What would you do?? Fight back for defense?

[Missy1961]

I don't have any advice, but I did want to add this:

 

[Trish Bessette]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Since you are telling your son what others here are saying please let him know that I think he is a very handsome young boy and for him to be strong and proud! Don't let anyone else tell him otherwise

 

[HM]

As a kid, I had a bully (when I was five yr old girl...he was about 7). My parents told me to fight back. The next time he bothered me, I punched him. He fell down hitting his head on a stairwell and cried. Then he ran home. After that, he could not have been nicer to me.

I hope if you son has to fight back...he does it and those kids never bother him again. I'm sorry he's having to go through this. Pixies for you guys.

 

[bgirldeb]

I'm sorry your son is going through this! In a post-Columbine world, there needs to be zero tolerance for this by the school administration.

 

[java]

Fantasia- safety in numbers. Tell him to hang around with his friends. Bullies are looking for an easy ALONE target. Easier to pick on.

Absolutely give him the right to defend himself. I have a 7th grade daughter. It breaks my heart reading this. The mutt comment stings. My kids are half Puerto Rican half Polish. My daughter was picked on briefly once- and thankfully she stood her ground. (She's a black belt so she knows she can defend herself if she has to) The bullies backed down.

I wish you could just go to the Principal and the problem goes away- but it doesn't always work that way.
There is no reason for your son to not be having a safe day when he is at school!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'm sorry your son is going through this! In a post-Columbine world, there needs to be zero tolerance for this by the school administration.

Many schools had this policy pre-Columbine. My schools did.

While not fighting a gunman, increases your odds of survival---not defensively blocking/fighting someone who is pummeling you can kill you.

We've got the girl who was gang-raped outside of a school dance for 2.5 hours who was found unconcious. An EXTREME case--and I'm sure the school won't be suspending her since she is fighting for her life in a hospital. Or at least I hope not.

But could you imagine a zero tolerance policy that would punish her if she was shown to have defensive marks on her body?

In cases like that--zero-tolerance is just stupid and gives the upper hand to the assailants.

But we had those policies when I was in school (any fights--both were busted, it was to deter the mutually involved fights not really a bullying situation). And I graduated many years before Columbine.

 

[*Fantasia*]

My BIL loves them dearly. They're the only thing he got that connects him to his brother. (I hope I said it right). He was very firmed and reassured my son that this bullying will be taken cared of.. He got the names of the two bullies.

I thought about having him take karate. I'll talk to him about that when he gets home today. I agree, it will give him some self confidence, so when something like this arises, he will be ready to defend himself and not be scared. I might take karate myself.

I am sorry for those who has been through this or are going through it.. It's not something we can just let go.. it scars us and carries it all through our lives.

If my son ends up in the hospital (Lord please I hope not).. I am quite sure we will end up pressing charges (I'm sure my BIL will be the one dealing with the officers.. like I said before, he can handle it better than me, he is much stronger when it come to something like this). My friend even mentioned that not only the boys will be charged but the principal as well because it is his responsiblity to nip it at the bud and to make sure to keep the children safe.

I agree java this is a good tip - " safety in numbers. Tell him to hang around with his friends. Bullies are looking for an easy ALONE target. Easier to pick on."

Agree Lisa loves Pooh- "In cases like that--zero-tolerance is just stupid and gives the upper hand to the assailants."

Counseling will help get that self-esteem back.. and get that confidence back.

Everyone.. thank you so much for the {{hugz}}, comforting words, suggestions and payers. I'm just glad that you guys agree with me.

 

[*Fantasia*]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Since you are telling your son what others here are saying please let him know that I think he is a very handsome young boy and for him to be strong and proud! Don't let anyone else tell him otherwise

Thank you.. I'll surely let him know.. He will probably just blush.. LOL..


Here's an update.. My BIL went to see the principal.. The principal said that those two are troubles. One was expelled last year close to the end of the school year.. and the other one have gotten 8 detentions so far (per my son). And the principal said what a better timing to let him know what's going on cause this boy's parents will have a meeting with the principal for other reasons, but he will let the parents know about him threatening my son. So basically these two kids are arleady been or is in trouble.. and will be in more in trouble if they mess with my son.

The principal said that if anything arises (anything like harrassing or name calling..) to come and see him in nonchalant way and it will be documented. and the principal is going to talk to his teachers and teacher will document any bully behavior or any distraction in class. The teacher will report any negative behaviors on this boy to the principal. The principal said to make sure to be firm and loud when and if they bother him.. that way teacher/s will hear him and will be documented and all documents will be turned in to the prinicipal.

The one who got expelled last year is the big trouble maker.. and the other one is just a follower.. The follower's parents will be at the principals office this Monday.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

I'm glad you/ BIL got to talk to the principal...and I am happy he is contacting the parents. But, to be honest, if the kids are exhibiting this behavior...chances are the parents lead them to act this way, or have no control over their kids. That being said...

When is your son being bothered? If it's in a certain class, get in touch with that teacher ASAP and talk to her about the problem. She can move students around so they can not bother your son.

If it's in the hallways, tell your son to stay with a large group of good kids and near teacher's rooms. Before or after school? The school should be supervised, if it's on the bus make sure that the principal talks to the bus driver. If it's in the neighborhood, walk to the child's house and talk to the parents...and involve the cops if need be.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Fantasia,

I am so sorry your DS is going thru this. I hate zero tolerance! If either of these boys lays a hand on your DS make sure to make a police report. Do not count on the school to give you much support.

When my youngest DS was in middle school he had a friend that was the target of bullies. I witnessed the bullies in action one day when I drove to the school to pick my DS up because of the rain. Once I saw what they were doing to DS's friend, I became their worst nightmare! Working in the police dept, I made sure the proper authorities were made aware of the situation. The one troublemaker had the nerve to approach my DS at school one day and say to him. "Tell your mom I'm $#$%$ off"! I was so proud of DS when he replied to the troublemaker, "Well, it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't picked on *****.

to you and your DS!

TC

 

[manning]

I was always picked on. Until my dad remarried I lived with my grandmother until I was nine. I was always picked on and pushed around. This happened until moved I moved back with my dad.

My grandmother didn't want me to fight. "just walk away"

The same pattern (being picked on) continued when I moved. It took dad a couple of weeks to figure out what was happening. He told me that if you want it to stop you are going to have to fight those guys. If they hit you, you hit them back, but if I hear of you starting a fight/bullying someone you have me to anwser to.

Well, it worked. I fought back and soon it all stopped. They found out they could not bully/control me anymore and quickly stopped. And one of them became a friend, even when I would tell him to "come on leave him alone, he's bigger than you (a put down) pick on someone your own size." Years later that friend told me that was the best advise he ever got.

Bullying is all about power and when they realize they don't have power over you they will move on.

Of course this all happened or 40 years ago and when you got into a fight there wasn't zero tolerance so you could get away with it. You weren't expelled unless you were a trouble maker. I popped the bully in the class room and wasn't even sent to see the principal. The teacher knew the score. We were warned and it never happened again.

 

[mrsstats]

Co-workers daughter just had this situation and when she fought back, she was suspended. If she fights back again, she will be expelled. School calls it engaging in the incident. When she brought it to the attention of the police, they said if she fights back it is not assault and they cant press charges. I don't know what you are suppose to do, let your kid get the **** kicked out of them.

I am so sorry your son is going thru this. My DB married an asian girl and when my niece & nephew were growing up they are called names etc because of it.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Co-workers daughter just had this situation and when she fought back, she was suspended. If she fights back again, she will be expelled. School calls it engaging in the incident. When she brought it to the attention of the police, they said if she fights back it is not assault and they cant press charges. I don't know what you are suppose to do, let your kid get the **** kicked out of them.

I am so sorry your son is going thru this. My DB married an asian girl and when my niece & nephew were growing up they are called names etc because of it.

Honestly--If I had money and I would get an attorney and sue the school board and the school system for allowing assailants the upper hand to victimize their prey and the prey must accept a stay in the ICU to avoid betting suspended.

Assailents could care less about consequences. It is a power thing. They get more pleasure out of beating the crap out of someone and getting suspended or expelled is a badge of honor. Bonus points if they can hurt the victim AND get them in trouble.

Such policies are repulsive and until someone takes a stand over an act that is completely LEGAL and PROTECTING of the victim to mitigate serious injury (aka self defense)--someone will get killed and the school will send the expulsion notice to the funeral for the final blow to the family all b/c the autopsy revealed defensive wounds.

 

[luvsJack]

My younger ds was bullied. He tried to do all the right things, going to the teachers, principals etc. It didn't stop until he stood his ground and defended himself. The bully ended up with stitches over his right eye but the bullying stopped. Ds had to take his punishment but it all worked out for the best in the end. The boy never bullied ds again or anyone else for that matter.

The zero tolerance policies were just starting at that time and I thought they were stupid even then.

 

[teskak]

Isn't there a very very famous American man who describes himself and his heritage as a "mutt"?

I would say that name is one to be proud of.