WHY did you have kids?

[cynsaun]

Originally posted by stinkerbelle

plus - I need SOMEONE to go on Winnie the Pooh with me and not have them roll their eyes at me! [/B]

I felt the same way about the Dumbo ride!

 

[kadaten]

Originally posted by CJK
VERY interesting thread! Thanks for posting. We don't have children and are still very undecided whether we ever will. We have children all around us and while I DO enjoy spending time with them, I enjoy going back to our quiet, orderly home where we can relax and recharge. I hope that doesn't sound too selfish. I just worry about what I'd be able to give a child. I'm very interested in hearing what other people have to say.

You sound like some friends of mine. I think the most mature thing they ever did (so far) was realize that right now, they are too selfish to give a child the love and attention it deserves so for now, they're not planning on having any children. So many peope have kids because it seems the thing to do, or the time, or whatever, and I just applaud those who realize that this is a life-changing event that may not be for everyone! These friends make lots of decisions I don't necessarily agree with, but that one I had to applaud, because they're right!

As for me, DH and I had kids for lots of reasons....we both love family and wanted one of our own, we wanted to pass on the love we have for each other and for life, we wanted to experience all the wonderful things that children bring to your life, and were willing to meet all the challenges they bring, too, just for that experience! I always thought 3 was the magic number for kids, but #2 has given me a run for my money....so if #3 ever comes along, it'll be a few years, and only if we think it'll finish our little family rather than impose on it

Good luck in your decision...and remember, it's noone's but yours! Ignore what others may tell you to do and do what's right for you After all, you'll be the one to live with them, change them, discipline them, help them with homework, teach them to drive, send them to college.....

 

[SC Minnie]

When we got married we knew we would have children 'someday' but was not in a hurry. After being married about 10 months we has an 'oops'. I ended up miscarrying after 3 months but after that I knew I wanted to have a child. I saw it as a sign from God that we were ready. The first month we were given the OK to try again DD came to be.

 

[Hillbeans]

I really wanted to experience that feeling of being a mom. My mom always said the years she raised "us kids" were by far the best years of her life.

I have a DS 3 and he's a ton of work, but being a mom is wonderful. I always wanted to experience being pregnant and giving birth. It was something i'll never forget. I'd even like to try it again!

 

[tlgoblue]

I loved DH so insanely (Still do, for that matter), I had to have more of him! True. I love my kids for who they are, as individuals, to be sure, but when I catch glimpses of DH in DD while she sleeps, or in DS when he goes off on a rant, all is right with the world. Now, mind, they did inherit some of his (and my, which is usually worse ) not so good qualities, but for the most part, they (All three of them) are more important to me than Air.

Having children is also a natural urge which is very hard to overcome, so I'm sure that played a part. I was never really consumed with the idea, as DH and I were having so much fun on our own, but an unplanned pregnancy which resulted in a miscarriage changed all that. It's the same old thing. Tell someone they can't have something and suddenly it becomes an obsession. After years of trying, we finally got the "I" word thrown at us. I had an appointment with a Fertility specialist. 3 Months later (before my appointment), I was with child! We had planned to wait 5 years for #2, but a huge 4th of July celebration and a terrific thunder/hail storm intervened and gave us DD. She was such a shock (I had just lost all my weight from DS!) and a blessing. I'm so glad things worked out the way they did. DS and DD, despite the fact that one is in the throws of adolescent angst, and the other is well on her way (never to be outdone by her big brother! ), are great friends and are very close.

I couldn't have imagined a greater blessing than my Family.

I know I'm rambling, but, on the other hand, I totally applaud those rare individuals, who have, for whatever reason, decided not to have kids. That is a decision that must take major committment and well thought out plans. And think! They never have to worry about how they are going to get their kids to move out! Never worry about becoming empty nesters. Never have to hear about how their child is "The only kid in my school without...(fill in the blank) !"

I'm glad to see that some people (I'm not one of them ) look at this decision and give it the important thought it deserves, especially in these times.

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

 

[Mom2Em]

I've always wanted to be a mother... A couple years after I got married, I began to feel the yearning... 5 years later and fertility treatment, I had my dream baby.... DD is wonderful!! I am learning new things from her everyday... She is the joy in our lives... I feel honored to be a mother, her mother...

 

[jrydberg]

If I didn't have my daughter, who would camp out (20 feet from our front door) this weekend with me and play Crazy 8s by flashlight?!? Certainly not my ex-wife

 

[Trish Bessette]

Why did I have kids Because I forgot to take my pills

All kidding aside. Being a mother is the greatest gift I could ever have. Being able to not only conceive a child but be the mentor, role model, protector, provider, and best friend to these precious people is the best. And having the best husband to experience this all with me just makes it all that better.

By the end of the work day I ache to get home to see my two girls. They are 10 & 7 and love me to pieces. Although this may change when they are teenagers they will always know I am there.

 

[Beth76]

What a great thread!! It comes at a very interesting time for me. I've just had the WORST week, as a parent. I have a 3 year old boy and am expecting another boy in about a month.

My son is the light of my life. He's funny, smart, handsome, caring, personable. He's active, loud, fast (8-months prenant lady CANNOT catch him), sweaty, smelly. A lot of good comes with the bad. Unfortunately, all the bad was coming out this week. I had moments where I was just screaming at him and moments where I was breaking down sobbing. I was freaking out because I didn't think I could handle him and his new little brother. Hopefully, it's just a hormonal thing.

I've always wanted kids. I don't know why I just did. My first was an accident, but it all turned out for the best. The second was planned, but with a lot of debate on whether or not to have a second. I think you just have to know.

I don't at all question why some people don't have kids. And I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would. Anyone who has children knows how difficult it is to be a parent. They should know that not everyone is cut out to be a parent. I think many people have kids in order to fill a void in their lives. If someone doesn't have a void to fill, then I'm happy for them. And grateful that they chose not to have children, knowing that it wasn't right for them.

 

[alabamaalan]

The time was finally right in our lives. We both said we would like children but never seemed to want them at the same time.

Of course, we knew we couldn't wait until we "could" afford or be prepared for a child because that never comes.

We felt out of place with some groups as the only childless couple, but had a lot of older friends with grown kids so we enjoyed the freedom.

We finally decided we both wanted one and then two and a half years later, we added a sister for her!

I would never trade the seven years we had as a family of two for anything, but now that we have two beautiful girls, we also can't image life without them.

 

[Idaho]

This has really got me to thinking, also. We have 2 kids and are expecting our third in about 6 weeks. I have always wanted kids. There is nothing in this world like a brand new baby.

I was also raised in a religious household where family was very important. I couldn't imagine growing old and not having kids coming back to the house and bringing their kids, etc. I live right around the corner from my grandparents and would hate to think about not having them as part of my life because my parents didn't want kids.

Finally, there is nothing like the love of a child. It completes me as a person. Sure, there are times when you wonder exactly why you did have kids, but then something happens to convince you that you did the right thing. Kids are not for everyone, however and it is NOT something that should be taken lightly. Too many kids are abandoned, unloved, and hurt in this world because their "parents" (a word I am using lightly here) didn't really want them. Be sure it is something you want to do because once you do it, you can't ever go back.

 

[MICKEY88]

I've always loved kids and they've seemed to gravitate towards me, since about the age of 10...my mom used to laugh at how small children followed me around like the pied piper...

I have a great family and wanted to add to it...,,my way of describing the feeling after my daughter was born is this...

it was as if a void in my life had been filled, although I never knew that void existed..

my other comment has always been, she was the best toy I ever got, I never got bored,with her as I did with every other toy I got...,, she changed from day to day, each day was something new and exciting...

parenting is without a doubt the most challenging job I've ever undertaken...but it is also the most rewarding..

my daughter is now 22 and we are best of friends.... she proudly states that she is my clone...

I enjoyed the parenting thing so much that 6 years ago this July I took on the job of parenting 2 stepchildren ages 8 and 11 at the time...

I must have done OK so far because at the ages of 17 and 14, they still hug me goodnite every night..

I somehow lucked out and ended up with the 3 greatest kids in the world

 

[KristaTX]

I know how you feel. We're another married couple here with no kids yet. When I'm around babies and little kids, it makes me not want them (sorry Celluloidgal ). But when I'm around older kids (like 10 and up), it makes me want them. After almost 14 years of marriage (!), we're still on the fence.

Krista

 

[tiggerlover]

Because I wanted a child who was a combination of DH and I, I wanted to be a mother and because I had a ton of love I wanted to share with a little one.

 

[TerriP]

Originally posted by nkjzmom
It's more of an urge or a desire than a simple choice. At least think it should be. If you're not ready or have ANY doubts whatsoever a colicky newborn is the last thing you need!

Can I respectfully disagree with this?

DH and I, after 6 1/2 years of marriage, have decided to try and have a baby. We are thrilled....and nervous, worried, and scared. I think having doubts is *very* normal. Will I be a good mom? Will I give him/her all they need to be a good person? Am I a strong/patient/loving enough person to help create a strong/patient/loving personality in my child? (I have dozens more questions....in case you need me to elaborate!!)

I don't think having doubts is a reason NOT to have a child...I think it's a sign that you are taking this responsibility very seriously (as one should).

 

[snoopy]

Congratulations on your decision, Terri. I agree with you -- its not at all uncommon to have doubts. I still have doubts, and my kids are long since past the colicky stage.

 

[Cruise04]

My dd was a "surprise" as well - A HUGE SURPRISE as I also was on the pill and not married. And I have had many people ask me why I didn't just get rid of her. So it is kind of close to why you had kids....

Because she is my flesh and blood and a part of me. Once that little thing begins kicking you just sort of know, or I did. After all the anger let up between our families it was such a joy to see my mom shop for little baby things, and see my dad get the room ready (that didn't happen until I went on bedrest so I got to see him enjoy doing that), and see my brother (who is younger then me) get excited to have a niece or nephew, and to see her dads family get so very excited. That in itself is priceless.

I also don't know what I'd do without her. She IS my life and my soul and I am so very happy and lucky that we have such a great relationship - I would never change anything I have done for her for the world!!!!

 

[goofygirl]

GoofItUp, nice to "meet" you, as I'm "on the same wavelength" as you.


If this was a thread about "why you DIDN'T have kids ", I could fill a book!

I know I'm rambling, but, on the other hand, I totally applaud those rare individuals, who have, for whatever reason, decided not to have kids.

Thanks, this is much appreciated! Nice comments here!

 

[Cailin'sMom]

Not so very long ago, I was in the same "Do I want kids or not boat." When DH and I got married, neither one of us really thought one way or the other about having children. Then we were on the "We can't afford a child" kick for a while.

I always thought that One Day we might have children, but it was not really a desire that was in the forefront. I really can't explain the change that came over us. It was not one of those moments of holding someone else's child like some of the other posters. We were just on the same page at the same time.

Then after we were trying we had one of those moments where we were terrified that we might be doing the wrong thing bringing a child into this world. But by then I was already pregnant and every moment since then has been wonderful. I had a wonderful pregnancy and I must say that Cailin Bree is the most wonderful little person in the world. We often say that if we had known that it would be this Awesome that we would have started years ago. Now we are in discussion about when to try for a sibling but will probably wait until she is 3.

I will say though it is an entirely personal decision. I never question people who choose not to have children. In fact, I admire them. So many people these days have children because it is the thing to do or it fits into their life timeline. Unfortunately, children in those situations are the ones who suffer, because in some cases their parents are too busy for them.

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

Great thread!

DH and I are still in negotiations with the whole kids thing Sometimes I think I'm ready, other times I know I just can't be.

But I'm coming around.

When I would speak to my mom about the possibility of not having kids, she snapped, "That's very selfish of you." I've often thought about this...selfish in regard to an unborn baby, or in regard to her and my dad? I always thought that was such an odd comment to make because raising children is a hard thing to do and it's not for everyone. You shouldn't feel like you HAVE to do it.

I've often wondered if my mom regretted having kids based on certain comments she's made about how much she never got to do. It just makes me think.