What would you do- take him or leave him???

[okeydokey]

Maybe the other two would catch on and start misbehaving so they could have some time at Disney. I think it's terrible unfair to the others. I do agree that you should make some ondividual time with him and his siblings if you can though. Kids will open up more if it;s just the two of you.

 

[Disneymom2kiddos]

Behaviour issues should not equal a trip to WDW. That is rewarding the negative. What message is that sending your other 2 kids who are not "acting out"? Take him somewhere special out by yourselves a couple of nights and really talk to him about what is going on.

 

[aripantaloon]

I wouldn't take him. You need your time to be alone. I also don't think that would be fair to your other 2 children. Disney isn't like going on a fishing trip with dad or to the mall with mom; it's DISNEY. If I were one of your other 2 kids and I knew that your middle son was acting out and still got to go to Disney, I'd be pretty hurt and angry that he got to go somewhere so fun and I had to stay at home.

If you want to take him with you somewhere, I'd make it a low-key place so you can focus on talking about what's making him act out so much and how to solve the problems.

 

[DevilDuckie]

I would absolutely not take him. You need that time for yourself in order to be a better parent when you come back. I also don't see a real need for this kid to get a trip to Disney and not the others. That isn't just "not the same" it seems really and truly "not fair." This isn't like kids getting separate one on one time or older kids doing things first. I think it would be horribly hurtful to the others to exclude them but take their brother.

Go alone, recharge and come back refreshed to tackle the problem.

 

[melancholywings]

I'd have been so hurt had one of my parents taken my sibling to Disney and not me. I think enough to seriously damange my relationship with that parent. You've mentioned not wanting to talk to them about where your going out of fear of hurting thier feelings, how much worse would that be if you included one but excluded the other two? And I'd be afraid it'd also damage his relationship with his siblings.
I think you should do something with him that isn't this trip, take him to something that he's interested in or into - a concert, sport event, video arcade, movie or dinner. Create a situation based on his interests that you can bond over. Plus if it's something easy that means you can do it again and it won't be a 'one time' bonding moment.

 

[tyniknate]

I, too, have had some problems this past year with my son and my heart says if you thought about taking him with you it's the right thing to do. Just make sure you can do something special with the other kids too. It doesn't have to be Disney. There are lots of things you can do to make the others feel special. I know that my son thrives on special one-on-one time and that may be just what it takes to turn him around. It may be a cry for attention and that's not always a bad thing. Some kids just need some extra special TLC. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. My heart feels for you.

 

[brb71]

I say definately not, don't take him. My parents took me to Disney when i was a little girl because i also needed some extra attention. They left both my sister and brother at home. Big mistake. My brother was fine with it but my sister never forgave my parents. never. She is now 42 and still brings it up every chance she gets. I think it caused some serious psychological problems. She still holds a grudge against me and i hate to say it but we have never gotten along since. I know this sounds crazy but i blame our disney trip for ruining me and my sisters relationship.

 

[holly7347]

I don't think I would take him. I can imagine the other two would be very upset. I know their ages are different but my 5 year old gets upset when I take the 3 year old to Target alone while she is at school. I can only imagine how freaked she would be if I took her little sister to Disney for a weekend without her.

I would try to find something special to do with him when you get back from your trip. Use your trip to gather your thoughts and calm yourself. Then when you get back find a special outing that the two of you can do that would be fun for him but wouldn't make the other kids so jealous.

 

[StephMK]

I would not take him. I'm a firm believer that moms need their time alone to recharge & it sounds like you are due for a time. I have no issue telling my husband -the kids are yours, I've got to go out alone for now. Whether you explain as he needs extra attention or not, I think your kids will look at it as he's your favorite, why don't we act out for something special, it's setting a bad precedent.

I fully agree you should plan some special one on one, but not a weekend trip to Disney. Maybe a hike to a special place, long walk around a lake, evening out to dinner - something where you are spending time together & have time to relax & talk w/out accusing or fighting.

Enjoy your trip ALONE and come back refreshed & ready to tackle life again.

 

[tazdev3225]

As the mother of three grown children one who definitely was a "middle child", I would not take him. Find a way to give him alone time in a different setting. My oldest and youngest were the kind to get in trouble and middle DD was always the good, quiet child. I took her on a special trip one time for a weekend, not Disney, when my kids were between 8 and 13 y/o. They are now in their 20's and to this day they say I loved her more because I took her on the trip. It took years for them to get over the hurt feelings. Take the time for yourself and spend time with each of your children at different activities when you get back.

 

[5 for WDW]

I am a Mom of three kids too. I know all too well what having a middle child is all about. My middle guy is 8 and is a really great kid. Well behaved, well liked in school with lots of friends, great in sports and just a fun loving boy. BUT, when he needs more attention or feels like he is being slighted in any kind of way we certainly know it. We can always tell when Riley is in need of some one on one time with my husband or I. We always swore when we found out we were having our third child that he would never be the "middle child". But, no matter how equally they are treated, it is still amazes me the difference.
Wow, that got long, sorry!

Anyway, I went to WDW in December with two of my friends for 3 days. The kids and husbands all stayed home. It was so nice to get away, even better to go to my happy place without having to worry about anyone else! What a totally different experience. We came home so relaxed and recharged we have decided to do it once a year. I highly suggest you go on your trip alone, as planned. We could all use a break!

I would plan something else with your son. Maybe ask him what he would really like to do. My son and I go to Yankee games together, alone. We are both huge fans and even though we like to go as a family too, it is a great thing for us to do one on one. He is also going on a camping trip with my husband this weekend alone. My older son could go too since he is also a Boy Scout but, he went last month with Dad alone so, this weekend it is just Dad and Ry. I know how hard it is to juggle time alone with three kids on top of all other everyday activities. We can't always do it but, we really see a huge difference in our kids when we do.

Good luck with your decision. Have a great trip either way!

 

[DISNEYFOS]

So I think it also makes a difference of how special a Disney trip really is in terms of how it will effect your other children. How often you all go to Disney? If you go once a year, have another trip planned with everyone...

And are you prepared to do one on one trips with the other kids at some point.

I definitely think like others have said..Any sort of one-on-one activity with your son can only help when they are acting out for attention.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Thanks guys for your opinions - it has truely helped me out.

I am going to go alone like I planned on doing - I REALLY NEED A BREAK!!!!!!
I talked to my son last night and told him that I would love to do something with him alone or with my dh, ds and I whatever my ds chose. My son seemed so excited by that. He wanted to plan it last night. I told him to really think about what he wanted to do with us and then we will put it on the calendar. He seemed happy. That made my day and I had such a bad day!

So thanks for those of you who have given me - the middle child view - it has helped me sort this out.

 

[adell557]

Thanks everyone for the great responses so far. Keep them coming.

I feel horrible about what he is going through and I just want to wrap my arms around him and hold him there forever.

I think this is your answer. 6th grade is a really difficult time, friends, social interactions, and finding who you are.

I get flamed for this, but as a mom I have to say it TAKE HIM!!! FOLLOW YOUR HEART!! You are his mom, and if you feel like you want to grab him and hold him, then this is the opportunity to do it. What better place to bond, talk, and really get on his level, heart to heart with him. A night out on the town isn't going to do it. But a weekend away conveys to him, that you care deeply about him and that is what he needs.

You don't have to explain to your other children where you are going, being "fair" is overrated. Each child is different and needs different things. In your case, your little one needs you and this trip could jumpstart an opportunity to open the lines of communication when they need to be opened most. Saying that everyone should get equal treatment in a family, and taking one to disney isn't as good as hunting with dad, etc. is not the issue.
Your son needs you and I think would benefit greatly from Four uninteruppted days with you at a magical place to uplift his spirits and to give you both time to talk. I wouldn't tell him where you are going, but I would tell him that you want to spend time with just him b/c you love him and care about him and want to talk with him.

Go with your heart, not your head. And as for seeing it as a reward for bad behavior, address this head on that it was one of the factors that made you decide to take him, that he seems to be struggling, but this is in no way a reward, but instead a hand of grace extended to him b/c you love him and want to sieze the opportunity to get to know what's going on in his life.

TAKE HIM, YOU WON'T REGRET IT!!!!

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

if it was my child

i wouldnt take him....IMO it would seem like he was being rewarded for his "behavior"
if i were to take any ..id take the 2 good kids & let him know that his behavior got him where hes at...but really...you should go it alone & let DH deal with it...might do him good to be with dad!!

GL!!! & have fun!!!

 

[adell557]

if it was my child

i wouldnt take him....IMO it would seem like he was being rewarded for his "behavior"
if i were to take any ..id take the 2 good kids & let him know that his behavior got him where hes at...but really...you should go it alone & let DH deal with it...might do him good to be with dad!!

GL!!! & have fun!!!

It might be possible that this child is struggling with something that needs to be addressed in private with a parent. I don't think that punishing him is the answer from the OP it seems like that is already happening socially. Has no one ever heard of a little grace. We all screw up and alot of times deserve the boot, but thankfully we have people who love us and can give us some unconditional love. She should take him.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

What your other kids are going to see is Behave Badly=Trip to Disney With Mom.

I think that your kid is picking up on your struggles and his bad behavior is a reflection of your unhappiness.

Maybe there's a better way to work on your happiness that doesn't involve taking off for a weekend without the kids knowing where? ( that happening would cause enormous anxiety in my house)

 

[RN01]

I would take him. That might be just what he needs. Just remember, he is at the age that he will probably actually WANT to go with you. In a few years that will be the last thing he wants to do. Enjoy it while you can. Maybe you can do the same thing for the other kids in a few years.

 

[dwdreamer]

I wouldn't take him because if you've had a bad year, you need time to get yourself together or you won't be good for any of your children. I would plan a weekend doing something that he enjoys but still leaves alot of time to really talk. I have a son in 6th grade and at this age it's very hard for them at times.

 

[adell557]

Thanks guys for your opinions - it has truely helped me out.

I am going to go alone like I planned on doing - I REALLY NEED A BREAK!!!!!!
I talked to my son last night and told him that I would love to do something with him alone or with my dh, ds and I whatever my ds chose. My son seemed so excited by that. He wanted to plan it last night. I told him to really think about what he wanted to do with us and then we will put it on the calendar. He seemed happy. That made my day and I had such a bad day!

So thanks for those of you who have given me - the middle child view - it has helped me sort this out.

I want to add something to my earlier post, if you need time away and don't think you can fully engage him, then don't take him, go yourself and get your head together, take a break, you deserve it, but if you think it is best to take him and your up for it, but you're worried about the fairness don't and take him with you he needs it.