What would you do if your teen daughter became pregnant???

[Feralpeg]

I don't think that post is for you. I think it means that there is no
way his/her daughter would be having sex, so it must be immaculate conception!!

Thanks! I got lost.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Lyeag--> do we have the same parents? i could seriously be writing all your posts! i'm glad my parents were the way they were, it helped me to grow up to be the responsible preson that i am today! Happily married with 2 babies!! I will raise my children the same way i'm sure of it. I have never harbored any ill feelings towards my parents.

 

[beckmrk04]

I would sit down with my daughter, before she ever got pregnant (my mom did this with me) and let her know that if she did get pregnant, I would love her and help her sort through all of her choices- abortion, adoption, raising the baby. I would also let her know that while I would help her, it would be HER baby, HER responsibility. This is the very same talk I got from my mom, and I always thought it fair. It also made me think about the consequences of my actions (or non-actions; I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19).

I think that if it did happen, I would be disappointed, but again I'd help her sort out her options, and visualize the road ahead with each of them. Ulimately, I would support her no matter what her decision.

 

[JVL1018]

I would very much want her to have an abortion and that's what I would encourage her to do..but if she wanted to go another route, I'd support her and love her no matter what, though I would be disappointed and afraid for her with any other choice.

 

[Brier Rose]

Hmmm....I guess DH and I are out of the ordinary too!

I got pregnant with DD at 16 almost 17, and DH was 20. We got married at 17 and 21, and have been married this Oct. 15 years! Very happily may I add.

Now here is the thing, if you would have known us before you would have NEVER thought we would make it work. It's not like we were just super mature, responsible people. The thing is, we made the decision to MAKE it work no matter what. It was hard yes, but we put in the work, and have reaped the rewards 1000 times over!

Is this what I had planned for my life..no! But you know what..it's better than what I could have planned for myself!

I think it's wonderful to be committed and ambitious when it comes to plans for your life, but why does it have to be that those traits can only be applied to what you want rather than what your dealt?

My mother tried to talk me into an abortion because she thought it would be the best option for me. I even went to the appointment she made me at planned parenthood, but as soon as I walked through the door I just burst out crying. I knew I couldn't do it. Sometimes when I look at my DD even now I feel guilty for even considering it.

You know my DD had a very malignant rare cancer that almost killed her when she was 4 months old. I had someone say that they bet I wished I would have gone ahead and had an abortion!

We didn't learn to live in spite of my getting pregnant at such a young age, we learned to live because of it! She brought to light things we didn't even know were missing in our lives, and we're BETTER for it.

NOW..having said ALL that..whew...if my DD had this happen I would still talk to her about ALL her options. I know what DH and I did was the right thing, but I would never use our example as a way to manipulate her into doing the same thing.

 

[JVL1018]

May I ask, have any of you who would "strongly encourage" abortion as an option, ever actually had an abortion? Now, I know that is an extremely personal question, and I don't expect an answer really. That's your business. My point is you can't possibly know the repercussions of having one unless you've lived it. Safe and legal, I agree but not undamaging.

Believe me, I am completely pro-choice. I have no issue with anyone who wants to avail themselves of this option. My opinion of them would not change one bit. But I would want to be honest about what happens after...it isn't just a magical fix that makes it "like it never happened". I used to think it was, and I'm sure most teens think it is, but it's not. And while it is a valid option, it carries as much baggage as the other options, believe me.

I never have, thankfully--though I was a day late with my period once(I was 18 and out of high school, though) and I was telling my boyfriend(now husband) to get ready to write a check to the abortion clinic because NO WAY was I going to have a baby at 18..and I would have done it.

I never did get pregnant without wanting to be, so it never was a choice I ahd to make, thankfully...but I know a few girls who had abortions and while it wasn't easy, none of them regret it because it would have changed there lives in so many ways, and not for the better.

It would haunt me way less than having a child out there being raised by someone else, and yes, I know that is selfish, but I'm being honest.

 

[mainewmn]

I hug her and cry with her, and then tell her I loved her and supported her decision. I would be there with her to explore all her options and if she decided to keep it, I would offer to be a live in babysitter until she finishes school.

 

[WeluvDisney2]

With all due respect, your post implies that any option other than adoption is irresponsible, selfish, or the "easy" solution. I don't think an abortion is any of those things. I think choosing to have an abortion can be a very difficult decision that nevertheless is responsible and unselfish.

I guess we need to agree to disagree.

 

[cardaway]

And many took responsibility for their actions and unselfishly gave their child up for adoption even if it was not the "easiest" solution. Again...

Oh please Easiest and hardest are only factors if your agenda requires you to rank people's decisions.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I think if you are old enough to make the decision to have sex and you get pregnant then you should be old enough to accpet the responsibilities ( unless of course you are raped)

I think that's the best thing I have read on this thread!

 

[lynetteSC]

I'm sorry you've met so many unhappy birthmothers. I'm a birthmother. The son I placed for adoption will turn 15 this November. It is a semi-open adoption meaning we can exchange letters but have never met. I chose his family. I've not discussed this on the DIS because it was an extremely personal and prayerful decision for me. I placed my son just before my 18th birthday. I went on to college, married my wonderful DH, and have 5 beautiful children (the last of which was a surprise!). I think about my birthson daily...but not in a regretful manner at all.

As for my children I would encourage them to study all options and then pray about it. It may sound silly but that is what I would do.

As a recent adoptive mom, this really hits home! Our birthmom picked us, met us, and even gave me the wonderful gift of sharing ds's birth(I was in the delivery room with her and her mother). We send her pictures on a regular basis, cards on holidays so she knows/sees how ds is growing. Our birthmom was adopted herself amd lived in foster care until she was 5, so she didn't want this for her child. That is why she chose to place him for adoption.

Even though she has gone through counseling and such, I know that she thinks of ds every day and I am sure there are times that she wonders if she made the right decision. I hope and pray that she is at peace about her decision as she can be.

 

[MidgeD79]

My dd was 16 when she told me she was pregnant. I became a grandma at 34! I told her I was disappointed, but I supported her decision to keep the baby. It got really bad for a few years (heroin/jail) but she straightened her life out. I love my dgd to pieces and she has an uncle 2 years younger than her!

 

[chobie]

And many took responsibility for their actions and unselfishly gave their child up for adoption even if it was not the "easiest" solution. Again...

Actually, many were sent away by their parents, forced to give the baby up for adoption and regretted it the rest of their lives.

And the girls who had illegal abortions with coat hangers, ingesting lye etc,
weren't exactly taking the easy way out. Especiallly when they wound up bleeding to death.

Oh, the good ole days..

 

[WeluvDisney2]

Oh please Easiest and hardest are only factors if your agenda requires you to rank people's decisions.

Hey, I was just stating that some women chose to take responsibility for their actions and not concern themselves with "how to make a miscarriage more likely".
Believe it or not, other people sometimes have different opinions than you do.

 

[FreshTressa]

I'd listen.

I'd listen to her worries and to how she felt and to what she thought she should do.

I would only offer advice if she asked for it.

 

[WeluvDisney2]

Actually, many were sent away by their parents, forced to give the baby up for adoption and regretted it the rest of their lives.

And the girls who had illegal abortions with coat hangers, ingesting lye etc,
weren't exactly taking the easy way out. Especiallly when they wound up bleeding to death.

Oh, the good ole days..

Ah, the same old story about back alleys and rusty coat hangers.
I just can't believe how unpopular the choice of adoption is. It is one of the greatest (and yes, unselfish) gifts that you can give to another person.
I knew when I started sharing my opinion that I would be flammed by those who did not agree with me. Sigh. Oh well.

 

[chobie]

Hey, I was just stating that some women chose to take responsibility for their actions and not concern themselves with "how to make a miscarriage more likely".
Believe it or not, other people sometimes have different opinions than you do.

Right and many people are of the opinion that terminating an unplanned pregnacy IS taking responsiblity for their actions.

 

[chobie]

Ah, the same old story about back alleys and rusty coat hangers.
I just can't believe how unpopular the choice of adoption is. It is one of the greatest (and yes, unselfish) gifts that you can give to another person.
I knew when I started sharing my opinion that I would be flammed by those who did not agree with me. Sigh. Oh well.

Oh so sorry to bore you with such trifling details as girls being butchered by unsafe abortions.

And stating an opposite opinion is not flaming. But if you want to paint yourself as a martyr for the anti-abortion side, you go right ahead.

 

[cardaway]

Hey, I was just stating that some women chose to take responsibility for their actions...

Your post implied that one decision is harder than another and some don't take responsibility. There is no need to rank the choices and each decision involves taking responsibility. If you feel otherwise feel free to explain why.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Ah, the same old story about back alleys and rusty coat hangers.
I just can't believe how unpopular the choice of adoption is. It is one of the greatest (and yes, unselfish) gifts that you can give to another person.
I knew when I started sharing my opinion that I would be flammed by those who did not agree with me. Sigh. Oh well.

You won't get any flames from me. I think adoption is a wonderful thing as well and wish more would chose this option. There are so many good people out their willing to raise an unwanted baby.