Why do parents insist on bringing gifts when the invite says "No Gifts!"

[Andy B]

Believe me, a no gift party IS an event. Cannot believe for the life of me figure out why some people are so hung up on the idea of bringing a gift. As said earlier in this thread bringing a gift is done to relieve a person's guilt when non in requested. That implies the party is about them when it is not.

Do you find it rude when someone says on an invitation or announcement, "In lieu of flowers, the family request you give to XYZ charity?" How about a wedding invite where it says where a couple is registered? Honestly it is about respecting the wishes of the person sending out the invitation or making the announcement.

I bet some of these are the same people who when they do give money gift a gift card instead of cold hard cash.

But you are not making a request for you but imposing your will on your Daughter, and while you may feel this is your right I wonder if this will become an issue in their social interactions without parents.

 

[disykat]

I find it really interesting that people think it's snobbish not to want gifts, but it's okay to thank the giver and immediately donate them to Good Will after the party?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I disagree. If someone is hosting an event that historically a gift was brought to that event and the host wanted to change that indicating on the invitation for the current year's event a change is where that notice of change should go. If I had a gathering and made a specific request of my guests I would expect them to honor that request or if that request made them feel uncomfortable they can choose to not attend the event in question.

Are you an adult? It is imo wrong to decide that your child can't have birthday presents from his/her friends. I also understand what you are saying but say you requested no presents and your bff brought you a bouquet of flowers from her garden because she knows you enjoy them? Would you be offended and tell her that she should have stayed home? Or would you say thank you and appreciate that she thought of you?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I find it really interesting that people think it's snobbish not to want gifts, but it's okay to thank the giver and immediately donate them to Good Will after the party?

I don't agree with that either.

 

[Andy B]

I find it really interesting that people think it's snobbish not to want gifts, but it's okay to thank the giver and immediately donate them to Good Will after the party?

I don't, at least not when they are someone else's gifts ie. a DD.

And can someone tell me what Festivus is?

 

[testifyoncruises]

But you are not making a request for you but imposing your will on your Daughter, and while you may feel this is your right I wonder if this will become an issue in their social interactions without parents.

Guess what, it is my right as a parent to impose my will in my daughter. DP and I take care of the care, feeding and raising of her and we do get to impose our will on her. We have been doing it since birth and will continue to do so as long as she lives in our house. That is what you get when you are a parent.

 

[Andy B]

Guess what, it is my right as a parent to impose my will in my daughter. DP and I take care of the care, feeding and raising of her and we do get to impose our will on her. We have been doing it since birth and will continue to do so as long as she lives in our house. That is what you get when you are a parent.

I too am a parent but did not get that chapter in the book of parenting.

 

[Tink888]

It is completely rude to mention gifts at all. It should not be an expectation of a party at all. Mentioning it implies that you expect something.

I disagree, maybe it just means that they realize giving a gift is the norm and customary (as this so many of the responses to the OP have proven) and they want the people invited to know they aren't expecting anything other than the company of the guest.

But you are not making a request for you but imposing your will on your Daughter, and while you may feel this is your right I wonder if this will become an issue in their social interactions without parents.

Respectfully, don't we as parents impose our will on our kids each and every day in almost every situation imaginable? My kids aren't upstairs cleaning their room right now because they want to be, I'm imposing my will on them. It's part of my job in raising them and hopefully along the way they'll learn some good lessons which will carry through onto adulthood.

 

[testifyoncruises]

All these people who are throwing out what the "etiquette books say." lines should perhaps read what is written at the Emily Post Institute.

http://www.etiquettedaily.com/2009/06/no-gifts-please-what-to-say-on-an-invitation/

ifts are expected for birthday and anniversary parties, but when honorees really don’t want presents, their wishes should be respected. In the past, any reference to gifts on invitations was considered in poor taste, because guests were assumed to know the occasions when gifts were obligatory, and even today, it’s incorrect to mention gifts on wedding invitations. But in light of the current gifts-for-every craze, it’s a courtesy to inform guests when presents are not expected. The etiquette is to write “No gifts, please” at the bottom of the invitation – or to tell invitees when inviting them in person or by phone.

When you receive an invitation with such a request, it should be honored. Showing up with a present when asked not to would embarrass the hosts, the honoree, and other guests who, correctly, didn’t bring anything. If you want to give a special token of affection, you may do so at another time.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I find it really interesting that people think it's snobbish not to want gifts, but it's okay to thank the giver and immediately donate them to Good Will after the party?

I can't speak for other posters, but what I was saying could be taken as snobbish (note I didnot say it was snobbish) was the WAY in which the OP suggested that the reason her hcild did not need/want gifts was that they were going to Switzerland a ocuple of weeks after the party. No real connection between gifts and travel to Switzerland you know? I think OP meant to illustrate that they are well enough off not to need gifts (though I belive gifts are not normally meant ot fufill only needs anyway), but it came off a bit as a convienient way to let eberyone know she was taking an expensive trip. Again, I am not saying she intended it that way, but wanted her to know it comes across as such, as a new poster, she may want to be more careful in what and how she says things (and what she chooses to share here).

 

[Andy B]

My wife's first degree was on the sociology of gift exchange in society and it has a complex function not just the obvious.

There is a truism that it is better to give than receive and I know that I prefer the feeling gained from giving an appreciated gift more than receiving but I guess the OP does not get that.

 

[Liberty Belle]

All these people who are throwing out what the "etiquette books say." lines should perhaps read what is written at the Emily Post Institute.

http://www.etiquettedaily.com/2009/06/no-gifts-please-what-to-say-on-an-invitation/

I guess I'm old school. I liken it to holding out your hands saying "no applause, please" before anyone has even started to clap.

 

[Andy B]

I disagree, maybe it just means that they realize giving a gift is the norm and customary (as this so many of the responses to the OP have proven) and they want the people invited to know they aren't expecting anything other than the company of the guest.



Respectfully, don't we as parents impose our will on our kids each and every day in almost every situation imaginable? My kids aren't upstairs cleaning their room right now because they want to be, I'm imposing my will on them. It's part of my job in raising them and hopefully along the way they'll learn some good lessons which will carry through onto adulthood.

I don't impose my will on my children in the way you seem to imply, I think my job is to bring them up in such a way that they do not need me to be imposing my will on them.

 

[testifyoncruises]

I don't impose my will on my children in the way you seem to imply, I think my job is to bring them up in such a way that they do not need me to be imposing my will on them.

I disagree. From the time you first told you child to not run out into the street, you were imposing your will on your child. From telling them to go to school, you are imposing your will on them.

I do believe that our role as parents are to raise children who are independent of us, but as long as they live in our house, they will abide by the will we put on them from the television they watch, to books they read, to the friends they hang out with.

 

[Andy B]

I disagree. From the time you first told you child to not run out into the street, you were imposing your will on your child. From telling them to go to school, you are imposing your will on them.

I do believe that our role as parents are to raise children who are independent of us, but as long as they live in our house, they will abide by the will we put on them from the television they watch, to books they read, to the friends they hang out with.

Well we do differ then.

 

[Tink888]

I don't impose my will on my children in the way you seem to imply, I think my job is to bring them up in such a way that they do not need me to be imposing my will on them.

What way am I implying? Do you set rules for your children or have you allowed them free will to do whatever they want since birth? Maybe you don't think you are imposing your will on your children but you are. We all are and do every day. As they age, we impose less of our will on our children but for anyone to say that they never have would be very hard to believe.

 

[pearlieq]

There is a truism that it is better to give than receive and I know that I prefer the feeling gained from giving an appreciated gift more than receiving but I guess the OP does not get that.

Again, though, gift giving is not about you.

 

[pearlieq]

I don't agree with that either.

So what do you propose, then?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

So what do you propose, then?

Let the kid be a kid. Let them get presents from their friends and let them actually keep them. Is it really the worst thing in the world? Can you not teach your child to help others in some other way? I just think that using a 7 year old's birthday party to make some sort of statement is wrong. Part of being 7 and going to a party is going to pick out that special something for your friend. Is it really terrible to let kids do things like that?

 

[BelleWDW]

All these people who are throwing out what the "etiquette books say." lines should perhaps read what is written at the Emily Post Institute.

http://www.etiquettedaily.com/2009/06/no-gifts-please-what-to-say-on-an-invitation/

Odd that you are quoting the person who wants all people to act the same..................for someone who uses coffins as end tables, sold videos on line of making whoopee, renting cows in Switzerland and giving your 6 year old a swig of wine daily!