What would you do if your teen daughter became pregnant???

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

LYEAG-->>>Here's one for you. I got my first flat tire on my car. It was a slow leak that went down in the garage. I told my dad and he went to the car, got out the manual and handed it to me. He then got down a lawn chair, grabbed a beer and said- Go ahead, you drive it, you take care of it. (He did help me with the lugnuts a little though.)<<<<<
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WOW! that's a great story! MY father taught me how to drive a 5 speed by taking me onto the most widely driven road in our area (no cemetaries or back alley's here!) and pulled over and put me in the drivers seat and said go to it!!!!! aughh!!! i almost died! and we lived in a hilly area and 5 speed cars roll back!! i was terrified! but i leaned how to drive in one day and i won't buy an automatic car ever again! it's amazing really!



-----Side note, i am really enjoying reading everyones opinions, i hope we can all remain civil and not get this thread closed ------

 

[Cindyluwho]

First off, who said there wasn't going to be a marriage? But, you never know.

And Social Acceptance is about the least of the problems young parents have.

I'd do everything I could to help my child get through school and my grandchild have happy first years. If that meant having them live in my house for a while, then so be it. Even better, actually, because I think young mothers need even more guidance with babies...not that we all didn't, no matter what the age! Like I said before, worse things could happen to our family than a new baby to love.

But everyone is different. Lots of young moms get tossed out on the street by their parents, you sure wouldn't be the first.

Christ all frickin' Mighty!!! I didn't say I'd toss her out on the street, I said I'm making sure she knows NOW at age 12 that it's not acceptable and why! Geez!!

 

[FreshTressa]

A question for all of you who have stated that you would stand behind your daughter's decision to keep the child. Have you, or would you, make sure that your daughter understands that it is not socially acceptable to have a baby out of wedlock? I mean, I know accidents happen and that some teenagers choose to keep the baby but when did it become OK or mainstream? My DD12 knows exactly where we stand on this issue. I would hope that it would never even enter her mind to keep a baby when she was just a kid herself. If she did, well that would be her decision. It'd be time for a job, taking care of a baby, etc certainly an end to childhood. Not that we wouldn't help in a pinch but I'm not going raise a baby for my child.

I'd raise my daughter's baby with her, if that is what she wanted and if she was respectful to me. I love babies/kids.

A relative of mine raises her daughters THREE kids and the daughter treats her like crap. Now, that would not be going on in my house, that is for sure!!

 

[AnaheimGirl]

And many other people are not of that opinion. They just do not post it here for fear of some others jumping all over them.
Let's just hope that none of our daughters ever have to make that decision.
That being said, I think I will now move on to another thread before this gets nasty. Bye!

Before it gets nasty? You were the first one to start dipping her toe into the nasty waters when you said that nice girls don't have abortions, and implied that women who choose abortions are selfish, irresponsible and taking the easy way out. You are not being "jumped all over" for your opinions on abortion, but for the disrespectful way in which you stated them.

I completely agree that adoption is a wonderful thing and sure, I could selfishly state that more women should choose to place their babies for adoption, so that people like me could adopt easier. But I won't, because it's not my body, it's not my decision, and it's not up to me (or anyone else) to judge other people's decisions.

 

[sajetto]

I haven't read all these pages but to answer the OPs question...If I had a pregnant 16 year old daughter. I'd tell her she has a choice to make and it is entirely hers b/c it is her body. She can either get a job and raise the baby on her own (momma's not raising any more babies) or she can abort. Flame away, but I think people have choices in life. She sure didn't make a good one having unprotected sex to make the baby, but she has the chance to make a good decision now. Only she can make the choices that will affect the rest of her life.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

Christ all frickin' Mighty!!! I didn't say I'd toss her out on the street, I said I'm making sure she knows NOW at age 12 that it's not acceptable and why! Geez!!

Sorry. It sounded more like you were going to have your kid leave your house, get a job, and raise their own kid, but you'd help out sometimes.

If you re-read your post, maybe you'll be able to see how someone could infer that.

But lots of people DO toss the kids out, baby and all. And that's OK for them. I just wouldn't do it.

 

[lyeag]

LYEAG-->>>Here's one for you. I got my first flat tire on my car. It was a slow leak that went down in the garage. I told my dad and he went to the car, got out the manual and handed it to me. He then got down a lawn chair, grabbed a beer and said- Go ahead, you drive it, you take care of it. (He did help me with the lugnuts a little though.)<<<<<
____________________________________________

WOW! that's a great story! MY father taught me how to drive a 5 speed by taking me onto the most widely driven road in our area (no cemetaries or back alley's here!) and pulled over and put me in the drivers seat and said go to it!!!!! aughh!!! i almost died! and we lived in a hilly area and 5 speed cars roll back!! i was terrified! but i leaned how to drive in one day and i won't buy an automatic car ever again! it's amazing really!



-----Side note, i am really enjoying reading everyones opinions, i hope we can all remain civil and not get this thread closed ------

I think I would have died. Although, my Dad taught me to drive too. He just said get out there. If you don't do it, this will be the last time I take you driving. (I kept driving and have no problems today. My older sister got out and walked home. She is 42 and has never driven.)


Yeah, I hope this thread calms down also. I don't agree with a lot of the posts, but I don't feel I have the right to call anyone on it. It is a highly personal situation to think about or deal with. I have some strong feelings about abortion unless there are severe circumstances, but I am not going condemn someone who doesn't see things the same way.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Oh, my! SO many facets to this issue! And I only have a DS!

Let's see here...
Teenagers are not always the sharpest knives in the drawer. If I had become pregnant as a teen I would have gone for an abortion without ever telling my parents. I understand there are now lots of states that have lovely laws to prevent that from happening. Good thing I am an adult now, because I would not be very good at being a teen in 2006.

In my observations, very few teen girls who carry their babies to term give them up. In their minds the choices seem to be "terminate" or "keep forever". Obviously there ARE girls who give up their babies for adoption, but it doesn't seem to be the overwhelming choice. That is part of the problem. We have WAY too many teens who are completely irresponsible and can not even begin to imagine the big picture having (and KEEPING) babies. If you can't make responsible choices for yourself it will be nearly impossible to make them for an infant. And infants grow at an alarming rate, presenting ever increasing difficulties.

As the mom of a DS I can only hope he doesn't end up fathering a child as a teen. He will be completely at the mercy of whatever the girl decides, which could very easily ruin the rest of his life. I would be so furious I don't think I could even discuss it with him rationally. What teenage boy wants to go off to college with child support payments hanging over his head? I just don't see where he would have ANY choices. It would be an absolute nightmare. I hope I never have to cross that bridge!

 

[DVCLiz]

What I hate more than any tension about the issue of teen pregnancy (which has been pretty mild on this thread!) is to read some of your experiences with your parents, especially your dads. God, they make me so sad!!!! I just can't imagine anyone I know treating their kids like that today - thank goodness!!! There's a way to be encouraging and then there's being abusive. Regardless of anyone's personal circumstances, I'm glad most parents today don't use that model anymore!!!

 

[beckmrk04]

A question for all of you who have stated that you would stand behind your daughter's decision to keep the child. Have you, or would you, make sure that your daughter understands that it is not socially acceptable to have a baby out of wedlock? I mean, I know accidents happen and that some teenagers choose to keep the baby but when did it become OK or mainstream? My DD12 knows exactly where we stand on this issue. I would hope that it would never even enter her mind to keep a baby when she was just a kid herself. If she did, well that would be her decision. It'd be time for a job, taking care of a baby, etc certainly an end to childhood. Not that we wouldn't help in a pinch but I'm not going raise a baby for my child.

I think that saying it's unnacceptable would be the most hypocritical thing I could do, since I AM a child who was born out of wedlock to a teen mom!!! And I am OK! Mostly....

Sure, my mom had tough choices. She was only 19. My father offered to marry her, she declined. He offered to pay for an abortion. She declined that too. And no one raised me for her!! Time to grow up quick!

So, I see what you're saying. If your young daughter wants to have a baby, you aren't doing ALL the work! I wouldn't either. I'd help out, but if my 16 y/o daughter wants to keep the child, it's going to be HER baby!! I would help her get through school, for sure, but dumping the kid with grandma so she can go out and hang out with friends? Nope- sorry. That's over. Those are the sacrifices you have to make when you become a parent, no matter what age.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

A question for all of you who have stated that you would stand behind your daughter's decision to keep the child. Have you, or would you, make sure that your daughter understands that it is not socially acceptable to have a baby out of wedlock? I mean, I know accidents happen and that some teenagers choose to keep the baby but when did it become OK or mainstream? My DD12 knows exactly where we stand on this issue. I would hope that it would never even enter her mind to keep a baby when she was just a kid herself. If she did, well that would be her decision. It'd be time for a job, taking care of a baby, etc certainly an end to childhood. Not that we wouldn't help in a pinch but I'm not going raise a baby for my child.

I won't teach my children that having babies out of wedlock is socially unacceptable, because I don't believe it is. Yes, they will know exactly where we stand on having babies (and sex) before a person is ready. They will know that sex too early can be emotionally damaging, pregnancy or no. They will know about birth control. I'll do everything I can to prevent it from happening, but if it does, I wouldn't want them to feel looked down upon for it.

 

[robinb]

Have you, or would you, make sure that your daughter understands that it is not socially acceptable to have a baby out of wedlock? I mean, I know accidents happen and that some teenagers choose to keep the baby but when did it become OK or mainstream?

FWIW, I think that having children out of wedlock is very common. There is no stigma here in middle-class Wisconsin that I am aware of. For instance, my DD's best friend dad was never married to her mom and is loooooggggg gone. No one thinks anything of it. Now, her mom's revolving bedroom door for boyfriends that she falls in love with ... that's another matter.

 

[FreshTressa]

Christ all frickin' Mighty!!! I didn't say I'd toss her out on the street, I said I'm making sure she knows NOW at age 12 that it's not acceptable and why! Geez!!

No...NOTHING a child does is ever WRONG....geez....how dare you teach your 12 year old that getting pregnant is not a good idea. How closed minded of you!! Where is the love!!

 

[MouseWorshipin]

My DD12 knows exactly where we stand on this issue. I would hope that it would never even enter her mind to keep a baby when she was just a kid herself. If she did, well that would be her decision. It'd be time for a job, taking care of a baby, etc certainly an end to childhood. Not that we wouldn't help in a pinch but I'm not going raise a baby for my child.

Again, this sounds less like explaining to a kid why it is a good idea to wait until marriage and more like if it happened, it would be time for the kid to be an adult.

And I apologized for misunderstanding.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I'd tell her she has a choice to make and it is entirely hers b/c it is her body. She can either get a job and raise the baby on her own (momma's not raising any more babies) or she can abort.

She wouldn't have the choice of adoption then? Just abort it or raise it on her own?

 

[AnaheimGirl]

No...NOTHING a child does is ever WRONG....geez....how dare you teach your 12 year old that getting pregnant is not a good idea. How closed minded of you!! Where is the love!!

Who ever said that they wouldn't teach their child that getting pregnant is not a good idea? It's possible to do so, and still support the child afterwards, in the event that it happens.

 

[Freyja]

A question for all of you who have stated that you would stand behind your daughter's decision to keep the child. Have you, or would you, make sure that your daughter understands that it is not socially acceptable to have a baby out of wedlock? I mean, I know accidents happen and that some teenagers choose to keep the baby but when did it become OK or mainstream? My DD12 knows exactly where we stand on this issue. I would hope that it would never even enter her mind to keep a baby when she was just a kid herself. If she did, well that would be her decision. It'd be time for a job, taking care of a baby, etc certainly an end to childhood. Not that we wouldn't help in a pinch but I'm not going raise a baby for my child.

Where I come from it is not socially unacceptable to have a child out of wedlock. Actually the majority of children her are born out of wedlock and I see absoloutly onthing wrong with it.

I could not care less if a child is born to married parents, single parents, gay, lesbian, young, old, as long as they are loved unconditionally.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

No...NOTHING a child does is ever WRONG....geez....how dare you teach your 12 year old that getting pregnant is not a good idea. How closed minded of you!! Where is the love!!

She didn't mention teaching the kid not to get pregnant. She was mentioning what the consequences of not having an abortion would be. "Accidents happen," she said. But to not have an abortion is Socially Unacceptable.

I took the consequences she mentioned to mean the kid would have to move out, get a job, and raise the kid themselves, but she'd help out once in a while. I misunderstood, and apologized for it. I'll do it one last time...Sorry.

 

[NikiM20]

I had my DD as a teen I was 19 her dad was 29. We are still together and very happily married. Do I regret having a baby? Nope...she is the joy of our lives and due to medical reasons we can no longer have more children. But back to the original question........I dont think I would be excited if she came home and told me she was pregnant, but if she had an abortion, she would have to find somewhere else to live. It is against our religion to have an abortion and webelievethat life begins at conceptionI also would not allow her to give the baby up for adoption. I would help her do whatever it takes to raise the child.

 

[Cindyluwho]

I had my DD as a teen I was 19 her dad was 29. We are still together and very happily married. Do I regret having a baby? Nope...she is the joy of our lives and due to medical reasons we can no longer have more children. But back to the original question........I dont think I would be excited if she came home and told me she was pregnant, but if she had an abortion, she would have to find somewhere else to live. It is against our religion to have an abortion and webelievethat life begins at conceptionI also would not allow her to give the baby up for adoption. I would help her do whatever it takes to raise the child.

I'm not flaming, I just want to understand.
You'd forgive her for the sin of having sex out of wedlock but not for the sin of having an abortion? Can you explain so I can understand?