Gellybean - I watched the Ruby finale last night. OMG It was amazing! I have never cried like that before while watching a reality show (Maybe during English Patient, but I'm a sucker for a sob story). But this was crying because I so totally related to some of the things that ladies were going through.
For those of you that don't watch Ruby the show is about this woman's path of losing weight (she started out over 700lbs and is now 320). Its very inspirational and motivating to know that if she can persevere then dang it so can I.
Anyway the finale show was about Ruby and some of her friends going to a 6 day intensive retreat to deal with their food addictions and try and figure out their issues.
I really related to the abandonment issues like waiting for/expecting everyone you love to leave you. The one that I really was surprised about was dealing with a family member with an addiction that takes over the family and the co-dependents that are in the family that don't help the situation. That one has my family written ALL over it. When Tinnie was talking about how when co-dependents don't get their way they shut down "Fine I won't TOUCH the pillows EVER again" Holy Moly - I saw a family member. Wish she had given some pointers on how to deal with that!
I checked Ruby's website but they don't have Tinnie listed as one of Ruby's support person. I'd love to see if she has written a book. I didn't delete the show yet, I think I'm going to watch it again and see if I can get some more clairity. It really gives me a lot to think about and realize that I eat to push down the feelings of loneliness (I do a LOT of eating alone). I really need to think before eating - "what am I hungry for?" most often times its for companionship (Yup the ice cream tub CAN be a friend - it calls out to me from the freezer and doesn't let me down - well not till it shows up on my stomach).
I think that is why going to the gym is not appealing to me without having someone to go with. If I try substituting the gym instead of eating, then I want the companionship of someone to talk to, push me harder than I'd do by myself, etc. I really haven't found any exercise that I really like doing (I guess if I had to pick, I'd say walking outside - treadmills/ellipiticals are ok, but being outside and chatting is MUCH better for me - I just don't push myself enough so I don't think I'm burning enough calories. I wish there were an eHarmony site for people looking for workout buddies.
Not sure if I'm making sense, but trying to write eveything that is going on in the brain is not easy.
I'm really glad that I've found you all and have some place to put this out in the universe. Knowing you are all here to listen is very comforting.
On the food front - doing well so far this week. Tracking, drinking and exercising. Tonight we have another cooking class (Scalloped potatoes and salmon in parchment paper) I'm planning on eating before we go to class so I won't be starved by the time the food comes out of the oven.