Why Are Women So Mean To Each Other

[janets]

First, congrats on your pregnancy.

Yes, being pregnant opens us all up to unwanted touching (hate that) and comments from "well meaning" friends and relatives.

I do have to agree that you will figure out what works best for your baby and your family. There is no "right" answer. Each child is different, each family is different, therefore no "right" answer.

I am fortunate to belong to a group of wonderful women who all have kids born in February 1998 (my oldest son's bday). We met on an online BB site and have since moved to a regular email group. We are all over the country (and overseas), different ages, marital status, religions, number of kids (older and younger), yet we are all part of this terrific group who support each other through everything. No matter what our kids experience, this group is there to listen, encourage, support, advise. And believe me, we all have very different parenting styles (some home school, some private, some public, some work, some at home, married, divorced, etc.) yet somehow we realize that our main concern is always our kids.

I hope that you will eventually find a group of friends who will support you in your journey as a new mom. You've already found a great group here. Just remember that no matter what anyone says, you will always instinctively know what is best for your child (even if you doubt it in the beginning...trust me, eventually you get it).

Good luck and healthy continued pregnancy vibes.

 

[1rockinmamato2]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I understand what you mean by what I refer to as the "mommy wars." And it happens regardless of how we become a mom. We adopted our two children, but I've still been subjected to nosey folks and the recipient of unsolicited advice. The biggest thing for me was my SIL telling me how I SHOULD do adoptive breastfeeding because it's SO much better for the baby. I felt lots of guilt over her comments when I decided to not go through the lengths it takes to induce lactation because I was still going to have to supplement with formula anyway and I feared gearing up my breasts and the birthmom changing her mind. I'm finally over the guilt but her comments still make me mad. :

I haven't encountered as many opinions on what is "right" or "wrong" in my personal life as I have online. I belong to several parenting forums and some of those ladies can get really nasty with each other in presenting their side of an argument.

My best advice to you is to just let those comments roll off your back. I hate to say it, but after the baby arrives, it will probably get worse before it ever gets better. My MIL has had some crazy parenting advice, let me tell ya!

Just take it easy, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, and I know it's been said before but do what's best for YOU and YOUR family.

 

[1rockinmamato2]

Ooops!

 

[a1tinkfans]

HUGS TO YOU AND CONGRATULATIONS TOO!

Whatever you choose or don't there's always someone that will think the opposite, so
DO YOUR OWN THING and enjoy your pregnancy!

 

[DisneyDizzy]

Congratulations!!!!

I think that sometimes people offer unsolicited advice as a way of validating their own choices and it makes them feel better. I think that people mean well but...

The best advice you've already heard here 20 times. Do what feels right for you and is best for your family. I'm changed my mind and my plans with my son more than I can count. We don't fit it with any one group. I homeschool but we don't go to church, I never breastfed, he started in a crib for 2 years then co-slept from 2 to 4. (the day he started sleeping in his own bed was a real celebration and now he can't stand to sleep in our bed because he says there isn't enough oom ) We only have one child and can only have one child. I always joked that we were practicing on him and we'd get it right next time. The important thing is that we are a loving family and we laugh more than we cry.

My biggest thing was standing up to the in-laws. Once we did that it has all gone much smoother.

The important decision is when are you planning your first Disney World vacation?

 

[buzzmom3]

Conrats on your pregnancy! I feel your pain. I am at 26 weeks and my biggest gripe is that people seem to feel it's ok to say anything to a pregnant woman. If I hear one more time how big I am, I think I will scream! I've tried to say, well, my doctor says I am the right size but people just keep pushing. To make matters worse, I've only gained 8lbs and my doctor is pushing me to gain more. So now, I have to eat more and hear people say " Do you really need to eat that?" You have my sympathy, the choices you make will be based on what works for your family so they will be the right choices. Hang in there!

 

[hsmamato2]

Awww.... that's what happens when you 'join the club..."
wait till you get bigger,and start hearing people ask you to toss them the basketball you're hiding...
or wonder why you're nursing your teenager(he was only 2!!!)
or asking why ds's first bed was a mattress on the floor(some kind of abuse)
wondering why ds1(6) is sleeping next to your bed in the babies crib while new baby sleeps blissfully with Mom and Dad in the big bed!(that was one cozy room)
then time goes by,and you're at a new stage where everyone questions you about new things.....the kids no longer nurse/take bottles, they sleep in their own rooms(gasp) and the list goes on....
I had no idea of what kind of parent I was going to be,till i became one. Then I learned what all parents learn, you know your own kids best,and it's your responisbilty to do what you know is best,and don't be shy about letting others know it!
Like a pp said, my kids both love Disney,so I must've done something right!

 

[Willow25]

Thanks everyone for the responses. I must have been having a hormonally challenging day because I usually let the opinions roll off. I work in foster care in Australia so I am surrounded by foster carers and parents who have lost their children. Therefore the opinions and questions come all day.

I have our first Disney trip planned for December when baby is 4 months old. Another issue for some regarding flying etc. Anyway can't wait to get my baby addicted to Disney!!

Again thanks everyone I really appreciate the support and kind words. Also to all you other expectant moms CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

 

[belle&beast]

Only you will know what is best for your family, just try to ignore the unwanted opinions. I have a funny story- my SIL was a real know it all about how I should be raising my DD. (Of course she did not have children at the time) Her big issue was with pacifiers and thumb sucking- she could not imagine why a parent would allow that! Fast forward 3 years and guess who has a sweet little pacifier user at almost 2 years old?! Yes, my sweet little neice needs a pacifier to go to sleep. Never say never!

 

[mamax2]

It's soo true. We never said it out loud, but my husband and I always thought, "Our kid will never use a soother." Yeah, so when she was 12 hours old, that whole theory went out the window. She was using her fathers pinky finger in the hospial! LOL Anyways, I didn't have people touching my stomach but, funny story, I had a lady, a friend of my MIL's, get mad at me, I mean actually get ticked off at ME, because I went over my due date. She came up too me when I was two days overdue (interesting side note, I went 12 days over with my first) to tell me off, because a week ago, I had said I was due "Any day now", and how could I lie about something like that. Of course I can laugh about it now, but at the time, I was all primed to punch her in the nose And I had one of my friends grandmothers, whom I saw every week, and really is very sweet, but every week, she would comment on how BIG I was getting, and that if I got any bigger, I wouldn't be able to get out of my chair or through the door, and they were going to have to confine me to the bed! The funny thing is, we moved out of that area, when I was just over seven months pregnant, so she started saying all this when I was six months pregnant, and it was just starting to become obvious. There were still people, at that point who didn't even know, depending on what I wore. Ah well. I'm sure all who have been or are pregnant have annoying stories that actually become funny over time, as our children get bigger, and our waists get smaller. Just try to find the humour in it. Hope you're having better days!

 

[jodifla]

Frankly, this is one of the reasons I waited so long to be a parent. I always liked kids, but I think many parents are just nuts!

I'm being beaten up on another thread because of the way I approach discipline. Some parents feel like they've found "the formula" and if you vary from it at all, you're simply not as good as they are.

 

[susykt4]

It's so funny what MAJOR PARENTING DECISIONS we dwell on while we're pregnant. Circumcision is not a major part of either DH or my religion or upbringing or anything. However, in both of our families all of the males are circumcised. It's not something I ever gave one second of thought to until I found out I was having a boy. I spent the second half of my pregnancy AGONIZING over whether to have it done or not. I knew 4 billion statistics as well as many stories of circumcision gone wrong or non-circ resulting in painful and embarassing surgery in the teen years. What a ridiculous waste of time worrying! I finally made the decision to go ahead with it when DH looked at me like I was a complete nutjob for even giving it any thought.

That whole issue struck me funny because I haven't given it one more thought since it was done.

 

[jkelly86]

Congratulations!
Ignore the unwanted advice (and inherent judgement.)
Seek advice from those you love and trust when you need it.
Read the Mommy Wars if you can. It's a great book.

My unasked-for-advice: enjoy every second. Blink, and they grow up.

 

[sully7]

My baby just turned 4 yesterday, and I am getting all teary eyed remembering when I was pregnant with her. Some people were annoying and nosy and very poinionated (and that was just my family! LOL) I figured out that all the people who were telling me what I should do might just be trying to fix mistakes they made in their lives. I see this in hindsight.

My advise... Smile and walk away!

You are doing great!!