Why do I want a baby NOW?

[chell]

Michelle, I'm so sorry for your loss! You have very apparently always been such a strong person and I'm sure that this experience will make you even stronger in the long run. I'm sure that you will be a great mother. Don't doubt yourself. A woman like you with such a strong desire to love and care for a child.............it's a no brainer to me....any child (your biological child or an adopted child) would be blessed to enter this world with your love and guidance!

Thanks! You are so sweet! Where have you been? I haven't seen you around in AGES. I'm only about an hour from Charlotte now. We need to get together soon.

Thanks poohandwendy!

 

[kaabost]

Thanks! You are so sweet! Where have you been? I haven't seen you around in AGES. I'm only about an hour from Charlotte now. We need to get together soon.

Thanks poohandwendy!

We certainly do need to! Let's have lunch sometime. Do you remember talking about 3-4 years ago when we both lived in the Boone area? We need to pick up on that! PM me, let's set something up. Oops, maybe I should have pm'ed this. Oh well. Maybe the next poster will get this thread back on topic.

 

[JennaTX]

Hey Chell!

I personally have not had to go through this, since I have been blessed with two children. But one of my best friends has struggled with infertility for the last 15 years. She has finally given up, and unfortunately for her, her DH will not consider adoption or any of the other options available. So from my relationship with her, I understand the deep need and want you are feeling to have a child.

Do not worry about being a good mother, in the short time I have gotten to know you from the DIS ladies meet thread, you would be a wonderful mother. Besides, no one is a perfect mother. You obviously have the love to give a child, which is the most important thing.

I do think that fathers are important, my DH is the most amazing father to my children, and I am so grateful for the relationship they have with him. On the other hand, like some have stated sometimes a father dies, sometimes people get divorced, sometimes fathers leave their families and start new ones, etc.

While I do think this is a big decision and it should be well thought out (which it seems like you have already done). I also think that is a big enough decision that you need to not worry about what other people might say and do what is right for you!

 

[chell]

Thanks Jenna!

 

[scarlett873]

You seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders about the whole situation! I understand about that clock just tick, tick, ticking away. It was killing me for awhile there. DH and I tried the clomid route...nothing. We've decided that we would rather adopt than to continue to suffer the heartache of negative pregnancy tests every month. Once we have our sweet little girl home with us, we may try the next step in treatments, but right now, we both know that our daughter will be born and waiting for us in China very, very soon! We are both thrilled to pieces with our decision and the ache has finally been lifted from my heart. I already have so, so much love for this little girl...and she hasn't even been born yet!

Good luck in whatever you decide! You'll know what decision is right for you!

 

[chell]

Thanks Brandie! Congratulations on your adoption!!!

 

[gris gris]

I would hate to bring a child into the world knowing they would most likely suffer with something specific.

I totally respect you for this.

Anyway, if I choose a sperm donor how would I handle that when people ask about the father? I am NOT at all ready to rush into a relationship with someone just to find a daddy for my baby (if one can be made that is).

I don't necessarily think everyone needs a father but we do need some sort of positive male role model (other family member, friend, etc....). So you tell people this is your child and he/she is surrounded by people who love him/her. Or that you're smart enough not to just go find some guy just to have a baby with! It's so sad that people like you who think smart and have tons of love to give have such troubles but others who can't care for their children can have more and more. I hope things work out for you and if not, I'm sure you'll make a difference in the life of another child via the adoption route.

 

[chell]

Thanks gris gris for the encouragement. This isn't a easy decision to make or one I take lightly. And I feel most of my "friend" don't get it. It's nice to have somewhere to come and get some support.

 

[jennyl772003]

I just wanted to add that just because your child doesn't have a father at birth, doesn't mean s/he will never have one.

After my DS bio father dropped out of the picture, I raised my son on my own for a few years. I did think it was important for him to have a male role model, so I made sure he spent time with my dad.

After my DS was 3, I met the man of our dreams. 2 years ago he became DS dad officially.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Hugs and good luck with your decision.

Have you considered being a foster parent in your area? I have a friend who is a foster Mom who ended up adopting 2 of her foster children. The kids are just adorable and are very happy. Just a thought.

If you do go the sperm donor route then just tell anyone who asks that "the father is not in the picture" and leave it at that. If they persist then use the old standy "it's none of your beeswax!".

You will need to have that conversation of "where did I come from" with your child at some point so make sure that you consider that too.

 

[chell]

Jenny that is great!

 

[Minnesota!]

Your desire to be a mom, the love for a potential child, comes through loud and clear on your post. I have the same desire. I know that longing. And, if I didn't have DH in my life, I would have looked at alternative options. I completely agree with you that rushing into a relationship simply for a baby daddy is wrong.

I say, if your dr gives you that good news, I would start the procedure.

And if the news isn't so great, adoption is always a wonderful option as well.

(((((hugs))))))

 

[chell]

Hugs and good luck with your decision.

Have you considered being a foster parent in your area? I have a friend who is a foster Mom who ended up adopting 2 of her foster children. The kids are just adorable and are very happy. Just a thought.

If you do go the sperm donor route then just tell anyone who asks that "the father is not in the picture" and leave it at that. If they persist then use the old standy "it's none of your beeswax!".

You will need to have that conversation of "where did I come from" with your child at some point so make sure that you consider that too.

Thanks! Yes I have considered being a foster parent. The thought of getting so attached then possibly having to give them back is what makes me not want to take this route. Right now my sister has two precious little boys through the foster program and is currently in the adoption process with them. The unknown there is so scary. I keep praying they will become a permanent part of my family because they sure feel like it in my heart.

If I do go the donor route I would want my child to understand it as early in life as possible so they don't get a major shock later in life.

 

[chell]

Thanks Minnesota! You all are making me today.

 

[vettechick99]

Talk to feralpeg. If memory serves, her gorgeous and talented daughter is the result of a sperm donation. I'm sure she has some great advice for you.

My sister and her girlfriend just had a baby via a sperm donation. He is so beautiful and sweet - they chose wisely! He also won't have a 24/7 father figure, but he will have two loving mothers and plenty of male interaction (which I do think is important, no matter the child's gender). He's a very lucky baby.

GL with everything!! I'm in freak baby mode myself...it hit me like a ton of bricks about 9 months ago - completely out of the blue. Strange how that happens sometimes!

 

[chell]

Talk to feralpeg. If memory serves, her gorgeous and talented daughter is the result of a sperm donation. I'm sure she has some great advice for you.

My sister and her girlfriend just had a baby via a sperm donation. He is so beautiful and sweet - they chose wisely! He also won't have a 24/7 father figure, but he will have two loving mothers and plenty of male interaction (which I do think is important, no matter the child's gender). He's a very lucky baby.

GL with everything!! I'm in freak baby mode myself...it hit me like a ton of bricks about 9 months ago - completely out of the blue. Strange how that happens sometimes!

Thanks!

It is strange how it hits you like a ton of bricks.

 

[DisneyStar006]

I say go for it! I can't remember whether I saw this saying on the DISboards or not, but I remember thinking it was SO true - You wil never regret having a child, but you may regret never having one.

 

[GinaGrumpyDwarf]

Chell, first for you!

No one can ever understand what you are going through but YOU! If you have the need, then GO FOR IT! Maybe you didnt have children with Junior because it wasnt the right TIME!! Everything happens for a reason, and you will have a baby when your time is right!!

I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best! Keep positive, and stay strong!!

Best regards,

Gina

 

[chell]

Thank you Gina!

 

[mrsltg]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I will say this. Two parents are beneficial. I'm not talking role model stuff - I'm talking waking up 5 times a night with a sick kid, newborn feedings, school schedules, post-partum "I need a break", type of things. I could raise my daughters alone if I had to, but I would not choose to. These are of course temporary but when you are staring at the red-faced screaming newborn for the third hour in a row wishing you were anywhere but there, you start to realize the benefit of someone to pass that baby off to!

Parenthood is wonderful, but you really need to think it through. A baby meant to heal anything is a BAD idea. That's a lot of pressure to put on a little person who cannot deliver. Make sure you want this for the right reasons, then think about it some more. You can always become a mother (one way or another), you cannot give a baby back once they are here.