When do young men start to show maturity??

[Chris2597]

My ds just turned 20 and I swear he was more mature when he was 11. I have decided talking to him about his future and the importance of an education and working hard to make a good life for yourself is about the same as talking to a wall....I have friends that have gone through similiar feelings about their sons that are older. They keep telling me that he will start to show some signs of maturity soon.....I sure hope so. My oldest is 27 and the youngest dd is 17, both have been ideal children....ds is the middle child and is making us old before our time. Any advise??

 

[Planogirl]

Do men actually ever mature? Just kidding!!!

I think that it varies but some men are slow about growing up. Hopefully, you can steer him in the right direction while he's still in a "kid" state.

 

[olena]

That's a loaded question!

Maybe it's the middle child thing. If he lived on his own, then he'd probably learn a lot real quick. I have a male cousin who was also like that. He joined the Air Force and that did the trick for him. He is now a disciplined and motivated young man.

 

[Sleepy]

If he lived on his own, then he'd probably learn a lot real quick. I have a male cousin who was also like that. He joined the Air Force and that did the trick for him. He is now a disciplined and motivated young man.

And on the flip side, my brother went into the AF and after 5 years, his immaturity got him kicked out. Temper and refusal to wake up in time to get to work.

ETA......I do agre that living on their own does make a difference. It depends on the state of mind. My brother viewed the military as a foster parent.....free food, free place to live. I don't think he realized he would actually be kicked out for a temper or being late for work here and there. After being kicked out, mom let him live with them. Free of charge (never paying for food, etc) to get his bills paid off and save money for his own place. That turned into several years. By then, mom was close to having a 30 year old man living with them. It was the perfect arrangement for my brother. Why would he be motivated to leave? He figured since he had a job, it was enough. Mom finally had to get him applications for a place to live. I almost believe she went with him to sign the lease just to make sure he was going to move out of her house. Today, he is married, has a kid and has learned the importance of getting out of bed everyday to go to work and controlling that temper while at work.

 

[safetymom]

My son is my youngest child. He is 20 and I think he is very mature. I am very proud of how he has handled many things in his life.

 

[Sleepy]

I hope my son continues on the same path he has had for a few years. If he could, he would be living in NYC right now to continue his dance training. he begs me to allow him to do this. He has no fear and is ready to start his life. (he just turned 14).

 

[Pin Wizard]

Hang in there is about the only thing. The lightbulb has to come on for himself. Recently had a discussion with a friend about DS and studying. DS doesn't see studying as part of homework. To him, homework is something you read, write, or a project you work on. I constantly give DS the "you need to get good grades because you're going to need scholarships to get through college" speech. He sees first hand how I struggle as a single parent without a college education. I've gone back to school in the past, and it's on hold again in order to work. I don't want him struggling like this.

I've always considered DS mature for his age, and I continue with that thought. His teachers always have comments on his report card about how well he works with others, is cooperative, respectful, etc. I guess it's just with me that he's a cut up at times, and I tell him he was more mature at 2!

P.S. DS is 12 years old.

 

[Kitty 34]

I'm still waiting for my husband let alone my boys!!!

 

[agotta]

Lol, you sure it isn't a man thing? No, but seriously men mature so much different than women do. My brother is 23 and is probably the furthest thing from mature. I hope someday he will grow out of it.

 

[kaylajr]

DH is 35 and it hasn't happened yet

 

[Barb D]

DD12 just read this thread title over my shoulder and said, "When do young men start to show maturity? NEVER!"

 

[tmt martins]

40 here and refuse

I just don't see the point in it whats it going to get me.

 

[Chris2597]

At this point I just want him to get a job and stop sleeping in till noon, going out with his friends every night....hanging around doing nothing....WE bought him a car (his high school truck was totaled, not his fault, DH said he would only replace the car if he either went to school and worked part time or worked full time , preferable school.....He got a good part time job, working enough to help pay his insurance, cell phone and gym membership....He worked a month and was checking into registering for school....DH went out and found him a wonderful car, two weeks later he decided he didnt like his job and wasnt going to school. DH is furious....5 weeks later he is still not working, sleeping in, staying up late at night, his money has run out....DH has put a time limit on this....Dh says if he continues to bum around.....first the cell phone goes, the gym membership is next and then the car will be gone (at least taken away for his use)....dh says that he is not going to allow our car to be used for the sole purpose of his entertainment. After the car is gone for a month it will be sold if he doesnt get his act together....Is this too harsh?? He has been out of school for 2 1/2 yrs., only has worked very part time jobs....Any comments or advise.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

Car should be the first to go. Cell phone will be shut off for non-bill payment and the gym won't let him in if he hasn't paid his dues.

If the cell phone and gym are in your name get off of the accounts. If you can't, put the cell phone on emergency only and take it away and cancel the gym.

He is old enough to sign a contract and have his own membership and cell phone plan.

Do not give him any money for entertainment. If you desire keep him fed with food from the house and a roof over his head, but no money to eat out, no money to go out and have fun.

If you don't start cutting the cord now he will be 30 and living at home, no job, you'll still be supporting him.

If he decides to go back to school full time then you can consider helping him with his expenses and entertainment money but you must be prepared to cut it off with no questions if he drops out, drops classes or fails any classes.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I have twin sons who are 18. One lives at home and goes to community college one is away at school. In some ways they are very mature and in other ways not at all. Your arguments sound similar to the ones I have with my sons.
The rules for him to live in my house after hs are, either full time work, you pay all your bills and some rent, part time school community college full time work, you pay the big bills, no rent, or full time community college pt work you pay car stuff we help you as much as we can if you're getting good grades. The choice is yours. I've also tole them if you are working toward a career goal or something that requires savings or doing an internship with no pay, etc we will alter this. As long as you are doing something with your life we will help you as much as you can.
I would lay down an ultimatum. This is ridiculous. You only have the car if you are working full time or going to school. No money from us no matter what. If you won't work or go to school we'll pay your first month's rent in an apt and out you go.

 

[N.Bailey]

I opened the thread ready to say about 14. That's when my son's voice started changing and he started getting hair under his arms, etc... After reading the responses though, I agree with those who said, NEVER!!!

 

[Tiggeroo]

also, sometimes young men need forcing. If at 20 he doesn't have to mature he won't. And alot of his friends parents won't make them so that will make it harder. Alot of his friends are probably in college so their parents are going to be able to rationalize handing them money.

 

[powellrj]

My oldest DS was driving us crazy, not going to class, staying out all night, working when he wanted... The Army helped a lot! Now he comes home and many of his friends are still living at home, working part-time not going to school and they are all 22 and 23 years old. It funny because the girls he runs with all seem to have it together, living on their own, working or going to school. I wonder why the girls are so much more mature than the boys are?

 

[laura001]

My DS is 17 and I would say that in many respects he has a few years at least before he figures it out, hope it is sooner that that

 

[padams]

I think you and your DH are enabling him. He's old enough to either be in college and working part time, or out of the house working at a full time job. Stop paying for his vehicle, cell phone, gym membership, etc. He isn't going to grow up if he doesn't have to do so. Give him 30 days to get it together, and then he's out.