What would you do if your teen daughter became pregnant???

[mrsltg]

I would also like to add that while my older dd (5 y.o.) already knows the better part of the basics (doesn't understand the mechanics yet), and I plan to continue answering her questions honestly, I do have a stake in this. I plan to encourage both girls to remain abstinent for a LONG time. Not because I think my daughters should get married as virgins, but because it is fool proof on so many levels. Even removing pregnancy from the equation (ie, bcp), there are so many other risks inherent to irresponsible sexual behavior. HPV is incredibly prevelant and leads to cervical cancer with little to no warning. HIV and the other host of std's that can leave them infertile. Not to mention the emotional battering that kids (and adults) take having sex without the emotional ability to deal with the consequences.

It is a scary world out there!

 

[minkydog]

I hope I never have to have that conversation. We recently went through a small trial with DS19, whose girlfriend was trying to hold onto him. I was very concerned that she might get pregnant to try to keep him. We always said we wouldn't allow our kids to raise their families in our home(if they want to play house, they better grow up and get their own place) but it's amazing how your mind can change...

If one of my kids came up pregnant, I'd be upset about the way things turned out. Having a baby in your teens is never easy, even when your parents are doing all the right things. I would allow my teen to decide for themselves what to do--I hope they would not choose abortion, but I would help them through it if that's what they chose. If they decided to keep the baby, then i guess we'd have a crib in the bedroom and take turns getting up with the baby. What are you gonna do I couldn't throw them out to fend for themselves.

 

[chobie]

I'd strongly encourage her to have an abortion, but I'd support and accept whatever decision she made.

Me too.

 

[CathrynRose]

but now i have a question


What would you do if your teenage son was about to become a father??
does anyone who has boys ever think of that????

I dont know if as the mom of a teenage boy whom got a girl pregnant, we'd have as many options, choices, etc to make. IMO, we'd pretty much have to go along with whatever it was the teenage girl and her family decided.

I was a teenage mom at 17 - (both my boys) Dad, really didnt have any say in the initial pregnancy, at all. If I had decided NOT to keep the baby, or terminate the pregnancy, I really dont feel it would have been his business. AGAIN - only my opinion.

 

[Pigeon]

I would discuss all the options with her. To be honest though, the last one I would want her to pick is to have the baby and parent it herself. I've seen too many people do that, from what I've seen from both the teens and the offspring, I wouldn't encourage it.

If she did decide to have the baby and parent, I would help out some, but I am NOT raising my grand children in this type of scenario.

 

[Freyja]

THis will sound even more harsh - but I've raised all my kids and I have no intention of starting all over and raising grandchildren. I would still love my child no matter what and would support their decision but I would not take on the responsibility of raising another child. Just my honest opinion.

I don´t think that sounds harsh at all! I feel the exact same way, although I haven´t finished raising mine yet!
I would always support my children and future grandchildren, but I can´t imagine ever raising them. Support can be offered in so many other ways than by raising someone else´s children.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

We have a DD14 and a DS13, so this is already in the back of our heads. Luckily DH, their mother and I have always spoken openly about such things. They are well versed in the birds and bees and have been for some time. DD is older than her years. We worry about her, but so far she has a clear head when it comes to such things. She has even had a couple of "boyfriends" and has always spoken openly to us about her "relationships". While DS is interested in girls, he hasn't really had a "girlfriend". Yes they are young, but this is what goes on.

If DD came home pregnant, there may be some conflict on what we would suggest. I am sure her mom would all be for her having an abortion. However, DD has some different thoughts on that subject. DH and I would be terribly disappointed, we would express such disappointment I am sure, but then follow it up with whatever support she needs.

If DS came home and said he got a girl pregnant, I have no idea how his mother would react. DH and I would explain to him that what happens to the baby is the decision of the mother. But that if she does decide to keep it, he does have a responsibility to the baby, whether financial, emotional, physical, etc. I think this is the stickier situation, because there is much less control on our part.

 

[chobie]

May I ask why you would do that?

I am pro-choice so I don´t have a problem with abortions, per se. However, I know more women suffering from having had an abortion than from having a baby. Especially those who felt pressured into making that decision.

I know many women who have had abortions and did not regret it. I know a couple of girls who gave their babies up for adoption and did regret it. They got pregnat again with in a year and kept the baby. I know a woman who went on to have 8 children after having given up her first for adoption and still talked about the pain of that and regretted that she did not keep her daughter.

I would not pressure my daughter, but I would encourage it. I would not imply that she would be disowned, abandoned or not loved anymore if she chose not have an abortion, but I would tell her I thought it was the best option.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

THis will sound even more harsh - but I've raised all my kids and I have no intention of starting all over and raising grandchildren.

Which is why I said that I would only do it in the case of abuse of some sort. I would not take on the baby from the start and would encourage adoption as much as it would break my heart.

I have 4 kids and there is a gap between my 3rd and 4th. My 4th is a REAL handful and has given my older kids quite an education in what kids are like (he's now 6yo and the older kids are 12, 15, and 18). I've joked that Jake might be a handful, but having him might mean that my kids will think twice before having sex and will not be teen parents and that I'd rather be raising Jake than a grandchild. I can hope, right?

 

[Freyja]

If they decided to keep the baby, then i guess we'd have a crib in the bedroom and take turns getting up with the baby. What are you gonna do I couldn't throw them out to fend for themselves.

I´m not sure this would be a very wise thing to do. Why should you get up with the baby? If they decide to have the baby they should also care for it in every way they can. Getting up with the baby is the least they can do.

 

[SillyMe]

Which is why I said that I would only do it in the case of abuse of some sort. I would not take on the baby from the start and would encourage adoption as much as it would break my heart.

I have 4 kids and there is a gap between my 3rd and 4th. My 4th is a REAL handful and has given my older kids quite an education in what kids are like (he's now 6yo and the older kids are 12, 15, and 18). I've joked that Jake might be a handful, but having him might mean that my kids will think twice before having sex and will not be teen parents and that I'd rather be raising Jake than a grandchild. I can hope, right?

Hey, I say the same thing about my dd6. She gets on dd14's nerves all the time and I remind dd14 that she'll be the one dealing with it if she gets pregnant.

 

[DVCLiz]

You are of course entitled to your opinion and I understand it in many ways. However, sometimes life doesn´t turn out as we planned it and having a baby does certainly not have to mean that you give up on all of your dreams.

I had planned my future in the same way as your daughter. I intended to go to college after highschool, move abroad for few years, meet a man, settle down and have children. I did all of this and even in the same order, except that I met my husband while I was in highschool.

We both finished highschool. He went on to university while I finished my last 2 years. Then we moved abroad with our 2 children. We both attended university and both finished our Masters degrees. Had 2 more children while at University.

Where there´s a will there´s a way!

I'm happy it worked out for you!!!

Most people who reply to this and other similar threads will have the mindset of avoiding abortion at all cost. I don't. I believe strongly that abortion is a safe and legal option, and I think my daughter does, too. I'd definitely encourage her to have one.

 

[Freyja]

If DS came home and said he got a girl pregnant, I have no idea how his mother would react. DH and I would explain to him that what happens to the baby is the decision of the mother. But that if she does decide to keep it, he does have a responsibility to the baby, whether financial, emotional, physical, etc. I think this is the stickier situation, because there is much less control on our part.

I think he has a financial, emotional AND physical responsibility to the baby!

 

[Freyja]

I know many women who have had abortions and did not regret it. I know a couple of girls who gave their babies up for adoption and did regret it. They got pregnat again with in a year and kept the baby. I know a woman who went on to have 8 children after having given up her first for adoption and still talked about the pain of that and regretted that she did not keep her daughter.

I would not pressure my daughter, but I would encourage it. I would not imply that she would be disowned, abandoned or not loved anymore if she chose not have an abortion, but I would tell her I thought it was the best option.

I agree with you. I was actually setting it up as abortion vs. keeping the baby. Was not using adoption as an option, although it certainly is.

 

[CathrynRose]

LET ME THROW ANOTHER THOUGHT OUT HERE....

I had my oldest when I was 17, and my youngest at 21.

My mom was NOT happy. ROYALLY TICKED describes it mildly. But...

My mom was able to be a HUGE part in both my boys life. I never really had another opportunity to have another child. I would say about *now* would be my time to have kids (being with the man Im with for 4.5 years now) BUT, I also have BAD fibroids...bad! I dont even know if I could carry a pregnancy, at this point.

AND - my mom just died, 2 months ago. If I was able to have kids now, they'd never know her, and how AMAZING she was (and funny too!)

But, my boys are going on 15 and 11 - so they totally know her. Totally will remember her.

Im a firm, firm beleiver in "reason for everything" Know what I mean?

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I think he has a financial, emotional AND physical responsibility to the baby!

Of course he does, subject to how much the baby's mother wants him in their lives and how much we might be willing to fight for such things.

This is why this is the more complicated situation...

 

[mrsltg]

I´m not sure this would be a very wise thing to do. Why should you get up with the baby? If they decide to have the baby they should also care for it in every way they can. Getting up with the baby is the least they can do.

I disagree. Not if dd was still going to school. She made an adult decision that resulted in a very adult consequence even though she is not an adult. The baby still needs a caregiver capable of handling the emotional and physical aspects of child rearing. We may take turns on the weekends, but I wouldn't put the stress of a screaming baby at 2am on what is essentially a child's shoulders.

 

[Freyja]

LET ME THROW ANOTHER THOUGHT OUT HERE....

I had my oldest when I was 17, and my youngest at 21.

My mom was NOT happy. ROYALLY TICKED describes it mildly. But...

My mom was able to be a HUGE part in both my boys life. I never really had another opportunity to have another child. I would say about *now* would be my time to have kids (being with the man Im with for 4.5 years now) BUT, I also have BAD fibroids...bad! I dont even know if I could carry a pregnancy, at this point.

AND - my mom just died, 2 months ago. If I was able to have kids now, they'd never know her, and how AMAZING she was (and funny too!)

But, my boys are going on 15 and 11 - so they totally know her. Totally will remember her.

Im a firm, firm beleiver in "reason for everything" Know what I mean?

This is so true! My mother died 4 years ago and I have so often thought the exact same thoughts.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I really have no idea how I would react... probably cry, like some have mentioned, because no matter what decision is made, my dd would be going through a tough time in her life.

Hopefully, the first thing I'd do is hug her, for a long, long time. Then, we would talk about all her options, raising the baby alone, getting married, adoption, abortion. I would support her in whatever decision she makes, and I'd try not to sway her towards one or the other, because no matter what my opinion is, she is the one who will live with her decision the rest of her life, and I wouldn't want her to feel pressured into something she doesn't want. Of course, she may ask my opinion, which would likely be abortion, for many of the same reasons mentioned by DVCLiz.

If she did not choose abortion, I'd continue to talk about her options throughout the pregnancy and empower her to wait until the baby is born to make her final decision as to whether to raise the baby or place it for adoption.

I also wouldn't encourage marriage. I know a lot of people do marry young and everything works out fine, but again, I'd want her to be sure of her decision to marry, not rush into it just because she's pregnant. She and the father can still both be a part of the child's life living separately, and if they decide, after a period of time, that they want to marry, they can marry later.

 

[hentob]

I'd strongly encourage her to have an abortion, but I'd support and accept whatever decision she made.

I agree.