What would you do if your teen daughter became pregnant???

[goofygirl]

Becky, DH, a bathroom, and a little Air Supply!

Air Supply?? Oh god, that's more embarassing than liking Polo! LOL!!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

i have found some of these responses pretty interesting. as a teen id like to offer you some advice. the best thing you can do is make your kids feel comfortabl taking to you about stuff like that. dont make them feel like you will end their lives if they have sex. and id suggest talking about stuff like this in casual conversation not akward sit down discussions that come off as lectures. it is importantto have a relationship byond the parent child domain. people make mistakes in life and learn from them, that is how we grow. and if you have an attitude of "you better never walk in this house pregnant or ill kill you" you are going to put your child at jeopardy b/c they will not come to you, they will seek other ways of dealing with it. and honestly if you have an attitude liek that and they want to get an abortion you will most likely never know. and dont freak out and cry if it does happen, your daughter will be taking care of that, you need to be her rock and help her make the RIGHT decisions for HER and what SHE wants her life to be, not what you want it to be.

Thank you! I have a 15 DD,so it can happen now.

But, I'd have to say if I found out she was pregnant, I'd first
throw up & cry. Then I would hope I do what you said.

 

[chobie]

i have found some of these responses pretty interesting. as a teen id like to offer you some advice. the best thing you can do is make your kids feel comfortabl taking to you about stuff like that. dont make them feel like you will end their lives if they have sex. and id suggest talking about stuff like this in casual conversation not akward sit down discussions that come off as lectures. it is importantto have a relationship byond the parent child domain. people make mistakes in life and learn from them, that is how we grow. and if you have an attitude of "you better never walk in this house pregnant or ill kill you" you are going to put your child at jeopardy b/c they will not come to you, they will seek other ways of dealing with it. and honestly if you have an attitude liek that and they want to get an abortion you will most likely never know. and dont freak out and cry if it does happen, your daughter will be taking care of that, you need to be her rock and help her make the RIGHT decisions for HER and what SHE wants her life to be, not what you want it to be.

I agree with you. I think it would be hard to not try to talk your daughter out of choosing an option you do no want from her, but you have to be careful how you do this. No matter what they decide, an unexpected pregancy at a tender age is a traumatic situation and in the end it is the girl who has to live with the decision, whichever one she makes.

 

[salmoneous]

I really kind of wish DH would wear it occassionally just here at home. The problem is that he associates it with my high school crush so he won't. He doesn't know how 'lucky' he would get....

So tell the guy. You'd be amazed what we will go through if we think it'll lead to getting some.

 

[DVCLiz]

Could we stop all this chitchat about Air Supply and get back on subject, please? You guys can take that conversation to PMs, but it's not on topic for this thread.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

"Here I am, the one that you love, asking for another day..."

Oops, sorry Liz. Sometimes Becky, Sylvester, and I like to hijack threads in the wee hours of the morning. We do get an eensy-weensy bit OT, but always return to being good DISers the next day. Sorry.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled abortion debate...

 

[chobie]

Could we stop all this chitchat about Air Supply and get back on subject, please? You guys can take that conversation to PMs, but it's not on topic for this thread.

I guess some people are in denial that this could happen to them. The OP has brought up a good topic. I realize now that I need to keep the conversation about sex on-going with my 12 yo DD, so that hopefully when she decides to be sexually active, whether as an adult or teen, she will know what to do to protect herself from disease and pregnancy and will feel comfortable coming to me for advice.

 

[DVCLiz]

"Here I am, the one that you love, asking for another day..."

Oops, sorry Liz. Sometimes Becky, Sylvester, and I like to hijack threads in the wee hours of the morning. We do get an eensy-weensy bit OT, but always return to being good DISers the next day. Sorry.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled abortion debate...

Although, to be fair, this isn't at all an abortion debate...

 

[MouseWorshipin]

Although, to be fair, this isn't at all an abortion debate...

"So lift your eyes, if you feel you can. Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan. I figured it out, what I needed was someone to show me..."

What was that? Not an abortion debate? Can't pay attention, so into my tunes. OK, whatever it is...

...returning you to your program, already in progress...

 

[Blondiex46]

can't find them anywhere, do I need to go back and get another pair?

 

[chobie]

"So lift your eyes, if you feel you can. Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan. I figured it out, what I needed was someone to show me..."

What was that? Not an abortion debate? Can't pay attention, so into my tunes. OK, whatever it is...

...returning you to your program, already in progress...

Well, there was an abortion debate tangent that occurred as soon as someone mentioned they would want (but not force) their duaghter to have one. So of course the cries of "not taking responsiblity" had to be heard.

 

[GEM]

Well, at the risk of getting things stirred up again, I would be very upset. I would make sure she knew ALL her options - one of which would NOT be me raising her child for her. (Although I would certainly offer help if she made the choice to keep the baby.)

However, I would first and foremost advise her to NOT get married. I apologize to all those teen parents who went on to have wonderful marriages, but I think we all know those cases are the exceptions - not the norm. I would let her know that getting married at that point would likely just be turning one problem into two problems.

And, like it or not, I would suggest that she think very seriously about an abortion. I wouldn't force her into anything, certainly, but I would let her know that would be my first suggestion. I would encourage her to think long and hard about what she wanted to do with her life and consider carefully whether having a baby at a very young age figured into that plan.

For what it's worth, I know several girls who had abortions in college, and I don't know a single one who's haunted by that decision. And, since we've heard from several teen parents, I'll be brave enough to jump in as well. I had an abortion myself my junior year in college, and I've never regretted it a bit. I was seeing a very nice guy, but I knew we were headed in different directions and there was no way we were getting married. I was planning on moving across the country for graduate school and starting the rest of my life. There was no way I could have followed through on all those plans with a baby. I made the decision that I felt was right at the time, and I still feel it was right 10 years later.

And, no my mother never knew. I knew that the idea of an abortion would have bothered her, and there was no way I was doing anything else. I didn't want to strain our relationship or upset her, so I just didn't tell her anything about it. If I have a daughter, I will make sure that she knows that one mistake (even a big one) doesn't have to set the course for her whole life.

Oh, and, I'll also try my hardest to keep the communication about sex open and frequent from a very, very early age. And, at the first hint that she may be considering becoming sexually active I will get her to a doctor for a birth control prescription AND I will make sure she knows in no uncertain terms that condoms are an ABSOLUTE necessity - even with the pill. There are certainly things out there that are worse than getting pregnant.

 

[simpilotswife]

I'm in the consider explore ALL options group.

 

[N.Bailey]

That's nice. 250 + posts and only maybe two or three people answered that they would force their daughter to do or not do something. So, I just don't see how it the OP's question could have been interpeted as what would you force your daughter to do. Obviously, almost no one did interpret that way and the OP's question was relevent. That's all I'm saying.

So, why are you trying to make a big deal out of another poster saying the same thing? Excuse me however, but I didn't read all 250 posts. The thread was entirely too long for me to have had that luxury.

Wendy wouldn't force her daughter, nor would I. What's your issue then?

What would we do was the OP's question? We would get behind our daughter's decision. Please explain why that's not relevant?

 

[chobie]

So, why are you trying to make a big deal out of another poster saying the same thing? Excuse me however, but I didn't read all 250 posts. The thread was entirely too long for me to have had that luxury.

Wendy wouldn't force her daughter, nor would I. What's your issue then?

What would we do was the OP's question? We would get behind our daughter's decision. Please explain why that's not relevant?

That was my point that the OP's question WAS relevant. My response was to a comment that said the question was NOT relevant.

Almost no one said they would FORCE their duaghter to do or not do something, so what's your issue then?

I see you had the luxury of going back several pages to read my response to your response to my comment about another posters comment. Maybe you should read the whole thread.

 

[N.Bailey]

i have found some of these responses pretty interesting. as a teen id like to offer you some advice. the best thing you can do is make your kids feel comfortabl taking to you about stuff like that. dont make them feel like you will end their lives if they have sex. and id suggest talking about stuff like this in casual conversation not akward sit down discussions that come off as lectures. it is importantto have a relationship byond the parent child domain. people make mistakes in life and learn from them, that is how we grow. and if you have an attitude of "you better never walk in this house pregnant or ill kill you" you are going to put your child at jeopardy b/c they will not come to you, they will seek other ways of dealing with it. and honestly if you have an attitude liek that and they want to get an abortion you will most likely never know. and dont freak out and cry if it does happen, your daughter will be taking care of that, you need to be her rock and help her make the RIGHT decisions for HER and what SHE wants her life to be, not what you want it to be.

Well, you had me up until you said, do not cry. I was on Pogo not too long ago and I was in a teen room. I had no idea I was in a teen room as I just clicked to play and allowed the computer to put me anywhere. I started talking about my children totally unaware, and someone started questioning me about my parent's response to having a child and asked how young I was when I had the 1st one. LOL It hit me later as to how that discussion arose, but I was oblivious at first.

Anyway, to make a LONG story short. A teenage boy was there and he and his girlfriend; who are teens, had just found out she was pregnant, so us old timers offered him up much needed advice. My very first bit of advice was for him to be 100% honest, but to expect anger and a lot of crying initially. I told him it would be unfair of either them to deny that to their parents. IMO, you'll understand that more as you get older. Parents have put out of a lot time, money, emotions, etc.... for a child that is of age to conceive. You can't expect all those emotions to simply vanish because you say the magic words of, "I'm pregnant" or "my girlfriend is pregnant."

Once you're able to move past this stage however where the real discussions can begin.

 

[N.Bailey]

That was my point that the OP's question WAS relevant. My response was to a comment that said the question was NOT relevant.

Almost no one said they would FORCE their duaghter to do or not do something, so what's your issue then?

I see you had the luxury of going back several pages to read my response to your response to my comment about another posters comment. Maybe you should read the whole thread.

I don't have time to read the whole thread. I picked up where I left off in the thread and skipped the threads on Air Supply. BTW, I can't stand them now, but loved them myself in the 80's.

Wendy's comment was just as relevant as yours was. We can agree to disagree on that, but her decision was, it would not be her decision, but rather her daughters. That is absolutely relevant, IMO.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

I...skipped the threads on Air Supply. BTW, I can't stand them now...

Hmph.

 

[chobie]

I don't have time to read the whole thread. I picked up where I left off in the thread and skipped the threads on Air Supply. BTW, I can't stand them now, but loved them myself in the 80's.

Wendy's comment was just as relevant as yours was. We can agree to disagree on that, but her decision was, it would not be her decision, but rather her daughters. That is absolutely relevant, IMO.

I agree that the part of the decision being the daughter's to make was relevant and had stated that earlier in the thread as just about everyone esle did.

I disagreed that the the question "what would you do?" meant "what would you make your daughter do".

BTW, just the thought of Air Supply makes me cringe. But, I too thought they were wonderful back in the 80's, before I got into "New Wave" like the Flock of Seagulls and such. Oh, the humiliation.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

BTW, just the thought of Air Supply makes me cringe.

Are you people deliberately trying to kill me?