What would you do if your teen daughter became pregnant???

[goofy4tink]

All the 'options' have some type of damage that goes along with that particular choice. You, and your dd, have to make the choice that provides the least amount of damage. In some cases that would be adoption, in others it would be abortion. It is a very individual and personal decision. In a perfect world, no one would have to face these choices. But, it isn't a perfect world and we all do the best we can, with what we are given.

 

[chobie]

I agree, I expecially feel for the girls whose mothers, boyfriends etc. "recommend" abortion and the girl is not sure what to do so she takes the "recommendation" then regrets it because it is not what she really wanted.
I also agree that everything happens for a reason. I had my first daughter early. I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and have been undergoing chemotherapy which can damage your eggs. If I had not had her early, I would probably not have been done having my children when I was diagnosed. Just remember, some things are a blessing in disguise.

I would think any recommendation has the potential to backfire with the girl feeling that she did not do what she wanted to do. That would apply equally to abortion, adoption and raising the child. But, as parents most of us would recommend what we thought was best and most of us would support whatever decision was made. Personally I think that if my child was still a child when she got pregnant it would be my duty as a parent to give her a "recommendation". JMHO

 

[Maleficent13]

I would think any recommendation has the potential to backfire with the girl feeling that she did not do what she wanted to do. That would apply equally to abortion, adoption and raising the child. But, as parents most of us would recommend what we thought was best and most of us would support whatever decision was made. Personally I think that if my child was still a child when she got pregnant it would be my duty as a parent to give her a "recommendation". JMHO

Hmmm...I wrote in my previous answer that the only recommendation I'd probably make would be not to get married. But now that I read this, I am struck by it. I think you are right; if the child is still a child, a recommendation about action would probably be appropriate. What I also said applies here too...you parent based on experience and instinct...most parents I think would be able to recommend an action best suited to their kid.

Anyway, I guess basically all I meant to say was, you made me pause and readjust my thinking. Thanks!

 

[ryka]

I had my son when I was 17. My mother told me from the start she wasn't raising him for me. I did have to quit school and get a job and support my son myself ( his father disappeared.) I think that was the best thing my mom could have ever done for me. I realized that it wasn't easy. Getting up with a baby 3 times a night and then having to go to work. Trying to find a babysitter. It made me wait until I had more children because I knew I couldn't handle another one at that time.

I have friends that got pregnant at 16 and their parents did everything for the baby so they can stay in school and because they really didn't know what it was to have a baby ( waking up with it, not being able to hang out with your friends) they went on to have 2 or 3 by the time they were 20 and still didn't take care of them.

I think if you are old enough to make the decision to have sex and you get pregnant then you should be old enough to accpet the responsibilities ( unless of course you are raped)

 

[In a hurry]

I would be supportive, etc. That being said, I find the answers on this thread to be really interesting. There have been several issues discussed that make me think twice about how I might react.

Thanks for playing nicely! It has made for an interesting and enlightening thread thus far!

 

[cardaway]

Me too. I would explain all the options, but I would encourage an abortion.

The best solution IMO.

 

[chobie]

Hmmm...I wrote in my previous answer that the only recommendation I'd probably make would be not to get married. But now that I read this, I am struck by it. I think you are right; if the child is still a child, a recommendation about action would probably be appropriate. What I also said applies here too...you parent based on experience and instinct...most parents I think would be able to recommend an action best suited to their kid.

Anyway, I guess basically all I meant to say was, you made me pause and readjust my thinking. Thanks!

You're welcome.

 

[ChuckB]

I really could not say unless I had to deal with it, but I would have a broken heart, my DD 11, hangs out with the 14,15 age group, we live in the country, so it has put her in a group that is ethier 7 & 8 or 14 & 15, to hang out with, we ahve had to have long talks with her because of this, she has ask questions that we were hoping would be a couple yrs off, I would hope we could help her make a decision that would be best for her, but the boy, I dont know that it would be healthy for him to hang around.......

 

[tandrjohn]

How can you say that it will never last?
DH and I got married 10 years ago, got engaged 12 years ago when I was pregnant with DS. We were 16 and 18 when we got engaged, 18 and 20 when we got married and are still going strong ten years later. I can´t imagine we will ever split up, but if we ever do, I can´t imagine it being because we got together this young.

This would be called Statutory Rape in some countries and US states.

 

[DVCLiz]

May I ask, have any of you who would "strongly encourage" abortion as an option, ever actually had an abortion? Now, I know that is an extremely personal question, and I don't expect an answer really. That's your business. My point is you can't possibly know the repercussions of having one unless you've lived it. Safe and legal, I agree but not undamaging.

Believe me, I am completely pro-choice. I have no issue with anyone who wants to avail themselves of this option. My opinion of them would not change one bit. But I would want to be honest about what happens after...it isn't just a magical fix that makes it "like it never happened". I used to think it was, and I'm sure most teens think it is, but it's not. And while it is a valid option, it carries as much baggage as the other options, believe me.

Hi, Hershey - it sounds like you are a regular poster under a new name so you can safely discuss abortion, which I suspect you have had. So I'll answer your question in that spirit.

No, I've never had an abortion. I HAVE had a D&C following a miscarriage - aren't they basically similar procedures? So I'm familiar with a similar medical procedure and the grief and fear that come with something you didn't expect to happen suddenly becoming a reality. But no, I've never ended a pregnancy. I would have, though, if I'd gotten pregnant before I got married.

I'm certain there would be pain and emotional impact after an abortion. But I don't think it has to be a lifelong regret, either. I wouldn't ever bully a daughter of mine into a decision that she was totally against. I'd hope she could handle the emotional impact, and I'd certainly be watchful and step in with additional support and counseling if it became necessary.

But there's no way I'd see it as anything but a mistake at this point in her life - no "blessing in disguise" or "it was meant to be" thinking from me!!!! If my daughter had gotten pregnant just before my mother died, my first thought wouldn't have been, "Oh, how wonderful the baby got to know its grnadmother." It would have been, "Oh, how awful she lived to see this." Now that's a 100% honest response if I've ever given one!!!!!

 

[CathrynRose]

If my daughter had gotten pregnant just before my mother died, my first thought wouldn't have been, "Oh, how wonderful the baby got to know its grnadmother." It would have been, "Oh, how awful she lived to see this." Now that's a 100% honest response if I've ever given one!!!!!

Wow. Here's hoping your daughter doesnt get pregnant. I'm sure you'd be a joy to tell.

 

[vivilasvegas]

Wow. Here's hoping your daughter doesnt get pregnant. I'm sure you'd be a joy to tell.

She said that's what she'd think, not tell her daughter.

Besides, is she supposed to jump up and down for joy?? I don't think "mom, i'm pregnant at 16" are the words that bring joy to parent's hearts.

 

[CathrynRose]

She said that's what she'd think, not tell her daughter.

Besides, is she supposed to jump up and down for joy?? I don't think "mom, i'm pregnant at 16" are the words that bring joy to parent's hearts.

And so did I.

As I stated in my post - my mom wasnt *jumping up and down for joy* BUT I, ME, I AM grateful I had them at the age I did, because my Mom died obnoxiously young. I am grateful for the time she had with them, and I know she is/was too.

To say "Oh, how awful she lived to see this" if the grandmother was alive during a teenage pregnancy?!? To me...still a *wow!*

 

[DVCLiz]

Wow. Here's hoping your daughter doesnt get pregnant. I'm sure you'd be a joy to tell.

That was uncalled for, CathrynRose. Many previous posters have shared stories of early pregnancies that turned out to be, for them, blessings in disguise, as they termed it. My point was that this wouldn't be that kind of situation for me. No amount of finding a silver lining would negate the feelings of disappointment and sadness I would feel if this were to happen to my daughter. I'm glad other posters have been able to have those feelings, and to think that their pregnancies worked out for the best, but it's not how I would ever act.

It would have been awful if my mother had ever seen a teenage prenancy happen to one of my girls. She came from a time when "nice girls" didn't get pregnant and it would have devastated her. It might have been something she could eventually have learned to accept, but it would have been far better not to happen in the first place.

And while I think your repsonse about me being a joy to tell was sarcastic and mean-spirited, I don't think any mom on this thread would be able to appear calm and happy under these circumstances, so I'm not sure if anyone could meet your standard.

I believe strongly in abortion rights, I think a teen daughter of mine would absolutely want an abortion, and I would definitely recommend she have one.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I'm sorry you've met so many unhappy birthmothers. I'm a birthmother. The son I placed for adoption will turn 15 this November. It is a semi-open adoption meaning we can exchange letters but have never met. I chose his family. I've not discussed this on the DIS because it was an extremely personal and prayerful decision for me. I placed my son just before my 18th birthday. I went on to college, married my wonderful DH, and have 5 beautiful children (the last of which was a surprise!). I think about my birthson daily...but not in a regretful manner at all.

As for my children I would encourage them to study all options and then pray about it. It may sound silly but that is what I would do.

Hi Amy I'm so glad to hear this from you. We adopted one of my dd's. Her birthmother also chose us, but chose not to have any contact with us, so I don't know how she is doing with it. Although I never met her, I love her and worry about her. I hope she is as content with her decision as you are with yours.

 

[CathrynRose]

That was uncalled for, CathrynRose.



.

Considering I posted how grateful I was to have had my boys early so my Mom could be a part of their lives, before she passed so young, I felt "Oh, how awful she lived to see this" was uncalled for.

But we have different opinions.

 

[WeluvDisney2]

It would have been awful if my mother had ever seen a teenage prenancy happen to one of my girls. She came from a time when "nice girls" didn't get pregnant and it would have devastated her. It might have been something she could eventually have learned to accept, but it would have been far better not to happen in the first place..

Yes, but nice girls who did get pregnant definately did not have abortions. I know I will get flammed for this... but, just my opinion.

 

[Nala56]

I would love and support her in any decision, but I would strongly recommend adoption. I know it is emotional probably the hardest decision and I believe the most unselfish. There are so many couples waiting to adopt, and a loving home with two parents would be an ideal solution. Adoptions now are so much more open, you could still have a relationship with child should you choose and yet know you did a wonderful thing for this blessed baby.

 

[DVCLiz]

Considering I posted how grateful I was to have had my boys early so my Mom could be a part of their lives, before she passed so young, I felt "Oh, how awful she lived to see this" was uncalled for.

But we have different opinions.

I was referring to my mother's opinion of my own daughters, not her opinion of you. I believe I have been respectful of everyone's situation by saying repeatedly that I am glad things worked out for many posters, and that I understand for some teen pregnancies turned out to be blessings, based on circumstances that happened afterward. But that doesn't mean I would agree that later happy events are justification for a teen to have a baby. I don't think that way. I suppose that is where we disagree.

 

[amburger]

Oh gosh. That is years away for me, hopefully. haha. I'm still young myself with no children, but as strange as it sounds, I've thought about it. I think the only thing I could do is give her all my love and support. Hopefully in that time, I will have a good paying job as will my husband so that we could help her to keep that child if she so wanted to do.