Why can't I be like this?

[tlbwriter]

Do you ever start to post something, and then think, "I'm trying to be logical with someone who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to be late to everything, even though he claims it drives him crazy, and even though he refuses to bring this wonderful, valuable person to certain events because he knows her lateness reflects badly on him," and realize that it's just kind of pointless to continue?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Do you ever start to post something, and then think, "I'm trying to be logical with someone who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to be late to everything, even though he claims it drives him crazy, and even though he refuses to bring this wonderful, valuable person to certain events because he knows her lateness reflects badly on him," and realize that it's just kind of pointless to continue?

Ahh, so you see how complicated it really is.

 

[Wall-E1]

Hi there. Sorry I'm late. Did you start without me?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Hi there. Sorry I'm late. Did you start without me?

 

[Tiger926]

Enabling implies that the behavior is viewed as a negative and tolerated. That is not the case among our friends.

Got it - but actually enable only means that in a psychological setting. The actual definition is to make able, allow or make easy. There isn't always a negative connotation - I wasn't implying that at all, so sorry for the confusion. I was just stating that by not saying anything, they allow the lateness to continue, which as you stated, isn't a big deal to them, as it's not a deal breaker.

You are lucky to have such a caring and laid back group of friends!

Tiger

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Got it - but actually enable doesn't mean that at all. The actual definition is to make able, allow or make easy. There isn't always a negative connotation - I wasn't implying that at all. I was just stating that by not saying anything, they allow the lateness to continue, which as you stated, isn't a big deal to them.

You are lucky to have such a caring and laid back group of friends!

Tiger

I accept this definition - it applies in our lives. And you are correct. Everyone that has friends that care about them is lucky. But remember - to have good friends, you have to be a good friend. The number of friends that my wife has speaks of her character far more than this single trait.

 

[Andtototoo]

Growing up, I had a family member who was chronically late. She did not care if her lateness caused other people problems because as with the vast majority of the chronically tardy, she did not care about others. I watched her chronic tardiness ruin events and activities and saw how it caused her children tremendous anxiety (having detention due to chronic tardiness to school, having your wedding start three hours late because your mother is diddling around...)

As a result, I have zero tolerance for it. People who are habitually late are not lovely people, they are rude and selfish and narcisssstic. I will not voluntarily have such a person in my life.

I have fired employees for it and started many a dinner/activity without my own chronically late SIL. No regrets.

 

[Tiger926]

I accept this definition - it applies in our lives. And you are correct. Everyone that has friends that care about them is lucky. But remember - to have good friends, you have to be a good friend. The number of friends that my wife has speaks of her character far more than this single trait.

Sorry, I was in the middle of editing my post. You are quick!

You are lucky to have found such a woman of character! Tiger

 

[luvsJack]

I guess you never eat at restaurants that refuse to seat you until your entire party is present. I wouldn't either, if I were hanging out with habitually late people.

No, none of the restaurants around here do that. Why on earth would they? I mean the longer we are waiting to order the more likely we are to order appetizers or drinks or whatever.

You know there are some things about other people do that can really get to me but this just isn't one of them. Maybe those things are things that you don't get upset about. Everyone has different aggravations. Being late isn't one of mine.

Maybe because I don't make a habit of being 15 or 20 minutes early it doesn't bother me as much. I mean, if we are meeting at 7; I tend to get there as close to 7 as possible so if someone is 10 minutes late, for me its just 10 minutes. If someone else is of the habit of arriving 20 minutes early and their friend is 10 minutes late, well, they have been left waiting for 30 minutes-- I could certainly see how that would make a big difference.

 

[mhsjax]

No, none of the restaurants around here do that. Why on earth would they? I mean the longer we are waiting to order the more likely we are to order appetizers or drinks or whatever.

You know there are some things about other people do that can really get to me but this just isn't one of them. Maybe those things are things that you don't get upset about. Everyone has different aggravations. Being late isn't one of mine.

Maybe because I don't make a habit of being 15 or 20 minutes early it doesn't bother me as much. I mean, if we are meeting at 7; I tend to get there as close to 7 as possible so if someone is 10 minutes late, for me its just 10 minutes. If someone else is of the habit of arriving 20 minutes early and their friend is 10 minutes late, well, they have been left waiting for 30 minutes-- I could certainly see how that would make a big difference.

WE do have several restaurants here that won't seat you until your entire party arrives. And FWIW, I don't consider anyone late until that are after the actual agreed upon time, in other words if I am 2O minute early and someone is 10 minutes late, I don't consider them 30 minutes late. I am in control of my time and if I am early then I don't hold it against others, I just expect others to be in control of their time.

 

[luvsJack]

WE do have several restaurants here that won't seat you until your entire party arrives. And FWIW, I don't consider anyone late until that are after the actual agreed upon time, in other words if I am 2O minute early and someone is 10 minutes late, I don't consider them 30 minutes late. I am in control of my time and if I am early then I don't hold it against others, I just expect others to be in control of their time.

Hmmm. The only place I have been to that did that was restaraunts in WDW. Interesting.

and, please, don't get me wong; I am not saying that anyone is wrong or bad for being early. My oldest son is ALWAYS early. Just something he got in the habit of when playing ball and its still ingrained in him. His being early drives the rest of us crazy sometimes . But, I just meant that I could see how waiting that long could make being late a huge aggravation.

 

[mhsjax]

Hmmm. The only place I have been to that did that was restaraunts in WDW. Interesting.

and, please, don't get me wong; I am not saying that anyone is wrong or bad for being early. My oldest son is ALWAYS early. Just something he got in the habit of when playing ball and its still ingrained in him. His being early drives the rest of us crazy sometimes . But, I just meant that I could see how waiting that long could make being late a huge aggravation.

Oh I get what you are saying, I just wanted you to know that I didn't hold my being early against the person who was a little late. Also, if I am too early, I won't go into the restaurant, party, bbq or whatever event I am attending, because that is rude also. But yeah, we do have a few here that just won't seat you. I think it happens more on busy nights when these certain restaurants are very crowded and hard to get into.

 

[design_mom]

Maybe because I don't make a habit of being 15 or 20 minutes early it doesn't bother me as much. I mean, if we are meeting at 7; I tend to get there as close to 7 as possible so if someone is 10 minutes late, for me its just 10 minutes. If someone else is of the habit of arriving 20 minutes early and their friend is 10 minutes late, well, they have been left waiting for 30 minutes-- I could certainly see how that would make a big difference.

We have a number of restaurants around us that won't seat you till your whole party arrives. (Everyone must be in the building. Not even "he's parking the car.")

I believe in being on time but I am not such a stickler that I don't allow any grace period. Being 10 minutes late wouldn't bother me (much), unless it was every time. However, I know several who are routinely 30-60+ minutes late without "a reason" (and they don't seem to care that they left me waiting). That bugs me. If you don't know anyone like that, you are fortunate.

 

[Buckalew11]

The first month of my marriage I got left at home because I was not ready when DH said we needed to leave at a certain time for church. I was like, "sure, sure, whatever." He did circle back around and pick me up but 24 years later, I've always been on time!

My sister is always late. Today she was 15 mins late for lunch. She said "sorry" and I said, "Actually, you are earlier than I thought you'd be."

I have clients who are always late. Words cannot tell you how rude I think it is. And if you think you are going to be late and still get the works, and keep another client waiting, you're sadly mistaken.

 

[Disney Doll]

I consider perpetual tardiness to be one of the rudest habits someone can have.

My DH has a habit of being late and I have left a few times without him.

 

[mickey&minnie04]

As I said before I'm always early for dinner dates and social occasion out, it's just how I was brought up. For those who think being late is no big deal, Don't you realize that you may be impacting my schedule? If we have a lunch date at noon and you don't show up until 12:30 that means you may cause me to be late to my 2:00 appointment. It's just common courtesy to be on time. I'm not so concerned with being a little late. It's my choice to be there 10-15 minutes early so I don't consider you late until after the time we agreed upon & I can live with a couple minutes late, but after 10 I start to get annoyed.

 

[TinkTock]

Hi! Sorry I'm "late" to respond to this topic. I am one of those people that are late! I'm not hours late, just a few minutes. Just can't seem to get there on time! I don't do it to be rude or inconsiderate or certainly not being childish because I'm late. Its hard to explain, but I have every intention on getting there on time. I'm not late on purpose. I don't expect people to wait on me. Maybe I'm late because I was born late who knows? I have a tendency to put things off or wait until the last minute to do something. I feel I work better under pressure. Sure its stressful sometimes, but thats just the way I am I guess. Probably will never change.

So I have often wondered about this mind-set. Does this mean that you aren't able to make it to work on time? Or you can control it but choose not to, other than your job? If you have every intention of getting there on time but know you're always late, why not just leave 15 minutes early every time, or whatever?

 

[pumba21]

My husband and best friend are like this. Always running behind!! Drives me crazy but I wait for them!!!

 

[Spoodleink]

No, none of the restaurants around here do that. Why on earth would they? I mean the longer we are waiting to order the more likely we are to order appetizers or drinks or whatever.

You know there are some things about other people do that can really get to me but this just isn't one of them. Maybe those things are things that you don't get upset about. Everyone has different aggravations. Being late isn't one of mine.

Maybe because I don't make a habit of being 15 or 20 minutes early it doesn't bother me as much. I mean, if we are meeting at 7; I tend to get there as close to 7 as possible so if someone is 10 minutes late, for me its just 10 minutes. If someone else is of the habit of arriving 20 minutes early and their friend is 10 minutes late, well, they have been left waiting for 30 minutes-- I could certainly see how that would make a big difference.

Being 5 to 10 minutes late is one thing and generally only a minor annoyance but what if someone is habitually an hour or more late that wouldn't bother you? My breaking point with a friend was when I called her after she was 15 minutes late to meet and she was just leaving her house that was over an hour away from where we were meeting. She had known for probably 2 hours at that point she would be late and hadn't thought to let me know. She wasn't concern and other friend and I would be sitting in a parking lot for an hour waiting for her, that is rude.

 

[Spoodleink]

So I have often wondered about this mind-set. Does this mean that you aren't able to make it to work on time? Or you can control it but choose not to, other than your job? If you have every intention of getting there on time but know you're always late, why not just leave 15 minutes early every time, or whatever?

I used to be late all the time , I'm a dawdler, and then I realized my freshman year of college that wouldn't fly and just started adding 5 minutes at a time to the (incorrect) estimated time in my head that something should take until I was getting everywhere on time. After a while it just became second nature.