Why do people get so judgy on these boards?

[angwill]

Sadly it won't change though. One of the issues with internet socialization is we forget we are talking to people... so all of the mean, terrible things you think in the back of your mind when somebody says something you don't like just come right out in writing. We know we are all people, but we aren't real we are just the words on a screen. Then the crazy is reacted to and you get a whole chain. If you sat all the same people in a room you would have people who on forums are ready to fight to the death calmly discussing why they disagree.

You know the odd thing about this is that most of the opinions on web boards that are judgemental are things I would never think in the back of my mind even if face to face. Some of the judgemental things people think and post about others have shocked me over the years. I sometimes think they must be miserable if they think these things about what other people do or what they look like etc. instead of just worrying about themselves and those that mean something in their lives. I must be exhausting in that mind with so many bad thoughts about everyone.

 

[crisi]

Granny-
This is a great debate.

I think when a personal attack comes out- it has gone too far. Maybe that's not classified as a judgement. What would you call it?

One of the boards I'm on moderates against personal attacks, but then has a special forum where you can make personal attacks against posters. So if I get really mad at someone, or think someone is really stupid, there is a place to call them out to do just that. You can go into a thread in that special forum with your name on it or not.

So you won't get called stupid in a thread, but you might get told "hey, I have something to say to you that isn't appropriate here.

Even there though, you get judgy - it is attacking someone to say they are a stupid or irresponsible person - it is not attacking them to say that their behavior is irresponsible or their idea is stupid. You can attack the idea or the behavior, and not the person - a line that after years of posting there, is still sometimes a little grey, but does make sense.

Here, there are honestly some posters that drive me batty, but I've never called a poster themselves irresponsible or stupid (to the best of my recollection). I have called people out on their behavior. If you are posting in January about not being able to make ends meet (and nothing catastrophic has happened to change your circumstances), and were posting in October about the trip to the Poly you had booked in November, and in November and December about the several thousand dollars worth of Christmas presents you bought your kids - maybe you NEED someone to give you directions to the clue bus.

 

[angwill]

I am all for debate. State your opinions and back them up. I am referring to the posts where people say others are "childish" and "crazy." There's no reason for that. No need to judge. Just debate the facts and express opinions about the topic.

You have cleverly tried to accuse me of the thing I have complained about. But expressing my opinion is different than judging.

My opinion is we should not judge. I am not judging people for judging. Just expressing that I don't like it.

If I have mislabeled the title or used the wrong word in my original post, then I hope this more clearly expresses where I am coming from.

 

[Jex]

I think all previous posters are silly:-D

 

[luckygirl539]

You know the odd thing about this is that most of the opinions on web boards that are judgemental are things I would never think in the back of my mind even if face to face. Some of the judgemental things people think and post about others have shocked me over the years. I sometimes think they must be miserable if they think these things about what other people do or what they look like etc. instead of just worrying about themselves and those that mean something in their lives. I must be exhausting in that mind with so many bad thoughts about everyone.

I agree

 

[Granny square]

I think all previous posters are silly:-D

Bwahahahahaha! I know I am but what are you?!

 

[luckygirl539]

I think all previous posters are silly:-D

Jex- are you being judgy?!

Jk

 

[Granny square]

Bwahahahahaha! I know I am but what are you?!

Dating myself. You are probably too young for peewee Herman huh?

 

[luckygirl539]

Dating myself. You are probably too young for peewee Herman huh?

I know you are, but what am I?!
(Peewee is my 5 year olds fav)

 

[Granny square]

I know you are, but what am I?! (Peewee is my 5 year olds fav)

I worked residential kids tx when it came out. I saw it 1000000 times I think...

Glad a new generation loves it!

 

[tvguy]

Anybody notice how opinionated people get on here? It's overkill. To each his own. . .

I guess everyone has their own line where something goes too for, but these are are called the DIS Discussion Boards for a reason.

From dictionary.com

dis·cus·sion
[dih-skuhsh-uhn] Show IPA

noun
an act or instance of discussing; consideration or examination by argument, comment, etc., especially to explore solutions; informal debate.

 

[Jex]

Bwahahahahaha! I know I am but what are you?!

I am rubber and you are glue....

 

[married2mm]

Anybody notice how opinionated people get on here? It's overkill. To each his own. . .

Opinionated people or people with opinions?
I view these differently.

Life would be very boring if no one expressed an opinion or we all shared the same opinions.

I agree some people are hiding behind their screens,and cyberbullies exist-in many forms.
There is absolutely no excuse for rudeness or unpleasantness,however the written word can be taken out of context with no visual or verbalized clues.

Just like in the "real" world,I don't engage in venomous altercations,but I have no problem expressing my opinion,without being negative or argumentative.
If I find this kind of behaviour online,I go elsewhere.

I certainly don't find the threads I've read on here to be overkill.

 

[disney1990]

Personally I think it is because people are Faceless. I really don't believe that people would say half of the things that they say if they were face to face with a person. Easy to hide behind a computer screen. IMHO

 

[North of Mouse]

Anybody notice how opinionated people get on here? It's overkill. To each his own. . .

Well, to be perfectly honest, people are 'asked' for their opinions, right??

Most threads start out by asking about a certain subject, or "what do you think I should do, or what would you do in this situation"?

So, I think it's only fair that people would respond in kind by giving their opinions. Some people, by nature, just state it more forcefully than others.

Also, people tend to ask for advice on some pretty controversial stuff just setting themselves up to be judged. They also can get downright personal, and ask advice on things that 'only' they can really work out. I think a lot of threads are started just to stir the pot, then the OP's get upset when people give advice they don't want to hear.

Hey, it's a 'public' forum, right???

JMO!! LOL

 

[irishsharon]

I have gotten lots of great advice on this board.I will admit that there have been times I have posted when I was very emotional(bad move on my part) and really was looking for kind words and have gotten slammed by many harsh words. I am more careful about what I share and say.I think before you start any thread you have to be ready for the good, bad and unfortunately the mean.

 

[luckygirl539]

Personally I think it is because people are Faceless. I really don't believe that people would say half of the things that they say if they were face to face with a person. Easy to hide behind a computer screen. IMHO

Agreed

Anyone notice they closed a thread today because of the personal attacks? I can't find it anymore but I'm pretty sure that was the reason given.

 

[angwill]

Personally I think it is because people are Faceless. I really don't believe that people would say half of the things that they say if they were face to face with a person. Easy to hide behind a computer screen. IMHO

Very true. It is a way to get out frustrations on someone unknown. I wonder if they think or even care that it is an actual person and words do hurt or do they not care as long as they feel better afterwards?