What would you do if your teen daughter became pregnant???

[DVCLiz]

May I ask why you would do that?

I am pro-choice so I don´t have a problem with abortions, per se. However, I know more women suffering from having had an abortion than from having a baby. Especially those who felt pressured into making that decision.

I would do that because becoming pregnant at age 17 is not what my daughter has planned for her life. She plans to attend college away from home, live on campus, study abroad, and start a family after she has met and married a man she has chosen carefully as a life partner. Becoming a mom at age 17 would mean all of those plans would change, and I don't think she would make the decision to continue a pregnancy that began as a mistake. I think she would choose an abortion for herself - we have discussed it pretty extensively in a theoretical way. So I would encourage that choice because I believe it would be the best one for her under those circumstances.

Of course, if she came to me and said she had changed her mind and wanted to keep a baby, I would support her, but I'd be really disappointed at all she was choosing to give up.

Just my honest feelings - I know others will disagree.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

DD loves her American Girl book that helped her understand the changes her body is making, and when its time, I will give DD a book to help explain the birds and bees

when will it "be time?"

 

[Freyja]

We would be completely against marriage, though. Why compound one problem with a HUGE mistake?

Would you only be against marriage at that point or what do you mean?

 

[Disney Doll]

How can you say that it will never last?
DH and I got married 10 years ago, got engaged 12 years ago when I was pregnant with DS. We were 16 and 18 when we got engaged, 18 and 20 when we got married and are still going strong ten years later. I can´t imagine we will ever split up, but if we ever do, I can´t imagine it being because we got together this young.

You are the exception to the rule. I congrtulate and commend you for your accomplisment, but realistically, 2 kids getting married at the age of 16 & 18 are more likely not to last than to last.

For most people, that is just too young to decide your life partner. I'm not saying for all people, but for most.

You & your DH obviously had a great deal of commitment, maturity and support to suceed. Not every teenager has that.

 

[Maleficent13]

Well, the first thing I would do would be to gather up DH's rifle and ship it somewhere far away. Having thus secured the father's safety, I would sit my DD down and have a VERY frank discussion about her options and what each one entailed. I would support her and her decision.

The one thing I might express a strong opinion on is the marriage thing. I would encourage her not to get married. I would do this because to imagine my life now had I married my 16 yr old boyfriend makes me shudder. We have to parent based on personal experiences and gut instinct, and that would be mine.

Hopefully, however, I will be open and frank enough about it all BEFORE something happens, and I'll not have to face this particular issue.

 

[vivilasvegas]

I'd strongly encourage her to have an abortion, but I'd support and accept whatever decision she made.

Such an unpopular opinion, but I agree. I may not strongly encourage her, but I would definitely let her know this is an option. And secretly I would hope she'd choose it.

Why? Because while it may have worked out for some of you, I would be saddened to see my 16 year old daughter have to become a mom at such a young age. And maybe your life (those who've been young moms) worked out, but a lot of girls lose their chance at their dreams and struggle everyday.


But, hopefully I'd avoid all of this, because I'd want my daughter to be comfortable telling me she was sexually active ('cause they will even if we don't want them to) and then put her on birth control.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

DD is 9. I don't really know how I would handle it at this point, but it is something that I do want to try to avoid before it happens. I have already sat down with DD several times to feel her out, see what the kids are discussing at school and let her kniow when she has a question about sex to ask me.

That was going to be my first point. It doesn't begin when they are teens and possibly sexually active or starting their period, the education begins when they are toddlers, learning what things are called and continues with conversations with their parents that convey their values all through their childhood. Of course this does not guarantee a teen who will not end up pregnant, but it's not going to hurt.

As to what I would have done (my DD is a college freshman, so I guess still a teen) if my DD had of come to me or if my son's come to me with a pregnant girlfriend. I'm with Christine about the throwing up part. I would cry. And cry and cry. I'm pro choice, but anti-abortion and would encourage my child to give the baby up for adoption. If they didn't want to do that, their lives would obviously change dramatically. I would help out as much as possible, but would only raise the baby if I felt that the baby was at risk (ie, drug or alcohol abuse, etc). I would hope that the parents would get married, assuming that they were both decent people. At least then the baby would have a chance at having both of the parents together.

 

[Feralpeg]

I'd strongly encourage her to have an abortion, but I'd support and accept whatever decision she made.

You posted my thoughts. DD just turned 18. She is already on the pill for her complexion, but I'm glad she is. She starts college in the fall. I must accept the fact that she has grown up, however I want her to have a chance to find herself and establish what she wants out of life before she needs to devote her life to raising a child.

At this time, DD says she doesn't want children. She has very big ambitions for her life. She wants to study abroad and do a lot of traveling. I am totally supportive of this. Of course, her feelings on the subject may change with time, but I'd really would hate to have a mistake put an end to her dreams.

 

[Feralpeg]

I would do that because becoming pregnant at age 17 is not what my daughter has planned for her life. She plans to attend college away from home, live on campus, study abroad, and start a family after she has met and married a man she has chosen carefully as a life partner. Becoming a mom at age 17 would mean all of those plans would change, and I don't think she would make the decision to continue a pregnancy that began as a mistake. I think she would choose an abortion for herself - we have discussed it pretty extensively in a theoretical way. So I would encourage that choice because I believe it would be the best one for her under those circumstances.

Of course, if she came to me and said she had changed her mind and wanted to keep a baby, I would support her, but I'd be really disappointed at all she was choosing to give up.

Just my honest feelings - I know others will disagree.

Exactly! Liz, are you my twin sister I never knew about? We really think alike.

 

[WeluvDisney2]

Cry. Not because of the wonderful new life that will be coming into our family, but because of the early loss of her innocence.

Then I would hug her and tell her everything will be OK. My DH and I are at a point in our lives where I could take care of the baby so my DD could continue on with her life and fulfill all of her dreams.

It wouldn't be easy, but I would love both my DD and the baby enough to make sure they both got the right start in life.

 

[mrsltg]

Would you only be against marriage at that point or what do you mean?

I'm against a marriage that starts under duress. It's been my experience, and that of many women that I know, that the most stressful times of marriage are right after a new baby arrives. Hormones are crazy in mom, and both parents are sleep deprived. Hardly the ideal place to be in as newlywed teens. Yes, it can work out, but the statistics favor divorce in those situations.

Further, when my teen daughter falls short in coping skills as a mother I can step in for her. I can't do the same in a marriage situation.

 

[Freyja]

I would do that because becoming pregnant at age 17 is not what my daughter has planned for her life. She plans to attend college away from home, live on campus, study abroad, and start a family after she has met and married a man she has chosen carefully as a life partner. Becoming a mom at age 17 would mean all of those plans would change, and I don't think she would make the decision to continue a pregnancy that began as a mistake. I think she would choose an abortion for herself - we have discussed it pretty extensively in a theoretical way. So I would encourage that choice because I believe it would be the best one for her under those circumstances.

Of course, if she came to me and said she had changed her mind and wanted to keep a baby, I would support her, but I'd be really disappointed at all she was choosing to give up.

Just my honest feelings - I know others will disagree.

You are of course entitled to your opinion and I understand it in many ways. However, sometimes life doesn´t turn out as we planned it and having a baby does certainly not have to mean that you give up on all of your dreams.

I had planned my future in the same way as your daughter. I intended to go to college after highschool, move abroad for few years, meet a man, settle down and have children. I did all of this and even in the same order, except that I met my husband while I was in highschool.

We both finished highschool. He went on to university while I finished my last 2 years. Then we moved abroad with our 2 children. We both attended university and both finished our Masters degrees. Had 2 more children while at University.

Where there´s a will there´s a way!

 

[vivilasvegas]

You are of course entitled to your opinion and I understand it in many ways. However, sometimes life doesn´t turn out as we planned it and having a baby does certainly not have to mean that you give up on all of your dreams.

I had planned my future in the same way as your daughter. I intended to go to college after highschool, move abroad for few years, meet a man, settle down and have children. I did all of this and even in the same order, except that I met my husband while I was in highschool.

We both finished highschool. He went on to university while I finished my last 2 years. Then we moved abroad with our 2 children. We both attended university and both finished our Masters degrees. Had 2 more children while at University.

Where there´s a will there´s a way!

Most experiences aren't as good as yours.

 

[kaylajr]

I would cry and be shocked and upset but all when i was out of her earshot

I would support her in her decisions
I would help her in anyway I could

I would be sure she knew our love for her would nver change

but now i have a question


What would you do if your teenage son was about to become a father??
does anyone who has boys ever think of that????


Everyone always says to me it is easier with boys but i don't think it should
be
They are just as much a part and just as responsible IMHO

 

[goofy4tink]

Well, been there, done that! My dd, now 29, came home at the age of 18 pregnant, with no intentions of marrying the father..thank God!!! We sat and talked, and cried a lot, about it. There was no way she could keep the baby...just not responsible enough. She couldn't carry the baby for nine months and then give it up, so decided on abortion. It was the most difficult choice she has ever had to make. Does she look back on it and feel she made the wrong choice? I don't think so. The thing she does regret is that guy she got involved with...the worst choice ever..to this day!!!
But, as moms, we have to be able to sit and talk to our dd's...with compassion and love. We can't be judgemental or critical. We must be levelheaded and caring. This is a lifelong choice our girls have to make and they need us to be supportive and open to their feelings.
And locking up Dad's guns is also a very good idea!!!

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I would do that because becoming pregnant at age 17 is not what my daughter has planned for her life. She plans to attend college away from home, live on campus, study abroad, and start a family after she has met and married a man she has chosen carefully as a life partner. Becoming a mom at age 17 would mean all of those plans would change, and I don't think she would make the decision to continue a pregnancy that began as a mistake. I think she would choose an abortion for herself - we have discussed it pretty extensively in a theoretical way. So I would encourage that choice because I believe it would be the best one for her under those circumstances.

Of course, if she came to me and said she had changed her mind and wanted to keep a baby, I would support her, but I'd be really disappointed at all she was choosing to give up.

Just my honest feelings - I know others will disagree.

I know a lot of people will disagree with you, but in all honesty I feel the same way. Three of my sons are in college, one studied abroad last year. A girl that my son went to school with became pregnant in her senior year. The father walked out on her and her mom and stepdad are helping her raise the baby. I feel so sorry for her because she had to give up all her plans and lost out on so many experiences.

THis will sound even more harsh - but I've raised all my kids and I have no intention of starting all over and raising grandchildren. I would still love my child no matter what and would support their decision but I would not take on the responsibility of raising another child. Just my honest opinion.

 

[CathrynRose]

I would do that because becoming pregnant at age 17 is not what my daughter has planned for her life.
.

None of my life is the way I *planned* it.

Im also pro-choice, but dont know how I feel about encouragment of an abortion. I have a friend who became pregnant at 16 - and was NOT encouraged by her family to have an abortion, but it didnt fit her "plan" and had one.

She's 32 now and still has these moments of regret, and shame - and just kind of a "loss". Oh....and her "plans" never went the way she planned either.

It's just a thought.... Im not coming down on your opinion, at all.

 

[FionaLovesShrek]

when will it "be time?"

When she tells me she wants to know more. She isn't ready right now. Right now she thinks boys are gross. In her class picture she is turned sideways, stuck between 2 boys and she is leaning waay over trying to not touch them. She said the boy on her right picked a bugger from his nose right before the picture and trust me, she is NOT smiling in that photo I ask her every so often if things are changing and she wants to know more about the difference between boys and girls and she says no. I then remind her when she has questions to come to me, and I will give her an honest answer. She is ok with that.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

You are of course entitled to your opinion and I understand it in many ways. However, sometimes life doesn´t turn out as we planned it and having a baby does certainly not have to mean that you give up on all of your dreams.

One of my favorite says is, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" and how true it is!

It is true that things often don't turn out as well for others as they did for you. You and your DH obviously have a drive and determination, which is wonderful. Many people just kind of wait to see what happens to them and then deal with that (or they don't deal with it...) and with that attitude they wouldn't have the success that you and your family have had. You've gone out and made things happen, not waited for them to come to you. But that's your personality and you would have done that, pregnancy or not.

 

[SillyMe]

Well, been there, done that! My dd, now 29, came home at the age of 18 pregnant, with no intentions of marrying the father..thank God!!! We sat and talked, and cried a lot, about it. There was no way she could keep the baby...just not responsible enough. She couldn't carry the baby for nine months and then give it up, so decided on abortion. It was the most difficult choice she has ever had to make. Does she look back on it and feel she made the wrong choice? I don't think so. The thing she does regret is that guy she got involved with...the worst choice ever..to this day!!!
But, as moms, we have to be able to sit and talk to our dd's...with compassion and love. We can't be judgemental or critical. We must be levelheaded and caring. This is a lifelong choice our girls have to make and they need us to be supportive and open to their feelings.
And locking up Dad's guns is also a very good idea!!!

You know, I would support my daughter no matter what, but at this point in our lives I would lean more towards abortion also. There is no way I could help her out with a baby right now, and at her age she would need my help in order to make it work.