Why do people get so judgy on these boards?

[Granny square]

Its normal in my house as well. There ARE conversations you don't talk about in real life without an invite - like finances. But this is the budget board, by posting here you are inviting the conversation.

One of my sons is a freshman. I think college freshman are the top of the chart when it comes to opinionated. Some wild conversation here lately!

I believe that there are almost always valid facts in both sides of most issues. It tweets me when people don't realize this. Lol, so that is where my over zeal originates much of the time.

Lol, we all have triggers or passions.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Your title is why do people get judgy. The post content is then "have you noticed?" You are asking for an opinion. At least, that was how I read the combination of your title plus your post content.

Yes, I have noticed. That is normal for every internet board I've participated in in fifteen years. I think Mommy boards are the worst, myself, and after about a month decided that I would be Mommy board free. Once in a while, if I want to remind myself what gasoline on a fire looks like, I can go look at vaccination, breastfeeding, or natural childbirth threads on a Mommy board.

Oh, don't forget the stay at home mom vs. working mom.
My youngest is 13.5 and even back then I was amazed at the conversation. To some, being a working mom is evil and we should all be home no matter what. Even if that means having no health/life insurance, no retirement savings, no transportation, eating ramen noodles every night, and basically relying on the charity of family to get by. If that's what someone chooses, that's fine.
I can totally understand how people can vary in opinions but instead of just saying, "to each his own" or "different strokes for different folks" some just have to bash others for believing something different.
It really gets out of hand & I had to get away too by the time ds was 6 months old. There's never going to be and end to that argument.

 

[Gracie09]

Your title is why do people get judgy. The post content is then "have you noticed?" You are asking for an opinion. At least, that was how I read the combination of your title plus your post content. Yes, I have noticed. That is normal for every internet board I've participated in in fifteen years. I think Mommy boards are the worst, myself, and after about a month decided that I would be Mommy board free. Once in a while, if I want to remind myself what gasoline on a fire looks like, I can go look at vaccination, breastfeeding, or natural childbirth threads on a Mommy board.

Yup mommy boards are the worst! I was poisoning my daughter because I couldn't breast feed and formula fed and then I vaccinated!! I'm surprised cps didn't show up at my door the way some reacted.
Dis boards are tame compared to mommy boards.

 

[crisi]

I think opinions are fine. I think it's when people judge others that gets me.

Like if my opinion is that I like FP+ than I'm an idiot (now that's harsh)

Or if I say my kid was scared in the ToT line but I made him ride and he loved it (than I get called a bad parent)

Both those responses can be considered someone's opinion of me but it's also a judgement and not necessary.

It's the wording that can get outta control and sometimes it's so hard to read through text what someone's trying to say.

All opinions should be allowed but the judgement is what makes me mad.

[ And that's my opinion ]

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

There are some things I know better than to admit to on this board. I would never admit that I "forced" my child on a ride - because I know that would be a hot button on parenting styles. I have admitted on here - because I can justify it - that I have been known to keep a balance on a credit card . Generally, I pay them off in full, but there are months where I have better uses for my money.

And I tend to avoid the family board, which can get too mommy boardish for my tastes.

But when I do want to talk about a controversial option, I'll throw it out. "What to do with a scared child" - I might mention that "some of us" make our child ride it if we are sure they will like it, others prepare their children ahead, some let the kids call the shots. Now which of those I myself do, isn't in the equation - judge or don't judge. And frankly, my kids aren't yours. My nephew is a VERY DIFFERENT child than my son and you couldn't have success doing the same thing.

 

[ShayBells]

There are some things I know better than to admit to on this board. I would never admit that I "forced" my child on a ride - because I know that would be a hot button on parenting styles. I have admitted on here - because I can justify it - that I have been known to keep a balance on a credit card . Generally, I pay them off in full, but there are months where I have better uses for my money. And I tend to avoid the family board, which can get too mommy boardish for my tastes. But when I do want to talk about a controversial option, I'll throw it out. "What to do with a scared child" - I might mention that "some of us" make our child ride it if we are sure they will like it, others prepare their children ahead, some let the kids call the shots. Now which of those I myself do, isn't in the equation - judge or don't judge. And frankly, my kids aren't yours. My nephew is a VERY DIFFERENT child than my son and you couldn't have success doing the same thing.

See I never used the word "forced". That sounds so much more harsh, then I made him because I knew he'd love it. I believe it was the whole topic of the thread and I said my kid was looking forward to the ride than in line he got scared I got down on his level and said you wanted to ride this ride and I promise you'll love it. He was fine than. He wasn't screaming or tantruming and others assumed he was because I said a little word like I "made" him.

This is just another example of how people judge without getting the whole story. I said I made him ride and you immediately jumped to the word "forced" which makes me picture an adult holding down a child pushing him on a ride he doesn't want to go on. It's a whole different word. Than others come on and just read your reply that says "forced" and it brings in others thinking Im awful.

I didn't admit to anything I was trying to give advice and I got bashed. Than I just explained myself.

No big deal. But my point is that there's a difference between having an opinion of something like FP+ and judging someone you don't know.

It happens and it always will but it seemed all the responses were about opinions and maybe I was wrong but I took the OP in saying people were "judgy" (meaning judging others??)

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[crisi]

Yup mommy boards are the worst! I was poisoning my daughter because I couldn't breast feed and formula fed and then I vaccinated!! I'm surprised cps didn't show up at my door the way some reacted.
Dis boards are tame compared to mommy boards.

The reason I left Mommy boards wasn't even me. A woman was on the board who had a six week old daughter that wouldn't latch. She was pumping and feeding the baby with an eye dropper (so not to get nipple confusion) and had a toddler at home. Her posts pretty much sang PPD (and who could blame her, she must have been getting very little sleep) and the doctor was going to put the baby in the hospital for malnutrition if she didn't start bottle feeding since the baby hadn't gained sufficient weight. And the women on the board kept telling this poor mother that she was doing the right thing and she should switch pediatricians - the baby would latch any day she just needed to keep trying, and if she bottle fed, she'd get nipple confusion and all would be lost!

And at that point I thought - nope, not getting anything of value here. These people are dangerously crazy. (How is that for a judgement).

 

[DisneyFansInLINY]

This site is a lot nicer than another site. I was actually called an idiot by a moderator on that site. All I did was post my opinion about a movie. I even wrote to the owner of the site that this was clearly a case of cyber bullying. He wrote back to tell me to go see a therapist. But of course the thread was removed because they knew that they could get in trouble. And I will never use that site again.

Since people read things differently, they might misconstrue another poster's tone and take it for having an attitude. So then they will become defensive. Other people are just very confrontational and judgmental because they live in glass houses. I am not perfect. I know I have gotten defensive at times. But responses are a reaction to another person's actions. Since no one is perfect and everyone has bad days, we are all guilty of posting harsh comments at least once in our cyber lives.

There is a big difference between being judgmental and being mean. Everyone has their own opinion and ideas about things and that can lead to disagreements over just about anything. But belittling someone is where I draw the line. I see no harm in having a debate. However, shaming someone is a whole other story and that is just plain wrong. I hate when I read threads in which a group of posters are attacking one person.

 

[Granny square]

The reason I left Mommy boards wasn't even me. A woman was on the board who had a six week old daughter that wouldn't latch. She was pumping and feeding the baby with an eye dropper (so not to get nipple confusion) and had a toddler at home. Her posts pretty much sang PPD (and who could blame her, she must have been getting very little sleep) and the doctor was going to put the baby in the hospital for malnutrition if she didn't start bottle feeding since the baby hadn't gained sufficient weight. And the women on the board kept telling this poor mother that she was doing the right thing and she should switch pediatricians - the baby would latch any day she just needed to keep trying, and if she bottle fed, she'd get nipple confusion and all would be lost! And at that point I thought - nope, not getting anything of value here. These people are dangerously crazy. (How is that for a judgement).

That makes my heart sink to my toes reading it even now. I would have gone through the roof in fury. Poor sweet baby and messed up mom. :/

 

[Granny square]

This site is a lot nicer than another site. I was actually called an idiot by a moderator on that site. All I did was post my opinion about a movie. I even wrote to the owner of the site that this was clearly a case of cyber bullying. He wrote back to tell me to go see a therapist. But of course the thread was removed because they knew that they could get in trouble. And I will never use that site again. Since people read things differently, they might misconstrue another poster's tone and take it for having an attitude. So then they will become defensive. Other people are just very confrontational and judgmental because they live in glass houses. I am not perfect. I know I have gotten defensive at times. But responses are a reaction to another person's actions. Since no one is perfect and everyone has bad days, we are all guilty of posting harsh comments at least once in our cyber lives. There is a big difference between being judgmental and being mean. Everyone has their own opinion and ideas about things and that can lead to disagreements over just about anything. But belittling someone is where I draw the line. I see no harm in having a debate. However, shaming someone is a whole other story and that is just plain wrong. I hate when I read threads in which a group of posters are attacking one person.

I think we all have our glass house sounding topics. I am a mess in many ways but not in others. I could really care less about egg in the stuffing (a really safe example) but would argue that easily and fervently with family. I would have been banned from that mommy board for what I would have said to those ignorant women who cared more about a belief system than a starving infant.

 

[Eastern]

One time I posted that I 'made' my kids get dressed up for a certain dinner. Another poster really went off on me and told me to get a life. It's like that on the internets

 

[BadgerGirl84]

The DIS would be pretty boring if people kept their opinions to themselves. What some people call being "judgy" I call an open discussion of ideas. Many times someone posts a WWYD type thread and then gets offended when people recommend something other than what the OP wants to do.

 

[luckygirl539]

The people in your real life don't have and express their opinions? I can't imagine that. It seems so boring.

I live in a college setting with extremely well read people. Lively conversation is the norm.

Actually my husband and I both have our masters. We love to debate with friends and family. Nothing boring here. I think it's more the "judgy" tone that seems to come out on these boards. Things that are said on here are not often heard in normal conversation. On here, people say some mean things to each other.
Also- one of the pp is right. Things can be taken wrong in text since there is no tone or body language. Then they escalate. For example, the quote above at first offended me. As if I must not be educated or around educated people. So -my post started off a little defensive.

 

[Granny square]

Actually my husband and I both have our masters. We love to debate with friends and family. Nothing boring here. I think it's more the "judgy" tone that seems to come out on these boards. Things that are said on here are not often heard in normal conversation. On here, people say some mean things to each other. Also- one of the pp is right. Things can be taken wrong in text since there is no tone or body language. Then they escalate. For example, the quote above at first offended me. As if I must not be educated or around educated people. So -my post started off a little defensive.

Ok, maybe I'm misunderstanding. If you aren't against debating then what sort of thing are you complaining about?

Everyone judges, just as you have in this thread. You've decided what is appropriate and what isn't and by doing so categorized people as right or wrong. You might not SAY "you are a witch" if you state something I see as judgy but ya are

 

[Granny square]

As to my comment about this being a college town, and the debate, I'm talking about some of the greatest minds in the world on some subjects. Lol, strong opinions... Whether about stupid stuff or vital stuff

(Mine is not one of those minds) while I am well published in my field that is because I had to be to keep my job.

 

[luckygirl539]

Ok, maybe I'm misunderstanding. If you aren't against debating then what sort of thing are you complaining about?

Everyone judges, just as you have in this thread. You've decided what is appropriate and what isn't and by doing so categorized people as right or wrong. You might not SAY "you are a witch" if you state something I see as judgy but ya are

I am all for debate. State your opinions and back them up. I am referring to the posts where people say others are "childish" and "crazy." There's no reason for that. No need to judge. Just debate the facts and express opinions about the topic.

You have cleverly tried to accuse me of the thing I have complained about. But expressing my opinion is different than judging.

My opinion is we should not judge. I am not judging people for judging. Just expressing that I don't like it.

If I have mislabeled the title or used the wrong word in my original post, then I hope this more clearly expresses where I am coming from.

 

[Granny square]

Yes and no. If an opinion one ups you for being "less judgy" then it is the same thing. That is what opinions about the behaviors of others do.

Not working for clever just saying your opinion about the behavior of others is judgy. No more no less.

 

[luckygirl539]

Yes and no. If an opinion one ups you for being "less judgy" then it is the same thing. That is what opinions about the behaviors of others do.

Not working for clever just saying your opinion about the behavior of others is judgy. No more no less.

Granny-
This is a great debate.

I think when a personal attack comes out- it has gone too far. Maybe that's not classified as a judgement. What would you call it?

 

[Granny square]

Granny- This is a great debate. I think when a personal attack comes out- it has gone too far. Maybe that's not classified as a judgement. What would you call it?

I'm good with that one. .

Lol, I think that I classify judging more literally. I am not really against judging because I think that is a part of all of us and how we moderate our own choices.

Now mean isn't cool. Unless someone is encouraging the abuse of babies. Lol , and I've admitted I would have been honest and hen banned!;(

 

[mrsklamc]

Two reasons I've really noticed-

1) people who need to be morally superior. They will find a way two bring their pet topic up whether the thread has anything to do with it, or not. (completely fictitious example- "should we spend the day at AKL or Epcot" gets responded to with "They serve HFCS at Epcot and HFCS is the devil!!!!!!")

2) Some people seem to have no clue that not everyone had the same advantages/chances/opportunities that they have.

 

[Granny square]

Two reasons I've really noticed- 1) people who need to be morally superior. They will find a way two bring their pet topic up whether the thread has anything to do with it, or not. (completely fictitious example- "should we spend the day at AKL or Epcot" gets responded to with "They serve HFCS at Epcot and HFCS is the devil!!!!!!") 2) Some people seem to have no clue that not everyone had the same advantages/chances/opportunities that they have.

Love your example!

And you make a very good second point. Context means a lot. On all sides if an issue.