie out of the dishes and put it on a paper plate and wrapped it in foil and given your cousin back her dishes?

I love my dad dearly too but he has the same kind of mental processes you have whenever something he hasn't planned for happens. It really makes me laugh how something like a dessert can cause so much frenzy! Ask me what happens if someone dries their hands on his dish towel and doesn't put it back exactly the way he had it before....

(it's the subject of at least a week of ranting about why can't people just stay out of his kitchen).

 

[ckay87]

Man...just when I thought I was doing everything right in this life, I come and read the Dis!

In my world, the polite question to ask when invited to a dinner/picnic/party is "what should I bring"

The host's polite response is "oh nothing just bring yourselves."

My polite response to that polite response is to bring something anyway.

Now you got me wondering how many people I know are peeved at me for doing that.

Personally my relationships with friends & family is waay more important than a peach pie or pan of potatoes. I'd just figure they mean well...and enjoy my company.