Why are men so gosh darn stubborn? Vent.. Update post #47..

[chattyann]

Is your SIL having just one hand done? If he is, depending on what job he has, he may be able to go to work. If he is having both done at same time, he won't be able to do much. I had this surgery a few years ago and I had a difficult time doing the easiest things for myself. He should really take the Drs. advice, if he doesn't, he may cause himself more harm than good. He needs to keep in mind that he needs to take care of his hands because if he permanently damages something he may not be able to work at all. I know that sounds a bit extreme but you can't mess with nerves. Take it from someone who has permanent nerve damage.

 

[Monte Cristo]

One week paid vacation...ouch. I can understand why he doesn't want to waste it.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

By the way, it isn't just men. My grandma had knee replacement surgery last month. She had 4 friends who had it before her and they all had to go to rehab after and her doctor saiod he wanted her to as well. She was adament that she would be the exception and was not going. Surgery went well but it is a lot of rehab and they have a colonial home with just a small washroom bathroom on the main floor and no bedroom. She was so sick from the meds that she got very little rehab at the hospital. It was very obvious to me and my grandpa that she needed to be at a rehab center. She was not happy with us for putting her in one, she wanted to go home, but we took her anyway. I went with my grandpa and found a nice place, got her moved in and setteled and had to head back home lae that night to my family (they are out of state and I went just for the week.) She called me all night long on the train near or sometimes in tears that she watned to go home. It was very hard to her to accept. (It was also pretty hard on me taking a bus then a train home, overnight, by myself and hearing her and there was nothing I coudl do, but that is anther story.) She spent a week there, and after I got a thank you letter from her saying she was glad I forced her to go evern though she hated it. She recovered amazing having that care.

Point is, women can be stubborn too. I guess I am not one to talk, though most of the time I appreciate taking it easy after surgery. When I had DD10, DD15 was graduating from preschool 4 days later. My doctor wanted me to stay for 5 days and I fought him on it to go see her preschool graduation. I won, I went, and my incision opened. Lesson learned then and there (though I am still happy I did it, despite the pain I got to see her little ceremony and I am glad I didn't miss that!)

Point is, yes, my DH qualifies for this thread, but I know a few ladies who sometimes do too.

 

[4nana]

Geez, this thread has really gotten off track.

Once again, sending hugs and prayers today for your dear DSIL's successful surgery and complete recovery.
C.Ann, I know how concerned you must be, keep the faith he will do fine.

Please update us when you have time.

 

[daisax]

General anesthesia takes a while to get out of your sytem (that's why Day 2 or Day 3 post op is the worst. All the good drugs wear off). Driving less than 24 hours after surgery is just not possible. Not legally, anyway.

They also usually give you as part of your instructions a specific warning that you're not to sign any contracts or make any serious decisions for the first 24 hours. It would be pretty embarrassing to drag yourself to work because you're a tough guy and end up making some kind of error/oversight that could come back to haunt you.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So C. Ann generalized--so what? I'm sure she isn't going around thinking that all men are such morons to go against doctor's orders...

It ain't against the law to be stupid and some people with their high pain tolerances will go to such foolishness.

But his tune may change. But depending on his ego--he may or may not do the right thing anyway.

My BIL had wisdom teeth surgery and fully expected to go to work the next day. I'm thinking--okay, I was out of commission--but maybe I was an unsual case. He had all 4 taken out...I had only 2 and some complications. As it turned out, he did not go into work the next day. Wayyy too much pain.

But if he is on pain meds, he is legally out of commission for a certain period of time--same deal on anesthesia. If his work has a substance policy, he would be in violation of it if he showed up to work in that condition. Even if he "felt fine".

Nothing wrong with C.Ann being concerned. I'm sure she's not lecturing her son in law and hanging him from the trees by his man parts to put him in his place.

But his foolishness could compromise his job and if he's being pigheaded and stubborn--I'd be worried as well. Especially since doc is telling him "no".

 

[C.Ann]

If I remember your DSIL is in construction, isn't he C.Ann? Perhaps like my DH's, it is wear and tear after all the yrs. of carpentry with heavy tools. He probably wouldn't admit if it was...men are proud in weird ways, afraid it will jeopardize their job or that it may make them look like a whiney hiney or Lord forbid if they have to go out on disability for injury or seemingly minor surgery. Sadly many construction workers don't have an abundance of bennies and tough it out that way. I've seen my DH drag himself to work many a day in pain w/o complaining. At any rate, I wouldn't stress, he'll learn how hard to push, hopefully he will go by drs orders so he's heals properly
and completely.

Tell him I send prayers and best wishes for a successful surgery and speedy recovery.

Surgery went well - came home about 3:30 this afternoon - and when the pain started to kick in after everything they had given him at the hospital wore off, he realized pretty quickly that he won't be going to work tomorrow - or Friday either, for that matter.. Not sure what will happen next week - I'm guessing it will depend on how he feels.. The money isn't an issue - he just doesn't want to have to use his vacation time.. He looks forward to that time off up to the lake every year and since he only gets one week, I can understand his frustration.. His bosses wife does the payroll though (she's also the partner in the firm), so I wouldn't be surprised if she went ahead and paid him for the two days anyhow..

He hasn't done construction for a living in 11 years now.. He's the sole project estimator for a large commercial construction firm.. Basically he's at his desk in his office all day - unless they need him to go out and look at a possible job (to see if they want to bid on it or not) - or if they need him to supervise one of the jobs they are currently working on.. There's a possibility he could go back on Monday - or even work from home -providing he doesn't need blueprints from the office or have to go out to check on a project they may want to bid on.. Time will tell..

Anyhow - I really don't think he had any idea what this surgery was going to be like - or how he would feel once it was over - because he's certainly singing a different song now.. LOL..

A bit different, don't you think? I would liken it to a thread entitled "Why are women so emotional?" C-Ann did not name call.

Thanks for recognizing something that was so obvious..

I don't know why I was "surprised" to see this thread turn into something entirely different than what was intended - considering this is the DIS - LOL.. I guess I should have clarifed - rather than generalizing - and said, "Why is MY Dson-in-law so gosh darn stubborn - just like my late DH was?"

But then again, I'm sure someone would have taken "issue" with that as well.. I would have been accused of "bashing" all the men in my life..

Gotta love the DIS and the "pouncers"...

Thanks to those who understood where I was coming from and responded in a helpful manner..

 

[4nana]

Thx for the positive update C.Ann and glad things went well for your SIL ! Give him TLC a couple days, I'm betting he'll bounce back good as new in short order!

Sorry, guess I thought he was still in construction as I remember you saying he did much of remodel work on their house.

Hey, makes it even better he has a desk job, which doesn't require a lot of muscular stress, etc.

 

[momof1princess]

C. Ann, i don't think anyone realizes how hard surgery will be on their body until it has been done. my gastric bypass surgery was the most excruciatingly painful experience a human being has ever endured-for the first 3-4 weeks afterward, i prayed for death and cried daily while wondering why i had done this to myself. thank goodness your DSIL has seen the light, lol, men (especially my DH) are SOOOOO stubborn!

please keep us updated on his recovery. i am especially interested because i may be having carpal tunnel surgery soon myself.

 

[golfgal]

I think after this experience he should have a good heart to heart with the owners about their completely unreasonable vacation/sick leave policy too. If he is that valuable to them, some concessions on their part is in order.

 

[wdwfan16]

Glad the surgery went well.

 

[PixieTopaz]

I think after this experience he should have a good heart to heart with the owners about their completely unreasonable vacation/sick leave policy too. If he is that valuable to them, some concessions on their part is in order.

I agree. Except for a first year 'green" employee-i can not imagine having only one week paid vacation-and no sick days for an established company.

 

[Becky2005]

C. Ann, i don't think anyone realizes how hard surgery will be on their body until it has been done.

My DD had spinal fusion last year. Before the surgery, she was adamant that she would be able to go see the school musical production 1 week after surgery. I kept telling her I didn't think so (but hey she's a teen -- I could put "why are teens so stubborn" as the title too! ). Not only that but since the hospital was about an hour away, we had thought perhaps I could go home at some point, check on the boys & then head back as we knew she would be in there for a week. She is my independant one so that normally would be fine.

AFTER the surgery, she wouldn't even let me leave her bedside hardly to even go use the restroom that was IN the room. No matter what, even just going to get food, I got the "hurry back", I really don't want you to leave version. She didn't bounce back like she thought she would. It took her longer than other kids, she was out of commission for at least 3 weeks before she could even remotely spend time anywhere. She desperately wanted to go out of the house by that time but I knew things were still rough when 30 minutes after arriving at a store she was asking to go home. This child lives to shop.

Of course by week 7, when she had the OK to bo back to school, by that time we were BOTH ready for her to get out of the house. She was going stir crazy at that point but she definitely needed the full recovery time.

OP -- I'm glad your SIL realized it's not quite as get up & go after the surgery as he thought it would be and is following doctor's orders.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Dunno. DH is going for a gall bladder removal on Thursday, and seems to think he'll recover instantly, too.

As a followup: Two days later, I am currently able to stay in one position for about two hours.

Go on DISBoards for two hours...take a nap.
Watch a movie...take a nap
Read some of my book... take a nap.

 

[doxdogy]

If only it was that easy in real life.

I think after this experience he should have a good heart to heart with the owners about their completely unreasonable vacation/sick leave policy too. If he is that valuable to them, some concessions on their part is in order.