Why do parents insist on bringing gifts when the invite says "No Gifts!"

[pearlieq]

Let the kid be a kid. Let them get presents from their friends and let them actually keep them. Is it really the worst thing in the world? Can you not teach your child to help others in some other way? I just think that using a 7 year old's birthday party to make some sort of statement is wrong. Part of being 7 and going to a party is going to pick out that special something for your friend. Is it really terrible to let kids do things like that?

I know that was the OP's situation, but I honestly wasn't thinking about it in terms of kids. I was thinking about adults who would prefer, for whatever reason, to celebrate without gifts. I think that should be respected.

As far as kids go, I really don't care too much. They're always going to have too many toys and most of them, from any source, are going to be plastic junk that will be broken or forgotten in a couple of months.

I don't think 7 is too early to start planting seeds about waste, consumption, and the concept of "enough", but their birthday presents isn't really a hill I'd be prepared to die on.

I'd probably scale back what we gave them, both for their birthday and thoughout the year, rather than pushing for them to not get presents from their friends at parties.

 

[testifyoncruises]

sold videos on line of making whoopee,

Never once said that. Boy talk about jump to conclusions.

The only reason I brought up that EPI quote was because so many were insisting that the etiquette books say one thing when times have changed.

 

[testifyoncruises]

Let the kid be a kid. Let them get presents from their friends and let them actually keep them. Is it really the worst thing in the world? Can you not teach your child to help others in some other way? I just think that using a 7 year old's birthday party to make some sort of statement is wrong. Part of being 7 and going to a party is going to pick out that special something for your friend. Is it really terrible to let kids do things like that?

That is part of YOU being a kid and YOUR kid being a kid and what YOU think seven is going to be.

It is not what we think it is to be. Yes it is terrible to have toys that never got played with, sat unloved and unopened and wasted.

Part of being a girlie girl is spending the day with her friends doing something special and out of the ordinary and memorable. I can tell you a child is not going to remember one birthday from another nor what gift they got or from whom.

They will remember a special limo ride with their friends, their first sleepover and getting to dip with their friends delights into warm melted chocolate.

 

[pearlieq]

The only reason I brought up that EPI quote was because so many were insisting that the etiquette books say one thing when times have changed.

The thing is, though, that you can find SOMEONE to say almost anything is OK now. Doesn't actually make it so.

I think the concept that birthday presents are always a free will offering and that mentioning them on an invitation implies that they are expected and is therefore impolite stands.

 

[mum4jenn]

I do agree that if you write no gifts please that you should honor that request.




Please excuse me......Paris just called and it seems my sourdough is ready to go into the oven. I must zip over to take care of it. It IS all about the experience after all!!!

 

[robinb]

They will remember a special limo ride with their friends, their first sleepover and getting to dip with their friends delights into warm melted chocolate.

And maybe she will remember that she wasn't allowed any presents too. I am really starting to wonder who the party is for ... you or your daughter.

 

[BelleWDW]

Never once said that. Boy talk about jump to conclusions.

.

So why not tell what this means?

Yesterday, 06:22 PM #8
testifyoncruises
Mouseketeer


Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 124

DP and I used to make money broadcasting a webcam over the net and we were involved in a certain lifestyle before DD was born

 

[testifyoncruises]

And maybe she will remember that she wasn't allowed any presents too. I am really starting to wonder who the party is for ... you or your daughter.

Yes I am sure a daughter who has been on six and now soon to be seven cruises, visited 27 states, two Canadian provinces, several island nations, plus got to visit her cow in Switzerland and had a limo party and melting chocolate is going to remember I and DP requested no gifts on her invitation.

 

[testifyoncruises]

So why not tell what this means?

It certainly doesn't mean what you think it does.

 

[robinb]

Yes I am sure a daughter who has been on six and now soon to be seven cruises, visited 27 states, two Canadian provinces, several island nations, plus got to visit her cow in Switzerland and had a limo party and melting chocolate is going to remember I and DP requested no gifts on her invitation.

I am the last person you want to get into a pissing match with about whose kid is more well traveled .

 

[JerseyJanice]

Isn't this also the poster who has pre-ordered the family members coffins and use them as decoration or functional pieces of furniture?

I missed that thread!

For me, it isn't any single thread or comment--it's the whole combination that I find wildly original and creative. The double entendre's are brilliant as well, for example: "their first sleepover and getting to dip with their friends delights into warm melted chocolate." Wicked!

I know I've busted you, ToC, but believe me--I'm finding you and your threads very entertaining.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Yes I am sure a daughter who has been on six and now soon to be seven cruises, visited 27 states, two Canadian provinces, several island nations, plus got to visit her cow in Switzerland and had a limo party and melting chocolate is going to remember I and DP requested no gifts on her invitation.

See, this is the kind of just listing off all the things you do for no real reason that can come off as snobbish. It really does. We could all get into a "my life is better than your life match and I give more kids more and better exoerinces match" but really isn't that silly?
And you might be surprised by what kids remember. Most people hang onto the memories of feeling left out or otherwise having their feelings hurt more than the good stuff, sad but true.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

That is part of YOU being a kid and YOUR kid being a kid and what YOU think seven is going to be.

It is not what we think it is to be. Yes it is terrible to have toys that never got played with, sat unloved and unopened and wasted.

Part of being a girlie girl is spending the day with her friends doing something special and out of the ordinary and memorable. I can tell you a child is not going to remember one birthday from another nor what gift they got or from whom.

They will remember a special limo ride with their friends, their first sleepover and getting to dip with their friends delights into warm melted chocolate.

Did I once say that I don't do out of the ordinary or memorable things with my kids? I can assure you that they each have amazing parties with their friends. We also think the experience is important. I just don't think that letting them get presents is such a horror. Cut back on what YOU buy if the kid has too much.
I also don't get your whole "girlie girl" reasoning. Should I call my boys "boyie boys" when they spend time with their friends doing something special? Does it make you more feminine to spend the day doing something fun with your friends?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

See, this is the kind of just listing off all the things you do for no real reason that can come off as snobbish. It really does. We could all get into a "my life is better than your life match and I give more kids more and better exoerinces match" but really isn't that silly?
And you might be surprised by what kids remember. Most people hang onto the memories of feeling left out or otherwise having their feelings hurt more than the good stuff, sad but true.

There is really nothing to be impressed about. The OP is a travel agent. It's not like Ed McMahon came with the prize truck.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Did I once say that I don't do out of the ordinary or memorable things with my kids? I can assure you that they each have amazing parties with their friends. We also think the experience is important. I just don't think that letting them get presents is such a horror. Cut back on what YOU buy if the kid has too much.
I also don't get your whole "girlie girl" reasoning. Should I call my boys "boyie boys" when they spend time with their friends doing something special? Does it make you more feminine to spend the day doing something fun with your friends?

The girlie girl emphasis confuses me too. Talk about imposing your will no your kid! I get some of both sides of that argument. I see taht good parents are constantly imposing their will by making their kids behave, learn, etc. Parents need to push kids to be responisble, safe, resepctful, etc., but shoudl not push their kids to like certain things or fufill preconceived roles (ie it is okay to insist your kid clean his room but not aht he play baseball because you always wanted a son to play baseball with; if he would rather take art lessons support him in that, do not impose your will for him to be a ball player). The no gifts thing is probably somewhere in about the iffy middle ground of the contium for me.

 

[BelleWDW]

I can remember how EXCITED my kids were at their first High school dance and having a LIMO!!!!


Your poor kid, having had one at 7,-what's left to be excited about?


And I just looked at your gazzillion threads since joining 2 weeks ago-

(can it only be that short of a time? -we feel we know everything about you!)


.........anyway-you brag.

 

[Jennasis]

If the invitation said no gifts, I wouldn't bring a gift. I would probably pick up a funny card though.

 

[NHdisneylover]

There is really nothing to be impressed about. The OP is a travel agent. It's not like Ed McMahon came with the prize truck.

How do you know she is a travel agent?
Don't worry, I am not impressed. Two reasons (besides the lack of faith in her truthfulness):
1. I know that many, many great memories and experiences can be had close to home. Hauling a kid all over (the US and Canada and cruise ports) alone does not a well rounded person make. It CAN be an amazing thing and might well be for OPs DD, but it is not impressive all by itself.
2. Like robinB, I am very much the wrong person to get into that match with

 

[testifyoncruises]

We could all get into a "my life is better than your life match and I give more kids more and better exoerinces match" but really isn't that silly?

Never once did I say my life was better. I just pointed out FACTS again how my child is not for want and despite what one poster assumes, is just not going to happen because DP and I requested no gifts.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

How do you know she is a travel agent?
Don't worry, I am not impressed. Two reasons (besides the lack of faith in her truthfulness):
1. I know that many, many great memories and experiences can be had close to home. Hauling a kid all over (the US and Canada and cruise ports) alone does not a well rounded person make. It CAN be an amazing thing and might well be for OPs DD, but it is not impressive all by itself.
2. Like robinB, I am very much the wrong person to get into that match with

Google her user name.