When do girls stop having sleepovers?

[luvsJack]

I stopped sleep overs after my dd was in HS and I found out she was sneaking drinking with her friends and then sleeping over her girlfriends house. This happened, EVEN though my dh and I DID GIVE HER GOOD TOOLS. But, sometimes smart children make stupid mistakes.
Since then, she is not allowed to sleep over anyone's home. If she asks for someone to sleep here, for instance one of her close friends, I do allow it.

My ds-13 had a friend sleep over last night since we were watching the boy for his parents. I have him have his friends over when he asks but it seems boys don't have nearly as much sleepovers in lower grades than girls do, so that is a good thing LOL

I have a neighbor that has a HS son who is a senior and when he has his friend sleep over, they do sneek out at night. I know it happens since when I asked my dd about an incident she said they had snuck out (the boys).

Whether people want to believe it or not it does happen and kids make mistakes, try to sneak or drink. But, I guess some of the lucky few it doesn't happen to THEIR kids since they have children that never do anything wrong (or they just don't know..and I know quite a few of those parents)

Kids can sneak out without having sleepovers. I had a few friends that snuck out at night and they were always at home, by themselves. DS had a girlfriend in hs that snuck out weekly--never due to a sleepover.

My sons had friends sleeping over all the time. Like Nancyg, I never knew for sure how many I would find sleeping on my floor when I got up on a Saturday or Sunday morning. They would sleep over and then spend part of the next day laying around watching whatever ball game was on or playing video games.

DD is 13 and has sleepovers all the time. She is already in the planning stages of a couple of girls coming next Friday. They want to go see Taylor Lautner's new movie and then the girls will stay the night. And I hope these continue through high school just like it did with my sons.

Sneaking out is something that teenagers may or may not try regardless. Sleep overs are not the culprit on that one.

 

[superdiz]

I still sleepover my friends houses and I'm a mom... lol They all live fairly far away though and I haven't done it since my son was born but I'm sure I will again at some point.

We did sleepovers well into college. Definitely all the time during senior year of HS. We never did anything terrible and my group of girls were all goodie goodies so the most daring thing we ever did was raid a parent's liquor cabinet but everyone slept over so we were all "safe" from drinking/driving.

The parents weren't fans of the sleepovers but I think they just gave in to the fact that they bore girls and that's what girls do. I'm looking forward to hopefully having a daughter someday and seeing her friendships develop like this too. Loud annoying friends and all

 

[js]

Kids can sneak out without having sleepovers. I had a few friends that snuck out at night and they were always at home, by themselves. DS had a girlfriend in hs that snuck out weekly--never due to a sleepover.

My sons had friends sleeping over all the time. Like Nancyg, I never knew for sure how many I would find sleeping on my floor when I got up on a Saturday or Sunday morning. They would sleep over and then spend part of the next day laying around watching whatever ball game was on or playing video games.

DD is 13 and has sleepovers all the time. She is already in the planning stages of a couple of girls coming next Friday. They want to go see Taylor Lautner's new movie and then the girls will stay the night. And I hope these continue through high school just like it did with my sons.

Sneaking out is something that teenagers may or may not try regardless. Sleep overs are not the culprit on that one.

Absolutely! I agree 100%, kids and teens are just that kids and teens and they do try things whether we think they do or don't and it's so much easier to try when not under their own roof.
I can tell you I never gave my mother a reason to think otherwise, but I guess I was just fooling her too and she must have thought like lots of parents do "my kid gives me no reason to think otherwise". I know much older teens that have tried to drink and I know their parents are the ones in the front of the crowd yelling, Not My Kid. But that isn't what this thread is about.

I too always have kids at my house and NEVER say no when they want to hang out here. I can't understand how some parents won't let their kids, especially teens, hang out at their house. I much rather them at my house, but that is not what this thread is about either so back to sleepovers!

 

[usd2bmd]

My daughter is 15 and sleepovers are alive and well in our house. I love having her friends here and feel I've done something right as a parent that her friends come to me and mention if they haven't seen me in a while, and pretty much all of her friends call me either Mama C, Mama lizard (Lizard is my daughter, Elizabeth's, nickname), or mama #2. I can't imagine not having them...and as an adult a I have also had them; with my sister when my husband or BIL goes out of town and with my high school girlfriends for girls weekends....IMO it's a rite of passage for children...of any age.

 

[Nancyg56]

I stopped sleep overs after my dd was in HS and I found out she was sneaking drinking with her friends and then sleeping over her girlfriends house. This happened, EVEN though my dh and I DID GIVE HER GOOD TOOLS. But, sometimes smart children make stupid mistakes.
Since then, she is not allowed to sleep over anyone's home. If she asks for someone to sleep here, for instance one of her close friends, I do allow it.

My ds-13 had a friend sleep over last night since we were watching the boy for his parents. I have him have his friends over when he asks but it seems boys don't have nearly as much sleepovers in lower grades than girls do, so that is a good thing LOL

I have a neighbor that has a HS son who is a senior and when he has his friend sleep over, they do sneek out at night. I know it happens since when I asked my dd about an incident she said they had snuck out (the boys).

Whether people want to believe it or not it does happen and kids make mistakes, try to sneak or drink. But, I guess some of the lucky few it doesn't happen to THEIR kids since they have children that never do anything wrong (or they just don't know..and I know quite a few of those parents)

Are you directing this statement at me? I can assure you that I was nobody's fool and having been a teenager my self I was pretty sure my kids were not perfect. I never even implied that my kids never made mistakes. What I did say was that I gave them the tools to make good decisions and that they used them well. And they did.

I did not check up on them. I did not read their private papers. I did not search their rooms to catch them in lies. I did not give them curfews. I opened my home to their friends and I let them go to friends homes. I will say that they knew that if I needed to find them they better be where they said they would be and they always were.

No you go right ahead and confuse parents who are aware that they are raising teens and are still willing to treat them with dignity with parents whose heads are buried under rocks thinking their kids are still watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Laugh if you want. But I can assure you that there is no merit in treating teens as criminals who are trying to outwit parents so they can carouse. It was my experience as a teen that if you were given no opportunity to earn trust you had no incentive to try to earn and maintain it. I also learned in my teenage years that outwitting a parent can be done even under the most innocent circumstances. I tried not to make that mistake with my own children.

They knew the consequences of betraying my trust and goodness knows betraying Buddy's trust would not end well either. They all turned out well. No arrests, no drunken driving, no pregnancies, no calls from irate parents. That is not to say we had no bumps in the road, we did. And they needed to start the process all over again but they learned about actions and consequences. I preferred that they learned those lessons when i was here to guide them.

I am sorry that your DD made mistakes with the trust that she was given by you. Please don't think all kids make those mistakes and that there is no redemption once those errors occurred. I think that they cannot grow if they are not given the opportunity to make amends and start the process of earning the privileges back.

 

[superdiz]

I also agree with pp's, you give your kids the tools and all you can do is hope they do the right thing. If they're going to sneak out or off with boys/girls, they are going to find a way regardless. My friend and her brother snuck out of their house all the time.

I also agree with the pp who got to know her son's friends by having them over all the time. I was so close with the parents that some attended my wedding and all of them are so excited to see my son because it almost feels like their kid had a kid. There are benefits to these sleepovers

 

[Nancyg56]

I too always have kids at my house and NEVER say no when they want to hang out here. I can't understand how some parents won't let their kids, especially teens, hang out at their house. I much rather them at my house, but that is not what this thread is about either so back to sleepovers!

My grocery bill was outrageous! Feeding every friend who was around added up but it was worth it. I also was the taxi but that was worth it as well. Dropping off and picking up the kids made them aware that I was generally very close by.

I also kept a cappacino machine and a variety of flavored coffees when the kids were in HS. I was one of those reckless moms who let DD drink coffee and as long as the friends parents did not care I made sure there was plenty to choose from. We were that place where kids liked to be and while everyone was expected to help after dinner, clean up after themselves and be respectful of every one in the house they all still liked to come.

 

[js]

Are you directing this statement at me? I can assure you that I was nobody's fool and having been a teenager my self I was pretty sure my kids were not perfect. I never even implied that my kids never made mistakes. What I did say was that I gave them the tools to make good decisions and that they used them well. And they did.

I did not check up on them. I did not read their private papers. I did not search their rooms to catch them in lies. I did not give them curfews. I opened my home to their friends and I let them go to friends homes. I will say that they knew that if I needed to find them they better be where they said they would be and they always were.

No you go right ahead and confuse parents who are aware that they are raising teens and are still willing to treat them with dignity with parents whose heads are buried under rocks thinking their kids are still watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Laugh if you want. But I can assure you that there is no merit in treating teens as criminals who are trying to outwit parents so they can carouse. It was my experience as a teen that if you were given no opportunity to earn trust you had no incentive to try to earn and maintain it. I also learned in my teenage years that outwitting a parent can be done even under the most innocent circumstances. I tried not to make that mistake with my own children.

They knew the consequences of betraying my trust and goodness knows betraying Buddy's trust would not end well either. They all turned out well. No arrests, no drunken driving, no pregnancies, no calls from irate parents. That is not to say we had no bumps in the road, we did. And they needed to start the process all over again but they learned about actions and consequences. I preferred that they learned those lessons when i was here to guide them.

I am sorry that your DD made mistakes with the trust that she was given by you. Please don't think all kids make those mistakes and that there is no redemption once those errors occurred. I think that they cannot grow if they are not given the opportunity to make amends and start the process of earning the privileges back.

uh, no LOL Little sensitive? I LOVE the dis and love that we all get to have our OWN opinions
No need for you to apologize about/for my dd, but nice you think you should. Hopefully all teens don't try to sneak a drink but mine did. Hey, so did I and quite honestly I do not want her going off to college and trying drinking without my being there. I work in a college and I see first hand what that can do so that is not MY issue. Just MY opinion.

I can tell you I love having the kids at my house, the kids usually come to my house and I do allow sleepovers, just not at others homes. There has to be some kind of consequence for the behavior of sneaking to drink and I thought that was a good one IMO

Thanks for the time to explain your thoughts to us! and again, love the dis!

 

[Styx Fan]

I have many fond memories of sleeping over at my 2 best friends houses all through high school.....and one sometimes during college.

I had a boyfriend who lived on the same street with both of them....never even thought of sneaking out. We also never did any drinking or drugs. Guess we were just boring kids. Now we did stay up way too late talking. But by then we knew it was our problem the next day.

We started having sleepovers around the 4th grade. My parents were very picky about where I could stay. They wanted to know the parents a bit. And there was one really close friend with whom I was never allowed to sleep over. As a kid I didn't get it, but as an adult I did. The house had little supervision.

My DD just turned 8. She has had one sleepover with a friend. Admitted to being afraid, but made it all night. But as a rule I don't like them for kids as young as her. Too much disruption to the whole family. Too many kids who end up wanting to go home in the middle of the night. By 10 or 11 things are better.

 

[Styx Fan]

I don't doubt that some kids use sleepovers as a way to do things they shouldn't be doing. In fact, I have first-hand knowledge of it (I made some dubious choices when I was a teen).

However, when it comes to my kids and my kid's friends, I prefer to assume the best of them until they prove otherwise. That doesn't mean we don't supervise. It does mean we allow sleepovers.

Exactly....I can't imagine banning my child from doing something because some other kids have abused the privilege. Now, give me a reason not to trust you and it's a whole other story.

DS is 15 and I would let him either stay over or have his friends over. But it doesn't come up as much with older boys around here. Only if they had some laste night activity and one parent was picking up.

Of course, it would be a bit hard to pull something on me b/c our house isn't that big, DH is a light sleeper and I tend to be up as late as kids

 

[Hannathy]

I stopped sleep overs after my dd was in HS and I found out she was sneaking drinking with her friends and then sleeping over her girlfriends house. This happened, EVEN though my dh and I DID GIVE HER GOOD TOOLS. But, sometimes smart children make stupid mistakes.
Since then, she is not allowed to sleep over anyone's home. If she asks for someone to sleep here, for instance one of her close friends, I do allow it.

So now she just drinks and then drives home. In my book I would rather they stay somewhere and not be driving. But hey to each their own.

 

[Baileymouse]

I'm almost 46 and I'm still having sleepovers. My couch is even has a facebook group, since so many people have crashed here.

 

[Tink888]

DH and I feel sleepovers are just the root of all evil...either hosting them or having our kids go to them. Kids always end up cranky and tired and sometimes sick. And, when my girls were younger, I had one friend who wanted to go home, one I had to sit up with for hours, and one who threw up...so I do not like them AT ALL. But, my kids (my girls) still love them. Figures..

DD15 wants to have a sleepover either here or at friends' every weekend! At what point do girls get to be "too old" for sleepovers? I'm pretty sure that at age 15, I wasn't sleeping over anywhere.

Any thoughts?

When is the last time you had a sleepover? To me they get a lot easier as the kids get older. My sons are always having kids over or spending the night somewhere. They have them more now in high school than they did in elementary.

To me, they're just a great way for kids to bond. I can't see them ending for us anytime soon and I'm okay with that.

 

[Princess_Meghan <3]

The last big sleep-over I had was the end of my senior year of high school. It was a last night to spend with my friends before I left for school. I do still have friends spend the night, and spend the night at friends houses, though, even as a sophomore in college. My best friend is very close to my family, though, and usually attends family events with us, as do my sister's two best friends. My youngest sister (just turned 16) has a few friends who spend the night often, but my other sister and I only have one or two friends who ever end up spending the night. Our sleepovers have gotten more frequent, but the number of people spending the night has gotten smaller. I also never feel like I have to stay up with my friends, and tend to go to bed at a decent(well, decent to a college student, lol) time- if I fall asleep, they know where everything is in my house, and they can get it themselves

 

[Tara922c]

I don't do sleepovers. Here or there. I have only let me kids stay the night off maybe once or twice and I rarely let anyone else sleepover here. You go play with each other for a few hours then come home at bedtime. No need to sleep at someone else's house.

Also for teen girls, IMO, letting them sleepover someone else's house is just asking for the whole sneaking out thing where they may end up laid up somewhere with some teenage boy. I won't have that.

I had sleepovers from the time I started elementary school. I spent the night, or had someone spend the night with me every single weekend starting in middle school. Even when I was a senior in high school, my friends and I had sleepovers. Not a one of us turned out to be *****s. I could give a rats behind if you don't allow your kids to have sleepovers, but you are being offensive to the parents who allow it. I would never allow dd to spend the night at someone's home without meeting their parents, and discussing their house rules.

By the way, teenagers can sneak out reguardless of if you allow them to have sleepovers or not. The teenagers who aren't allowed to have any freedom are the ones who rebel the most.

 

[Tink9721]

I was never really a fan of sleepovers. I think I only slept at another friend's house about 3 times. My group of middle school friends was interesting...There were about 11 of us. I loved them, and I'm still friends with some of them now, but sometimes there was just too much drama. I usually skipped the sleepovers if it was a big group. I heard interesting stories from my best friend who usually went to them. In middle school there was drama at the lunch table. I can only imagine what happened at those sleepovers I did have sleepovers with my three closest friends fairly often, usually at my house. My best friend slept over a lot in middle school. They pretty much stopped in high school.

I'm 18 now and the only person who slept over through high school, and still sleeps over now, is my cousin. She lives an hour away so when she comes over it's usually for 2 or 3 days and she always sleeps over. I love hanging out with her but since we're both in college now we don't see each other as much as we want, so whenever she's here we always end up staying up talking until 3 AM even though we're 18 and 21 now

 

[MissUndastood]

My 15 y/o dd is big into sleepovers, both here and there. I usually don't mind with her as she can handle the late nights. OTOH, my 12 y/o is not allowed to sleep out during the school year because she turns into a WITCH for days. Unbearable. As for my youngest, who is a 10 y/o boy, he very rarely sleeps out or has kids sleep here.

 

[kamik86]

Hmm I stopped having sleep overs when I went to college. Most of mine were at my sisters houses.

My neices still do them. They will go and have sleep overs at Grandmas still even (and Grandma lives less then an hour away, its just that the two oldest want to hang out but the oldest niece (17) mom is currently homeless because of her choice of boyfriend so she wants to get away from that but if she goes to the my other neices (16) they have to deal with the youngest wanting to hand out with them the whole time (she is 9). So if the two oldest both plan to go to Grandma's the same night they can hang out together without the annoying mom's boyfriend or little sister. Many times they will come see me during that too since I live about 5 min from Mom.

I also slept over my mom's again when hurricane Irene hit (I live next to the river, Mom lives at the top of a large hill away from all the rivers). People that like them don't grow out of them, they just stop calling them sleepovers and just say they are "spending the night" or whatever.

 

[disneyofcourse]

Wow, my friends and I still have sleepovers and I didn't turn out to be a Wh**e

Well, now they get a guest bedroom and not my bedroom floor. It still counts as a sleepover!