What's wrong with getting married young?

[punkin]

That's what I was saying in my first post. My mom & I both got married at about the same age. SHE was considered an "old" bride and I was considered "young" -- shouldn't we have at least been considered average?

I saw that and I agree.

I also think an education is not bared by early marriage. I got married right after college, but I got pregnant in law school, which I finished. My sister got married 2 weeks before her 19th birthday, but went on to finish college.

 

[GinnyEmma]

yep, Amy, you are too stupid to know you were stupid according to some here.

 

[mjkacmom]

AND I think I've figured out some of the difference reading this thread. I was never a big party person...I don't drink and never did as a teen either. I really don't feel like I missed out on anything by not partaking in such partying and I had no desire to live in a dorm (especially after hearing the horror stories of bad roommates)..

Going away to college doesn't have to mean "Animal House." I didn't party in college a lot, and my friends there didn't, either. There was a crew of 8 of us, who living in the dorms together for 4 years (2 per room), and 20 years later, I still think of them as family, and we get together twice a year, with our families. There is a level of closeness that develops when you live with each other, a stronger friendship.

I know there are a lot of married couples who got married young, and are happy. However, yes, there are things that are missed out on. But if you never experienced them, you don't know what you missed, and that's fine.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Going away to college doesn't have to mean "Animal House." I didn't party in college a lot, and my friends there didn't, either. There was a crew of 8 of us, who living in the dorms together for 4 years (2 per room), and 20 years later, I still think of them as family, and we get together twice a year, with our families. There is a level of closeness that develops when you live with each other, a stronger friendship.

I know there are a lot of married couples who got married young, and are happy. However, yes, there are things that are missed out on. But if you never experienced them, you don't know what you missed, and that's fine.

Just as those couples experienced more in other areas. There isn't any perfect plan for life. I can't imagine anyone living my life and it has been pretty darn good as far as I am concerned. Btw I despised dorm life and don't know of any group at the college I work at that have been together like you all were. You lucked out. i loved living on my own and my bff wanted nothing to do with it. She wasnt ignorant, merely a different person.

It is great when people are happy with their lives. No need to look down on others in the process.

 

[Colleen27]

Some people just don't meet the right person in their early 20s. I don't think anyone should settle desperately for the first guy who comes along just so they can get knocked up more easily. What a terrible thought.

To answer the OP's question: I think it really is a matter of personality and life experience. I didn't meet ANYONE in my early 20s that I should have married (or even wanted to).

There's two different issues there, though. When the right person comes along is obviously the biggest factor in when an individual should marry, but there's a lot of pressure not to marry "too young" even if the right person is there and waiting. That's where I feel that yes, fertility and desired family size should be a consideration - not to rush into marriage with Mr Wrong but when Mr Right is there and everyone is telling you he'll still be there after college and establishing a career and spending a few years solo.

 

[mjkacmom]

There's two different issues there, though. When the right person comes along is obviously the biggest factor in when an individual should marry, but there's a lot of pressure not to marry "too young" even if the right person is there and waiting. That's where I feel that yes, fertility and desired family size should be a consideration - not to rush into marriage with Mr Wrong but when Mr Right is there and everyone is telling you he'll still be there after college and establishing a career and spending a few years solo.

One of my college friends started dating her ds when she was 14. When she went away to college, he was angry and jealous, and was afraid the experience would change her (he had no plans to go off to college - he worked for her dad as a contractor). She did change. What ended up happening is that he decided to get his degree as well (at home), and fully supported her when she ended up going to graduate school after college graduation (living in a house with other students, male and female, 2 hours from him). He started his career.

When she got her MA, she moved back home. They finally married when they were 26 or so. He matured so much over those years, and became the best husband and father one could imagine having. They are still the cutest couple, and so loving and affectionate.

 

[Amy&Dan]

There's two different issues there, though. When the right person comes along is obviously the biggest factor in when an individual should marry, but there's a lot of pressure not to marry "too young" even if the right person is there and waiting. That's where I feel that yes, fertility and desired family size should be a consideration - not to rush into marriage with Mr Wrong but when Mr Right is there and everyone is telling you he'll still be there after college and establishing a career and spending a few years solo.

Bingo! This is what I have been trying to say with my longwinded responses and you did it so much more succintly!

I say that sometimes waiting for the perfect time may translate to time and opportunity lost. Not always, but sometimes. There just can't be a formula or timeline when it comes to the human heart and life.

Waiting for the right time is fine. But it can be just as much a gamble that can rob happiness out of your life as much as taking the plunge when some may say you are too young to marry.

 

[si-am]

There's two different issues there, though. When the right person comes along is obviously the biggest factor in when an individual should marry, but there's a lot of pressure not to marry "too young" even if the right person is there and waiting. That's where I feel that yes, fertility and desired family size should be a consideration - not to rush into marriage with Mr Wrong but when Mr Right is there and everyone is telling you he'll still be there after college and establishing a career and spending a few years solo.

But... if the person is NOT there and waiting when you're in your early 20s, then it's really not fair to blame women having difficulty TTC, saying "Bwahahaha you waited too long. Told you so."

For some people it's REALLY not a choice.

 

[RitaE]

I know there are a lot of married couples who got married young, and are happy. However, yes, there are things that are missed out on. But if you never experienced them, you don't know what you missed, and that's fine.

But couldn't the same thing be said about everybody? You also lack my life experiences and since you don't have them -- you've missed out on them and are oblivious to what you missed out on. Although I have to point out it's not like I don't KNOW anybody who went to college single and I'm completely in the dark about what their lives where like.

My Freshman year I was in the Dorms. Hated my roommate and haven't seen or spoken to her since the day I moved out of the dorm. We didn't even say good-bye.

The rest of college my "roommate" was my husband and yes I think of him as family!

We lived in a building that was nearly 100% young married college students. We were very much a pack. We went out together to the malls and the movies, hung out together, had barbecues and pool parties at the apartment complexes. We formed slow pitch softball teams for the intramural leagues. I'm still in contact with some of those women (because women who marry young do still have friends besides their husbands) and my husband still has lunch 3 to 4 times a month with one of the guys and occasionally they'll go on a weekend trip or to a ballgame or something.

 

[Principessa1284]

What is it about this board that makes people put words into other people's mouths and twist everything around? Are we just that filled with talented journalists?

As someone pointed out, a woman's body is most fertile when she's young.. the highest chances of getting pregnant being 18-25. So, BIOLOGICALLY we're "supposed" to have children at a younger age. Notice I said BIOLOGICALLY. Fertility starts dropping off at 26, so after that age, it's going to be more difficult that it would have been when you were 20. Do I think teenagers should be having children? No - I don't, but their bodies are primed and ready for it. Families had more children in the earlier generations, not only because they got married and started a family earlier, but because it was easier to get pregnant than it is at 35 or 40.

There. Feel free to tear that apart all you like.


Anyway... I am a strong believer that everyone is different and you can't really generalize when it comes to age. Yes - I believe that 18 is a bit young to get married, but if an 18 year old is wanting to get married, then bully for them! No one can stop them. Some will realize it was a mistake and divorce, some will be the happiest most fulfilled people you will ever meet. I know people on both sides of that. I do, however, believe it's a good idea to have a little independence and live on your own between moving out of mom & dad's house and moving in with a SO or DW/DH. It's not necessary and you may not be missing out on much, but I think it's a good experience to have.

But just because you get married young, doesn't mean you have to "settle down" and invest in a good rocking chair. My DH and I got married when we were 24 and 26, now we're 26 and 28 and we have always liked to go "out on the town" both together and separately with friends.

So in a nutshell, I think everyone is different and while one 18 year old may be more than ready, another won't be mature enough.. ever

 

[indimom]

But couldn't the same thing be said about everybody? You also lack my life experiences and since you don't have them -- you've missed out on them and are oblivious to what you missed out on. Although I have to point out it's not like I don't KNOW anybody who went to college single and I'm completely in the dark about what their lives where like.

My Freshman year I was in the Dorms. Hated my roommate and haven't seen or spoken to her since the day I moved out of the dorm. We didn't even say good-bye.

The rest of college my "roommate" was my husband and yes I think of him as family!

We lived in a building that was nearly 100% young married college students. We were very much a pack. We went out together to the malls and the movies, hung out together, had barbecues and pool parties at the apartment complexes. We formed slow pitch softball teams for the intramural leagues. I'm still in contact with some of those women (because women who marry young do still have friends besides their husbands) and my husband still has lunch 3 to 4 times a month with one of the guys and occasionally they'll go on a weekend trip or to a ballgame or something.

Thank you, you said it much better than I could have. EVERYONE has a different life experience. Doesn't make one better or more important than another. I spent my four years of college essentially alone because DH (my boyfriend) was traveling the world in the Marine Corps.
I could say that others "missed out" because they didn't get to enjoy writing and receiving pages and pages of love letters over the course of years. Anyone who didn't do this, will not know what they were missing out on. It was special for us.
But, I'm pretty sure those years you spent rooming with your husband in college were special for you as well. We all have special memories and moments in life.
Why does one have to be a better choice?

 

[FireDancer]

As long as both parties are happy with the decision good for them. I don't think there is a right age to marry for everyone.

I didn't put a lot of emotional involvement into high school relationships because I knew it was just about having fun, not finding someone to marry. I also knew that I didn't want to marry until I got out and saw what the world has to offer. I dated in college but never exclusively and never seriously because I didn't want anything long term until I graduated, moved away for a bit, traveled, and had the fun of being a single professional adult. So far I have no regrets. No "I wish I had" feelings about life.

I'm still not really a fan of exclusive relationships but if one of the people I date turns into one cool. If that turns into marriage, cool. If it doesn't that is cool too. I still enjoy the variety.

I really don't care what other people do. Get married the day you turn 18 or stay single your whole life. As long as you are happy with your choice you made the right one.

 

[robinb]

\
I say that sometimes waiting for the perfect time may translate to time and opportunity lost. Not always, but sometimes. There just can't be a formula or timeline when it comes to the human heart and life.

Waiting for the right time is fine. But it can be just as much a gamble that can rob happiness out of your life as much as taking the plunge when some may say you are too young to marry.

Yes, but if Mr/Ms Right isn't willing to wait for their partner to be on their own and finish college then have you really missed out on happiness or have you dodged a bullet?

 

[Lanshark]

People should get married when they are ready to assume the responsibilities. Some are ready young and some are never ready. I don't think age is the determining factor. I've seen 30 and 40 year olds get married who weren't ready for that level of committment on the other hand I haven't seen many teens who are ready either.

 

[phorsenuf]

I was 19 and my husband was 23. This July makes 28 years of marriage. Sometimes you just know.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Yes, but if Mr/Ms Right isn't willing to wait for their partner to be on their own and finish college then have you really missed out on happiness or have you dodged a bullet?

It is hard to tell. Relationships are about compromise. I don't think one should have to wait forever or be pressured. So I think that the right person can come at the wrong time and choices have to be made. Just my opinion.

 

[Jessica527]

I understand and appreciate every opinion on the thread, that is what it is for, to disucss the topic.

My Story:

Met my then "bf" at 15 years old, at the time he was 17 yrs old. We did the typical high school thing, went to prom, day trips to the beach, first jobs, and so much more.

In 2005, my then "bf" graduated from high school and went to Albright College. We still stayed together during this time, even with my 2 years of high school left.

-In 2007, I graduated from high school and also attended Albright College. This was my first choice college way before I met my "bf", my parents had been visiting the college at an early age.
-In 2009, my then "bf" graduated from Albright College and accepted a degree in Accounting.
-In 2010, I graduated with an honors degree early in Accounting and Business and accepted a Staff Accountant position.
-Before graduation, at age 21 for me and age 23 for my the "bf" we got engaged.
-January 2011 we purchased a home.
-Our wedding date is set for May 5, 2012. We will be engaged for 2 years.

So do I agree with getting married young, sure if that works for you. For me, it didn't matter either way. We were together through everything and every experience life wanted to throw our way during those years. Married or not married, we still were a couple.

Personally at the age of 18, I would have been mature enough to get married. However, it just was not the right time for us in our life.

Everyone has their opinions to the story of course!

Now how I really feel - Haha there is no way I could afford a wedding at age 18! I can barely afford this wedding for age 22!!

Great thread OP!

 

[NotUrsula]

Families had more children in the earlier generations, not only because they got married and started a family earlier, but because it was easier to get pregnant than it is at 35 or 40.

Eh, those are reasons, true enough, but NOT AT ALL the most common reasons, historically speaking.

The number one reason why families were larger in earlier generations was that reliable birth control was not widely available until the early 1970's. People didn't have more kids deliberately, they did it because it just happened. Until my generation, regular sex simply equaled frequent pregnancy for the vast majority of women. When I got married, at age 28, my mother's wedding-day prayer for me was: I pray that God doesn't give you too many children. (My mother was a devout Irish Catholic who thought that premarital sex and birth control within marriage were sins -- and she choose to believe that I agreed with her.) Women in my family, on both sides, very commonly have children up until our mid-40's; both my grandmothers did it, my mother did it, several of my cousins did it, and so did I -- no drugs involved. The difference is that while my grandmothers both had nine children, no one in my generation has more than four -- by choice.

The number two reason why people had more children in earlier generations was lack of education. Check it; it is a universal demographic phenomenon that happens in every society in the world: as the female literacy rate rises, the birthrate declines. ALWAYS. With education comes an understanding of how one's body really works, and also the ability to be more economically productive. The vast majority of women who are able to do so will choose to limit the number of offspring that they have, in order to make the family more prosperous.

 

[ilovemk76]

My big concern with getting married young would be having kids right after with both parents having little chances for higher paying jobs. If you got married young, still went to college and then started a family you would be fine.

My other concern is with divorce. Sadly the divorce rate is about 50%. What will a women do with only a high school degree, three kids and a divorce in her late 20s. By that time there is little chance she could go back to college to get a good paying job. If she was a SAHM before the divorce she would have to take very low paying job and would struggle for many years to come.

Nobody wants to watch their child suffer.


DH and I met at a young age, but we waited to marry until we both graduated from college. We were engage for most of our college years. It was important to both of us to each be able to support our family. We are quickly approaching three decades of marriage.

 

[ilovemk76]

But... if the person is NOT there and waiting when you're in your early 20s, then it's really not fair to blame women having difficulty TTC, saying "Bwahahaha you waited too long. Told you so."

For some people it's REALLY not a choice.

As a woman ages she can have more trouble TTC, but STDs are also a major contributor to infertility in many couples.