Why do people insist on...

[froglady]

Yet another 'discussion' over the phone....

Over a pan of potatoes!!!

Is it really worth it!!!

Boy, what a way to make your MIL feel included and accepted.

Boy, what a way to make your DIL feel competent to host a dinner.

 

[princess pooh]

DH and I like to do things Martha Stewart style sometimes but I'd never be unappreciative if someone brought a dish. We asked our guests not to bring anything to the last brunch we hosted but I didn't have a fit when someone made an "unauthorized" bean salad. It's not like they brought it to be spiteful or anything! It didn't go with the rest of the meal but I wouldn't dream of not serving it. That would make me a terrible hostess and, in my opinion, a pretty miserable person.

 

[Christine]

DH and I like to do things Martha Stewart style sometimes but I'd never be unappreciative if someone brought a dish. We asked our guests not to bring anything to the last brunch we hosted but I didn't have a fit when someone made an "unauthorized" bean salad. It's not like they brought it to be spiteful or anything! It didn't go with the rest of the meal but I wouldn't dream of not serving it. That would make me a terrible hostess and, in my opinion, a pretty miserable person.

Okay, sticking up for the OP here--it's not like her MIL showed up with the potatoes and she turned her away--nor do I think she would. She still in "talks" with her MIL about the dinner. Her MIL keeps asking to bring stuff and she keeps telling her it's not necessary. So far, I don't see how that is out of line. How did we get to her "not serving it?"

 

[disneymom3]

I agree with the OP on this one. Family meal or dinner party I spend a lot of time and effort on my menus...I can think of lots of meals, in fact the one I served last night, where scalloped potatos wouldn't go. If people feel they must bring something bring flowers, wine, candy...something that I don't need to mess w/ or serve w/ my carefully planned, cooked, and served meal. Actually, I would just wrap the potatos up and put them in the freezer.

Wow. Just wow. I even read your follow up post and I am still pretty shocked. Are you really serious? I cannot imagine hurting the feelings of one of my guests like that just because the dish didn't fit with my well thought out table arrangement.

I just cannot believe you would really not serve the item your guest brought. Would you really do that?

 

[princess pooh]

Okay, sticking up for the OP here--it's not like her MIL showed up with the potatoes and she turned her away--nor do I think she would. She still in "talks" with her MIL about the dinner. Her MIL keeps asking to bring stuff and she keeps telling her it's not necessary. So far, I don't see how that is out of line. How did we get to her "not serving it?"

I wasn't talking about the OP at all. She's venting and for all I know her MIL could be a controlling, starch addict. Not serving a dish that someone made had been brought up on this thread though. That's what I was reffering too.

 

[Christine]

I wasn't talking about the OP at all. She's venting and for all I know her MIL could be a controlling, starch addict. Not serving a dish that someone made had been brought up on this thread though. That's what I was reffering too.

Oh, okay, sorry.

 

[princess pooh]

Oh, okay, sorry.

It's really my fault for not quoting the post I was talking about. I wouldn't want the OP to think I was reffering to her.

 

[Jeafl]

I may have missed it, but I haven't seen anyone suggest doing what I do.

Yes, I do like to plan my meals out in advance, and I am particular about the menu. I even go so far as to set a a beautiful Martha Stewart-like table because I get into stuff like that. BUT, if someone asks me what they can bring, I just assign them something off my list that I was going to make anyway. I only do this with family by the way.

However, if someone takes the time to make something out of the goodness of their heart, then I thank them and throw it on the table with the rest of the food. It's one meal out of your life, certainly not worth stressing over.

The number one rule of successful entertaining is to make your guests feel welcome and comfortable, not make them feel bad for bringing unauthorized food.

 

[simpilotswife]

I am sorry, but it seems a little selfish and childish to be making a big deal about some scalloped potatos???

 

[simpilotswife]

One year my cousins's wife brought two peach pies. They weren't planned for. I already had dessert planned. I had to cut the pies, find plates, find a server, etc. Then because most of the pies were leftover she left them here, but DID want her pie plates back (which is understandable, they were glass ones) BUT...I only saw her once a year so I had to keep them for her a WHOLE YEAR!!! I thought she should have just taken them home with her then. I wouldn't do something like that to a hostess, and I don't like it when it's done to me.

Oh My God!! The horror!!

 

[KathyFP]

I wish my MIL would have once offered to bring something. DH and I have been together for 14 years (haven't spoken to MIL in 4) and in all of the years, she never once broght anything. Not even a gift at my baby shower (you better believe that she took a nice big plate of leftovers home). DD (7) has never received so much as a card from MIL.

I wish I had a MIL that cared enough.......

 

[Planogirl]

I love it when we are asked to bring something by a family member. I'm not much of a cook so I either buy a dessert that I know is good or bring something simple. I don't know why but I enjoy feeling included.

 

[wide awake]

disneymom 3,
Yep, into the freezer it would go, w/ wide eyes and a "thank-you for the gift, we'll enjoy it so much later". I was telling my sister about this thread...the first thing she said was "I'd cover it up with foil and put it in the freezer". There are quite a few issues that my sister and I hashed over...waste...I HATE wasting food and I can tell you that if those scalloped potatoes weren't frozen they would be wasted. Calories...don't do my any favors, please don't bring me any unasked for pies...sis and I were cracking up over that one too...I'm at my ideal weight, my sister is very close to hers...I spend lots of time and effort keeping it that way, and one of the things that works best is to eat only what I really want...now if I'm invited to your house for dinner I'm going to eat what you serve, and you'll never guess that it isn't my favorite thing in the world...I didn't even send my dad fruit cake or peanut brittle this year because I know he is dieting and so I asked him...he said please don't. I don't take anything to my sister's house w/o asking...I told her I was making tamales this morning and she hinted around that she wanted some...so when I talked to her later I offered to give her half when I see her tomorrow...she was thrilled. And for those of you that do holiday potlucks...fine...we don't do it that way...when my sister and I collaborate we decide what the meal will be, then what each is responsible for buying and cooking.

And no, much as I like scalloped potatoes they don't go with everything...not the tacos my sister is fixing tomorrow night, and not the game hens, wild rice stuffing w/ sausage and mushrooms, cauliflower cheddar gratin with horseradish crumbs, green salad, rolls, and cranberry orange relish I served last night.

 

[wilderness01]

I haven't read the whole thread but I was taught to always bring something as well. If the host absolutely insisted that I bring no food, then I would bring a bottle of wine/box of candy. I can not go anywhere emptyhanded as I really think that is poor manners. Hope it works out for you.

 

[stinkerbelle]

disneymom 3,
Yep, into the freezer it would go, w/ wide eyes and a "thank-you for the gift, we'll enjoy it so much later". I was telling my sister about this thread...the first thing she said was "I'd cover it up with foil and put it in the freezer". There are quite a few issues that my sister and I hashed over...waste....

Calories......I spend lots of time and effort keeping it that way, and one of the things that works best is to eat only what I really want...

wow...I'd be crucified if I did that to somethign my MIL/Mother/Brother brought me.

YOU don't have to eat the food...but maybe your guests wanted it?

wow

to each their own.

 

[NMAmy]

disneymom 3,
Yep, into the freezer it would go, w/ wide eyes and a "thank-you for the gift, we'll enjoy it so much later". I was telling my sister about this thread...the first thing she said was "I'd cover it up with foil and put it in the freezer". There are quite a few issues that my sister and I hashed over...waste...I HATE wasting food and I can tell you that if those scalloped potatoes weren't frozen they would be wasted. Calories...don't do my any favors, please don't bring me any unasked for pies...sis and I were cracking up over that one too...I'm at my ideal weight, my sister is very close to hers...I spend lots of time and effort keeping it that way, and one of the things that works best is to eat only what I really want....

See, maybe this is the difference. My parents were both incredible cooks and had huge gatherings for family and friends on a regular basis. They both grew up during the Depression and my dad always said that he felt it was rude to not have extra food after a party because perhaps someone wanted some more and it was all gone. Even with just the immediate family, we always had leftovers and I'm the same way.

Also, about the extra calories thing--perhaps your guests aren't watching their weight. I am not overweight and I eat a lot. I'd hate to go to someone's home for a meal and not get enough to eat because they were watching their weight or didn't want pie. Not everyone is on a diet and just because I might not want pie or dessert doesn't mean my guests don't. And being a good hostess means thinking of my guests first.

 

[lillygator]

Yet another 'discussion' over the phone....

Over a pan of potatoes!!!

Is it really worth it!!!

Boy, what a way to make your MIL feel included and accepted.

Snarky!!

She called me asking me again...it wasn't as though I was going out of my way to speak to her about this issue for the umpteenth time.

 

[lillygator]

and I don't know why I need to explain myself...but if someone showed up with something I would serve it.

I was really asking becuase I find it funny that people insist on bringing items when the host insists not to. Don't you think that is not very good manners? I mean, it says to me, I don't care what you say, I am going to bring whatever I want anyway.

 

[lillygator]

Well, after all that MIL brought a pecan pie and brownies!! At least it was dessert!!

 

[barkley]

how would you like to be in this situation: you hear from another family member that a sibling wants to hold thanksgiving at their home with "everyone" in attendance but hear nothing from the sibling until 2 days prior to thanksgiving when they leave a voice mail message "just wanted to make sure you know that you're more than welcome to come over for thanksgiving dinner-and if you come bring...x number of bottles of brand x drink (but only a certain flavor), x dessert but only x flavor of the dessert..." (um, by then we had already shopped for and planned our own thanksgiving dinner), and a repeat performance re. christmas eve-get a call the tuesday before (this time we had purposly not planned on anything for that day cuz we knew it would be the only opportunity/place we could hook up with mil) "just wanted to invite you over for christmas eve dinner" (us) "can we bring something" (them) "sure-great" (us) "can you suggest anything-side dish, salad, appetizer, dessert" (them) "we have everything covered-bring anything you'de like" (us) "should we let you know" (them) "no, we've got everything covered-but if you want to let us know it's fine". by thursday we decide to bring a side dish and email them the info. we get an email back with "thats fine-by the way can you also bring all the desserts for everybody" (ME VIA EMAIL) "sorry-i just finished all my prechristmas grocery shopping ;"

it never fails-if we try to plan something at our home it's never convenient for them, if it's something at their place noone knows about it until the last minute (and we are not the sole recipients of this treatment otherwise i would take it personaly).