Who would be comfortable with this?

[The Mystery Machine]

Trust your instincts. If your gut says, something isn't right about this, then most likely, something isn't right.

Yes, that is pretty much the bottom line isn't it. OP if you have the "vibe" then you have the vibe.

 

[Cantw8]

call me old-fashioned, insecure, jealous, untrusting...whatever you want but I would not like this one bit and would find it hurtful

 

[Tuffcookie]

I'm sorry, but I think it was insensitive for the husband to contact the ex girl friend of 20+ years.

OP, you say she called at 10:30 one night and you trust your DH. How many times is your DH calling her? It is easy enough to check. And while I was at it, I would want to see any e-mails!

I would let him know you are becoming increasingly uncomfortable with this "friendship". Not saying anything is up...

TC

 

[sookie]

i think that late night and frequent calls are a problem. after ten years, do they really have that much IMPORTANT stuff to talk about that it requires a 10:30PM call?
honestly, i'm VERY liberal about this stuff. however, to me an emotional affair would be more hurtful than a strictly physical affair. i would be very suspicious and hurt.

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

I'm totally with you OP.

I'd be annoyed if ANYONE called me or DH for ten days straight. Maybe I'm unsocial but that seems excessive for anyone but unacceptable for an ex.

I totally agree! I would be so annoyed if anyone called that much (other than family). DH and I don't get much time together as it is, so to have someone call every night, ugh.

But yeah OP that's gotta go.

 

[bellebud]

this wouldn't be ok w/ me.

 

[hereyago]

No I would not be ok with it. They are ex's for a reason or many reasons. There shouldn't be a need to find out what they are doing.

And I would trust the husband, but how do I put this? some women are devious tarts and you can't trust them as far as you can throw them.

To be equal: some guys are horn dogs and want to rekindle their horn dog ways.

If a spouse is more worried about upsetting an ex and not wanting to say anything, then you have more problems then you think. (not saying this is OP's case but just in general)


10 days straight,um nope. 10:30 at night? caller id would be my friend and if she ticked me off enough I'd answer that call and say' um you know, we were about to go to bed a little early for some "us" time, and he is going to be busy for some time, then click up. lol

Boundaries are wonderful things to set.

 

[Buckalew11]

He told her that I was not comfortable with this situation and the phone calls had to stop. I told him I didn't care about the FB friends and I don't really, as long as it doesn't get ridiculous. I made it very clear to him how I felt about it and like any man he was oblivious that I would feel so rotten about it until I pointed it out to him.

Really? He was really oblivious?

She calls him 10 days in a row and he talks to her 10 days in a row and he thought you'd be OK with that? Sorry, but I wonder about his judgement and that'd make me wonder a little more even.

I'd keep my eyes open...she may get sneaky.

 

[disykat]

Really? He was really oblivious?

She calls him 10 days in a row and he talks to her 10 days in a row and he thought you'd be OK with that? Sorry, but I wonder about his judgement and that'd make me wonder a little more even.
.

I agree - not buying "oblivious." I'd be talking this through a little more thoroughly.

 

[Skywalker]

He told her that I was not comfortable with this situation and the phone calls had to stop.

Yeah, that was probably a bad move. I don't think he should have told her you were uncomfortable with it, he should have told her that HE wasn't interested. This just opens the door for her (if she is the type) to encourage the contact behind your back, not to upset you. Yeah right.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I would have just started answering his calls for him. Then I'd keep old girlfriend on the line saying DH was busy for about 10 minutes before I turned it over, except if she called late at which time I'd tell her that I'm sorry, but we don't take calls that late and hung up. After a while of talking to me one of two things would happen, either I'd make a new friend or she'd get the idea and back off.

 

[Wadecool]

As a guy, I can tell you that if I found myself in that position, I would have enough sense to know my DW probably doesn't appreciate all the phone calls and would put a stop to it on my own.

I have several friends who have not created a FB account for this very reason. One or more ex's who would find them on FB and start trouble, either intentionally or unintentionally.

 

[Andtototoo]

My dh has been known to be somewhat oblivious, so I asked him about this scenario. His response:

"C'mon, I'm not that oblivious. Any woman calling me ten nights in a row would fall into the 'psycho' territory, even if I was single. Plus I honestly don't know any guy that oblivious and if there is one out there, I wonder how he gets through the day. In any case, if my wife was uncomfortable with the attention a woman was paying me, I'd end it asap. My wife's feelings are more important than some girlfriend from 20 years ago."

 

[wvjules]

I'm not sure why he felt the need to catch up with an old girlfriend in the first place.

 

[AlwaysMoving]

Really? He was really oblivious?

She calls him 10 days in a row and he talks to her 10 days in a row and he thought you'd be OK with that? Sorry, but I wonder about his judgement and that'd make me wonder a little more even.

I'd keep my eyes open...she may get sneaky.

I have to agree. I would be worrying about both of them at this point. Unless you have been under a rock or lived in perfectland, I find it impossible for a person to not think getting that chummy with an ex while you are married isn't going to lead to tension in the marriage. I don't buy "oblivious" in any situation like this. He knows. Maybe he thinks doing it with his wife's knowledge is giving him a free pass from being classified as someone treading dangerous water. Sort of "well, I wasn't sneaking around". If that is the case, exactly who is he trying to convince?

I also agree with Skywalker's comment. He chose his words poorly. Now the wife has been painted the bad guy.

 

[SallySkelington]

That would make me really uncomfortable and I wouldn't feel guilty for telling him about it. I trust DBF but having an ex calling so often would be annoying and akward for me.

 

[cm8]

I have to agree. I would be worrying about both of them at this point. Unless you have been under a rock or lived in perfectland, I find it impossible for a person to not think getting that chummy with an ex while you are married isn't going to lead to tension in the marriage. I don't buy "oblivious" in any situation like this. He knows. Maybe he thinks doing it with his wife's knowledge is giving him a free pass from being classified as someone treading dangerous water. Sort of "well, I wasn't sneaking around". If that is the case, exactly who is he trying to convince?

I also agree with Skywalker's comment. He chose his words poorly. Now the wife has been painted the bad guy.

I agree, it makes it appears that the wife is insecure.......

 

[hegsag]

I'm alittle confused with some comments placing all blame on this woman and saying she may be sneaky and up to no good.....it was the op's husband that contacted her. I believe that the husband is encouraging this woman to call and is enjoying the attention. How can he be oblivious? Just not buying that! I'd wonder if he was telling/encouraging her to call. How many times did he call her? I also don't think his response to his wife's feelings were to have this woman stop calling. Instead of backing off and not seeming interested he stated that his wife was uncomfortable with the situation whih leads me to believe they will continue behind her back. It may just be me but I smell something fishy and it isn't just from the old gf!

 

[Magic Mom]

My dh has been known to be somewhat oblivious, so I asked him about this scenario. His response:

"C'mon, I'm not that oblivious. Any woman calling me ten nights in a row would fall into the 'psycho' territory, even if I was single. Plus I honestly don't know any guy that oblivious and if there is one out there, I wonder how he gets through the day. In any case, if my wife was uncomfortable with the attention a woman was paying me, I'd end it asap. My wife's feelings are more important than some girlfriend from 20 years ago."

That was dh's response too. He said the old friend is looking for more than "catching up." The OP's DH needs to put a stop to it.

 

[DDRManiac]

A male perspective here. You have every right to be uncomfortable. Bottom line, once you are married or committed to someone else, the ex's need to fade away completely but that's just my opinion. Rarely does anything good come from having ex's be a part of the picture.