What Would Your Reaction Be?

[Luv2Run]

You are an adult and need to stop using the excuse that you are "absent minded". I'm with your husband on this one. Grow up.

This exactly.

And I don't get how you feel justified taking a bubble bath and relaxing with some wine while your husband puts the kids to bed, when you're the one who messed up...? You put your finances/identity at risk after several reminders not to keep leaving your vehicle unlocked in the driveway with your purse in it, and yet you get to act like Queen Sheba and take a bubble bath while your H gets 'punished'? I really don't see the logic there. Sorry not sorry. Take ownership of how you messed up and quit blaming others for your lack of attention.

 

[Burnedout]

I lost my wallet. I actually thought it was stolen. I didn't discover it missing until 12 hours later. because as far as I knew, I had stowed it back in my purse after a purchase. It was an innocent mistake and I felt very bad about it.

Thankfully nothing bad happened as a good samaritan had turned it in. But we didn't know about it, because my sister's wallet was missing earlier. So we thought both of ours was stolen. I called the location to report it and they said to call back if we found it. Hers was lost in her car and she found it there as it had fallen deep between the seats. I called back and then finally asked about mine and they had it.

My husband treated me as a loving husband would. It was a mistake, he didn't hold it over my head.

Her (my sister's) husband was a jerk about it.

Mistakes can be made. It doesn't mean one has to be a jerk about it. Unless someone left a list of pins with all of their cards, I don't see how finances would tank so quickly. It seems a bit over overkill. Identity theft is real, but these reactions are over the top.

I think it is better to be forgiving and helpful than to treat someone like a child, even if you feel it justified. YMMV.

Sounds like OP has come up with a method to help her remember. I hope she is a better spouse to her husband when he loses something than he was to her.

If my husband moves something of mine from one place to another I don't call it stealing.

Her laziness could cost them their identity, their financial peace and their safety. Forgiving is good. But if a behavior doesn't change where does that leave the situation?

 

[already]

I had the same situation recently. I always leave my purse in my car when in the garage. Have been doing it for over 20 years. However, I had to park outside for several months. Since I was outside, it was not the same as being in the garage, so the old habits did not kick in. I had enough presence of mind to know I could not leave my purse out in broad daylight in an unlocked car. I do not understand how you can use the excuse of old habits are hard to break. Not for something so important to your family.

If you are making such bad choices under the guise of being "absent minded" to the point that even harassment from your husband doesn't help you remember, have you brought this up with your physician?

There are many diseases that can affect memory. Low thyroid can make you foggy, adult ADHD can make you forgetful.

If this is not laziness and if you really are so "absent minded" that you are making poor decisions that can seriously affect your family's welfare, even with numerous reminders from others, I would suggest you mention this to your physician.

 

[mom2rtk]

If this is not laziness and if you really are so "absent minded" that you are making poor decisions that can seriously affect your family's welfare, even with numerous reminders from others, I would suggest you mention this to your physician.

I tend to agree with this.

 

[Luv2Run]

Can you imagine if the purse actually had been stolen? And if the thief had used your debit card & drained your bank account & the donation money? Not only would you not have funds available to you, that could possibly put a huge dent in your credit (even your H's credit, since you're married). That can take years to recover from.

You should be thankful your H was looking out for you, not angry with him/'punish' him. Chalk it up to a lesson learned, and quit being so careless with your family's welfare.

 

[QueenElsaTheFirst]

If you are making such bad choices under the guise of being "absent minded" to the point that even harassment from your husband doesn't help you remember, have you brought this up with your physician?

There are many diseases that can affect memory. Low thyroid can make you foggy, adult ADHD can make you forgetful.

If this is not laziness and if you really are so "absent minded" that you are making poor decisions that can seriously affect your family's welfare, even with numerous reminders from others, I would suggest you mention this to your physician.

Yep, I have ADD actually. Or as my physician called it in my case, Absent-Minded Professor Syndrome ( I was an English Lit professor until after the birth of my second son ) However it's not an excuse, I'm aware of my condition and have developed a lot of life hacks to deal with it, so it's not information I thought relevant to my initial post. I think including it upfront would make me seem more a "victim" in this scenario than I truly am. Ultimately I am responsible for my actions, regardless of any medical diagnosis I have. If I had chronic seizures, knew about it and drove anyway, I would be responsible for any damage I caused. I don't take medication daily, only during times I need to hyper focus, so managing it my case is alarms on my phone, notes to myself, and the helpful patience of my husband

While I still don't think my husband leaving me without my purse the entire day was an ok thing to do, this thread has given me a lot of helpful perspective on how serious an issue this could potentially have been and more insight into how frustrated he was feeling.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Well then very nice to see that you realize how frustrating all of this is for your husband Technically you could have avoided a LOT of grief for yourself that day had you simply picked up a phone called him and said something like " Honey, I was wrong you are right It finally happened I have no idea where my purse is "

At that point I would bet anything he would have not only appreciated that but would have told you what he did Hopefully you really learned something

 

[JanaDee]

This exactly.

And I don't get how you feel justified taking a bubble bath and relaxing with some wine while your husband puts the kids to bed, when you're the one who messed up...? You put your finances/identity at risk after several reminders not to keep leaving your vehicle unlocked in the driveway with your purse in it, and yet you get to act like Queen Sheba and take a bubble bath while your H gets 'punished'? I really don't see the logic there. Sorry not sorry. Take ownership of how you messed up and quit blaming others for your lack of attention.

And we wonder where the stereotype of the pampered princess wife comes from?

 

[QueenElsaTheFirst]

And we wonder where the stereotype of the pampered princess wife comes from?

Whoa whoa whoa, look at the username, that's a Pampered Queen to you!

No, but in all seriousness, our marriage is a partnership. If one of us has a stressful day, the other gives them the night to relax. My husband's in trial this week, so last night he came home, kissed the kids, and parked himself in front of ESPN with a beer while I did baths and bed alone. We try to give each other space when needed

 

[Christine]

Yep, I have ADD actually. Or as my physician called it in my case, Absent-Minded Professor Syndrome ( I was an English Lit professor until after the birth of my second son ) However it's not an excuse, I'm aware of my condition and have developed a lot of life hacks to deal with it, so it's not information I thought relevant to my initial post. I think including it upfront would make me seem more a "victim" in this scenario than I truly am. Ultimately I am responsible for my actions, regardless of any medical diagnosis I have. If I had chronic seizures, knew about it and drove anyway, I would be responsible for any damage I caused. I don't take medication daily, only during times I need to hyper focus, so managing it my case is alarms on my phone, notes to myself, and the helpful patience of my husband

While I still don't think my husband leaving me without my purse the entire day was an ok thing to do, this thread has given me a lot of helpful perspective on how serious an issue this could potentially have been and more insight into how frustrated he was feeling.

OP, you sound very reasonable and you've taken some of the comments here quite well!!

I just want to say that I'm glad you can understand your husband's frustration now. I see why he did what he did and almost applaud him for it; however, I do think it was VERY uncool to leave you without important stuff for the day. That was just not right, either.

 

[QueenElsaTheFirst]

OP, you sound very reasonable and you've taken some of the comments here quite well!!

I just want to say that I'm glad you can understand your husband's frustration now. I see why he did what he did and almost applaud him for it; however, I do think it was VERY uncool to leave you without important stuff for the day. That was just not right, either.

Thank you

 

[Jaime4004]

Whoa whoa whoa, look at the username, that's a Pampered Queen to you!

No, but in all seriousness, our marriage is a partnership. If one of us has a stressful day, the other gives them the night to relax. My husband's in trial this week, so last night he came home, kissed the kids, and parked himself in front of ESPN with a beer while I did baths and bed alone. We try to give each other space when needed

You have a great attitude towards some judgmental posts. We do the same in our family. Sometimes we both do the nighttime rituals and put the kids to bed, sometimes one is relaxing while the other does. Depends on the day we've each had...
As to your original post, I would have been slightly annoyed, but probably would have ended up laughing if DH did that to me. I have a habit of occasionally leaving my wallet in random places in the house. I'd often call DH asking if he'd seen it. He solved that by buying me a phone case that can hold my license and a CC. No wallet needed. And when I lose my phone in the house, I can buzz it from the computer.

 

[QueenElsaTheFirst]

You have a great attitude towards some judgmental posts. We do the same in our family. Sometimes we both do the nighttime rituals and put the kids to bed, sometimes one is relaxing while the other does. Depends on the day we've each had...
As to your original post, I would have been slightly annoyed, but probably would have ended up laughing if DH did that to me. I have a habit of occasionally leaving my wallet in random places in the house. I'd often call DH asking if he'd seen it. He solved that by buying me a phone case that can hold my license and a CC. No wallet needed. And when I lose my phone in the house, I can buzz it from the computer.

Thank you, and good idea about the phone/wallet cover

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

Why not just let the whole thing go at this point and get in the habit of leaving your purse in the house from now on, with the keys in the purse? Problem solved.

I'm very happy for you if this is the biggest problem you and your husband have!

 

[lauradis]

Thank you, and good idea about the phone/wallet cover

I have one of those ugly hook to your belt hooks that janitors use, on my keys because I started to forget my purse. I hook the hook to the outside of my purse so I don't forget it and always leave purse inside house in the same spot 99% of the time.

We also do the who ever had a bad day gets the night off or we do something special that the other person would normally do, because we are a team.

Now if I could just remember to pay the trash pick up bill on time the world would be perfect lol .

 

[shortbun]

I think you were playing fast and loose with some very important documents in your purse. The results of that could have been close to catastrophic, possible identity theft, grabbing your keys and walking right in your house. Do you keep a garage door opener in your car/purse? Thieves break in, take the opener and rob you while you sleep, if you're lucky. Your husband is right and what he did was desperate but he did it because he wanted to protect your family. Straighten up and take your purse in after locking your car door. Haha, do I sound like a mother? Seriously, do it.

 

[DawnM]

My husband would be sleeping on the sofa for quite a while.

What if your child had been ill and you needed your insurance card?
What if you had been pulled over and needed your DL?
What if you needed something like a medicine and you had no CC or cash?
What if you were running out of gas and got stranded with no way to pay for gas?

I wouldn't even do that TO MY KIDS! I am a firm believer in warning people ahead of time......."If you do X, then I will need to resort to Y......" and then follow through WITH A CHILD! The only time I do it to DH is when it comes to things like him insisting on fixing the dryer himself and two weeks later I still don't have one.......then the conversation is more, "If I don't have a working dryer by this Saturday, the CC and I will be heading to the appliance store!" (true story!)

I would never take his wallet and hide it for an entire day.

Dawn

 

[Disneychick75]

My husband would be sleeping on the sofa for quite a while.

What if your child had been ill and you needed your insurance card?
What if you had been pulled over and needed your DL?
What if you needed something like a medicine and you had no CC or cash?
What if you were running out of gas and got stranded with no way to pay for gas?

I wouldn't even do that TO MY KIDS! I am a firm believer in warning people ahead of time......."If you do X, then I will need to resort to Y......" and then follow through WITH A CHILD! The only time I do it to DH is when it comes to things like him insisting on fixing the dryer himself and two weeks later I still don't have one.......then the conversation is more, "If I don't have a working dryer by this Saturday, the CC and I will be heading to the appliance store!" (true story!)

I would never take his wallet and hide it for an entire day.

Dawn

What if your child had been ill and you needed your insurance card? The doctor's office or hospital can look it up using a computer.

What if you had been pulled over and needed your DL? "Um, sorry officer, I left my purse in my unlocked car which was parked in my driveway and it got stolen." Then the officer gives a lecture on that not being a smart thing to do as he writes a ticket.

What if you needed something like a medicine and you had no CC or cash?
It's good to memorize your card number for the ATM. Make sure to sign up for auto pay at the pharmacy.

What if you were running out of gas and got stranded with no way to pay for gas? That would be pretty irresponsible. Oh, yeah.

 

[Luv2Run]

My husband would be sleeping on the sofa for quite a while.

What if your child had been ill and you needed your insurance card?
What if you had been pulled over and needed your DL?
What if you needed something like a medicine and you had no CC or cash?
What if you were running out of gas and got stranded with no way to pay for gas?

I wouldn't even do that TO MY KIDS! I am a firm believer in warning people ahead of time......."If you do X, then I will need to resort to Y......" and then follow through WITH A CHILD! The only time I do it to DH is when it comes to things like him insisting on fixing the dryer himself and two weeks later I still don't have one.......then the conversation is more, "If I don't have a working dryer by this Saturday, the CC and I will be heading to the appliance store!" (true story!)

I would never take his wallet and hide it for an entire day.

Dawn

If a thief had taken her purse (which the possibility of that happening is pretty high) then she would have had to deal with all of those things, only for a lot longer than the part of the day her husband had her purse. The threat of those things does not change whether her husband had her purse, or a thief had it.

 

[Jex]

I love the "sleep on the couch" threat, I would be willing to bet most husband's that would have a wife that actually said it would probably prefer sleeping on the couch anyways.